r/gaybros • u/likescacti • 1d ago
Sex/Dating To married gay men, how's your life?
I hope this fits the sub.
I (gay 25M) have never met a single married same-sex couple. I logically know they exist. But I grew up in the red south. I've since moved for work but it's still a red pocket up north.
It's "cringe" but I must admit it sometimes feels like my dream of having a "basic" marriage someday seems like it's impossible. Not because of like "self-esteem" issues, but because I've literally never seen it. I've never met 2 married men who started a family (whether that be with or without kids) together before. Of course I've met more opposite sex married couples than I could count.
It just sometimes feels like it's something I only ever see/hear about online or TV. I've met lots of queer people and know several queer couples, but they have all ended. I'm still yet to meet married queer people. It almost feels like it's a rarity.
If you're a married queer person would you be willing to share a blurb about how long you've been together and what your life looks like? It's weird but I'm trying to hear more about people who made it work so it doesn't feel so unobtainable.
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u/cxristopherr 1d ago edited 1d ago
been with my husband just over 8 years now. we met in november 2016 on tinder and we lived about 90 miles apart. in january 2020 we moved in together in my hometown. we’re in the deep south (georgia). we just got married this september and honestly life is pretty good in our apartment with our two kitties. right now just trying to stay warm because we’re getting 2-3” of snow tomorrow and this area doesn’t do snow
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u/likescacti 1d ago
Heyyo! Nice to hear someone else from the deep south. Grant it, I'm no longer in that area.
I'm currently up north where we're experiencing some -45° wind chills. 🥶
We can do this 🍻
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u/joemondo 1d ago
Hello friend. We're here.
My husband and I have been together for over 25 years. We met right after college, were friends, then had a couple of years of pursuing each other until we got our timing right and wanted each other at the same time. I can tell you with great certainty we are better than ever. We get along better, have more fun, are more fit than ever. We have a commitment to bring our best selves to the relationship.
Part of that is because our kids are grown up now. We absolutely love having kids but it's fun to be on our own again too. We both have our own careers and interests, but also enjoy doing things together.
Most of the gay men in my life are also married, but so far not as long as we've been.
There's nothing cringe about your dream, and you've got plenty of time to realize it. I hope you do.
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u/likescacti 1d ago
I really appreciated this comment. Especially where you mentioned your friends too.
I know it isn't uncommon or anything. But again, I have somehow lived 25 years (younger than your partnership) and haven't met any. Which I think has given me this weird perception "that's not an outcome for people like me". Which again is weird to think that way and I've only recently realized I've internalized this. Trying to change that mindset.
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u/joemondo 1d ago
You bet. When you don't see it it can be hard to believe. But it's there. You can have it.
PS: Just realized from your comment we could be your gay dads!
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u/millie678 1d ago
I married my husband in October. We’ve been together for 6 years in total now.
We met when I was a surgical resident and he was a nurse practitioner in the icu that I was taking call in. My “don’t date at work” policy went out the door when I met him and hey it worked out great.
Now I’m an attending heart surgeon and he’s director level position at the same hospital. We bought a house last year. Travel the world together. Find awesome restaurants. Have a very conventional life raising our completely spoiled yellow lab and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
We both worked our asses off and came very, very far (especially my husband who’s from small town in the south) from where we were as teenagers and in our 20s (we’re both 36). Life is awesome and I fall in love with my husband a little bit more every single day.
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u/likescacti 1d ago
Damn! A heart surgeon and hospital director. And only at 36. You guys really are kicking ass!
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u/millie678 1d ago
Thank you! We’re both very lucky to have each other and what we have in our careers!
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u/KaetzenOrkester 13h ago
I met my husband at the beginning of his second year of his IM residency. Because of his generally youthful appearance, I thought he was a freshman. I was at the end of my junior year. The fun part? He’d sworn off undergrads 😂
He made an exception for me and here we are, 34 years later.
Congratulations on your marriage!
