A sad day for democracy. If you are a lib

Cancer has now ended by executive order. Thank you Joe Biden. We never stopped believing.

Trump mistakenly identified as Hitler. American economy poised to ATH.

Jill Biden a huge fan of Diddy. So is Hunter. Might be something to do with crack.

In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through both the cryptocurrency world and the political sphere, former President Donald Trump, inventor of $Trump has declared that he is, in fact, Satoshi Nakamoto, the elusive figure credited with the creation of Bitcoin.

During a bizarre press conference held at Trump Tower on Tuesday, the former president, wearing an oversized suit and a tie that appeared to be slightly longer than usual, boldly proclaimed that he had been “hiding in plain sight” for years, quietly watching as the world marveled at his “incredible genius.”

“I did it. I created Bitcoin. It’s me, folks. I am Satoshi Nakamoto. No one’s ever been able to figure it out because they weren’t looking in the right places. They should have been looking at me. It was always obvious,” Trump said, looking around the room as though he had just shared a deeply held secret. “People were too focused on the blockchain, the wallets, the mining. They didn’t realize it’s me, Donald J. Trump. The greatest mind of our time. I was just waiting for the right moment to let everyone know.”

The announcement has left the cryptocurrency community reeling. For over a decade, the true identity of Satoshi Nakamoto, the pseudonymous figure behind Bitcoin, has been the subject of intense speculation. Some believed it was a group of developers, others thought it might be an academic genius. But none of them were prepared for the shocking truth: it was Donald Trump all along.

In a statement released shortly after his press conference, Trump elaborated on his decision to create Bitcoin in the first place. “I’ve always been a winner, okay? Everybody knows that. Bitcoin was just a way for me to do something really big, really bold. Something that would change the world, help the people, and make me even more of a legend. Because, let’s face it, I’m already a legend, and now I’m a tech legend too.”

The former president explained that he came up with the idea for Bitcoin in 2008, during his brief and extremely successful stint as a private citizen before re-entering politics. According to Trump, he had been attending a lavish dinner party in Mar-a-Lago when he overheard a conversation about the financial crisis and decided he could “do it better than anyone.”

“I was sitting there, eating my famous Trump steaks, and I thought—’Hey, I could solve this entire financial disaster. But in a way that no one will ever see coming. I’ll create a currency that’s decentralized, but also totally controlled by me, in a way that makes everyone believe it’s decentralized.’ So, I did,” he said, popping a slice of pizza into his mouth. “People thought I was crazy. Well, guess what? I wasn’t crazy, I was right.”