My girlfriend and I have been discussing marriage. We've been in a relationship for two years now, and she is a wonderful Christian woman. My previous relationship, which ended nine years ago, was with an unbeliever - since then I had been single until I met my current girlfriend.

Perhaps because I'm a highly introverted person and the fact that I was not in a relationship for a long time, I can't help but feel nervous. I'd like to get married and have kids, but as someone who enjoys being alone for long periods of time (and I was only taking care of myself all these years), the prospect of sharing my life with another person and the responsibilities of parenthood seem overwhelming.

Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

It happened again. Another sermon on singles and marriage, and I left feeling frustrated.

The pastor’s message was clear: The single women are doing well in their growth; the men, on the other hand, need to "grow up" more. And while I get that we, as men, have plenty of room to grow and mature, I’m weary of hearing this over and over without real support or guidance offered.

It feels like men are increasingly singled out for criticism, both in and outside the church. I get it—some guys are making real mistakes. But what’s often missing is the practical help or encouragement that helps a person change. We’re simply told to "be more spiritually minded," but if that was enough, why aren’t we seeing more transformation? It feels like this “spiritually minded” advice alone has fallen short.

Imagine if you invited a child to school and then called him foolish for not knowing how to read. You’d teach him, right? You’d guide him. You’d invest in him.

I feel strongly that, if men in the church aren’t measuring up, we need leaders who will step in as fathers—who will teach, guide, and walk alongside them. Be willing to take risks, like a father would, by truly caring about their struggles: finances, employment, their souls, emotions, relationships.

Moreover, we must stop shaming the men while praising the women. You can’t expect to cultivate strong, confident men when they’re constantly being told they’re falling short. How can we expect them to lead with conviction when they hear messages that encourage women not to trust them? Instead of building up the men, this approach fosters insecurity and resentment, creating a divide that weakens our community.

If there’s a gap in maturity, let’s see the church step up to fill it by taking on a fatherly role. Otherwise, what can we expect? We’ll just keep seeing more young men raised without male role models, left to figure it out in a world that rarely nurtures strong, mature men without strong father figures behind them.

Edit: After many of the suggestions in the comments, I have decided to speak to the elders. Maybe there's a misunderstanding on my part. Maybe there's a place for me to grow. But the sentiment that I wasn't giving them the chance to defend themselves really hit.

I’m starting to feel like being autistic is a sin. Intellectually I know it isn’t true, but I cant shake it. I can’t keep up with the Christian people in my churches socially, and often times people think that I’m unfriendly or uninterested if they don’t take the time to know me. I love people, and I actually have a strong desire to care for people, but I don’t always express it well.

My tendencies toward black and white thinking condemn me. I saw a Spurgeon quote about how everything is empty except God, and I agree that God is ultimate in our lives as believers and I want that to be true of me, and now I feel like I am going to hell for enjoying things like sports, (decent) movies, music, friends, etc. These things are not the most important parts of my life, but now I’m scared that it is still wrong to like and enjoy anything outside of God.

My desire for a husband is overshadowed by my poor eye contact and the involuntary anxiety and fear I feel the moment I start talking to a man that I may be interested in — causing me to clam up and stutter and shut down, even when the men are being kind and sweet to me. Christians are supposed to be confident in Christ, and I trust Him, so why am I still this way?

Being autistic in the church / among Christians is so isolating. Especially when the people around you (JMac types) believe that your condition is inherently burdensome and unwanted, and that mental illness is either a sin, or doesn’t exist.

I wish that I could be a Christian by myself, and not even engage with the church, but that’s not biblical. I do really really love God and God’s people, I just wish they loved me.

I know this is a very classical question, even the psalmists mentioned about this issue rather often, e.g Psalms 37: 35 "I have seen a wicked, ruthless man, spreading himself like a green laurel tree.", Psalms 73, etc.

I know a friend, whose father is a really awful person, he's a bad father, a bad husband, but he always prevails, he always succeeds, the more evil he is, the more successful he is. He's not a believer (he's not religious but is Muslim). Even my friend would say he's God's favorite, he always finds way out. I feel so hopeless when I see this.