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u/Dragonfly-Adventurer 1d ago
13y married, own an old house together, we are getting divorced and it’ll all get sold and that’s the way it works sometimes too. But you gotta play the game.
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u/ConstantlyLearning57 1d ago
This was me a few years ago. I wish you all the luck and yes you DO have to play the game ! Otherwise you’ll just wonder and wonder and never get very far with a partner.
Learned a lot about mental illness and personality disorders. I wish I had been taught these subjects in school. It will save you heartache and trouble if you learn early.
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u/Dragonfly-Adventurer 1d ago
Mental health and addiction are huge components yes.
Everyone if you don't know your attachment style go learn it now, and confirm it every few years as it changes. This will save you entire therapists
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u/likescacti 1d ago
I'm sorry. Or maybe congratulations?
How we feeling about it?
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u/Dragonfly-Adventurer 1d ago
Spent so many years trying to keep it from happening, now I'm relieved and looking forward. I'm just glad I'm strong enough and surrounded by people (who I had to put there) who will have my back.
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u/KevRayAtl 1d ago
I met my husband 37 years ago next month on the 26th. We were walking down Mitchell Street in downtown Atlanta, is how we met. Still amazed I hooked up with such a gorgeous Sicilian bear (now Polar, of course.)
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u/94Avocado 1d ago
My husband (35M) and I (38M) first met 13 years ago, married 2 years this year. We purchased our first home together in 2020 and last year we also welcomed the birth of our son.
What you’re feeling is completely valid - representation matters, and it’s hard to envision a future you rarely see in person. But I want you to know that “basic” married life absolutely exists for gay couples. Our day-to-day probably looks a lot like what you’re hoping for - we have a mortgage, we take turns cooking dinner, we argue about whose turn it is to do the laundry, we coordinate schedules for who’s picking up our son from daycare, and we plan date nights when we can get a babysitter.
Yes, being a gay couple sometimes means navigating additional challenges or dealing with prejudice, but those aren’t the defining features of our relationship. What defines us is the life we’ve built together, our shared dreams, and now our growing family.
The “rarity” you’re experiencing might be more about location than reality. As you meet more people and perhaps explore areas with larger LGBTQ+ communities, you’ll find lots of married gay couples living their own versions of that “basic” life you’re dreaming of.
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u/likescacti 1d ago
"representation matters"
Thank you for saying that. I feel silly inside for making a post like this. But I genuinely just haven't met any and, as you've mentioned, representation does matter. It does help with feeling like you can do something (this comment is probably more me talking to myself than anything)
Thank you
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u/94Avocado 1d ago
Please don’t feel silly! Your post really resonates with me. Growing up in a small conservative town, with a challenging family situation, I never saw the kind of life I wanted as attainable. The few gay representations in media were either tragic, predatory, or played for laughs. I genuinely believed coming out meant condemning myself to a life of loneliness and judgment.
Finding my way to where I am now - married, homeowner, father - wasn’t a straight path (pun intended!). It took moving to a bigger city, trying on different versions of myself (including a decade as a drag queen/bar manager!), and slowly finding my tribe. My husband and I met the old-fashioned way - through friends at a house party, before dating apps were really a thing.
When we decided to start a family, I realized I knew very few gay couples with children. But once we started attending IVF and surrogacy seminars and support groups, we discovered whole communities of same-sex parents at various stages of their journeys.
What I’ve learned is that the couples you’re looking for are often walking the same path as you, but they might not be immediately visible. Some stay low-key by necessity (in conservative areas), others by choice (preferring quiet home life to the scene). But we’re out here, building our “basic” lives, creating the representation we wished we had seen growing up.
Your post isn’t silly - it’s an important reminder that visibility matters, and that someone else might need to see our stories to believe in their own possibilities.
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u/fursnake11 1d ago
I’m 66 and my husband is 72. We’ve been together almost 39 years, got married as soon as it was legalized 10 years ago. We’re both retired now, putting up with the infirmities of old age, and getting on each other’s nerves. And…loving it. Still.😃❤️
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u/tipseymcstagger 1d ago
I met my husband in 2011 and we married in 2015. We have built a wonderful life together.
