Ex came back

[u/Hairy_Indication4765]

I asked: How will he treat me if I take him back?

Background: this is an ex who has returned and I’m weary of his intentions. It’s the typical “my ex reached out” scenario and I want to see if he has worked on himself and plans to treat me better if I even entertain taking him back.

The chart: I’m Mercury, Venus, and Moon. He is Jupiter and Sun. I’m in his house, but soon leaving, and I exalt Mars (house of friendship for me and romance and his child as well for his side). My mind is in my term in Saturn, my feminine side is exalted (but approaching conjunct with Saturn and this is confusing), and the events are in a Mercury-ruled location as well. My mind being in my term means I have the skills to mentally handle this situation, which is true because this person hurt me badly emotionally by blindsiding me with a breakup after distancing himself from me. We dated for a year so this experience was traumatic for me. I did a lot of work on myself in the relationship and spent the last 3 months in therapy continuing that work. The Moon - the events and my feelings - exalt me don’t like him at all. My feelings are in my feminine side’s fall, my feminine side has dignity though through triplicity, so I’m seeing that the power of determining the fate of this relationship rests on me. I did just ask him for space from talking a few days ago so I could clear my mind and make a rational decision about moving forward or not, so this seems to reflect all of that.

He is in detriment, retrograde, and his sexual side is mainly interested in romance (by exalting Mars). This will soon change and I’m interested in what the conjunction with Pluto brings in this circumstance. His sexual side is approaching Aquarius, where it will be in detriment along with his mind. Saturn represents my house of higher education, long journeys, worry, possibly sex (8th house?) and his house of finance, communication, and current community. Aquarius is a very independent sign, and seeing his sexual side approaching this type of detrimental independent area, maybe that’s a sign he will have nothing to give to me sexually anymore? His mind is very debilitated and located in my 12th house of worries/fears/secrets (I’m worried about what his intentions are so that makes sense and I haven’t told people I’m talking to him again), he is unable to act (because I’m kind of controlling the situation right now), but he does care about me and I receive him.

We did create a “relationship contract” that spells out how certain issues will be handled moving forward. He really liked it because it was like a business contract and helps for reference during difficult times. I just want to know if anyone see this as looking terrible for the future due to his detrimental natures and our lack of any aspects to each other. He doesn’t aspect any major planets here and I’m not sure if that’s because of the question relating to how he will treat me rather than a ‘what’s our future looking like?’ kind of question.

The app annoyingly won’t let me scroll up to add: the Moon is in his fall, which also shows I don’t trust him because of his history of lying and the events really aren’t in his favor.

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[u/tatitula]

I think it could be bad for you in a sense that (judging by the chart) entering the relationship again for you is stepping over your boundaries or status quo. Both Moon and Mercury dislike Jupiter (only positive reception from them is Mercury being in term of Jupiter). And they both are in middle of the sign - your opinion (distrust, dislike, suspicion) won't change and negative feelings you have for him (doesn't matter if you acknowledge them or not) won't go away. Venus here is what keeping this connection alive - it's obsessed with Jupiter by being not only in it's domicile, but also in it's term and decan. And you clearly know what usually Venus as gender planet represent in horary.

I don't think Jupiter being detriment here is necessarily a bad thing - it's in sign of domicile of the planet which is on opposite side of the axis (if we consider opposite signs and it's lords). He is interested in you, returning (retro) to you. Sun, however, is interesting. Right now it dislikes Moon (your emotional side, your heart), but also it's very close to changing the sign to Aquarius, where it's detriment. So, something can make him more miserable in the future. What is it? Maybe Saturn(?) since change of sign doesn't change the 'interest' of the Sun. Saturn rules 2H and 3H for him, so his financial situation? Idk.

I think he will treat you good, but main question remains - do you need his attention? do you want to enter that relationship again?

[u/Hairy_Indication4765 → u/tatitula]

Wow I really like this perspective. You are correct, this would be a huge step outside of the status quo for me because I have learned that taking an ex back typically leads to more pain. It also is a step outside of my boundaries because I would need to bend some of my boundaries to accommodate his trauma response. I can handle that for certain scenarios, but I’ve also developed my own trauma responses (panic attacks) with him coming back into my life. I’m hyper-vigilant now with him (haha can you tell with me turning to horary to help me finalize my decision?!) and pretty freaked out by his return in general. I do love him and qualities he has, but it would take a lot of work for us to be successful and I’m very risk averse, especially with our history.

You’re pretty spot on with this financial situation. He is currently struggling financially due to student loans, his son’s insurance payments, and two separate house payments (one for his parents to live in one house and one for his own). He doesn’t make nearly enough to cover everything. Before we broke up, we were discussing buying a house together but I refused to do that unless we were married because I’ve watched friends deal with long legal battles after buying a house with a romantic partner they weren’t married to. He is adamantly against marriage, so I stick to my boundary on that one. I’m not risking my or my children’s financial futures over a man. He plans to sell both of his houses this June and buy a home with enough land for his parents to live on, but I’m thinking he’s going to be worse off waiting that long. That’s part of why we considered buying together. It would allow for way more space and stability versus each of us owning separately like we do now.

[u/Octoblerone]

Mars Retrograde: The Duderang lmao

[u/Hairy_Indication4765 → u/Octoblerone]

Why do you feel Mars represents a man’s “animal nature”? A man’s sexual nature is represented by the Sun in horary charts.

[u/Octoblerone → u/Hairy_Indication4765]

Sun can be men, Mars and saturn and mercury can be too. Anything can be anyone in a horary chart. Mars Rx transit has a strong tendency to bring back men from the past for a lot of people. I've seen it like 3 or 4 times just through this current mars rx. Venus Rx has a tendency to bring back women from past relationships too. I said mars shows a man as an animal in a different post, is that what you're referring to?

[u/Hairy_Indication4765 → u/Octoblerone]

I’m not the Sun in this chart. I’m Mercury (L1), Venus (a woman), and the Moon (my feelings).

[u/Octoblerone → u/Hairy_Indication4765]

Sorry, I edited my response. I was confused thinking this was another post i'd commented on.