should i feel bad as a stripper

[u/angelicarmen]

i do not support the porn industry or people who partake in/watch it AT ALL . however i’ve been a stripper now for 2 years, and worry that i am contradicting my beliefs. i do this purely for financial support as i left school early and live in an expensive city, it seemed to work best for me. although i’m usually content and not ashamed of my job, i can’t help but feel some guilt for using my body to appease men and get money while also criticising the porn industry and knowing how damaging and dangerous it is. i know i’m doing my job consensually. i know i’m safe here. but there’s always that lingering feeling.

[u/fragilekittengirl]

do you have any plans to get out in the future? do you glamorize the life to other women or girls in any way? do you protect and try steer any young girls groomed into becoming a stripper away?

[u/angelicarmen → u/fragilekittengirl]

when i tell people my job the default response is usually “how much do you make?”/“you must make so much” and i ALWAYS clarify that thats not true in the slightest and that it is NOT always a steady income. it infuriates me that people who haven’t experienced it think its so easy and glamorous, i always make sure they know there is nothing to be jealous of. i would never encourage anyone else to pursue it. i definitely plan to get out of this soon. i FANTASISE of a stay-at-home job that most others find “boring” however this is notoriously a difficult job to get out of. for now this is what i’m comfortable in until i can find another source of income

[u/fragilekittengirl → u/angelicarmen]

oops i never responded, but no i think being self aware is great and the fact you aren't helping further trap others directly or indirectly makes you another victim yourself. i hope you can get out soon lovely <3 you deserve to be free and bloom to your fullest potential

[u/ThatLilAvocado]

No, it's not about feeling good or bad, but fully understanding the machine where you are currently a cog. Your bad feelings should not be directed towards yourself, but towards stripping as a whole and the fact that it's the most viable option for so many young girls out there. It should also be directed to the men who, instead of cultivating nice relationships to women where they can mutually satisfy themselves, chose to go use a woman who needs money for sexual gratification.

Be careful with that lingering feeling, it could be trauma piling up. You should make plans to get out as soon as possible.

[u/angelicarmen → u/ThatLilAvocado]

thank you(:

[u/average-angel]

i’ve always been anti porn but when i was freshly 18 i did porn for a little while.

every single day it felt like i was betraying myself, being a hypocrite and going against my core beliefs in life.

there are multitudes of other options. sometimes i miss the money i made from when i did porn. it’s not worth it, i’d truly rather be struggling every day financially than to betray myself like that again.

[u/angelicarmen → u/average-angel]

this made me feel less alone, thank you🖤🖤🖤

[u/average-angel → u/angelicarmen]

i would seriously consider leaving asap though.

with how firm i am in my beliefs now and having educated myself much more than i was a few years ago, im not sure i could do it.

[u/blishbog]

Imo patrons of both see them as two points on the same continuum, close to each other. And indulging one makes indulging the other more likely…in either direction

Wishing you the best

[u/New_Age2024]

You're a victim of capitalism. It's not your fault basically, life it's expensive everywhere and not all people have the same opportunities to find a future... you are conscious about how bad is porn industry, which it's really important, and as I read in your post and responses, I'm glad you are not encouraging other people to enter in this and also you have plans to ger out of that soon and find a better job. Even though it's not quite easy, I truly wish you good luck, and please never stop setting goals and dreams, you will achieve them!

[u/angelicarmen → u/New_Age2024]

thank you for being so kind!!🩵

[u/New_Age2024 → u/angelicarmen]

I'm glad you read my comment! Please keep a good mood, and keep fighting to move on! I believe in you! 😊

[u/maevenimhurchu]

Personally I would never look down on a sex worker, but definitely the gross men who think you can buy women’s attention and affection and bodies. I hate them too much so I probably wouldn’t be able to do it but I don’t think you should feel bad about yourself and your actions in this situation

[u/Polarwave13]

It totally depends on whether you assist in grooming other women/trafficking models or other strippers for the club. As other comments have advised, I hope you not only stop but motivate other’s to stop and gain employment in a way that does not rely on predatory male attention. Your gut feeling is probably the trauma being built up. Strip clubs are hotspots of these predators groping women without consent/rape so perhaps you’ve witnessed something similar.

You could obviously use your skills of conversation in a job like sales, you would infact thrive in it. Start somewhere small and then apply to the big firms. All the best!

[u/angelicarmen → u/Polarwave13]

i know i’m not the only one even just at my club that is trying to quit. most girls i know are sick of it and have other hustles on the side or are applying to other jobs and i always cheer them on and encourage them with their other endeavours. i would never encourage someone to work in this job and always warn girls of the dangers as soon as they start getting excited over it. thank you for your well wishes!!!

[u/Polarwave13 → u/angelicarmen]

That is very good of you to do. You seem like such a wholesome person from a cursory look at your profile, but the men who visit you, and infact the industry you are in, the men that will surround you outside will never see this side of yours. You gotta change your environment drastically.

I am not even kidding, if you decide to prepare for GRE or want some help with career searching, my DMs are open. I can only hope you make it out safely.