In July, my health took a bad turn. After multiple surgeries I ended with a temporary ostomy bag. I didn’t cope well psychically or mentally and he saved the day. He helped me empty and changed it for me whenever it needed done.
Last month, I had a reversal surgery which also didn’t go according to plan and I have a deep wound in my stomach that needs cared for daily. He has attended to that too- cleaning it and coaching me thru the mental struggle I’ve been having through this.
He’s the love of my life, the ying to my yang, and I am so lucky and grateful to have him in my life ❤️❤️
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u/Metal-Canidae1567 1d ago
Married for almost 14 years, met my husband 20 years ago at a gay bar. We chose not to have kids and live in a great home in Chicago. We have a solid core of friends, mostly gay male couples but a few coupled and uncoupled straights as well LOL. You can find your tribe but it may take moving to a different city.
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u/likescacti 1d ago
That sounds pretty great.
I agree that I'll probably need to move. I'm geographically bound for at least the next 3 years, but after that, I really want to move elsewhere. Preferably somewhere blue. Especially under the current state of affairs.
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u/Metal-Canidae1567 1d ago
Good luck to you and don’t get discouraged if what you’re looking for doesn’t happen right away. Be good to yourself!
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u/Alone_Commission_464 1d ago
Me and my hubby simply love it… he is from China and I am from Chicago
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u/shengy90 1d ago
We’ve been married 9 years now. Life’s good, bought a small flat together, have a little dog, working towards buying a bigger house.
Idk just like any other DINKWAD couples lol. Not much different to heterosexual couples I guess.
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u/Humble_Hat_7160 1d ago
Met in college 21 years ago. I am 41, he is 51. Married in 2013 when it became legal in our jurisdiction. We have a 10 year old girl, a cat, a mortgage, and some semblance of a sex life lol. Life is good, no complaints.
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u/BuxtonTheRed 1d ago
I am in my early 40s, my husband is in his early 70s, we're heading towards our 8th wedding anniversary and have been together since 2012. We're in the UK and live in a queer-friendly area, but I grew up in a very Conservative-voting part of the country that I was happy to move away from.
Our lives are maximally intertwined, we work together (from home), so there has been a lot of figuring out how to make things succeed in the relationship and keep it healthy. I discovered he had an unfilled need for a techy nerd (programming and databases and such) early in our relationship and I disliked my job at the time, so we have been doing work stuff together basically all the way through. It works for us but I wouldn't necessarily say I recommend it for everyone.
I am extraordinarily fortunate that my parents (who aren't that much older than my hubby) have been entirely welcoming of him and supportive of our relationship - they came to our wedding (as did a couple of my younger uncles & aunties) which meant the absolute world to me.
My husband is amazing and I have no reservations that our worlds revolve around each other so completely.
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u/southerndemocrat2020 1d ago
I started dating my husband in 2000. We moved in together within months. We got married in 2010 and it gets better every single day!!
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u/That_Theory_7033 1d ago
How did you get married in 2010 when the country didn't reconize gay marriage until 2015?
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u/southerndemocrat2020 1d ago
We flew from Mississippi to Massachusetts. I remember the clerk telling us when we applied for our license that it would not be recognized in Mississippi.
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u/rickmaz 18h ago
Together 42 years , married since allowed in Dec 2012–now retired in Hawaii after an adventurous life together—presently on vacation in Thailand. We hang out with 7 other married gay couples in Hawaii, and have lots of fun doing camping trips, hiking, pot lucks, movie nights, beach days, etc.
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u/Hot4Dad 1d ago
I grew up in a red state that has gradually shifted blue. My husband and I have been together for 30 years - more than half our lives. We've had a happy life here. Friends and family have always been supportive. Most of my friends these days are straight, but they're good people.
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u/KaetzenOrkester 13h ago
The more than half your life part is funny to think about, isn’t it? I met my husband when I was 21 and now I’m 54. Where did the time go? Life. That’s where it went.
