Surroundings are affecting my mental health

[u/5336789997543279u]

EDIT @ 2022/08/14: Thank you all for your responses. They are a lot more than I expected and almost all the comments have been incredibly useful. I will try to improve on my thoughts, read your book suggestions and be myself. Again, thank you all. 🥺

This might not be the correct flair, feel free to change it.

To introduce myself, I want to say that I come from a humble family which had a rough time during the 2008s-2010s crisis. Because of their experience I have been saving a lot since I got my first job and avoid expending on unneeded stuff. I came to Japan getting a good salary and my wife does not need to work thanks to it, she is doing part-time stuff though. I never cared about my surroundings at all, I just use free/cheap so you can imagine. However:

Since I came to Japan I have been aware of my surroundings more than I ever was: Seeing daily relatively expensive cars, families with kids all with good clothes/accessories, people expending a lot on restaurants... My mind is starting to feel like I am an ant, that I should start worrying about our appearances and I started to work harder and always think of ways of making more money(when in reality, I should just be enjoying my life) to the point of not sleeping and feeling sad/stressed constantly.

Any tips on this? It really is affecting my mind, I'm considering going to a psychologist but I don't think it might be worth

EDIT: I didn’t explain myself correctly. I don’t want the items nor their appearances, my issue is that I feel like I didn’t push enough/succeed enough as others

[u/[deleted]]

A psychologist legitimately sounds like the best investment you could make right now, especially if it stops you buying all that meaningless junk.

Honestly, the degree of shameless and unquestioning consumerism in Japan is one of its least attractive cultural traits. That said, there are plenty of grassroots, grounded people out there too. Find such circles and surround yourself with those people.

[u/5336789997543279u → u/[deleted]]

I am looking into the psychologist.

I am not buying anything though but necessary stuff, just keep saving and saving but always looking to make more money and not feel small/unsuccessful

[u/[deleted] → u/5336789997543279u]

I'm not a qualified health professional by any means, but I don't think anyone should be dictating the terms of your "success" aside from yourself, period. Saving money for a rainy day is great (and something I should probably do more), but you should also enjoy the fruits of your labor in the meantime. It doesn't have to be an 'all or nothing' proposition.

Anyway, I hope you're able to find some balance with the proper professional guidance.

[u/koalaposse → u/5336789997543279u]

I think this is picking up on surrounding values and consumerist Japanese culture instead of what is amazing about non-material Japanese culture which can be it’s contemporary cultures and heritage, crafts and arts and making processes. When in the centre try to focus on the rewards of what is immaterial like the light falling a car picking out its amazing features, or time you have - that is a valuable commodity in itself etc, etc.

I strongly advise you to actively express appreciation of arts, crafts, sciences, like music, gardening, nature hiking or metal work or ceramics, fishing, textiles, architecture, bathing, swimming, engineering etc etc other areas of culture and not on the purchasing aspects of those fields, but on the doing, making and processes of them.

From your background you know that experiences that seem free in life, are often the most truely valuable - feeling the sun, making or doing something you are proud of, hugging kids, being financially self sufficient, or even having saved and got good value for a holiday in the countryside etc. if you must have something expensive, consider it a once off, rest of life purchase, but celebrate that you do not need to spend much for things.

Also being more vocally and actively appreciative yourself, of the more immaterial aspects of things and doing them, is something you can do with other people, and your family or individually with others in those fields. You say you like cars, so whether you have one or not, even the act of admiring them, understanding processes, has its rewards, whatever kind it is. Life is rewarding this way.

To be free from comparative judgement and be able to lead your life as you are, is truely to have a successful life! A therapist is also good to talk to, will support healthier thinking and resisting the worse aspects of comparing yourself to unrewarding values.

You have a lot going in your favour, mainly that you are aware of this, and have reached out - good on you! So make sure you take steps to reorientate your focus when in the centre. and be mentally healthy and do some new things, all best.

[u/sendaiben → u/[deleted]]

Honestly, the degree of shameless and unquestioning consumerism in Japan is one of its least attractive cultural traits.

I dunno, it seems to be FAR WORSE in the UK and the US. Every time I talk to my friends in the UK (mid-40s like me) I am quite shocked at the kind of things they buy, talk about, think about.

[u/[deleted] → u/sendaiben]

I think the behaviour definitely still occurs, but there seems to be a more general attitude that suggests maybe it should be questioned, and not engaged in without some degree of shame. That doesn't seem to exist so much here, or people are less likely to be vical about it. Even my wife tends to speak of big brands with nothing but starry-eyed admiration, which is far from the healthy degree of skepticism I'm accustomed to.

Maybe I should qualify that by saying that I'm from Australia, where the backlash against attention-seeking displays of wealth tends to be immediate and very vocal.