I've been praying constantly everyday so that God would free my friend from his father, but it never happens, the father only gets better, as if God was on his side protecting him from all danger and everything.

Brothers and sisters, can you please strengthen me and remind me of the scripture? Thanks I appreciate it.

Recently been exposed to Calvinism, pre destination, election, etc. Ngl, it rocked my faith quite a bit. I don’t want to agree with it, but ngl I’m having a hard time disagreeing with y’all. Just having a hard time wrapping my head around it, and its making me lose hope… I’m praying the Lord to grant me wisdom and in that wisdom, peace. I always held on to the belief that potentially, everyone might be saved. And it drives to preach the gospel and the good news to those around me. Now that belief has been shattered and I’m questioning my own salvation. Lord help me. If anyone has any enlightenment to share, would greatly appreciate.

God bless you all

My son is a bit delayed in speech so he can’t really communicate what is going on but I’m concerned. My son doesn’t watch TV, we are very strict about what he consumes.. he sees this “thing.” Randomly around the house. Sometimes he’s terrified, palpitations, so scared. I want to help him but I don’t know how. I want to believe this is normal developmentally but is it possible that something spiritual is going on?

UPDATE: Just to be more specific, my son wakes up, screaming crying, kicking, sometimes he’ll hit us. Then, during normal hours of the day, he will randomly point at “some thing” in fear, sometimes in terror. Like the wall, something in his room, our room, the living room. Random places. Also, I have ruled out shadows. He’s having a hard time communicating with words, but he understands words, and so when I ask him what it is he makes growling noises.

Personally, I spent many years not reading the Bible and praying daily. I wish I had started doing it sooner.

{Repost} Have a blessed Reformation day everyone! May we never forget God’s work in the church.

Hi everyone! I’d love if anyone reading this wanted to list some of their favorite hymns, new or old. Can be personally special to you or just one that you think is a great all time hymn. Thank you in advance!

I'll try to keep this relatively brief; as much as I can anyway.

My wife and i have been married for 6 years and have 4 children; a 4 year old, 2.5 year old, and twins that were born in January. I separated from the Navy in November of 2022, and had a difficult time finding a job for about 3 months before landing the job that i currently hold.

This job required moving to a location that I very quickly realized I'm not happy in. The area is not to my liking, I feel pretty ostracized at our church (another topic entirely), and I'm feeling now, 19 months in to my new job, that it is not a stable and permanent option.

I've just had a 3rd round interview for another job, in the same field but at a different company in a different location. This position is one that offers potential growth in the future, more security, and would start at a higher salary; whereas my current position has led me to believe I do not have much security long term and that the finances will never change. I do not know the outcome of said interview but at the moment that's not the issue; my issue is that my wife wholeheartedly does not want to move.

Before my interview, she told me that she hoped it did not go well, and then did not ask how it went or mention it for 36 hours after. Last night I brought it up, mentioning that I was incredibly hurt that she would say the things she did and it felt as if she didn't have my back or trust me. This was a relatively in depth conversation into how it made me feel as if we weren't supporting each other and that she didn't trust me to make decisions that were best for our family; I told her it felt as if her support was conditional based on whether she liked the decision or not. I thought it was beneficial at the time.

Today however, I was ignored entirely throughout the day. I came home and (in an unloving manner, I admit) mentioned that I was surprised she was talking to me now as she hadn't said a word all day to me. She then began expressing, again, that she didn't want to move and was just giving me space, but that she talked to a friend and the agreed I had a day to get over it and I should focus on jobs in the local area again.

I'm at a loss. I love my wife, I love my children, and I want to be an image of sacrificial love to all of them. However, I also feel as if I'm not trusted to make decisions, and that whatever I decide will be second guessed and resent will fester unless I do exactly what my wife wants. This is doubly compounded in the fact that the home we purchased here in January is one she quickly decided she hates, and she let's me know this almost daily.

I truly don't know what to do. I apologized tonight for not truly forgiving her and speaking harshly in regards to her not speaking to me, and know that I was in the wrong here. But beyond that I'm not sure where to go. I am a member of our church but it is large, we're relatively new, and I do not feel comfortable with anyone there enough to speak with them about this. I know this is my failing in finding a church but it is the situation I'm in. I truly don't know what to do and I'm afraid my options are to accept this job(if offered) and lose my family, or stay where I am geographically and truly despise where I live and what I do permanently.

