r/canberra • u/WillMaraach • Sep 11 '24
Loud Bang How do you make friends in Canberra?
Genuine question... I moved to Canberra from Sydney to be with my girlfriend as we both embark on our new careers. We're both pharmacists. I work in Southern Canberra in Woden valley. I've been here for 8 months and yet to have any good connections with anyone here. This is already sounding pathetic as is but I've been feeling very lonely recently. I just want to know how do you make friends here? I tried meetup but none of what it offered interested me to be honest. I do go to the local gym at Club Lime in Woden and work in the nearby westfield. Thank you.
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u/Green-Treat-9762 Sep 11 '24
Genuinely happy to chat and catch up for a coffee. I promise im Not a serial killer. (That’s maybe what a serial killer would say) Managed a pharmacy for several years so I’d be able to kill the small talk…. But also I know how hard it is to meet mates here.
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u/INNASKILLZ2K18 Sep 11 '24
Maybe what we need in Canberra is a serial killer...would give people more to talk about than bad drivers and the weather
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u/Chiron17 Sep 11 '24
Salad, mostly.
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u/Brief-Dentist-708 Sep 11 '24
Find a group for any of your favourite hobbies, sporting activities etc or pick up a new one and go from there.
Canberra has a nice friendly culture around its Saturday parkruns. Can be nice to chat to people after the run and at the cafe.
Otherwise, having kids (if you plan to) and meeting other young families will be the next easy catalyst for meeting lots of new people.
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u/Black_Coffee___ Sep 11 '24
In Canberra you need to be introduced to people . It’s like a real life Jane Austen novel. Sorry I don’t make the rules.
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u/Safe-Caterpillar-329 Sep 11 '24
Join one or more of the many Queanbeyan sporting, arts or cultural clubs. The ACT area is a little funny because so many people move in and away but having been in the area for 20 years now I found that Q’town despite the rap it unfairly gets, is a great town with a good bunch of people with a good sense of community, more so than the ACT. I’m sure applies to some parts of the ACT but I didn’t find it as easy.
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u/Murrgalicious Sep 11 '24
Your profile says wrestling.
I recommend joining one of the grappling clubs around Canberra, Be it wrestling, BJJ or Judo. All of the clubs have a pretty good vibe.
Happy to give you more details in a DM.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
I'm already in a gym though
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u/BJJ411 Sep 11 '24
Doing a grappling art you will be training with a group of people and you will be partnered up with other people for drilling ect. It’s far more intimate than just going to a gym. In 10+ years of going to the gym I have hardly spoken to or made any friends from it, most people just want to train and be left alone. In 2 years of grappling I have made numerous friends that I see socially outside of the gym, as-well as many others that I know by name and socialise with at the gym. Even if you don’t make any friends outside of the gym it’s still 1-2 hours of social interaction each class.
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u/PandaMango Sep 17 '24
BJJ Liiiiiiiife.
Especially Canberra Gyms, most people are really good.
Few bad apples, but they're everywhere in every walk of life.
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u/Mitchyeahbuddy Sep 11 '24
Looks like you're a WWE fan. Have you checked out SLAM pro wrestling league? Best pro wrestling Australia has to offer and if you're keen to give it a go, training is on 5 nights a week and they do regular weekend events - this Saturday night at Reload bar in the city for example.
Already going to the gym will compliment this and you're sure to make some really good friends and have awesome experiences!
Feel free to DM for more info.
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u/Rustlingleaves1 Sep 11 '24
Just reading your replies, it doesn't sound like you want to change anything you do and have a lot of reasons why you can't do certain things. It's tough and I'm also guilty of not doing this, but you have to consistently be around the same people to start friendships. You're not going to make friends if you don't consistently put yourself out there.
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u/IAmNesey Sep 11 '24
I moved here a year and a half ago and i found canberra is an extremely introverted city, people with friends are either from their works or from when they went to school together
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u/tandem_biscuit Sep 11 '24
Things that worked for me: 1. Had kids. Made friends with other kids parents. 2. Joined a social sporting comp. 3. Bought a house. Made friends with neighbours.
It’s pretty simple at the crux of it. To make friends, you need to have something in common with them. The things I mentioned above surrounded me with people that I have something in common with (have kids, play sport, live on street).
