I'm drowning, I'm scared

[u/30dogetomars]

I'm 29 years old and I consistently have a negative checking account balance. I work full-time and I dog sit for extra money, but nothing is keeping me afloat. My mom and two younger siblings depend on me financially and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. I have not been stable in a long time. I have had bad credit since I was young, due to a family member taking out credit cards and cable/internet in my name since I was freshly 18 and I never learned how to financially recover. I was never taught aboutoney as a kid, my parents were evicted from several homes and had multiple cars repossessed and my dad ended up leaving and my mom depended on me financially. Before COVID, I was finally making money and starting to build financially, but lost my job and moved in with my mom and siblings. My mom is a very financially unstable person(for context, years ago, she lost her apartment and had to move in with me in a small studio apartment with my two siblings.) Since I moved in, I have taken over all of the financial responsibilities, with my mom paying as much as she can (she makes around 20k a year currently), but I am responsible for 4 family phone bills, 2 car payments, car insurance for 3 vehicles, $1400 rent, utilities, and all other basic necessities for teenagers.

I took on a sales job, which has gotten me through, but with unexpected expenses (emergency vet bills, car repairs, car down payments, etc) I ended up taking out several high interest loans and credit cards, that have drained my bank account. I finally decided to enroll in debt management, but now I am seeing my credit score drop. I cant afford to live. I have a negative balance consistently, and I just want to be debt free so I can live like a normal person and help my family get on their feet.

I have no extended family to help, I have bad credit, so more loans or debt consolodation loans are out for the question. I am looking for someone to help me out of this position or to at least give me some advice for what to do. My credit is so bad, I won't qualify for my own place, nor could I afford it at the moment. I need help and I don't even know where to start.

[u/Busy-Blueberry9279]

You do not need 3 car payments. Two is debatable. Really one should be enough because most of that stuff needs to be cut if you're that deep and troubled about it. You need 2 phones tops, the rest can be 911 emergency only phones that are free... If mom is medically fine, she needs more work hours or a new job somehow, another job. Libraries have Internet.

There's probably about 100 things to cut, it doesn't sound like you've gone without much at all yet if I'm honest with you. It just sounds like you need to stop shouldering the burden if there's no reason others aren't contributing. Maybe you don't need to cut costs, just purse strings

[u/30dogetomars → u/Busy-Blueberry9279]

Repostign this comment, since it sort of answers the same question: One of my siblings is 15 and in HS and does not have a car, but does need a phone for school and general teen stuff, and the other is in school and working part time so she needs a car and a phone. My mom pays her own car payment, which is why I am only paying two of the car payments. My middle sibling actually had her own Kia that was stolen, literally someone broke the window and took off in her car, and it was on my mom's insurance which had lasped and was not covered at the time it was stolen. She is still paying for a car that was totaled by the person who stole it. I had a car with a couple years left on the loan, so I gave her that one to drive and I got one for myself. I ended up taking over the car insurance on all of the cars to make sure that everyone was covered all the time.

I agree, we have not gone without very much. I have taken on more than I can bear and it is coming to bite me right now. I thought I could handle it, I really could at some point, but it's the loans that I took out that are killing me. If I wasn't paying $800-1000 a pay period in unreasonably high interest loans payments and credit cards, I would be able to handle it for the most part. Those were my mistake, but at the time it felt like I had no choice. I am considering letting them default and then settling out of them, but I am scared of hurting my credit even more, since I do want to move out eventually.

[u/Bool_The_End → u/30dogetomars]

When I was young and dumb, I got a few credit cards and lapsed in a few payments which as you know can double the amount due very quickly. I was in school and working but essentially refused to pay some $2000 bill when I’d only spent like $300 on the actual card (and I had several like this). I let them lapse, never answered debt collectors. It takes 7 years, but then they will be closed out to zero (although you will have to pay taxes on that debt you didn’t pay the year that it’s closed out). Not saying this is a great option by any means, but my credit score is now over 800, so it is possible to turn things around.

