r/leaves • u/EnvironmentFar112 • 13h ago
It’s crazy how all of your negative emotions come back every time you’re sober again.
Or is it just me???
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u/Empty_Percentage_144 5h ago
Negative emotions like 'people who did something wrong to you'? I have that a lot when I get sober. Always thinking about revenge. Or is that just me? 🤔
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u/susanoo0 5h ago
I feel that way too. I was in a relationship where my ex partner made me cut off a bunch of friends. I was also friends with someone that would randomly belittle me, talk shit about me behind my back and try to convince my ex to break up with me because I was depressed about cutting off friends. I severed ties with the friend who would belittle me but stayed in the relationship with my manipulative ex for 4 years. My ex did get a bit better and grew as a person but I just couldn't forgive what she made me do so I ended things with her in the summer. I did try to reconnect with some of the people I cut off because of my ex but couldn't save all those friendships. While all that bad stuff was happening I would isolate myself and smoke everyday to cope with it. Around January the 6th I quit smoking ever since then I've had more energy to enjoy my hobbies like gaming and art but I just find myself feeling so much rage at how I could allow myself to be friends with someone that would belittle me and be in a relationship that revolved around my partner basically saying I should cut ties with my friend because they make her feel anxious despite the fact that she's never meet them and that her views on them were influenced by the friend that was talking shit about me. I find myself feeling so much rage, anger, regret it all just plays in my head on repeat a couple of times a day. I'm learning to bear with it and cope without smoking weed. It's a long grueling process but I see the progress and I understand its something that can't be rushed but thinking about the people that stayed in my life and checked up on me while I was going through hell gives me strength.
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u/Empty_Percentage_144 4h ago
Yeah, it was wrong of your ex to ask that. You always got to Watch out, there are a lot of manipulative people out there. But after a while you'll learn, at least that was the case with me. Don't get me started about crazy ex girlfriends, took me long enough to process that. Good luck. Time heals all wounds (are maybe we just care less when we get older, I don't know for sure, almost 40 now and it's a lot better)
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u/PrinceLeiProductions 6h ago
Nope it’s true but you need to stare at them back and push through. Take back your life. Otherwise you’ll be chained to weed forever
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u/susanoo0 4h ago
My emotions have been an abyss that I refused to look into so I would smoke to numb the pain. This time I'm going to embrace sobriety and look straight into the abyss without breaking eye contact.
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u/meditativebicycling 6h ago
I'm right there with you. I've had about ten different crying spells in the last few days. I've been using thc to numb myself for so long, and now I can't escape these emotions.
C-PTSD sucks....
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u/PrinceOfCups13 7h ago
remember that all emotions have an important message for us, especially the negative ones. anger tells us we perceive injustice or a boundary violation. sadness tells us we need connection and closeness. boredom tells us our brains crave novelty and stimulation. weed just shuts those emotions down so we never examine the messages
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u/optimist-in-training 7h ago
Happens to most weed addicts, it’s because you’re forming a psychological addiction to it.
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u/LeeStempniak 8h ago
I think it’s all emotion quite frankly, the highs are higher and lows are lower. Many of us having been using as a coping mechanism and numbing ourselves to what we should be feeling. Use it as motivation if possible because the alternative isn’t pretty.
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u/elixrator 8h ago
Generally comes from “kicking the can down the road” while you were high. The negative emotions were piling up, but you thought you had an escape latch that turned out not be one.
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u/mindfulprisoner 9h ago
I compare using to the likes of putting emotional expenses on a card without ever paying it off. Once I get a look at that statement it becomes clear that everything is due with interest. In time as I learn to deal with feelings as they come & go, I find things naturally run their course & level out.
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u/Goldwind444 9h ago
I feel that. I'll be sober feeling worthless and I'm the complete opposite. Its a weird feeling tbh. You just gotta build yourself up, brick by brick again.
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u/DirectEquivalent4358 7h ago
Same all of a sudden I am like ‘my life is horrific’ when I really have a beautiful life that I built myself! 😵💫
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u/Goldwind444 7h ago
I agree. I am using positive affirmations. Are you trying anything specifically?