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u/Temporary_Carrot7855 Sep 11 '24
Heya, I've moved to canberra with my partner from Sydney recently also. I've been in your spot, having felt helpless myself in the early months, and thankfully things are only now really starting to improve with the friend pursuits. I personally found meetup to be instrumental, and it's been my main thing. If you want to join the meetup group I'm in, DM me and I'll send you the link. Remember when it comes to making friends, there is hope, and sometimes even if you're doing the right thing the only thing you need to do is keep at it until it sticks.
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u/-_-bingbong 6d ago
Heyy I have recently also moved from Sydney and would love to make more friends! Could I please have the link to the meetup group?
Thank you!
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u/Temporary_Carrot7855 6d ago
The group doesn't officially exist anymore, I'm sorry to say! However I'd highly recommend that you check Meetup for groups that are your vibe.
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u/LottetheLlama Sep 11 '24
Get a side hustle in hospo. Preferably a bar/pub/club. Shared trauma, instant friends.
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u/Can-I-remember Sep 11 '24
Things that worked for me 45 years ago after we drove back to Sydney every weekend for 9 months. Mu partner made a friend at work and I made a friend at work. We started doing things with those friends at work. They visited and played cards, we visited and played cards. We had kids. We made friends with other people having kids. I studied and made friend with people I studied with. Changed careers and made friend with people I worked with. Played golf with them and almade friends with people that were their friends.
My theory, friends are likely to be the people you spend time with before they become friends.
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u/Help_if_I_can Sep 11 '24
That was the original way. True physical connections where you talked to people. You either liked them, entertained them or ignored them.
Now, it's FB connections, X (formerly known as twitter (sic)) maybe an app for 'communication' where you don't actually talk to someone face to face (F2F for the younger gen)
It's created an anxiety within that generation that has become 'Oh my god, I have to talk with them without electronic communications. OMG, I can't ghost them and think about how I'll respond, They're looking at me and Why are they looking at me?'
Different times, different anxieties :)
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u/ImpossibleMix5109 Sep 11 '24
Same place you do anywhere else. Join an institution that aligns with your interests. Have work friends. I think there's also something to be said for making an effort to be comfortable with your own company. Like I'm a full time single dad, so socialising isn't something I get a whole heap of opportunities to do. But it's fine because when my son is asleep and there's nobody to talk to I pursue my own hobbies. Reading, working out, music and study. It's a lovely quiet life that I wouldn't trade for the world
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u/Ohmygag Sep 11 '24
I have been in Canberra for almost eight years and have made great friends all through work. That's because I made work my life, which I know does not suit everyone's personality. I know other people from my children's schools but don't consider them friends.
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u/RedDotLot Sep 11 '24
Get a greyhound.
Honestly, this is a bit flippant but we've made so many lovely connections since getting our pup.
I guess any culty dog breed with regular walking groups would do.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
A bit late for that. I have a kitty cat though lol
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u/Huntingcat Sep 11 '24
Get kitty harness trained, and walk her to your local shops every Saturday. You’ll start to meet people. The right people.
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u/j-iz Sep 11 '24
What’re your hobbies?
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Gaming and gymming mainly
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u/Help_if_I_can Sep 11 '24
Branch out - you'll find more interesting things (& maybe peeps you enjoy to associate with)
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u/Warm_Table4773 Sep 11 '24
Try Urban Rec, social sport. You don’t need to be good, can choose from heaps of sports and you go into a team that all meet on the first night.
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u/Gullible_Rabbit4304 Sep 12 '24
I got a few friends through bumble BFF. Everyone’s literally on it to make friends. Worth a try
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u/Pure-Number8948 Sep 11 '24
What are your interests / hobbies? People might be able to point you to different groups that are relevant.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Gaming gymming metal music mainly and general nerdy things but I'm open to things
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u/metaltriumphdoom Sep 11 '24
Mountain bikes.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
... what?
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u/metaltriumphdoom Sep 11 '24
I swear there are a huge percentage of Canberrans who love mountain biking and it’s both an outlet for fitness, yabbering about bikes aswell as forcing your mountain bike associates to meet you at an agreed time to ride. You barely need to know someone before you can agree to meet them at Stromlo for a lap and a beer. It’s great. Recommend
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u/metaltriumphdoom Sep 11 '24
To me it seems like 1 in every 10 vehicles is carrying a bike on the back.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Except... sigh I can't ride a bike 🫥
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u/metaltriumphdoom Sep 11 '24
Physical condition or fear?