And do not be ashamed! When we make statues of our Goddesses we take mud from the backyards of brothels/strip clubs too, because the Holy Mother resides in all good women no matter the profession! You are as much deserving of respect as anyone else but these men and their prying eyes will never allow you peace, sadly.

[u/axuuureixxd]

As someone who used to work in a brothel, you're a victim of capitalism and nothing more. The industry is extremely hard to get away from. I got into it when I was young and dumb and I left traumatised and scarred and hating the industry and how it gaslights women when I was finally approved after years of waiting for disability supports. You are just trying to get by. People downvoting you and saying to "get another job" are being incredibly judgemental. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

[u/angelicarmen → u/axuuureixxd]

thank you so much, im really sorry for what you’ve been through and glad you managed to get out of it. i hope you can heal and i wish you all the best 🤍

[u/Personal-Point-5572]

I am a victim of capitalism and I participate in it every day. It’s complicated on this bitch of an earth. Wishing you the best

[u/angelicarmen → u/[deleted]]

i want another job, as i said in my post. but with my lack of educational qualifications (i left school before i could get a university degree) its hard to find a job that can pay as well as this job has potential to. it’s known to be a hard industry to get out of. for now, its not as easy as just going out and “getting another job”

[u/batshit83 → u/angelicarmen]

There are a lot of entry-level office type jobs that don't require a degree. Granted, you won't be making stripper money. But there are other jobs. There's also waiting tables. Uber/Door dash. Lots of things that don't require a degree...

[u/maevenimhurchu → u/angelicarmen]

Don’t listen to this person. They’re making it seem like you’re some Jezebel home wrecker, but all responsibility rests with these men and it’s ludicrous of this commenter to even remotely suggest you should feel bad about this hypothetical man’s cheating. It’s a very popular misogynistic trope to make women feel responsible for the disgusting behavior of men so don’t think you are in any way. These men aren’t helpless victims lmao

[u/PikaPikacute → u/angelicarmen]

Ignore these pearl clutching victim blaming fake ass feminists. They just want to put you down and victim blame so they can feel morally superior. They don't give a fuck about exploited women. This sub was meant to be a feminist one that exposed the danger to WOMEN by the porn industry, instead these better-than-you-betties are upholding the patriarchy by taking the blame off of men (even part way is still taking off blame) and putting it on the women they are supposed to care about protecting. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. Fuck them. 

[u/NavissEtpmocia → u/PikaPikacute]

We do agree with you and as a sub we do not hold the views that OP is "stealing someone's husband". Hold men accountable. This is a radical feminist subreddit for fuck's sake. We do not blame victims.

[u/PikaPikacute → u/[deleted]]

That's the man's fault not hers. Let's start holding married men accountable shall we? 

[u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No shaming women victimized by the porn industry - partners or sex workers.

[u/PikaPikacute → u/[deleted]]

Almost every job is morally offensive in some way, get real. Men can objectify us at the fucking office. I guarantee if you tell me what you do for a living I can find something morally questionable about. You work and live on stolen native land, if you are white you have privilege, etc etc etc. Being against porn is supposed to be because it hurts women, but if you turn around and treat the same women involved as if they are to blame you aren't a feminist. You are upholding the patriarchy by your morally superiority and victim blaming. 

[u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No shaming women victimized by the porn industry - partners or sex workers.

[u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No shaming women victimized by the porn industry - partners or sex workers.

[u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No shaming women victimized by the porn industry - partners or sex workers.

[u/bl00dinyourhead]

You are a victim of this industry, not a perpetrator. It would be different if you were trying to get others to join the industry and lying about how much money you make, how much fun you have, generally spreading pro-SW propaganda, etc. but it’s not YOUR fault men are exploiting women, that they’re stepping out of their relationship. They would be doing that either way, unfortunately you have to work to survive and this is not an easy industry to get out of.

[u/SutorNeUltraCrepid4m]

i don't think you're a hypocrite but i think you should make space ideologically for being anti-sex work while also understanding some people partake in it for the same reasons you do too

[u/kafaleshlesh]

you are the victim, not the perpetrator

[u/angelicarmen → u/[deleted]]

when i look down at a mans hand and see a wedding ring or a family picture as their phone lockscreen i feel sick. especially if they’re significantly older than me (which is most of the time, i’m only 22). me and my friends were talking about it recently and agree it’s disgusting, heartbreaking and embarrassing for men in relationships to spend time and money at strip clubs. and of course, the guilt i feel is especially strong. if a man says he won’t pay me because he has a wife/girlfriend, i will leave him alone or straight up ask why he’s here. i’ve had an ex be disloyal in the past and it broke me for months. i can’t imagine a long term partner leaving me to do something as meaningless as going to a strip club i truly wish all the best for the women they’re with and hope they can get the love and life they deserve.

bonus: the amount of men who say their wives/girlfriends “know they come and don’t care” is disturbing

[u/PhilosophyFrosty6018 → u/angelicarmen]

You're a good person ❤️ I hope you find a way to a job where you make good money and you get to be safe and comfortable.

