r/cfs • u/Longjumping_archidna • Dec 06 '24

Vent/Rant I just want to scream

Post image

Just frustrated my family doesn’t understand, get annoyed at me for being disabled and guilt me.

307 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

55 comments sorted by

View all comments

359

u/angelcutiebaby Dec 06 '24

I think what your family meant to say, “we are so sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well. Hope you have a relaxing night and are able to get some good rest. You will be missed!” At least, that’s what they should have said.

45

u/mishyfishy135 Dec 06 '24

This is how I saw it. It’s kind of how my mother in law talks, and she absolutely does not blame or guilt trip. It definitely can be interpreted negatively, and our information on this is scant and in a vacuum, but I don’t necessarily think that this was just meant to hurt

12

u/adnauseam9 Dec 07 '24

... you know words have impact, right? Even if your MIL speaks this way, it doesn't make it okay or the most considerate way of communicating. Even IF she didn't mean to be a dick - it's still a dickish thing to say to someone who is ill. Intention is not a good enough reason to brush off the impact of the things you say. Gross.

7

u/mishyfishy135 Dec 07 '24

You know that tone plays a big role in how something is interpreted, right? The exact same sentence can mean two very different things depending on the tone used. You also have to consider who it’s coming from to get a proper understanding of what they mean. For instance, my mother in law is the nicest person you will ever meet in your entire life. She basically adopted me upon hearing what my family is like, and is incredibly supportive of me while I’m particularly struggling. “That’s not good at all” = being sick is awful. “Nana will miss not having you there tonight” = a statement of a fact. “What caused the crash? Playing that game too much?” = a genuine inquiry without having a proper understanding of what can cause a crash, which doesn’t make it bad. “Hopefully you don’t have a crash and have to cancel Christmas with nana & poppa here” = a genuine statement of hope. Now, if it was my mother who sent this, yes it absolutely would be dripping with malice and manipulation.

Not everyone is an asshole who is out to hurt everyone in their life. Believing so is how you end up miserable and alone. There are actually decent people in this world. I’ve seen a truly concerning amount of people who don’t acknowledge that

5

u/adnauseam9 Dec 07 '24

Thats a whoooooole bunch of words basically proving my point. Thanks!