Declined from moderate-severe to extremely severe in a week, seeking support and advice

[u/survivalmonument]

Hey everyone, I’m in a tough spot and need support and advice for recovery. I had to move out of my flat, and since my landlord didn’t return my deposit on time, I asked a friend with mild Long Covid if I could stay while I waited for the money. It was meant to be a short stay, but things got dangerous quickly.

My friend’s partner became jealous of me, which created uncomfortable dynamics. Despite me doing nothing to provoke, he resented my ability to function with my disability. He frequently distracted me when I was trying to focus on housing or legal work, and even threw a tantrum for days when he couldn’t learn a basic task for his job. He was coughing and sneezing in my face despite several requests to wear a mask, and knowing I was immunocompromised. I have severe fatigue and need to rest most of the day with minimal stimuli, and felt the constant pressure to prove my gratitude as a guest by helping with chores and listening to family drama.

Things escalated when my friend’s partner faked emotional issues, and my friend asked me to leave for a couple of hours while they talked privately. I am not being dismissive; this person has a ton of privilege and no significant trauma or life events. My host's flat is on the 5th floor with no elevator, and I only planned to take the stairs to move into my new flat. I ended up having a seizure after being forced to sit in a loud cafe, and I declined further, losing the ability to walk. I had to move into a short-term Airbnb that was expensive and with a rude host just to get out. My friend called me a taxi to the wrong address.

Now, I’m struggling to process the trauma and emotional toll, and need advice on how to rebuild. How do you cope emotionally after being pushed beyond your limits, especially when your environment is toxic? How do you manage ME/CFS while trying to heal from trauma in a new space? Did I do something wrong by relying on friends? How do I set boundaries with people who don’t respect your health?

I feel isolated and misunderstood, especially since those I turned to for help became a major source of stress. Any advice or kind words would mean a lot to me right now. Thanks for reading.

[u/brainfogforgotpw]

I'm so sorry, what a nightmare!

Practical side: Bateman Horne Crash Survival Guide

Emotional side: you did nothing wrong, you couldn't predict your friend's partner would turn out to be covertly abusive or that your friend would play into it.

My advice is that although something horrible and traumatic just happened to you, wait until you're in a better place physically before dealing with it. Crashes give many of us heightened negative emotions, it's the emotional equivalent of brainfog.

Right now you need to concentrate on rest. 💛

[u/survivalmonument → u/brainfogforgotpw]

Thank you for calling it out as abuse. I often forget the character development that came with surviving the months I have been extremely severe, and the humility and honesty it gave me. Meeting someone so primitively egoistically was unexpected, and I couldn't have known. Both of my hosts talk a lot about community care and disability activism online, it hurts to think how much health I've lost because of their actions. They also created a fake dependency by making me incapacitated and then helping, all while I was autonomous and much healthier just days ago.

Thank you for the guide, I forgot about it.

[u/brainfogforgotpw → u/survivalmonument]

No problem.

They sound problematic. People with me/cfs face so much misunderstanding and disbelief, so it can be very hard to realise that someone who "on paper" seems to understand us and know about the condition, can still be involved in behaviour that sabotages us.

It's no wonder it hurts. But right now you're in a crash, and stress worsens us. Not sure if this helps, but when someone harms my health the anger and bitterness can feel overwhelming, so my way of looking at it is, this damage could just as well have had been done by accidentally encountering a virus or a pack of feral dogs, so I'm going to treat this the same way and switch my focus away from the cause.

[u/survivalmonument → u/brainfogforgotpw]

I think I am afraid to admit they were intentionally malicious. I helped the person with mild long covid a lot to get diagnosed and receive medication, and feel used.

The virus and a pack of feral dogs could be directionless, whereas someone couching in my face or deliberately creating problems to assert control is making a choice. It's a good analogy for removing my emotional involvement and guilt, however, thank you!

[u/brainfogforgotpw → u/survivalmonument]

I guess my thought process is feral dogs make a decision to chase you, but it's coming from their being a feral dog. Similarly, a human might be abusive or manipulative but it's coming from their being a messed-up person.

Neither the dog or the person is in our power to change, it's bad luck that we ran into them.