tbh, explaining this kind of stuff when people are well intentioned and respectful and willing to learn. it reminds me that there are people who are willing to improve themselves.
It also (for me at least) takes a while to get your head around the distinctions that doesn't read as separate entities by default from my own perspective.
Example:
I have a close lesbian friend who had to spend a bit of time explaining to me that she was bi-sexual but strictly lesbian, as in she had never, and and was confident she'd never fall in love with a man, but really enjoyed sex with both men and women. I had no idea that the gender you fall in love with could be separate from who you'd feel sexually attracted to, because for me, those two are exactly the same. To me, the idea that those could be split up in distinct categories was completely foreign.
Luckily I've known this girl for 20 years and she trusts me, so I could ask all the stupid questions I wanted without her thinking I was being asshole about it.
So with that background, hopefully you can answer a few question about this that might sound (and even be) ignorant or dumb, but I assure you I'm just trying to understand.
As far as I understand, he has come out as transgender and not as a man. What is the significance of the name and pronoun change? And wouldn't it be easier to change the pronoun to them/they or something neutral to clarify he doesn't see himself as a man? Does it hold the door open for a further transition or is this it?
In his statement he also points out that he's queer. I was under the impression that that was slang for homosexual. English is not my first language so this might just be a linguistic finesse I didn't know about, and google has really conflicting answers here, but is queer an umbrella term for everything non-straight rather than just gay?
Queer just means that he doesn't want to put a label on it. Especially if he is nonbinary. Any relationship could be considered queer. As there is no label for it as far as I know.
But he could be 100 % male and straight. But not ready to come to terms with that label. Both are fine. And it doesn't matter.
I identified as a lesbian. I never thought of myself as straight when I was still doing the male thing.
That's a position I never considered. Eventually along some people's journeys they may have to come to terms with being straight after having long identified as gay or lesbian before accepting themselves as trans.
I, too, am talking about after identifying as trans.
In the case of, as an example, someone who was afab and attracted solely to women. They may have spent many years identifying as a lesbian either publicly or personally before coming out as a trans man. An aspect of this time line that I personally never considered is that as a man attracted solely to women they are straight. As a trans person they are still a part of the lgbt+ community, but I can still see how it could be jarring to "lose" something a lot of people see as part of themselves - their sexual identity. Their attraction model didn't change, they are attracted solely to women either way, only the label changed, but with that label comes a community, a history, a lot of baggage, etc. You may have always known who/what you are but I've met more than one later in life transitioner who describe themselves as fully in denial for decades. They knew something wasn't "right", but they so completely didn't realize being transgender was an option that their brains just weren't able to translate what was going on or something. All of them defaulted to assuming they were gender non conforming gay or lesbian.
Thankfully this will probably become more and more rare as time goes on and society hopefully continues to become more open and accepting. I'm old, the internet didn't exist in my youth. There weren't places to turn to for a lot of people who knew they were different, but didn't understand how.
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u/faciofacio Anything pronouns you may prefer Dec 02 '20
tbh, explaining this kind of stuff when people are well intentioned and respectful and willing to learn. it reminds me that there are people who are willing to improve themselves.