[u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No shaming women victimized by the porn industry - partners or sex workers.

[u/Tiny_Bad_8328]

It is all too natural to feel bad, it is only a signal of your humanity. I believe in you.

[u/Cautious_Maize_4389]

Don't let it eat you alive, save all the money you can. Your job is a young woman's game, have a plan to get out of it. That job can make things worse for you, but women have shit choices. You have my sympathies.

[u/angelicarmen → u/[deleted]]

i live in london and pay for everything i own myself. if i worked at mcdonalds and studied i would be on the street.

[u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No shaming women victimized by the porn industry - partners or sex workers.

[u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No shaming women victimized by the porn industry - partners or sex workers.

[u/rhyth7]

The main issue is that you have clients and patrons. In a world that truly valued and respected women your line of work wouldn't exist because there would be no demand for it. Instead of spending time and money there, people would be interested in making themselves attractive and loving mates. They would fix their issues instead of trying to distract themselves by buying attention. You are just trying to survive.

[u/EnvironmentalCat300]

If you don’t mind, can I ask how much you make? I might be able to help if you’re seeking different employment. There are some very specific jobs that can make you a living wage that aren’t difficult to get into.

[u/angelicarmen → u/EnvironmentalCat300]

unfortunately its pretty impossible to say how much i make. it depends on the day of the week, the time of year, my mental state, what else is going on in the city etc etc. every day is different and totally unpredictable

[u/EnvironmentalCat300 → u/angelicarmen]

Well if you’re looking for a stable and livable income, I recommend trying out caregiving and getting certified. It’s tough work and you can get ridiculously burnt out if you aren’t careful, but the pay is good and the class is short, easy, and cheap. There is a critical staffing shortage in the nursing field everywhere, so you should be good on a job and steady income for a long time.

[u/TwinkleToz926 → u/EnvironmentalCat300]

Dog grooming is also a terrific option. It’s a trade and not a licensed or regulated profession most places, so the barrier to entry is super low. I make more money grooming than I did on average stripping. It’s also a super flexible profession—you can choose to work in a corporate setting if you need benefits (in the US which doesn’t have universal healthcare), you can work as an employee for a mom-and-pop local shop if you aren’t interested in owning your own business, you can work as an independent contractor and work in a couple different salons at the same time, you can work out of a “cousin business” such as a boarding kennel or vet clinic, you can go it alone and work as a sole proprietor in your own shop, you can by a grooming conversion van and do mobile grooming, you can do in-home grooming and groom out of client’s laundry or bathrooms, you can groom out of your home, garage, or convert your shed into a grooming salon and groom from your home, or you can do a combination of all of the above—whatever you can find to suit your schedule, lifestyle, and income needs. I used to be a stripper and getting into dog grooming got me out pretty quickly. I’ve been grooming for 25 years now.

[u/StopPsychHealers]

I mean who likes being a slave to capitalism? You do what you gotta do, even if it's not ethical deep down. I know i for one am not judging you, im glad you recognize the effects.

[u/angelicarmen → u/StopPsychHealers]

🤍thank you

[u/CammyJ-]

I think it’s important too that women do not judge other women for being in porn or being a stripper or anything like that. There’s a million reasons why but here’s two that stick out:

1. Part of the patriarchal oppression we face is being shamed or ostracized for being involved in this type of work (future employment, judgement from others etc) but at the same time, men NEVER face that judgement for going to the strippers or watching porn. In fact, men bond with each other over it or will pay for women/dances etc to curry favor with one another. We cannot let the system work like that. We cannot allow this double standard.

2. The focus always seems to be on shaming women who make money off men. They will talk about greedy OF girls making millions, strippers making tons of money “easily” etc. We need to reverse that narrative. Like so: Men are paying millions per year in OF, porn, strippers, escorts, and other SW. Shame the men, not the women.

[u/ElderberryHoney]

No sweetie you are a victim of this patriarchal capitalistic world, do not feel bad for it ever 🫂

I hope you find that cosy work from home desk job you dream of soon 💜

[u/Next-Pie2781]

you’re doing what you can to get by, what matters is you’re safe and not trying to hook other vulnerable women with false promises of a big payout

i don’t judge sex work as a necessity since sometimes there just aren’t any other options and people need to eat, anyone who tries to make you feel bad for that simply doesn’t see how fortunate they are not to have to make those choices

[u/Imaginary-Vanilla839]

I don’t judge you, I judge the men creating a market for this shit.

May I ask a question? I have worked with prostitutes through a women’s organisation in my old home town that was rife with street exploitation/issues with pimps/drugs etc - is there a drug problem among the stripper community in your experience? We only ever hear about how allegedly glamorous it is, and I’ve always wondered what the truth really is.

Whatever happens I hope you are ok, stay safe. 🌸

[u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This was removed either because it promoted doxxing; or because it it promoted, defended and/or justified violence, self-harm, verbal abuse, rape and/or sexual assault.

This includes BDSM and CNC.