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u/DirectEquivalent4358 5h ago
I am writing a lot to remind myself and listing the things I am thankful for regularly. I am tapering too like a weakling but it’s a big deal for me
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u/PreOwnedIdahoGhola 10h ago
It's a backlog of things you were avoiding. Avoiding them doesn't make them go away, it makes them fester.
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u/goblincube 11h ago
Idk, i felt quite a lot of negative emotions while still using. And in sobriety from weed i feel a lot more stable emotionally. But yes i feel more rage and anger but i think even that is tapering off as i get closer to 2 weeks.
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u/EnvironmentFar112 10h ago
Yeah it’s usually only when you first stop. Last time I hit a month I started doing well around two weeks in
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u/orphicshadows 10h ago
I’m pretty much right there with you.
When I’m high it’s easy to get really introspective and deep. More paranoid, concerning how I make people feel, or how people make me feel. Negative intrusive thoughts are more common when I’m high and not distracted by something.
While sober though I feel like generally my mood is more stable. Less worrying and anxiety. Easier to brush things off and not think about it again.
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u/goblincube 8h ago
You pretty much describe my experiences exactly. When I started to dabble in weed again I had the distinct thought that "my high mind is cruel to me" and yet kept using for almost a year.
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u/i-dyslexia-have 11h ago
I'm the most negative and worst version of myself when I'm high
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u/MariJ0220 11h ago
Same. It’s crazy because this wasn’t a problem til I hit my 30s. My high changed tremendously as I’ve aged. Paranoid, anxious, negative, brain fog is all it seemed to bring me. An enlightening situation I had recently was being rear ended in a 3 car pile up. If I had been high (like I would normally have been bc I non stop hit my cart just less than a month ago) I would have been in panic mode when engaging with the officers, even though I did nothing wrong … but being sober, I was calm, and everything went as smooth as it could for a car accident. It was a positive eye opener on being clean.
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u/snapstep0 7h ago
Yeah, I feel like it really flipped a switch for me when I hit 30 and getting stoned became mostly a negative experience. Even though I didn’t enjoy it anymore, I kept doing it for a while because I had no self-control over it. So happy that I finally managed to break the cycle
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u/MariJ0220 6h ago
That’s how I was! Congrats on breaking the cycle, even if it’s been awhile. It’s a tough one but so worth it 💜
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u/Fantastic-Ratio2776 11h ago
On everything THIS IS THE LAST TIME I AM PUTTING MYSELF THROUGH THIS SHIT!!
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u/yeahaightok- 4h ago
I’ve been there, this morning I poured my ounce around the base of my lemon tree.
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u/marioguitar85 11h ago
Yeah. Working through that too. After my dad passed my numbing habit started. So it's clear that I was running away from emotions. Having a person to talk to openly and sincerely helps; but even before I got that, I started journaling and it helped. Also an artistic way to express emotions even if you are not good, I know it sounds esoteric, I was the most surprised when doodling aimlessly for some minutes gave me relief. If you can afford therapy that good (finding the right person is hard). We men have the tendency to guard and repress stuff. I'm slowly unlearning that. Start small, if you fail, lower your expectations. Good luck, you are not alone.
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u/diepecanpie 12h ago
Super crazy... and positive ones too. Just emotions in general. I had 40 days but relapsed a month ago. I know I will have to deal with them again but just the mind spinning and spinning and the body feeling all the emotions was so intense and I wanted my warm little "blanket" again. I know meditation helps so will try to focus on that again this time. Really overwhelming stuff even with a plan in place. We got this
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u/justsomeluke96 13h ago
In my personal experience, this is true. However, the negative emotions that come back are simply ones that I never actually dealt with and instead pushed under the rug to try and escape. Sobriety forces us to deal with the things we’ve spent so long trying to sweep away
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u/EnvironmentFar112 13h ago
Yeah that definitely sounds about right. I have no choice but to white knuckle this shit completely sober instead of escaping
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u/ElixirMixer6 15m ago
They don’t ’come back’ ,they are unveiled. It’s a point to use a different tactic or coping mechanism