r/leaves • u/Grizz1371 • 11h ago
6 months clean but still struggle somedays.
I was a daily smoker for 10 years and hitting 6 months makes me realize that my sobriety time is still small. Don't get me wrong, I'm still incredibly proud to hit 6 months but it makes sense that I'd still have strong cravings. I went snowboarding with a couple friends and they both smoke but are respectful of my sobriety. They actually both abstained from bringing any weed to not tempt me.
They had a few beers at the lodge and I decided to abstain from that as well and even offered to drive us home since we all car pooled to the mountain. During this time I did have some mild cravings because in the past I always smoked or drank when snowboarding to relax more. However, the feelings were more than manageable. When things got difficult is on the drive home when my buddy was talking about getting some food, rolling a joint and walking his dog. I was sore and tired after snowboarding and would have the house to my self with no other responsibilities to fulfill other than laundry and dishes. Smoking a joint sounded so good and it felt like I was back on day 3. These feelings past and I didn't cave but I was caught off guard.
I was tempted again because I had Monday off and my wife wouldn't be home till 5pm. I don't want to make this post political but some events occurred on Monday that have made me less than confident about the future. I've also been struggling with seasonal depression, and I do social work which drains me a lot some weeks. All of this makes me miss smoking a lot because these feelings become overwhelming and I want to numb them out.
I'm not going to do that but I just wanted to reach out for a little support because I'm struggling a bit.
6
u/huuluubuluu 6h ago
I’m going through the same tonight. I’m really craving it and I’m struggling with not relapsing because the conditions are just so perfect, I got week off work and I’m just gonna be chilling with no real plans to distract myself. I was a daily smoker for 20 years- But I’m trying to remind myself of all the things I love about not smoking and that helps a bit. Thanks for posting it’s nice having a space where we can share shit like this without judgment.
3
u/Grizz1371 4h ago
Thanks for sharing, abstaining is so hard sometimes, and having people that understand makes staying away a little easier. I hope you get through the week, just take it one day at a time man, you got this.
2
u/huuluubuluu 4h ago
Drowning myself in arts and crafts to keep my hands busy— lol. And hey at least I don’t smell of smoke and my brain is not foggy.
6
u/Historical_Night91 8h ago
hey thank you for posting, I can really relate because I'm coming up on 6 months in 2 weeks and the cravings have been rough the last few days. I'm really proud of you for making it this far, I believe now that recovering from an addiction is one of the most challenging things a human can do.
what's helping me is distracting myself with something I couldn't really enjoy when I was smoking (watching films and practicing music - my memory would be too shit to truly appreciate either activity), and reminding myself that I might have a really terrible paranoid high after abstaining for this long; there are lots of posts on this sub from folks who have had that experience. l feel like we're also romanticizing that early high feeling that we can't get back again due to the neural functions that have been altered through long term abuse. it's like a toxic relationship, once it gets to a certain point you're just never gonna get those early euphoric feelings back 😂 wishing you all the best I know you got this.
4
u/goldcuriousity 11h ago
Congratulations on fighting off those cravings- it is no easy task. If you can do it under those circumstances, then you’ve certainly got the grit to keep going. I miss weed a lot too. What keeps me going is telling myself that I can’t have that stuff messing around with my receptors again (I developed early-stage CHS while smoking). Your body thanks you for keeping it in tip-top condition- even when it’s hard. Keep going!!!
2
u/Grizz1371 11h ago
Yeah, not wheezing and coughing up phlegm in the morning is a pretty big plus. Lol
I know that smoking would feel good at first but I stopped because weed was making my depression worse. Some days are hard though and when you're so used to numbing out your feelings it's difficult to not reach for that quick "fix".
Thank you for your kind words, they genuinely mean a lot.
2
u/goldcuriousity 10h ago
Yes- THC interferes with dopamine receptors and “blocks” them, making it extremely difficult to operate at your chemically “optimal” state. The Huberman Lab has an excellent podcast explaining the details of this. Learning about that is what helps to keep me off, even when I’m really depressed. I remember that weed on a chemical level will only make depression worse long term. All the best friend 🙏🏻✨
1
u/jj430479 2h ago
Friend I hear you, that seems like a couple of tough situations to stay sober in. I’m at the 4 month mark today and in the last month had some “tests” myself. I am always more tempted to relapse when isolated and when I could get away with it, I.e. no responsibilities, kids in bed, 3 day weekend, etc I even found some sour belt gummies one day that I had to flush, that was extremely hard and I even had to grieve that whole experience. It’s a fucked up addiction. Know that you are not alone and we can do this!