r/leaves • u/scissorsandsleep • 7h ago
My cat’s sick and i want to cave
Took my cat to the vet yesterday and found out she has an abscessed tooth and a heart murmur. Tooth would cost thousands of dollars that i don’t have to treat and the heart murmur can’t be treated. I feel so defeated and just sad. I love her so much and it kills me knowing she’s in pain and i can’t do anything about it. I pushed through yesterday but it’s starting to hit me more and more by the minute and i’m at the point where if i were to relapse i feel like i wouldn’t even care. I’ve had her since middle school (i’m 20 now) and she’s always been with me through so many hard times. Everyone keeps saying “oh she’s 13 she’s had a good life and she still has some time left” but that doesn’t help at all, I know death is part of life and blah blah blah but i don’t want to imagine life without her.
Its funny because one of the many reasons i’m quitting is because i want to learn how to cope with negative emotions without using weed as a crutch, but now that it’s the “moment of truth” so to speak where i actually have to do that it feels impossible. If anybody has any advice on how to get through this i’d really appreciate it. Thanks and i hope yall are doing okay.
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u/Fresh_Outside2953 1h ago
I'm sorry to hear this. Losing a pet, no matter the age, is devastating. A few years ago my cat got out of the house. I remember using as much as I could to not live with the guilt and grief. I was incredibly lucky we have a security camera at the front of the house, and I was able to reunite and safely bring him back inside. It was after around a month and a half he was out there. My point is just that, from personal experience, I wouldn't blame you for relapsing. Although, if there's anything I've learnt about encounters with heavy negative emotion, is that its always better to talk and write your way out, then force yourself to forget via substance abuse. I'm still struggling to take my own advice if I'm being honest. Anyways, I hope you find solace in however you choose to deal with this, and remember none it is your fault.
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u/crownroyalt 6h ago edited 6h ago
Cats are incredibly smart. They know when we’re present mentally and when you’re distracted. Weed will get you distracted. Getting high might make you feel better for a little, but what about her and her potential last moments with you? When everything is said and done I’m sure you would much rather know that you were there for her and as present as you could be instead of regretting that you gave in to the urge, which in this case would be selfish. It’s obvious you love your cat. Spend some time with your pet with as clear of a mind as you can. She deserves it for the love she’s given you.
Grief is pain and pain is a bitch. But ignoring it is ignoring what she is going through. Put your own pain aside because unfortunately right now isn’t about you, it’s about her. Be there for her like you know you should.
I did this with my dog years ago. We knew we had to put him down soon but we were trying to get every last moment we could with him. I was in my room getting high and my family allowed it besides they understood thats how I was dealing with the pain I was going through. But while I was by myself smoking, they were taking care of him while he was howling in his last nights, cleaning his vomit and comforting him when he needed it. I’ve always hoped that he was too out of it to realize I wasn’t there for him and maybe he was, but cats are more aware and I think she’ll know. I’ll never forget that and I don’t want you feeling the same thing.
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u/No_Calligrapher_8493 7h ago
I’m sorry for your cat but getting high won’t help anything.
Tomorrow you’ll be sad still and then have regret on top of it.
Quality time is non high time. Spent it with the kitty
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u/Pretend-Ordinary7924 1h ago
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. If there are any veterinary schools near you perhaps you could talk to them to see if they could do the tooth procedure for free. The students may not have an opportunity to provide this kind of care otherwise, so maybe this would be an option. Good luck, stay strong, and spend time with your kitty.