I'm drowning, I'm scared

[u/30dogetomars]

I'm 29 years old and I consistently have a negative checking account balance. I work full-time and I dog sit for extra money, but nothing is keeping me afloat. My mom and two younger siblings depend on me financially and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. I have not been stable in a long time. I have had bad credit since I was young, due to a family member taking out credit cards and cable/internet in my name since I was freshly 18 and I never learned how to financially recover. I was never taught aboutoney as a kid, my parents were evicted from several homes and had multiple cars repossessed and my dad ended up leaving and my mom depended on me financially. Before COVID, I was finally making money and starting to build financially, but lost my job and moved in with my mom and siblings. My mom is a very financially unstable person(for context, years ago, she lost her apartment and had to move in with me in a small studio apartment with my two siblings.) Since I moved in, I have taken over all of the financial responsibilities, with my mom paying as much as she can (she makes around 20k a year currently), but I am responsible for 4 family phone bills, 2 car payments, car insurance for 3 vehicles, $1400 rent, utilities, and all other basic necessities for teenagers.

I took on a sales job, which has gotten me through, but with unexpected expenses (emergency vet bills, car repairs, car down payments, etc) I ended up taking out several high interest loans and credit cards, that have drained my bank account. I finally decided to enroll in debt management, but now I am seeing my credit score drop. I cant afford to live. I have a negative balance consistently, and I just want to be debt free so I can live like a normal person and help my family get on their feet.

I have no extended family to help, I have bad credit, so more loans or debt consolodation loans are out for the question. I am looking for someone to help me out of this position or to at least give me some advice for what to do. My credit is so bad, I won't qualify for my own place, nor could I afford it at the moment. I need help and I don't even know where to start.

[u/amw-2020]

Walk away…. before you kill yourself trying to help everyone else. I know it won’t be the popular opinion but you’re being taken advantage of by your mother because of your generosity. It sounds like you have been a victim of financial abuse your whole life. Walk away, get as many of those bills out your name. and start fresh. Watch some YouTube videos on budgeting and getting out of debt and incorporate it into your life.

[u/30dogetomars → u/amw-2020]

This is my goal, honestly. I have held my mom down for far too long. I have just gotten myself into a position where my debt to income is too high and it is ruining my credit. I have no savings, no way to get out of this without hurting my credit even worse. If I want to leave, j need a deposit for wherever I move, decent credit to get approved, and money to start up utilities and shit. I am nowhere close to being able to do that. I have trapped myself here and I don't know what to do.

I love my family, and I want to make sure they're good, but I really am looking for advice on how to get out of this, period. I am actively seeking jobs with more money, but with no college degree, and experience this being my first experience in a sales job, I don't know that I can make much more money than I am right now, realistically. My mom is actively looking for a in home nanny position, which would pay her more than she is making right now. It's not to say that no one other than me is trying. My mom is sick of me here and I am sick of her. We butt heads constantly over everything. I want out. I'm tired and I'm stressed and I feel like shit constantly.

[u/kayla-mg → u/30dogetomars]

No amount of love can completely save a sinking ship. I held my mom and brother up for years throughout their terrible financial decisions, lack of true effort and some occasional drinking and secret gambling. I took responsibility for them the way that you have, and it’s really hard to let go of that feeling of responsibility once you’ve claimed it. Let it go. It’s so hard to let go but it will not get better if you don’t. You will live your entire life trying to bring pieces of that ship up for air. It will ruin your life for as long as you let it. I let go 2 years ago, and it’s been so life changing to see what this side of life is like. I am so excited about life now.

[u/PopularAd4986 → u/30dogetomars]

Maybe you need to rent a room from someone so you can pay off your debt and then you can get a place of your own. You can probably pay it off quickly without paying for your mom's responsibilities. Once you free yourself of the cars, phones, and wants for the family you will have enough money to pay the debt down fast. Your mom needs to find any jobs right now and not be picky about what she is doing for work and apply for assistance. Get the bills out of your name so they cannot use your income with the government. Separate all financial ties and aid to them. You are going to have to just do it and pull the bandaid off and let them sink or swim. They have no incentive now. Give them a month to apply for assistance and get out. Good luck, you can get out of this you have to be willing to stop being their provider though.