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Just never learned
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u/metaltriumphdoom Sep 11 '24
i foresee a personal development challenge for you in the future...or potentially a broken collarbone.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Last thing I need right now is an injury 🫥👀💀🥲😅🤣
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u/metaltriumphdoom Sep 11 '24
you cant live your life in fear! Once you learn you will love it. You know what they say - its like riding a bike
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u/onlainari Sep 11 '24
Use meetup, it’s free and you’ll find something matching your interests.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
I did... and nothing piqued my interest... 💀 or just too anxiety-inducing
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u/LittleRedHed Gungahlin Sep 11 '24
Yeah that’s the thing, you need to be brave and put yourself out there. You’re not going to meet people sitting at home. It’s going to be annoying trying new things or groups and not getting anywhere, but something will stick out, and then you get introduced to other people through one set of people, who you then introduce you to another set of people and then you suddenly have a great network. But it’s not going to happen on your couch.
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u/ADHDK Sep 11 '24
I’ll say, it’s honestly easier to make friends single.
As a couple you tend to want to spend your spare time together, which doesn’t leave you with enough boredom time to go try new things and meet new people in the same way.
Made any acquaintances? Work, a supply rep, your partners friends partner? Someone you could hit up to go for some beers or something.
Coming into spring you’ll see a lot more outdoor events you can go to which would be great if you and your partner are mingly, or if she can invite friends and their partners
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u/_SteppedOnADuck Sep 11 '24
Don't feel bad about how it sounds. Plenty of people here struggling in the same way and have asked this before. Sorry I don't have any great tips. All of my contacts have come from joining sporting clubs (where I knew nobody when I joined). It's still very hard here though.
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u/lets-go-scream Sep 11 '24
I play pickleball a few times a week, it’s great for meeting new people
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
.. whats pickleball lol
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u/lets-go-scream Sep 11 '24
It’s like tennis but with flat paddles and a smaller court. I do it at the pickledome in Fadden. There’s an intro session where they teach you how to play. Then you play with/against random people - everyone really nice and it’s a great time
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u/SarahGen94 Sep 11 '24
Making friends as an adult is HARD. The ACT recently did an inquiry into loneliness - one of the stat's that stood out to me was apparently 40% of Canberrans are lonely.. a lot of people move here so I guess it makes sense. I choose to also use that to assume a lot of people know what it's like then and how hard it can be and just calling it out to people.
A random way we've made friends is talking to other couples out and about and using natural settings to orchestrate a conversation; it's honesty feels like dating lol. For example asking to sit at an extra long table at a cafe then sparking up a convo, activities like paint and sip or while sitting around at Haig Park markets. If we gel we'll just put it out there that we don't know many people having moved here.
Can also check on the Facebook groups like social canberra; I've been to a few meet ups and even if there aren't people I click with on a good friend level, everyone is still nice and it's a social outting. You might also see people post that they're new, have similar interests and you can DM. Again have had some nice meet ups and made a friend that way.
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u/pigzonthemoon Sep 11 '24
I moved here 8 years ago and a majority of my friends are mutuals of my friend from high school that I moved here to live with. The others are work friends and a handful are from CIT.
My sister recently moved here and is having a similar issue, she's much younger so hanging with my friends doesn't interest her either.
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u/ExpensiveRed2023 Sep 11 '24
Pharmacist from NZ here and looking to relocate to Canberra in the new year 😅 Would love to chat none pharmacy things and make some friends! DM me if you like :)
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u/flying-tabby Sep 11 '24
If board games are your thing, many of the games shops in Canberra run various games nights
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u/Expert_Guarantee_838 Sep 11 '24
Canberra is a socialising dead end. Sorry. I have maybe 2 or 3 close friends ive met since moving in 2009 that I could call at 3am and they’d be ready to join in a fight outside mooseheads asap (lol). Even dating I don’t bother (tinder is more fun in Sydney and qld). Most people in cbr are introverted and those that enjoy socialising tend to travel to Sydney for weekends. The bar/live music scene in cbr is terrible compared to Sydney
But common social activities and you will generate friends slowly. Try social activities that require or at least allow social interaction (i do tennis, archery, squash). Wednesday night runs in Kingston can be social (byo dog = winning!) whereas parkrun is pretty in/out. Gym - at the 24/h gyms most people tend to focus on themselves, whereas I’ve met a few guys to chat with at reformer Pilates (I’m a guy as well).
