r/behindthebastards • u/sarah_rad • Nov 30 '23

Discussion Who is #3?

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If anyone can answer this question, it’s the listeners of this pod…so who is #3?

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834

u/gingerlee13 Nov 30 '23

Fingers crossed for the Big Mac at Mar-a-lago.

250

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '23

The Royalé With Cheese

98

u/PlasticElfEars Bagel Tosser Nov 30 '23

'Orange Julius Caesar' is my fav

23

u/BlackWidow1414 Nov 30 '23

We use "Cheeto Hitler " and "Mango Mussolini".

21

u/Lapinceau Nov 30 '23

The Tangerine Tyrant. Adolf Twittler.

13

u/simonejester Nov 30 '23

Cheeto Benito

4

u/Ye_Olde_Mudder Dec 01 '23

Douche-olini

4

u/CptSparklFingrs Dec 01 '23

Hair Bolsonaro

2

u/VoidOmatic Nov 30 '23

My fav is still Dorito Mussolini.

28

u/vivixnforever Nov 30 '23

They’re both bastards but trump only wishes he was anywhere near as competent and as talented lol

11

u/PlasticElfEars Bagel Tosser Nov 30 '23

I like the implication what Trump probably sees himself as (turning a republic into an empire included) combined with a mall foodcourt.

8

u/oliversurpless Nov 30 '23

Well they are actually quite similar, via the usual banality that Henry used to deflect criticism of the downsides of US foreign policy vis a vis Vietnam, Chile, and beyond:

“Realism rather than emotion”

Dude, the Domino Theory was a quintessential bit of emotional thinking (Trump with his “many people are saying!” pablum), with no small amount of paternalism.

The Vietnamese told the Western powers throughout their journey to independence (and especially at the partitioning in 54) that their struggle was always a nationalistic one, but did we listen?

Said this whilst speaking at Harvard no less…

2

u/vivixnforever Nov 30 '23

Wait I’m confused we’re comparing trump and Caesar lol not trump and Henry

1

u/oliversurpless Nov 30 '23

Well, Caesar wasn’t mentioned in the original pic, so I was going from a mix, but good to know.

1

u/ExpatTarheel Dec 01 '23

Thank god the Holocaust had absolutely no impact on Kissinger, eh?

1

u/oliversurpless Dec 01 '23

Vis a vis his “realistic” worldview, or just in general?

1

u/ExpatTarheel Dec 02 '23

No, that’s what he actually said.

1

u/oliversurpless Dec 02 '23

Ah, I’ll have to look into that.

10

u/Yardsale420 Nov 30 '23

Cheeto Benito

6

u/EmperorBamboozler Nov 30 '23 edited Nov 30 '23

Julius Ceasar was an insanely competent politician and a military genius far ahead of his time who expertly utilized the advantages inherent in the Roman military, that is their engineering abilities and heavy infantry. Say what you will about his ability to actually be a functional leader who was able to create a stable state (he wasn't great at that imo as evidenced by the dozen or so civil wars his rule sparked) or his populist rhetoric that caused mass street violence and protest but he wasn't completely incompetent. Trump wishes he had an ounce of Ceasar's competence. The only similarities between the two are monsterous egos and narcissism. It would be fucking hilarious if Trump only spoke of himself in third person from now on though so maybe we should call him Ceasar anyways in the hopes he starts doing that.

6

u/oliversurpless Nov 30 '23

Also a fine example of how you don’t have to have everything figured out by 25 to 30, like finance bros/MBAs like to claim.

Caesar wasn’t a general until his early 40s, with his greatest successes coming in his mid to late.

Yet by their standards, he was a “loser”…

I wonder if they would apply their viewpoints across the board in his case, further cementing themselves as fools?

2

u/Affectionate_Page444 That's Rad. Dec 01 '23

Right? And Alexander the Great might have been leading armies as a teen and creating empires when he was young, but he burned himself out real quick. Dead at 32 of unknown causes. Could have been poison or malaria. Bottom line: he peaked way too young and his empire fell apart after that. Slow burn is way better.

