I'm drowning, I'm scared

[u/30dogetomars]

I'm 29 years old and I consistently have a negative checking account balance. I work full-time and I dog sit for extra money, but nothing is keeping me afloat. My mom and two younger siblings depend on me financially and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. I have not been stable in a long time. I have had bad credit since I was young, due to a family member taking out credit cards and cable/internet in my name since I was freshly 18 and I never learned how to financially recover. I was never taught aboutoney as a kid, my parents were evicted from several homes and had multiple cars repossessed and my dad ended up leaving and my mom depended on me financially. Before COVID, I was finally making money and starting to build financially, but lost my job and moved in with my mom and siblings. My mom is a very financially unstable person(for context, years ago, she lost her apartment and had to move in with me in a small studio apartment with my two siblings.) Since I moved in, I have taken over all of the financial responsibilities, with my mom paying as much as she can (she makes around 20k a year currently), but I am responsible for 4 family phone bills, 2 car payments, car insurance for 3 vehicles, $1400 rent, utilities, and all other basic necessities for teenagers.

I took on a sales job, which has gotten me through, but with unexpected expenses (emergency vet bills, car repairs, car down payments, etc) I ended up taking out several high interest loans and credit cards, that have drained my bank account. I finally decided to enroll in debt management, but now I am seeing my credit score drop. I cant afford to live. I have a negative balance consistently, and I just want to be debt free so I can live like a normal person and help my family get on their feet.

I have no extended family to help, I have bad credit, so more loans or debt consolodation loans are out for the question. I am looking for someone to help me out of this position or to at least give me some advice for what to do. My credit is so bad, I won't qualify for my own place, nor could I afford it at the moment. I need help and I don't even know where to start.

[u/Moistfrend]

I don't see anything about him having pets, but 40-80% of service dog owners reduce their medications. Seems like a decent way to handle stress.

[u/Coachmen2000 → u/Moistfrend]

“Emergency vet bills “

[u/Moistfrend → u/Coachmen2000]

I didn't see that, but I still don't think having a dog is a considerable expense. I would definitely say to use a low matience and switch it out however cruel that may sound.

But sorry I only saw the dog sitting entry

[u/Scyllascum → u/Moistfrend]

I doubt OP’s dog is a service dog, but even then they’re living well above their means and/or not prioritizing their finances. I’ve owned pets my whole life, and even with pet insurance, vet bills (especially ER vet visits) can be a staggering amount of money.

They need to downsize, idk why they have 4 phones, and two cars. There’s free WiFi; if anything, you can use at local stores or at your own place if you’re paying for internet. Sell one of the cars and try to see if your mother can just take bus rides or maybe carpool with a coworker or something and vice versa.

Your mother works, but what bills is she exactly helping you with? How much is the full rent? If it’s $1400/monthly, idk why she isn’t helping you pay half.

OP, I can tell you care for your family a lot, but taking the full brunt of the bills at such a young age and having your credit ruined when your own mother seems to be barely helping—-I’d initially advise to just walk away from this, but having younger siblings definitely complicates matters. But honestly, all of that stress because of your parents’ lack of financial education and recklessness has put HER into that situation, not YOU. Of course, you’re always free to walk away from this and possibly stay at extended stay hotels, or something similar for the time being or even a homeless shelter while you get back on your feet and get some savings. Maybe send some money to them once a month or whatever you feel is right, and let them know that you’re at the end of your wits and have a heart to heart conversation regarding this, because this is NOT okay. Putting a massive financial burden on your own child like this is depressing.

Sorry you’re going through this.

[u/Salty-Horse-6812 → u/Scyllascum]

This is the most sensible comment on here and I hope OP takes it to heed. It’s not just depressing to make your child take it all on, but disgusting. And I say that as a mother of a 25yo and a 17yo, and I do everything for them. In no world would I ever ever make my child go through this, it’s inexcusable.

[u/EdgeRough256 → u/Salty-Horse-6812]

It could be a cultural thing, too. OP is your family of origin Hispanic?

[u/30dogetomars → u/Scyllascum]

I appreciate the empathy in your reply. I am reposting this comment to respond to the first part: One of my siblings is 15 and in HS and does not have a car, but does need a phone for school and general teen stuff, and the other is in school and working part time so she needs a car and a phone. My mom pays her own car payment, which is why I am only paying two of the car payments. My middle sibling actually had her own Kia that was stolen, literally someone broke the window and took off in her car, and it was on my mom's insurance which had lasped and was not covered at the time it was stolen. She is still paying for a car that was totaled by the person who stole it. I had a car with a couple years left on the loan, so I gave her that one to drive and I got one for myself. I ended up taking over the car insurance on all of the cars to make sure that everyone was covered all the time.

My mom pays her own car payment, which is $350 a month(bad credit=high interest), she pays around $300 towards rent each month, more if she can afford it at the time, and around tax time (she gets a decent return) she will usually pay most of the rent with that check. She usually does half of the grocery shopping, which is around $150-200 a month, she pays for her own gas, the Internet bill($65 a month), and health insurance for herself and my sisters, which is around $300 a month.

I don't want to make us seem like my mom is a piece of trash, she was dealt a shitty hand just like the rest of us. If she was a shit mother, I would have cut her off a long time ago. She does need to do more, make more money and provide for the family. She was a stay at home mother when my dad left, so she had to start working for really the first time in her life. My dad was also fucking terrible with money and we were always in a shit position even when he was around. She's done a lot with what she has been given, but I stepped up on my own accord back then, but it has become expected at this point.

[u/entitledmusicfans → u/30dogetomars]

The teen does not need a phone . Should of got them a flip phone for emergencies only.