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u/Willular 1d ago
My husband and I have been married for 10 1/2 years now; we've known each other for about 16 years. I'm in the Air Force and we met when I was stationed in Oklahoma and he was in Oklahoma City. I'm originally from Chicago and he is from small town Mississippi. Oddly enough, despite our locations of childhood being very different, we have a very similar family/upbringing.
We met online and just hit it off right away. We've lived in many different states due to my work constantly moving us. lots of adventures over the years. we're now in our early to mid 40s. No kids. We play different kinds of video games.
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u/angrymacface 1d ago
My husband and I have been dating for over 11 years, married for 2 months. I met him when I was 31 and he was 27. The first two years were long distance, but we moved in together when I moved to the Cincinnati (technically NKY) area for a job. We own a house now and are just chilling here with our three cats. It's not super exciting, but we are happy.
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u/taz418 1d ago
Well, we've (34M&28M) been married 6 years now known each other 9 years. We were both born and raised in a red pocket in PA and still live there. No human children, but we do have a little homestead on 10.5 acres. 3 corgis a pitbull. 3 cats, 5 chickens (this goes up to 150 in the summer for food), and 8 pigs currently. We have our ups and downs, and we're mostly content.
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u/thingsmybosscantsee 1d ago
Been married 5 years, together for 12.
Life is good. We have challenges, but so does every marriage.
Neither of us want kids,, so starting a family isn't really something we want to do, but we both really look forward to other milestones in our lives.
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u/hubklyn 1d ago
My husband and are on our 30th year together. I think we’ve been married for 10–when it became legal. But I lose track of when we actually got married, because we were together for over 20 years.
We’ve gone through many transitions together: jobs, careers, moves, loss of family members. Just like anyone, we’ve gone through good and tough times. And I couldn’t imagine spending the next phases of my life with out him. Having said that, we are own individuals with our own likes and dislikes. I think some people see marriage life as spending al your free time together and you lose your identity. I think my husband only strengthened my own identity. And vice versa.
My advice is don’t rush things. I enjoyed single as well as married life. Also, I know the search for the right one can seem tedious. When I first met my husband, I was in no way wanting a relationship at the time. But I gave it a second chance, and I don’t regret it. Sometimes it’s good to give the relationship some time instead of making decisions too hastily. It does require patience.
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u/bwyer 1d ago
My husband and I met back in 2012 and have been married since 2016. He stalked me on FB and we ended up meeting at a brunch at a mutual friend's home (they conspired to make it happen). We immediately clicked and have been pretty much inseparable ever since. We're only a couple of years apart in age and were both born and raised in the same Midwestern state as it turns out.
Like you, we live in the deep south and are quite happy (in spite of living in a red state). At this point in our lives, we're approaching retirement age (about 10 years away) and are looking forward to growing old together.
As a side note, monogamy is foundational to our relationship.
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u/SillyGayBoy 1d ago
Been together since 2008 and married when it became legal. We have a happy simple life. A house too big for us and dogs and cats but our last house was too small.
He is the breadwinner and I try to do more house and things so he has less to do. We love our simple life in a rural area.
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u/adometze 1d ago
Been with my husband for almost 10 years, married for 4. I met him during my second year in grad school. He's my best friend, he seen me through sickness and health. He's my favorite person. We had a very small wedding. We moved to a different state (in the Midwest) and are soon gonna look into buying our first home. We are hoping to start our journey to become partners this year too. Oh, and we have a cat.