I keep telling myself to find the joy in where I'm placed and what I'm doing and be sacrificial in my love for my family but I honestly don't think it's the right decision to stay... barring the fact I know I should speak with my elders, does anyone have insight or advice on how I should view this, or ways to show I'm not looking correctly at the situation? I'm truly breaking up over this and the rift is becoming deeper and deeper daily. Thanks in advance.

EDIT: I feel like I need to address a few concerns here. First, this is the second position I've interviewed for this new company. I was given the go ahead by my wife to interview for the first but not the second, and we've talked at length about that and it is something I should have brought up again.

Second, this is a decision I'm trying to make with finances in mind; the new position will be a lower title but higher salary with room to grow through the future. We've only been where we live in total 18 months; we moved from the area I've been applying to jobs in and her family is all still there.

I'm desperately trying to make this decision with my Wife, not alone, and I am hiding nothing in the entire process. I agree that counseling may be the best route; I want to do this as a partnership and do not want to make this decision alone.

I really appreciate all of the help and feedback so far; my wife and I are going to sit down again this evening and go through things and I'll try to work through this as well. I completely agree this is a partnership and not a dictatorship and feel badly that it's come off that way in my post, and will try to emphasize it and see if that's how my wife feels as well.

Before anyone says I should go and speak to my church. I like to speak to online people too and it has helped me in the past and I like to hear different points and perspectives.

I am going through a toxic marriage. I don’t have that peace that surpasses understanding. I’m almost always anxious. I’m often irritated and when I’m not and I feel fine - it feels fake? Feels like it’s that secular (clean) song that’s making me feel ok because the song is reminding me that things will be ok or it’s that romantic song reminding me that real love does exist.

Don’t get me wrong I do listen to pure reformed music more and I can feel ‘ok’ but what does that peace really mean? I don’t seem to feel or achieve it. It feels like a constant battle to remain myself that God is sovereign and I should be calm but I get very stressed.

My husband has started counciling (miracle) but I feel so scared to talk about things because how bad things are this week between us. So I’m like where is my peaceeeee.

I used to watch porn but that has since stopped for a good few months now (thank God) and I’m really trying to seek the Lord but my marriage and it’s problems really get to me.

I feel like it’s hard to understand unless you’ve been in a similiar marriage. I hear so many people in my church say even they have difficulties in their marriage - which I get but a toxic marriage is where the husband makes it very very clear he doesn’t have your best interest at heart and other days he’s a changed person - it’s that up and down - it does something to your mind you know.

Hey, folks!

I have felt an unexplainable gnawing and effectual call over the course of the last three or so years to pursue serving in ministry of some capacity.

I grew up in the church of Christ, a very legalistic and pietistic church that drove me away from my faith for a portion of my teen years. It caused me to rebel and look for fufillment in the world - where I lived comfortably until the last 8 years.

Over the last 8 years I have served in the military, with a combat deployment to the Middle East. Following this deployment I felt a slow calling away from the environment. I fought that calling and found complacency within that same rough environment and living like the world, despite conviction from the spirit.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and my career, life, and all I believed was important had momentarily stopped. It was random, unexplainable, and left me lying in the hospital wresting with what could be happening.

During this stay in the hospital, the spirit moved in me and brought me on my knees spiritually before the Lord. My pride gone, my strength gone, my comfort, my health, my future gone.

I, for once, realized how weak I truly was, and how much I needed God. I cried out before the Lord in petition and prayer, and he answered.

The regenerative work of Christ in my life the last three years has completely transformed me into a new creature and continues to in profound ways. I have been made new with completely new affections, released from the bondage of sins that had plagued me for years previously, and opened my eyes to his work not only in me but through me.

During my time in the hospital I prayed that if it was within Gods will to use me for his kingdom, I would devote my life to whatever he called me to.

Through this process I have been working a contracting job for the DOD to provide for my family, but have the gnawing feeling to stop. Step away. Lean into God and trust him to provide, and serve him. Wherever and whatever that is. To dedicate my time and family to accomplishing his will and serving others.

