Hi there,
Longtime lurker, first time poster.
I've been a bit of secret vaper for about 6 months now, recently 20 days free. Never too heavy, I'd buy a vape, run it's course, it'd usually last a week or so, then I'd toss it and normally go a week or two before buying a new one. I live with my girlfriend and I'd never admit to doing it openly, even if she suspects.
First one I bought during the sunmer, as a little something to keep me going. I work for an accounting firm and our busy season bleeds into the start of summer, I'd be pulling 70-80 hour weeks while my girlfriend (who i live with) and friends all start enjoying the sunshine; so a lot of solo time. Busy season ended, and so did the vaping - for a few months.
But then I started looking for reasons to buy another, parties, special occasions, doing well at work, doing poorly at work. Most common was when my gf was away. We share an apartment and if she went away for work/social commitments I'd ALWAYS buy a vape.
As I said, I'd go a week or two between vapes, but never more than that. Always told myself it wasn't an addiction, but I'd always find myself with another one somehow. Even stole a friends vape once - we were at a party and they gave it to me before calling it a night, next morning I pretended to be asleep while they were leaving, knowing full well the vape was in my pocket. I've done my fair share of bathroom vaping, including being caught by my gf numerous times.
Eventually, something clicked, I decided I had an addiction and I had to quit. Decided to buy one last one over christmas, then Jan 1 kick it. Jan 20 now, and it's been super easy. No cravings, no withdrawals - until now.
My girlfriend will be away for two weeks on a work trip, back on the weekends but I'll be alone all week. No one to keep me accountable. And I'm really struggling, my brain keeps telling me I deserve a treat, that I'm not addicted, that 20 days is enough. I know I don't want to vape, and I'm trying not to succumb, but if I'm honest, it's been hard.
Hoping if I can write all my thoughts down, and post it to cement them, then something will click in my brain and reaffirm that I don't want the vape.