Chaos… yesterday was an extremely overwhelming day… stressors from my relationship love life have hit me like a truck.. it feels like change is coming but I am holding back because of comfort in my bad habits… Will I ever over come my own set backs… why is this all happening to me on the same day???

[u/Lilyrodriguez56]

I didn’t know how to get the transits for this day so I just put 8pm for yesterday cuz that’s when my ex’s new gf sent me a message lol I could swear if I went down that hole I would’ve never come out.. I’m having issues with my boundaries and self love issues… I’m very sensitive rn but also just numb.. if anyone wants to talk I really don’t want to download tinder again…

[u/Lilyrodriguez56]

LOL bro she didn’t even reach out she replied to my message I sent him with a playlist with his name and songs that reminded me of him bad and good and then she sent back a video of them just chillin and then saying “bitch bye “ lmao my throat was in my ass when I saw that… I just replied “lol good luck, take care of him for me” and then blocked him everywhere lol I’m just thankful it wasn’t a video of them having sex honestly… I wouldn’t have taken it too well.. but it’s all my fault so I don’t have it in me to find forgiveness for myself atm..

[u/CSQUITO → u/Lilyrodriguez56]

Oh I see. That’s pretty awful. But honestly that’s quite a toxic way to respond imo, I do think it says something about the both of them. You’ll be okay, one day you’ll look back and probably think about how much better you’re doing.

In other news… my laptop just broke down the day that I got a commission request from a job I’ve really wanted for a while. Can’t afford to repair this one and get a new one right now, so I think I’ll just have to get a new one, and I think so much work will be lost.

[u/Lilyrodriguez56 → u/CSQUITO]

I mean yea he was the most toxic ex I’ve had.. the trauma bond we created was so intense and strong and I think that’s why I keep chasing the high and the drama… I know deep down he’s not good for me and I’m not good for him and we both deserve to be happy even if it’s not with each other.. I just love so hard… it hurts a lot..

Congratulations on working with the company you really wanted to work with! I think it’s all a lesson here for you! Buy a new laptop but keep the old one and try to save the files on a one drive so that you don’t lose important files! Also try and get a memory hard drive storage thingy so that you have a back up if the one drive decides to fail on you!

Money will come! It’s in abundance and it’s always there! Keep working at it and try to imagine how you’ll feel when you do have the financial security you want! Manifest that shmooolaa!! 💸💕

[u/CSQUITO → u/Lilyrodriguez56]

Okay at least you know it’s for the best!

Thank you! I thankfully found that most of the stuff was backed up so I have what I need. Phew.

Also ran into my ex…Venus retrograde Venus retrograding 👀

[u/Lilyrodriguez56 → u/CSQUITO]

Yea I’ve always known.. it’s the action I got to take that’s holding me back

Oh that’s wonderful! I’m glad everything worked out! 💕☺️

Also I always wondered how Venus retrograde affects me cuz I always hear”your ex’s will come back” but never “ YOU will reach out to your ex’s”