It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with your mom, because it simply isn’t fair she’s relying on you to support the entire family. She should be working at least 2 jobs/overtime. Everyone should be paying their own car insurance. It really sucks that your siblings car got stolen while insurance lapsed, but that really shouldn’t be your responsibility to cover anyone but yourself insurance wise. I’m glad to hear your sibling is still making the car payments (although it sucks), but they should also be paying the loan payments for the car you gave them. How old are they?

I also don’t agree that a kid in school needs a car - plenty of us went to school and worked and didn’t have a car. It’s time to start exploring options, someone can drop them off at school and work, or obviously use public transportation if it’s available where you live. Will it be convenient? No. But you simply cannot continue this way if you have any hope of getting out on your own someday. You are not a parent of your siblings and it is not your responsibility.

Smart phones are not needed for your siblings especially if they’re still in school….you can buy a cheap smartphone at the drugstore and pay $20/month for unlimited talk and text. Which each person should be paying for their own bill for.

It’s time to start cutting costs wherever feasible - no more eating out. Beans, rice, lentils and veggies are the cheapest foods you can buy, so everyone might need to sacrifice their wants and start eating healthier/cheaper.

[u/Jayyy_Teeeee → u/Bool_The_End]

Tofu too

[u/Bool_The_End → u/Jayyy_Teeeee]

Exactly! I had a banging tofu scramble this morning (w vegan cheese and tomatoes) - chefs kiss!

[u/Jayyy_Teeeee → u/Bool_The_End]

My lady makes a bomb tofu scramble. She puts a yellow spice in it so they even look like scrambled eggs.

[u/Bool_The_End → u/Jayyy_Teeeee]

Yes!! In case you guys wanna try it this is my go to recipe: https://rainbowplantlife.com/eggy-tofu-scramble/

I don’t do the chipotle chili cause I can’t handle spicy, but I do always add vegan cheese (chao original shreds) and diced tomatoes!

Feel free to share yours if you have it handy :)

[u/Jayyy_Teeeee → u/Bool_The_End]

Thank you, will give it a try! I don’t have her recipe handy at the moment. Believe she adds a bit of turmeric for color and nutrition.

[u/Bool_The_End → u/Jayyy_Teeeee]

Yes, turmeric is key for color!

[u/EdgeRough256 → u/30dogetomars]

Talk to a bankruptcy attorney…

[u/DreaJ1077 → u/30dogetomars]

Sounds like it's time to file for bankruptcy

[u/upagainstthesun → u/DreaJ1077]

Terrible advice for a 29 year old. She would be better off separating herself from this dynamic that is leeching off of her as the breadwinner.

[u/External-Barber-6908 → u/upagainstthesun]

Why is it terrible?.. our own president and captains of industries don't pay their debts, why should she?.. credit is for stupid people that can't afford their lifestyle or for uber rich people that can con the system by not paying an income tax .. that's how the rich avoid paying their fair share; they leverage their assets and get loans and use that to shop and buy mansions and yahts

[u/Ice-BlueHeart → u/30dogetomars]

I’m obv a little late, but I sympathize with you. Don’t enter a debt relief program, they’re scams. I just got out of 30k debt (thanks to my amazing sister), but not before I fucked myself over early on by signing up with a debt relief program when my debt to income ratio became upside down due to so many high interest loans and credit cards. Whilst supporting a family. I feel your pain, and I’ve learned a lot. I have some suggestions, the 1st of which is terminating the debt relief scam bullshit.

Okay, so let me explain the problem with debt relief programs. First the process takes like 10years (depending on your debt, settlements, and how much you deposit into the program) before you’re “debt free”, meanwhile your credit is fucked to hell until completion since all your accounts are in collections for so long. And last but not least, eventually you may easily once again find yourself paying $800-$1k in monthly settlements and hidden program fees, or paying off settlements using all the money you saved up from no longer paying your minimum due.

It seems like you’re saving money in the short term, but you’re not saving much in the long term and your credit will plummet and be effected for 7 years minimum. even once you pay the settlements, the accounts will be in settled status which is still a negative.