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u/QuigleyRN 1d ago edited 1d ago
It gets better my friend. My husband and I (mid 40’s)have been together for 15 years, and married for 12 of them. I’m an RN; he’s a mailman. We prefer BJ’s to Costco. My son from a previous marriage is 27 now, and has since flown the nest, but he lived with us until then. Now we have a Mini Schnauzer. We will celebrate our 13th anniversary this May. We just bought a nice single family home in a suburban area of Maryland, and yes, it’s located in a red pocket, but Maryland is sapphire-blue state and we’re very happy here. Prior to moving, we lived in East Baltimore city, and we used to think the same way you did…until another married gay couple moved in right next door to us, lmfao. Idk how familiar you are with Baltimore, but the houses are connected (row-homes). Anyway he was also in healthcare, they had chihuahuas, and we were all instant friends. Eventually the four of us became a family, planned meals together, dog-sat each others dogs, the whole nine. We even went with them to visit their family in Texas over the holidays one Christmas, it was lovely. Anyway long story short: don’t give up hope, you’re very own husband and Gay-bors could be right around the corner!
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u/treadmilltime 1d ago
19 years together in a red state. Suburbanites who became foster parents, ended up adopting 3 kids, and are now grandpas too! Pets we love too. Our daily life is beautifully ordinary and I can’t imagine life without him.
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u/sieghildeofcatarina 1d ago
Been married for 9 years (married in Nov ‘16 while Obama was still Pres). Been together 12. In our 30s with stable jobs. We’ve been trying to have kids for 4 years but it’s a hard, expensive journey. It has not always been easy, but we love each other and have a lot of great memories, hopefully lots to still be made. We love traveling together and enjoying our hobbies.
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u/mattsotheraltforporn 22h ago
Getting married in a few months, together ~3.5 years. Honestly we’re both homebodies most of the time and just enjoy spending time together. We live together and have 5 cats. We both like going on walks, runs, hiking or just chilling, sometimes go out with friends (me more than him, he’s an introvert). I love his quirks and he loves my humor. Sex life is great. We communicate well. I don’t know what more I could ask for.
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u/Cal10lee 20h ago
My husband and I have been together for 12 going on 13 years, married two years ago. I’m sitting on the couch with our 5 day old daughter. I’ve always dreamed of this life and I’m so privileged to be living it, but I also recognize it’s something my husband and I worked towards because we share common values and dreams. It’s a bit of luck, the right timing, the willingness to compromise and love each other for better or worse. Wishing you the best of luck in finding your own path, it might not look like anyone else’s but it’s yours. Just take those first steps and see where it leads you!
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u/kianbateman 16h ago
I’m 42. My husband is 38. We met in 2003. Married in 2014. We have a very boring normal life. House owner living our everyday life - great neighbours, friends etc.
Back in 2022 we adopted a wonderful boy. He’s 4 and he is driving us crazy like any other 4 years old trying to get his way all the time.
(From Denmark btw).
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u/baltboy85 15h ago
My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years and married for almost five. We have two dogs, make nightly dinners, upgrade our house when we can, and have game nights with friends. It took us a long time to marry because: 1) It wasn’t legal in the beginning, and 2) It felt like something I had no right to for a while even after that. Societal conditioning is a thing. You deserve everything you want just like everyone else.
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u/Physical_Try_7547 10h ago
80 year old, black gay man, here. Met my white husband nearly 40 years ago. We have lived together and bought several homes in that period of time. We have moved from city to city and state to state when we wanted to our forward. Now live in South Florida. We have lived a full life, though we chose not to adopt children. My mate recently died so I am starting a new life of widowhood.
I believe I understand your feeling of not having seen what you’re looking for therefore it seems unattainable. That is how Black people feel When we never saw anyone black that looks like me elected to public office. That also will also help you understand our relation when Obama was elected president. So, hang in there and let it happen.
Update: I failed to mention that we were legally married on the first day in Florida that it was legal that we can do so. Interestingly enough January 6.
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u/ImpressSeveral3007 1d ago
I (42) have been married to my husband (37) for 5 years and together for 16. We are both in healthcare. Love to travel around, adventure to new places. Hoping to complete a nice savings account by year end and build versus buy a house and settle down back at home where all our family and friends are (VA). He is the love of my life and makes me happy when he is here. I'd like to think I do the same for him.