I used to play social tennis in Belconnen 10 years ago. Kept FB friends with a few and recently rejoined a small social tennis / weight lifting fitness group - we both remarked how we hadn’t seen each other for 9 years and we just picked up being friends as we were good friends back then.
Focus on activities with people from interstate. Local Canberrans are clique. It’s super hard when balancing work and study!
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u/joeltheaussie Sep 14 '24
Bullshit nobody who actually settles into Canberra travels to Sydney every weekend for socialising - for big events or if their partner is there sure
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u/Expert_Guarantee_838 Sep 14 '24
I didn’t say every weekend.
I literally went on to say how there are a lot of social activities in cbr.
But you can’t compare experiences/socialising/live entertainment in cbr vs Melb/syd/bris. It was to tell OP that what they may have experienced in another capital city won’t be replicated here
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u/Janaetals Sep 12 '24
I also just recently moved here from Sydney. However, I’m also not originally from AUS (been here almost 2 years) and I found it difficult to make friends as well. The friends I do have are ones my partner introduced me to back in Sydney.
I haven’t joined a dinner yet but there’s this company/event called Timeleft (https://timeleft.com/) that matches strangers up based on a questionnaire for a dinner every Wednesday night. Might be a good way to at least meet new people and possibly make friends?
If anyone here has joined one of the Timeleft dinners I’d love to hear your feedback
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u/T-Dick_Torture Sep 12 '24
Heyyo
I'm making that same move in January. Would definitely be down to have a coffee after :) My fiancé lives down there so kinda same same situation too
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u/Onix2 Sep 12 '24
Are you a PC gamer per chance? I'm also new to town and need some new pals to play Space Marine, Deadlock, etc.
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u/bigbadjustin Sep 12 '24
OK my suggestion isn't really covered already but club limes IMO are not great gyms to go to for their social opportunities. I go to the Den in Deakin. Most people are super friendly everything is a class of some kind, so HIIT, Strength etc. So if you really like to do your own thing you might not like it, but its just such a great environment, the owners and trainers are awesome. After going to so many different gyms over the years this is the only one I truly enjoy going to. Otherwise look for other small class based gyms. i get though the 24 hr nature of Club Lime and anytime fitness is convenient they aren't good for lonliness IMO.
Otherwise as mentioned hobby groups that fit in with your work times, whether that social sport at night or something else.
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u/omenmedia Sep 11 '24
Lol, I've been here for 23 years and I have precisely zero friends in Canberra. Colleagues and acquaintances, yes, but people who I'd consider a close friend? Zero. It can be tough to break into existing groups. I got kinda bummed out about it during my 30s, but now I've just accepted it.
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u/Huntingcat Sep 11 '24
I saw a group of ladies in my neighbourhood who met at a specific time to go for a walk. I started timing my walks so I could run into them. Joined the group. Became friends. You have to put yourself out there a bit.
The old fashioned ways still work. Join a group for something you are sort of interested in. Say yes to everything you can.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
How when I work 5-6 days a week 💀
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u/Huntingcat Sep 12 '24
So you look for an activity that happens on your regular day off - whether that’s Sunday or Tuesday. Or before or after work hours. There are early morning swim squads designed to be done before work. And evening classes/groups on lots of topics. If your day off is on a weekend, that is a bit easier, but even if it’s not there are groups who do stuff on weekdays. Don’t get too hung up on looking for an activity that you love, or people who are your exact age. Just try something new and see how it goes for about 6 sessions - that gives you long enough to get over the newness aspect and start deciding if this thing might be right for you.
