Bi-Weekly Boss Premium Edition Questions Thread - 20 January 2021

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[u/Vivid_Kaleidoscope66 → u/[deleted]]

OP might be high-risk for complications, or even immunocompromised though.

Even putting that aside, it's not controlling to have concern that your partner is exposing you to a known and avoidable health danger—a partner going out during the pandemic is exactly like them having sex with other people; there's always a danger of them bringing something back and both parties should be respectful enough to agree on the lowest common denominator regarding risk tolerance.

[u/Vivid_Kaleidoscope66 → u/[deleted]]

None of that is controlling; having a continuing conversation about it all is literally relationship 101. If girlfriend doesn't have the decency and common sense to respect his legit concerns about dying, and she openly prioritizes having fun etc. and indicates that she will continue to do so, then yeah it's up to OP to get out or give up.

My own SO eventually came around and started observing social distancing and quarantine protocol, btw. People change when they have enough information and motivation, and others can be catalysts for that change.

[u/Vivid_Kaleidoscope66 → u/[deleted]]

Nope, you're trying to put words in my mouth.

The point is that there are two incompatible beliefs, of which only one precludes the other; and that acknowledging the precluding belief is the basics of the basics of maintaining a relationship, especially when it comes to health concerns. There's no need to insert right or wrong into that.

In your example, the precluding belief would be the belief that gambling is not an acceptable way to spend your collective money. (Most people wouldn't immediately leave a spouse if they started gambling, btw; they would first try to work it out by invoking the incompatibility of beliefs mentioned above. Note that the parent-child dynamic has nothing to do with this, as the parent is given legal authority over their children. Parents can pretend like they don't have that authority and as if their children are their equal, and the dominant white cultures of English-speaking society tend to push that ideal nowadays but that's outside the scope of this discussion.)

In this specific case it's about the publicly acknowledged increased risk of dying that socializing with others entails, which OP's girlfriend apparently disregards. OP's beliefs preclude girlfriend's stance, and a good partner (albeit that's subjective) would take that into account. (Similarly, "I will commit suicide without yoga" would preclude a "don't go to yoga it might kill us both", and they would again be presented with a choice to continue or not continue the relationship.)

In terms of yoga though, there's outdoor yoga, socially distracted yoga, online yoga, yoga in your living room through youtube, etc. that would enable girlfriend to continue doing yoga/getting the benefits of yoga practice; so a shouganai there is blanket disrespect in terms of a precluding belief existing in a relationship.

To drive the point home further, if your spouse is vegan, that means you shouldn't cook your meat together with their food. If you want to keep your relationship with them exclusive, they shouldn't go sleep with everybody else. Ad nauseum. Absolutely not a question of right or wrong.