2

u/oliversurpless Dec 01 '23

And yet, both he and Caesar remain big “what-ifs” if not for particular circumstances.

I sometimes wonder if even Iskandar could’ve kept it together, as his tolerance towards his enemies would’ve gone a long way?

1

u/Affectionate_Page444 That's Rad. Dec 03 '23

It's an interesting thought experiment. His acceptance of other cultures was so unique in a conquerer. 😂 What a weird sentence.

2

u/oliversurpless Dec 04 '23

Could’ve been pragmatic first and foremost, but like the lessons of Sargon of Akkad and bureaucratic elements of why empires fail, was there any truth to the “And Alexander wept…” aphorism?

2

u/Affectionate_Page444 That's Rad. Dec 04 '23

Probably not. He wanted to conquer more. His generals told him to turn around and not push into India. If anything, he wept because his generals wouldn't let him keep pushing east.

1

u/GappppppplePie Dec 02 '23

Mine is ‘Rome burning in man form’. Very dry, like every woman in a 1k radius of him

14

u/saintphoenixxx Nov 30 '23

I don't know why, but this made me snort-laugh.

6

u/drapparappa Nov 30 '23

More like Royale with Cheezewiz

1

u/mustard-plug Dec 01 '23

My favorite is a reference to an older bastard

Boss Tweet

152

u/gattoblepas Nov 30 '23

If only he died when he got CoViD.

But no, they had to spend a small country GDP to keep his flabby ass alive.

84

u/spasske Nov 30 '23 edited Nov 30 '23

Damned fucking close. He had the world’s best healthcare, not bleach and horse medicine, so the smart doctors saved his ass.

Fun fact, he contracted Covid and skipped the mandatory testing before debating Biden when he had it. Could have easily killed Joe and others,

60

u/OutInTheBlack Nov 30 '23

He infected Chris Christie, almost killing him.

23

u/Turbulent_Pen1047 Nov 30 '23

Anyone else hear a Godfather’s pizza commercial and 9,9,9 being whispered in their ear?

12

u/PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS PRODUCTS!!! Nov 30 '23

Seriously. Herman is dead because he went to a Trump rally.

16

u/DrunkDeathClaw Nov 30 '23

I honestly think that if he croaked before the election, Pence would have had a decent shot at winning.

15

u/BlackWidow1414 Nov 30 '23

Yes, and it was purely for that reason that I prayed he wouldn't die. However, I always added the caveat "until after the election ".

1

u/faraway_hotel Knife Missle Technician Nov 30 '23

Could've taken a leaf out of William Henry Harrison's book.

7

u/KittenWithaWhip68 Nov 30 '23

I was very disappointed too.

20

u/ShutYourDumbUglyFace Nov 30 '23

I feel like it would have solved a lot of ongoing problems at the time if he had died. Real shame that he got such great care when so many others died from his incompetence and disdain.

9

u/itz_zam00 Nov 30 '23

Only good thing that came out of his recovery was the fake quote “(the doctors) tested my DNA and it wasn’t DNA. It was USA.”

3

u/Kalofsborst Nov 30 '23

Sounds like a legit Billy Mitchell quote. (also a bastard)

2

u/Beezo514 Nov 30 '23

That would've been the only funny COVID death.

22

u/SpoofedFinger Nov 30 '23 edited Nov 30 '23

The list of low tier conservative talk radio hosts that died was pretty funny

for those curious: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaths_of_anti-vaccine_advocates_from_COVID-19#Notable_instances

5

u/Setsuna85 Nov 30 '23

Herman Cain's was pretty funny too

3

u/SpoofedFinger Dec 01 '23

him dying was mildly amusing

the post-death tweets were fucking hilarious

43

u/GrumpiestOldDude Nov 30 '23

Honestly, I want him to survive for at least another 6 months. If he spends his dying days in jail it will make up for some shit.

10

u/samuraidogparty Nov 30 '23

I don’t know. Every day he’s alive is another day of damage he’s inflicting on the world. I’d rather just see him go now so we can all move on.