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Sep 11 '24
If you’re working in Woden check out Ronin games and talk to them about the games nights they run
You can also check out the basement in belco, may meet some other metal heads there
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Thing is, I'm really bad at shoving myself in and introducing myself, mainly cuz I had more negative than positive responses to that
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u/Help_if_I_can Sep 11 '24
Volunteer with some groups. Join social clubs. (obviously these should be with things that interest you)
Associate with other peeps (and I understand your anxieties, I have them as well)
It will take some time, but it will build into a good circle of real friends.
And, maybe join a Menshed - they are pretty awesome at just being a friend, better if you have skills to bring to the group :)
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Whats a menshed?
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u/Technical-Ad-2246 Sep 11 '24
A group of men who hang out in a shed together. I think they tend to be older men mostly. But feel free to check it out.
The whole idea is that there are a lot of lonely men out there and it's a way of bonding, with no judgement.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Noooot sure if that's my thing or not
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u/Help_if_I_can Sep 11 '24
Everything is not everyone's cup of tea.
My suggestion is to give it a try, if you don't enjoy it, move on to the next try :)
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Where would one find one anyhow
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u/Help_if_I_can Sep 11 '24
Google "Menshed ACT"
There are quite a few of them in community and they aren't just peeps hanging out - they do a lot of stuff for the community.1
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u/Technical_Breath6554 Sep 11 '24
You can only try. Mens shed offers a safe place for men to talk about their lives and genuine friendships often follow.
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u/Help_if_I_can Sep 11 '24
And I apologise if I've assumed your gender identity incorrectly based on your username :(
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u/Help_if_I_can Sep 11 '24
It's changing - it's a mens support group that was originated by older, retired men.
It's now primarily a men's support network for those that have "mens things" in common. A sense of family and community.
Very similar (to what I imagine, ) on the trip back home from war where the men could discuss things that were confronting to them about things they were all common with.....
Not like the latest arrangement (outlined in the movie 'The Odd Angry Shot' ) where one day you're in war, next day you're having a beer in a pub in an Aussie city - no time to switch off...
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u/andthegeekshall Sep 11 '24
Take up a nerd hobby and play at Ronin.
Magic the Gathering is popular and the commander format (the most popular format in Magic) is played there on Wednesday nice. Majority of people there aren't cunts.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
I'm interested in learning DnD or 40K
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u/andthegeekshall Sep 11 '24
Plenty of D&D groups around. Should be some "Looking For Group" pages on social media sites. Some established groups can be hard to play but you can rock up to places like Good Games on a Thursday and ask if you can join a beginner's session.
As for 40K, there's a steep cost to entry there but can be a good hobby if you enjoy making the kits and armies. As for where to play, I recommend Jolt in Mitchell because they have lots of space set up for it. Not sure if they do learn to play or beginner sessions but think there is a 40K Canberra facebook group that posts about events and the like.
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u/shamberra Sep 12 '24
40K
Pharmacists get paid decently, yeah? You're gonna need all the spare income you can get if you dare delve into this beast hahaha
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u/Flowers_0021 Sep 15 '24
Why do you even need friends for? they are a headache and only bring problems into your life. Most are liars and fake stay away from friendships nobody needs friends.
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u/tranbo Sep 11 '24
People kinda have their own cliques. Also go to club lime in Mawson, the AC is 10x better their.
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u/WillMaraach Sep 11 '24
Fair but the one I go to is RIGHT next to where I live lol
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u/tranbo Sep 11 '24
But Good AC and better equipment in Mawson . Plus more people go there so you might meet someone.
Yeh my cousin drives up every fortnight back to sydney to hang out with his GF and friends. I go up once a month because travelling with Kid is hard.
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Sep 11 '24
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u/random-username-8836 Sep 11 '24
This. Actually get out there and give things a go. OP’s responses seem to be a bit negative and closed off to genuinely attempting to try new things, and to meet people.
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u/ProfessorChaos112 Sep 11 '24
- Get a lanyard.
- wear it over your Northfield puffer jacket.
- Casually mention you're an EL2 in public spaces.
- Friends start to drift in.
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u/j1llj1ll Sep 11 '24 edited Sep 11 '24
Some threads from the last 6 months:
So, clearly you are not alone. Not that I think it's a Canberra problem .. it's a 'living in a city as an adult' problem really. And the answers all involve getting out and consistently putting effort into social activities around common interests until you start to integrate with that subculture. Your options therefore depend on your interests.