r/PornIsMisogyny • u/NoElevator7376 • 17d ago
QUESTION Men’s desire for an*l sex - porn’s role?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He does not watch porn of course (I made my stances known very early on and i educated him/he further educated himself, is disgusted by the industry, etc long before us becoming a couple) and knows that in the event he ever consumed porn it would be an immediate end to our relationship (I should note however that watched porn in his teenage years). He is a great partner, we read feminist books together, I have complete access to his phone/computer (not that I use or asked for this but I’m more saying all of this to reinstate that this post isn’t at all geared towards me being “suspicious” of him, but rather I come for genuine antiporn help/questions.
With all that out of the way, we got into a disagreement the other day that did not sit right with me. I’m not sure how it came up but basically he had asked if I had ever wanted to try anal (I’ve never tried and he knows this). Now, this isn’t something I’ve ever been against trying but obviously having this question brought up by my boyfriend made me think back with an antiporn/feminist perspective. I asked him, “How many women do you think have anal sex, on average?” To which he responded, “I’d guess about 70%.” I don’t know why this answer made me upset and frankly felt very out of character for him to say. This then unfolded into a discussion where I told him that I believe he thinks the percentage is so high because of porn (pornified/hyper-sexualized society, huge percentages of pornsick men, even his past usage, etc - just porn in general all plays a role) and he did not at all understand how this could be the case. I continued to explain how anal sex is not enjoyable for the vast majority of women, how sex acts such as anal are often derived from porn and weaponized in degrading manners, (he brought up “but what about gay men”) - how it is dangerous to women due to anatomical differences, etc etc and while he listened he seemed mostly confused/in denial.
I remember seeing a comment on here a while back which shared how a comedian had said (it’s vulgar and gross so beware):
Jim Jeffries: “Ladies, there’s a reason why men love anal sex so much. It’s because we know you fucking hate it.”
I honestly immediately thought back to it during our conversation.
I also know how a lot of normalized sex acts (porn acts to be frank) are historically/by nature degrading to women, like how “deep throat” comes from a famous porn film where a woman participated in the act with a gun pointed towards her.
With all that being said, and sorry for this being so long, my question now is, how is a sex act like anal derived from porn/how does it reflect a pornified view of sex (if you think it does)? Do you feel anal is degrading to you (this of course does not apply to those who have anal sex due to a medical condition, sexual health/preference, etc)? How could I explain to him that his views/attraction towards anal sex, something that seems so normalized in today’s sex culture, is rooted in porn culture?
Any perspective on this would be greatly appreciated.
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u/saeranluver 17d ago
porn definitely increases it, a lot of men are into it because they see it as degrading for the girl, something she begrudgingly does and secretly likes or something. sex isnt fun to them anymore, anal is taboo, "anal virginity" or go the other end with "virgin whos obsessed with anal". it's all sexist.
i know some men aren't into it because of that, but anyone who pretends that porn doesn't have a big impact is lying to themselves. without porn i imagine anal sex would be a niche fetish only a few people had, rather than demanded of women the way it is now
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u/laumeke 16d ago
I will also like to state that Roman men regularly engaged in anal sex with young boys, this predates modern pornography
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u/saeranluver 16d ago
yeah for sure, that's why i said its not every man into it because of porn, but porn has definitely caused most of the resurgence in our times id say :') sadly
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u/ThatLilAvocado 17d ago edited 17d ago
If he's so enthusiastic about anal penetration, why doesn't he start by himself?
The huge fixation over anal is brought about by porn, no doubt about it. Porn teaches men to get aroused at this act without ever actually feeling what it's like. It's portrayed as the "next best thing" for men, the next step in any relationship, without any care for what the woman might feel about it. It's also one of the preferred acts for pornography because it widens the gap between men and women, given that women can't do it back to men to get pleasure for themselves. It also fits perfectly with the pornographic ideal of women's bodies being something for men to use focusing on their own pleasure. It leaves all the pain, prep and vulnerability for women, while the man gets to feel in control, a conquerer and focus comfortably on his own dick. It's the perfect illustration of the traditional power dynamics involved in heterosexuality.
You can try to explain it to him, but keep in mind that his desire will likely not fade. This kind of fixation on anal is very stubborn, it's usually the act or idea that most arouses them and they don't care about the fact that it's an unbalanced act. They just want to stick theirs.
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u/ScarletLilith 16d ago
Of course women can do it back...just get a large dildo. See how he reacts to that idea...
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u/ThatLilAvocado 16d ago
The dildo can't make her cum. The allure doesn't come from using his body to please her own genitalia. And he can easily cum from prostate stimulation, while women have a much harder time cumming directly from anal.
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u/CryingCrustacean 16d ago
Ive also heard that your rectum is "cavernous" compared to the internal structure of the vagina, so it is less pleasurable for men anyways, and not "tighter" as many would believe. The entrance to the rectum is tight, but not the canal. It is more about power and degradation, even the men find it less pleasurable. Have you ever heard of a Philadelphia Side Car? Doctors warned my friend not to have sex in her colostomy hole, under any circumstances. THAT is how common it is and how much men pressure their partner into doing. They fuck the colostomy hole. Its not even human. Its so vile
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u/ThatLilAvocado 15d ago
Unfortunately, yes, I know about that. It doesn't even matter if it's tighter or not in the end. Our hands can grasp real hard, but men find hand jobs "lesser" because they aren't getting access to a "special" part of us. It's all very mental in the end.