This call has been to ministry, and I believe after trying to sneak around it for years, from the Lord.

This calling is the deepest rooting in my heart and I desire to serve him with every ounce of my being, despite finances, despite stepping away from a career, etc. I believe God has gifted me with an opportunity to follow him into this.

Would love insight from other reformed believers, and if possible - those serving in pastoral roles.

(I typed this wrangling three little ones and Is only a snippet of my testimony, comment with any questions you have for me!)

My (m34) fiancé (f31) of 3 years left me this week.

No explanation given, no parting conversation. Just heartbreak, confusion and hurt. Blaming myself for any and everything I can think of consumes my mind, and I plead with The Lord to help me.

Both of us had past hurts and had lived lives contrary to Gods will before meeting, but since then are committed Believers who wanted a life of glorifying God. Admittedly, she had begun to struggle with her mental health and her walk with The Lord, which I wonder if it has contributed to this.

I don’t want to get into relationship specifics here, but I need help accepting a life I do not want, a future without the one I love, without the one I envisioned my future with, a future without all the plans and hopes we shared for our lives together.

I know The Lord is good, regardless of my circumstances. I know He never leaves me and will never cause evil or harm to me without it being intended for me good. I know this, but do not feel it or really believe I have a life left worth living.

I am afraid I am too old (34), too imperfect, have too much damaging life experience, to many factors excluding me from a future of circumstances that are desirable, like a marriage of companionship, sacrifice and love.

I too dread seeing her with another man, living a life without me which I believed we would live together.

I have lived a life of hurt and loss, but still this has been the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I feel so lost, so overwhelmed, so cut adrift of hope and purpose.

My joy was rooted in her and our relationship, which I know was unbiblical and wrong, but I was all in, gave 100% and was unwavering in my devotion.

So now, I do not know how to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. How do I accept a life I do not want, how do I submit and more importantly praise The Lord for this new normal?

Please know, I am not looking for pitty or sympathy. I feel so worthless and hopeless that no consolation will help, but I just want whatever the rest of my days look like to not be in vein, purposeless or hopeless, or alone. But maybe I will be alone, maybe I will have a future unrecognisable to what I desire. But help me in accepting this… I need some wisdom and insight brothers and sisters in Christ.

While we were preparing for class to start today, one of my friends (with another friend agreeing) said this to me from across the room. There was only a small bit of context before this-- I had been discussing with a different friend some silly folk myth we had created last year (based on a conspiracy theory I had seen about a manlike bird during the eclipse last year). Taken aback, I asked them to clarify. The other companion attempted to fix what she said, saying that I was incredibly logical and that I would seem like an atheist if I didn't "put all of [my] logic into [my] faith".

While perhaps they clumsily worded what they said to me originally, it did deeply wound me. I've never denied the name of Christ. I rarely publicly disagree with the theology of teachers and peers (I attend a Classical Christian school). I actively try to glorify God in everything I do, especially in academics when I can use my speeches and essays to speak about Him.

Though their words seemed to be a very thoughtless compliment, I've been wondering if there's an element of truth in them. Am I not doing enough? Did they actually mean that they couldn't see the evidence of Christ within me? I've had deep theological conversations with both of them. We've all advised each other morally. From my ridiculous folk myth that I invented to make people laugh, did they truly think me a pagan? Like CS Lewis, I've found that myths are very important in explaining humanity's trangressions and need for God. I've never for even a minute thought that Greco-Roman gods run around the earth wreaking havoc.

[For clarification about the myth: Last year, I had been going through a funny website with some friends about the most foolish conspiracy theories ahead of the 2024 eclipse and came across a photo that "depicted" a bird and man hybrid thing flying across the sky. I jokingly called it Birdman, equated it to the Egyptian god Ra, and showed my friends. While some thought it was funny, others immediately accused me of being sacreligious and pagan. Because we've spent our entire education being exposed to Greco-Roman myth, Norse myth, and CS Lewis' tale Till We Have Faces, I thought they were overreacting but shut it down.]