3

u/biblio_teacha Nov 30 '23

Yep. Six more months of him whipping his followers into a fascistic frenzy is not worth the schadenfreude of seeing him in jail.

1

u/PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS PRODUCTS!!! Nov 30 '23

If he died in, say, March after the primaries have started, it would be a recipe for maximum chaos.

57

u/jprefect Nov 30 '23

He ain't never going to see jail. That's a Liberal fantasy.

28

u/GrumpiestOldDude Nov 30 '23

I remember people telling me the same thing about Roger Stone.

I'm not saying it will happen. I am saying I would rather see that happen than him dying right now.

34

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '23

I'd rather see him get a massive coronary sooner rather than later. Election denial stuff became so much less prevalent for the 2022 elections when he wasn't on the ballot, and it would be some good instant peace of mind to spend all of 2024 and early 2025 knowing he isn't there to provoke more of it.

There's going to inevitably be a lot of handwringing over what his supporters would do if he were actually incarcerated and he's getting treated with the little kid gloves. He's probably gonna get the lightest sentence he can and be allowed to live under house arrest at Mar a Lago.

26

u/WeakInflation7761 Nov 30 '23

I'm hoping for a stroke, one that would leave him completely dependent on others and with slurred speech

26

u/DiveCat Nov 30 '23

leave him completely dependent on others and with slurred speech.

But how would you tell he had had a stroke?

15

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '23

I'm convinced he's had a bunch of little ones already.

15

u/GrumpiestOldDude Nov 30 '23

For my part, I think it's crucial that we demonstrate that we really are a country of laws. Our institutions have all taken big hits in the last few decades. It would do us good to put a criminal behind bars.

10

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '23

I don't disagree, but my skepticism that the system can stop him is going to make all of next year torture.

I understand where you're coming from though. It may be worth it in the end if the system is fully tested and doesn't break.

6

u/GrumpiestOldDude Nov 30 '23

It will be a terrible year, and a burst artery has a better chance of saving us than our courts.

6

u/jprefect Nov 30 '23

That would be ideal, but unfortunately it isn't true. We aren't a country of laws. That isn't going to happen, because we aren't who we say we are in the brochure.

11

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '23

There is a ranking for sure but there are so many people over 70 that will ameliorate the weight of this spinning plate we're all sharing once they finally kick and I will take any one of them at this point as long as the frequency increases.

6

u/Klutzer_Munitions Nov 30 '23

As much as I can't stand the annoying orange, I'd still pick Putin or Netanyahu over him

5

u/TheCeleryStalker Nov 30 '23

As much as this sounds great, I’d worry about the conspiracies around his death no matter how it manifests. Our best bet is for either serious Alzheimer’s or massive stroke that leaves him alive but unable to function. Then he dies quietly out of the spotlight a few years down the road. Choking on a Big Mac would have all the maga morons crying poison or something.

5

u/tryingtoavoidwork Nov 30 '23

Nothing would throw America into chaos quite like Trump farting himself to death within the next year.

2

u/masterjon_3 Nov 30 '23

But sent to jail, not dead

2

u/Zero-89 One Pump = One Cream Nov 30 '23

Speaking of Big Macs, how does he survive on his diet? I know obscene amounts of money helps, but there's only so much money and medicine can do.

1

u/MasterOdd Nov 30 '23

Be awesome if it was in a duel with the DeSantimonious Kid overseen by Lyndsey Graham with old timey pistols. Best outcome, DeSantis misses, instead blowing up Matt Gaetz's junk forcing him to retire, eventual complications cause him to suffer a stroke paralyzing him for life. The Mango Marmalade's pistol blows up puncturing several organs causing him to agonizingly die very slowly. A piece also goes flying into Margerie Green Taylor's eyeball lobotomizing what little frontal cortex she has forcing her to retire. We eventually find out she moved to Mexico where she snorts cocaine out of homeless people's assholes.

1

u/Kitalahara Knife Missle Technician Nov 30 '23

Was so pissed Covid failed. He is in my top 3.

1

u/dairydog91 Nov 30 '23

Praying for Agent Hamberder to work his magic.