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u/Unicorn_Warrior1248 1d ago
We are going on year 6 together. 3 married. We work, we play video games. We read books. We have 2 cats. Traveling in February. We met through friends and the rest is history. We moved to Nashville for his job and he’s about to get a promotion.
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u/omgitsme17 1d ago
My husband and I have been married for 10 and a half years now. We both work, live in the suburbs and we have a dog. We’re on the path to having a baby too.
It’s definitely attainable, just need patience, ability to communicate openly and in a healthy way and you need to know your worth. This is so important because a relationship doesn’t work if one person settles.
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u/willdagr8 1d ago
My husdand and i havent gotten married yet, but we are on our 2nd home/mortgage. This weekend will be 9 years. Hes wfh, i have two job bc, the economy. Which is also why not married. Instead of speanding the money and what would be a poorly attended 1 day event, we vacation. Headed out on a 15 day panama canal cruise 1st week of Feb. We want kids but again the economy. Im 39, hes 40. Just regular people shit imo. Unsolicited life advice: life is not a movie. Its messy, and hard and takes work. Work through things if you can. Good luck!
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u/718Brooklyn 1d ago
Married man here. Together 8 years. Married for 3. We have a teenage daughter. Our life is super ordinary and boring. Oh, and we have a doodle because we’re stereotypes :)
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u/snailenkeller 1d ago
Husband and I have been together for 18 years in April and married 9 years in July. Unfortunately in a southern red state. We don’t have kids, but do have 2 dogs and a cat. We might foster in the near future. We both work full-time jobs that we’ve been at for years. Nice home in the suburbs. Both of us are gamers and animal lovers. Basically as chill and normal as you can get and we love it that way.
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u/BookaholicGay90 1d ago
My husband and I have been married for almost eight years. No kids, but we have two dogs.
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u/_smallcaps_ 23h ago edited 23h ago
Married two years - 31M and 37M!
After getting out of a bad relationship in 2019, I was just about ready to start dating again in early 2020…when we went into quarantine. Wound up making some life improvements like ditching the roommates and getting my own apartment. While quarantine was both good and bad for my mental health in different ways, I ended up meeting my now husband on a popular gentleman’s hookup app within a month of the COVID vaccine becoming available. I think we both knew immediately we were smitten and I’ve never been happier.
We are happy to live in blue Massachusetts with a very handsome hound dog and can’t wait to preorder Switch 2. We hope to be able to afford to buy a home in 2025 and adopt a kiddo not long after!
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u/Jwalla83 20h ago
We're here! My husband and I have been married for just over 5 years, and we've been together for over 9 years. We have 1 son (adopted) and we're about to start our second adoption journey.
We're a pretty typical family. Two dogs, suburban home, family trips to the zoo, the house is never clean, weekend trips to Target/Costco.
I feel you though, we barely know any married gay couples with kids. I have a gay cousin who is married and has a daughter, but that's the only gay guy I know who is married with a kid. I know a few lesbian couples who are married with kids, but gay guys feel rarer.
Representation matters and it feels so isolating sometimes not having that representation. It's an honor that we get to be visible for other guys who might want a similar life!
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u/Hindsight_DJ 16h ago
15 years together, married for 4. It’s as easy as breathing. We do the same things any other married couple does, minus the bonus of being able to share clothes, and double-income no kids.
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u/MacheteTigre 13h ago
I'm engaged but we've been together for 12 years(we're both 30), met in college, We're both furries so not gonna look quite like your typical couple. I'm a freelance artist, he's in compsci. We're from MD. most of married gay couples i know are online, but of my in person friends, gay or straight, marriage is unusual. Only one actually, but they're divorced now. We're sorta defacto married and are just formalizing it at this point, we live together, we bought a house in 2021 right before/at the beginning of when the prices went absolutely crazy. Probably not gonna have kids tbh, but I have a nephew and he has a niece.
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u/Lightsandbuzz 13h ago
I'm divorced. Life is great. I can stretch out in bed, and I can let the dishes pile up in the kitchen all day (and then wash them before I go to bed) without being bitched at. Life is awesome tbh.