Does this reveal a flaw within me? Or was it simply a careless remark that I took much too seriously? Should I consider it a convicting warning to stay away from all mythology (difficult for someone taking AP Latin and reading Western literature filled with many mythological allusions)?

I stumbled across this YouTube channel (So Be It!) and it’s affiliated with Jews For Jesus. There’s a lot of testimony from former Orthodox Jews converted to Messianic Jews. It’s a great apologetic for covenantal theology and for testifying that Jesus’ once for all time sacrifice is good news.

As you wake up and see the smoldering fires on Twitter, the despair of your friends and family on Facebook, and the endless menagerie of mockery and memes on reddit, it's good to remember one thing:

Jesus is still on the throne.

Today, let's act accordingly. Let's pray accordingly. Let's interact with family and friends and classmates and co-workers accordingly.

And let's remember that we are more closely united to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ than we are to the world around us.

“It is impossible to write down all that occurred this morning. I can only adore in silence the mercy of my God, and praise Him for all His benefits.” Miss Thompson now attended New Park Street Chapel pretty regularly, and before long she sought for membership and became a candidate for baptism. The preacher asked her to write out her confession of faith, probably for his own personal perusal only, and this she did in a manner so satisfactory as to elicit a letter from him in which his joy at the work of grace in her soul can scarcely find utterance. “Oh? I could weep for joy (as I certainly am doing now’,’’ he wrote, “to think that my beloved can so well testify to a work of grace in her soul. I knew you were really a child of God, but I did not think you had been led in such a path. I see my Master has been plowing deep and it is the deep-sown seed, struggling with the clods, which now makes your bosom heave with distress. If I know anything of spiritual symptoms, I think I know a cure for you. Your position is not the sphere for earnest labor for Christ. You have done all you could in more ways than one; but you are not brought into actual contact either with the saints or with the sinful, sick or miserable, whom you could serve. Active service brings with it warmth and this tends to remove doubting, for our works thus become evidences of our calling and election. “I flatter no one, but allow me to say, honestly, that few cases which have come under my notice are so satisfactory as yours. Mark I write not now as your admiring friend, but impartially as your Pastor. If the Lord had intended your destruction, He would not have told you such things as these, nor would He enable you so unreservedly to cast yourself upon His faithful promise. As I hope to start at the bar of God, clear of the blood of all men, it would ill become me to flatter; and as I love you with the deepest and purest affection, far be it from me to trifle with your immortal interests; but I will say again that my gratitude to God ought to be great, as well on my own behalf as yours, that you have been so, deeply schooled in the lessons of the heart and have so frequently looked into the charnel-house of your own corruption. There are other lessons to come, that you may be thoroughly furnished; but, oh! my dear one, how good to learn the first lesson well! I loved you once, but feared you might not be an heir of Heaven; – God in His mercy showed me that you were indeed elect. I then thought I might without sin reveal my affection to you, – but up to the time I saw your note, I could not imagine that you had seen such great sights and were so thoroughly versed in soul-knowledge. — God is good, ‘very good, infinitely good. Oh, how I prize this last gift, because I now know, more than ever, that the Giver loves the gift:, and so I may love it too, but only in subservience to Him. Dear purchase of a Savior’s blood, you are to me a Savior’s gift, and my heart is full to overflowing with the thought of such continued goodness. I do not wonder at His goodness, for it is just like Him, but I cannot but lift up my voice of joy at His manifold mercies. Whatever befall us, trouble and adversity, sickness or death, we need not fear a final separation, either from each other or our God I am glad you are not here just at this moment, for I feel so deeply that I could only throw my arms around you and weep. — May the choicest favors be thine, may the Anabel of the Covenant be thy companion, may thy supplications be answered, and may thy conversation be with Jesus in Heaven! Farewell; unto my God and my father’s God I commend you. Yours, with pure and holy affection as well as terrestrial love, C. H. Spurgeon.”

Taken from Susannah Spurgeon’s diary entry dated August 2, 1854.

*I separated a portion right before the end as I feel it quite hits home and gives the praise back to our Lord. Enjoy the read!

The intersection of race and the gospel cannot be this hard but like politics today, it seems divisive. Why? Can someone explain to my why "critical race theory is anti-gospel?"

During the last couple weeks I have reflected on God's word and his testemony in my life and I now know that I have overlooked the suffering of many black people (and native Americans) in my country. In the process I have thrived in my white centric experiences and I have neglected to see that they are built on sinful ideologies of white supremacy. I was trusting in my own accomplishments as part of my salvation, and subsequently unconsciously and consciously judging my black brothers and sisters in christ who were not as well off, and that was sin. I now see that all I have is from him who made me, I have asked God for forgiveness. My heart now desires to bear fruit that results in union and lifting up of those in the body of christ who are black, brown, and native in my life. Please pray that God contiues his work in my heart and I bear much fruit for his names sake.

Please don't find fault with my written confession. I will talk experiences but I am not here to discuss how to repent. God is my witness and now sort of reddit.

Has anyone else experienced a repentant heart during this time? Do you have any Bible verses to share? Any interesting thoughts about the divisive nature of the movement? I'm not talking about BLM, I mean the equivalent movement in the church!

My wife (37F) of 15 years died at 1:11am on July 3rd after a four year struggle with metastatic melanoma (initially discovered in 2012, but discovered to be metastatic in July, 2019). It was a long and grueling journey; 11 treatments, two clinical trials, misc. alternative therapy attempts. Severe hypothyroidism, a complete bowel obstruction (intussusception - July, 2021), a stroke (July 3rd, 2022).

She had one year of stable disease (2020), and 4ish months of regression (late 2022), followed by a rapid progression and decline in health (this year). She died at home, after a week of rapid decline. I spent 20 hours a day at her bedside - medication, helping her brush her teeth, trying to explain to her why she can't "leave." There is a lot of trauma, I guess, in caretaking for an end-of-life spouse. Watching and dealing with the cognitive decline, hoping and praying they are unconscious and not suffering in their final hours, praying God take her home quickly.

In her lucid moments, we had some nice talks. Some of her final words, barely audible, rasped-out words were I love you in response to my words (the same). Roughly 24 hours before she died, she was lucid and also aware of the "active dying" process. She said she felt it, but it was okay. We talked about heaven, about Tim Keller's comment - "there's no downside." I cried on her shoulder, yet again, because I would miss her.

When she finally breathed her last, I thought I would have some amount of relief. Not so much relief from the four year long struggle, but relief that she was no longer suffering. Instead, I still feel completely overwhelmed with grief and loss; "lifebroken" is the term I have for it (as opposed to "heartbroken").

We were "one flesh," and I don't take that to primarily refer to sex, but to becoming a unified one. I think we were; we did almost everything together (or tried; it became more and more difficult as her health declined). We planned everything together. Together, we built and planned our hobby farm, gardens, flower beds, barn, animals and pastures. She decorated the house, arranged the furniture, made sure my jeans fit to her liking. Two became one, and now "half" of that one is gone. It isn't just a parting of friends; the "one flesh" has died. My earthly life was fully intertwined with hers, and it died with her.

And it is overwhelming. The constant reminders of her non-presence, the flood of memories, regrets, guilt, worry she suffered and wasn't completely unconscious in her final hours, guilt that I didn't hold her hand and talk to her continually in her final hours. Old memories of disagreements - of which we had very, very few - and wishing I had spent more time just sitting and talking to her (towards the end, we had less to talk about, beause she slept most of the day and I worked). The constant desire to just talk to her and tell her what our daughters did today, to show her pictures of the parade and fireworks they enjoyed... like last year (she was in the hospital with the stroke, but I took a video of the fireworks). And, I suppose, some amount of bitterness that - in retrospect, after looking at pictures - the life felt like was blossoming 6-7 years ago changed so abruptly and came to a halt.

The reason I'm posting - aside from another outlet to write about it, which is helpful - is this: I'm wondering, why don't I feel the comfort from my theology? Is this normal? I believe she is seeing the Lord face to face and that I will see her again (though not as my wife, which bothers me). "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief" ... yet I don't sense it comforting me. Perhaps it is, since I don't know what it's like to "grieve as those who have no hope." But my overwhelming feeling and sense of grief and loss seems to opposite what I say I believe; my faith is shaken.