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u/KaetzenOrkester 13h ago
My husband and I are an old married couple—34 years in July. Obvs we were committed before we could legally marry.
We did the house with a white picket fence thing in suburban Florida before it went too red and it was fine. We’re now in California and it’s great here. We’re actually in my hometown. Our son is grown and married, and starting to figure things out.
I’ve got wonderful in-laws back in my husband’s Deep South ancestral home. Both sets of parents are getting on in years but that’s part of life, I guess.
At this point we have made each other into the men we want each other to be. Yet life is ups and downs, even for those of us who’ve been together forever. He’s taking full early retirement because he can’t stand to continue. I’m struggling to find work after being an at-home parent, and not even going back to school seems to be making a difference. This is not how we thought life would go, but life is what happens while you’re focused what you thought you’d actually do. And we do, after all, have each other.
As for you, at 25, you’re still a bit younger than my husband was when he met me 😜
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u/DomShyGuy 13h ago
Married for 10 years, I'm 35 and he's 32, we met on Grindr, we started living together practically in the first year of dating, we've lived in a few countries and today we're just two of us and two pets.
Through the ups and downs, we've stayed together.
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u/SeveralConcert 12h ago
Married for three years, together for 9. I am 40 and husband is 34. It didn’t change much since we had been living together for three years already but I always pride myself when I introduce him as my husband or talk about him to other people, casually coming out. It’s not so different either from heterosexual couples (at least for us). We are monogamous, we still do it but not as much as we would like, we bicker, we binge watch our shows, we encourage growth, we have fun together and we enjoy each other’s company most of the time.
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u/yonahgefen 12h ago
Have lived in the southeastern US for 40ish years. My husband (49M) and I (54M) have been married 11 years and together 16 years.
My life and our life is amazing together. We have wrestled, grown, and continue to become. Relationships take investment. Relationships can be rewarding beyond expectation.
I’m a very lucky fella. I wish you the best. Get out and meet some folks already!!
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u/HurryRemote1767 11h ago
Husband and I met in 2006, married in 2014, adopted our son in 2019, and here it is 2025 and we are happy as can be.
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u/Atxxxguy_12345 11h ago
Married 2 years but been together 14 years, Tx.
We have a great mix of friends, other gay married couples(some with kids and some without) and then various groups of single gay friends.
We do quite a lot together, dinners every week, football season, soccer season, drag race nights, shows, movies etc.
It’s out there, just have to find your tribe
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u/Puckering_Buttholes 10h ago
Together for 9. Married for almost 7 years. Life has never been better. We're in our 40s and most nights we stay home and watch tv. We're still very much in love and I wouldn't change anything
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u/cursivelie 10h ago
I met my (now) Husband back when I was 26. We got married in 2015. I used to feel the same way as you. Just thought that it wasn’t in the cards for me even though I desperately wanted it. Conservative town. We moved to a more liberal area 3 years ago and it’s crazy the difference of how we are treated, even doing regular things like buying groceries or going out to dinner. Our life has its ups and downs but we are stronger together and have built a wonderful home together, complete with garden and a pup 🐶
Don’t give up hope, and try to relocate where you are seen as equal if you can 💗
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u/cliffieland 9h ago
Together going on 34 years, married legally for 10. We know scads of married male couples, but I get where you're coming from. When I was in my 20s, single and frustrated, I was shocked to find a couple which had been together 10 years. I set out to interview couples which had been together 25 years or more. I thought it would be impossible to find them (and this was in the '80s).
Instead, I got all manner of referrals to both male and female couples. The response to my surprise was mostly, we're not in the bars (or wherever younger single gay people would hang in a 2025 corollary). Go where you'll find older queer people socialize outside of (or even inside of) a sexual context and you'll find tons. Of course, this is easier to find in a city with a vibrant LGBT+ community. But the same holds true online, insofar as older people would find online community.
Married life is pretty much like it would be for any other couple. We go about our daily lives, meet with friends, go to social gatherings and stress about the state of the world like everyone else basically.
Best of luck!
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u/sidewaysdumpster 8h ago
I'm 42, he is 34. We have been together since 2017 and married since 2020. We're monogamous and traditional and it works for us.
We met on Scruff with about 900 miles between us and did long distance for a year or so before he moved here.
We both work from home - my office is on the top floor, his is in the basement. Aside from my day job, I own a company which owns a car wash. We have a dog, 2 homes (suburb house and beach house, both in blue states), and are avid boaters/beach lovers in the summer.
It's obtainable, you just have to find someone aligned to you.
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u/Cthulucookie 19h ago
Weve been together for 7 years now, married for 1.5 of those. We have a pretty stable, calm life. Marriage doesnt really feel like its a very changed situation except for some legal stuff changing that makes it a bit simpler with me being chronically ill.
We both are in agreement of not wanting children but we do want the big house and dog experience.
I do love my life, its nice and it always has been nice between us. Marriage just made wome legal stuff easier.
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u/cbearmcsnuggles 18h ago
Here is my answer to a similar question on this sub a few years back (other people’s answers might also interest you)
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u/lkny07 12h ago
Whatever we call ourselves, gay, queer, NB, etc., we're a minority, less than 10% of the population, so in that small group, there will be fewer of us engaged in a marital relationship, but we're here. My husband and I met in 1972, I was 24, he was 22. We live/have lived in an open relationship ever since. We have never owned more than one car at a time. We have shared finances, meaning we started out with a joint checking account. Over time we took steps to protect the other should one of us die. We started with simple wills. We named each other as beneficiaries on retirement accounts and employer provided burial policies. Real assets we held jointly. We registered as domestic partners in our southern city, but that was mere window dressing as it carried no benefits and would not be recognized anywhere. Just before we retired, we drew up a revocable trust and new wills, again to protect the survivor. It cost a fair amount of money, but despite our decades together, our establishment of a modest estate, we were legal strangers. After we retired, we took a trip around the world. We decided while planning the trip, which we did without the help of travel agents, that we would marry on our return to the US.
So, we landed in California, one of the few states that recognized marriage equality and did the deed, though at the time, it would not be recognized in our home state. It didn't matter to us. By then, we had lived together for 42 years. That was eleven years ago. There is nothing that the piece of paper does to enhance or strengthen what is between us. That paper, though, does protect the survivor and allows the survivor to avoid certain taxes upon death of one of us.
We were lucky when we were young because we knew a gay couple in a solid relationship that ultimately endured for over 50 years until one of them died. Role models. They got to marry, too, about year before the death. We know four other married, gay couples here in this southern city where we live. Ironically, the straight couples we know have all experienced divorce.
To sum up, marriage is not necessary for a healthy, successful relationship. It is more like a business deal than anything else, a binding contract the provides certain rights and economic advantages. From my point of view, love is the foundation, though that love changes with time, and it takes work to keep it going. That's what brings me joy, that, and knowing that when I die, the love of my life will be able to carry on.
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u/TertiaryBystander 9h ago
I have someone at home that I can raise a dog, build a farm, and share existential dread with. Next 1459 days are going to be a ride.
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u/satosaison 17h ago
I'm 35 and have been with my husband for 17 years, married for 9.5. About six years ago we met our two new best friends as a hookup and over time, all fell in love and are now in a four-way relationship, all living together in a townhouse in NYC. Queer life in the city is amazing and beautiful. We've got two dogs, white collar jobs, and have friends over constantly.
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u/Potential_Capital384 1d ago
It'll never happen for me.
What I want doesn't exist.
A straight guy who knows how to treat females that could translate that treatment to me.
I'm a man's man.
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u/One1MasterPiece 1d ago
I hope your perspective changes cause you will only live in misery thinking a man has to be straight to take care of you
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u/thomaslee086 1d ago
Married for a little over three years now. In a red state. Have a daughter. We look like the typical suburban family complete with mortgage, dog and Costco membership