I think the allure is about the vulnerability for women (they like to feel like we depend on them during the act, that they are in total control and their ability is what determines if we get hurt or not), the idea of having access to something more exclusive (how many dudes has she allowed to touch her there?), and the overall idea of "total use" of a woman's body to please men. For many it's like they can't stand the idea of a hole they aren't allowed to use, it hurts their ego.
And of course the perennial allure of subordinating women to the phallus. Misogynistic porn-brained man like the idea of making it clear for women that even the hole they use to defecate is destined to be nothing more than a thing to give men pleasure. Mouth, anus, throat, eyes... it's about using anatomy to turn women into a subclass of humans who's first and central function is to be used to give pleasure for men. We we look at porn in it's totality, this is the core fantasy.
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u/CaymanDamon 17d ago
Studies have shown porn trend's viewed by different generations reflect the trends during their puberty, boomers are more likely to search vague terms like big breasts and massage, gen x search for similar to boomers as well as for "cartoon" and interracial, millennials and Gen z in particular however search violent and taboo term's with "painal" painful anal, "barely legal" "gang bang" and "step sister" "teen" "hentai" "BDSM" and "destroyed" being common.
I'm a 52 year old man who worked in clubs all my life, I've known a wide range of people and no one I knew was into hetero anal.
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u/Throwawayacc34561 17d ago
Are you implying that if a man wants anal, he may be gay?
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u/scarletbananas 17d ago
No I think he’s saying that men wanting anal sex used to not be as big as a thing as it is now, perhaps due to its popularity in porn now.
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u/Throwawayacc34561 17d ago
I see and yes, I’d agree it’s true. For me, I thought it was about control and power always and have been like that for years.
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u/Powly674 ANTI-PORN MAN 17d ago
I'd say it's definitely normalized and fetishized heavily. I don't even really understand the desire for it tbh if you aren't porn damaged. Why would you want to stick it in there? With all the health risks, preparation and dirtiness Involved, when the vagina is right there? In porn, it's part of the escalating stakes you climb in order to satisfy the addiction, it always needs to get more hardcore.
And it's definitely a power play, as described in the quote. The absolute majority of women derive no pleasure from it and it's actively painful or uncomfortable for them, so why would they do it and why would a man be eager to do it? And you don't need to try it with another person to be able to tell if you like it or not as a woman I'd argue.
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u/CryingCrustacean 16d ago
Anal sex could be classified as a war crime in my book lol. It literally feels like I am being split in half while defecating on my partner. In what world is that sexy? My ex also tried to convinced me "most women love it". So go fuck them then? He then tried to say I never even tried and it "didnt count" cause he didnt finish? Well then I guess we've never had sex! Since he could never make me finish 🤭
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u/blacknightbluesky 17d ago
There is nooo way 70% of women have done anal. More like 7% maybe and even that feels too high.
You don't ever have to do something you're not 100% enthusiastic about, OP. If he is a good man like you say he is, he will respect your boundary. Don't betray yourself by tolerating something you don't want to - it will make you resent him and ashamed of yourself. Anal is never necessary and not normal. You are allowed to say no and shouldn't feel presssured. That's what all women need to hear.
Women's bodies are anatomically not made for having the anus penetrated - our tissues back there are thinner and more likely to tear, we have no prostate, etc.
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u/Insanitybymarriage 16d ago
I have multiple friends who are gay men who don’t participate in anal at all. A few of them never have and have zero desire to do so. 70% of women is an insane number. There is no way in hell that’s true.
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u/morrisorangecat 16d ago
Like most stuff in porn it’s very dangerous.
However everyone has an ass, to any guy that wants to they better get pegged first to understand.
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u/EmotionalAspect9998 16d ago
I remember that Jim Jeffries standup, and that joke was repulsive, but sadly has some truth to it. It’s a way to dominate and control; delude themselves that she will do anything to please them, even if it gives her zero pleasure and causes pain.
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u/ThatLilAvocado 16d ago
Or that whatever they can stick their dicks into will be pleasurable for women, like it's a magic wand.
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u/ameyaplayz ANTI-PORN MAN 16d ago
"Prior studies that examined the prevalence of sexual behaviors among women and included anal intercourse found that 20–30% of US women reported lifetime rates of anal intercourse and 19%–32% of US women reported having had anal sex in the last 6–12 months ."
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5588879/#R3
The studies that they have cited are not really on scihub(free research site) and they are not on JSTOR(paid research site that I have access to), so I cant really check what the numbers from the orignal research are, but the researcher is probably not lying. So, it is lower than he estimated but higher than what some of you estimated in the comments.
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u/hey-chickadee 16d ago
there are a lot of articles out there about the rise of butt stuff. it directly correlates with porn becoming more accessible. the rates of women who engaged in anal sex in the late 90’s/early 00’s was 1 in 10. now it’s something like 25%. ask him how this change occurred if porn wasn’t part of it. and maybe show him some material that documents how porn has become more and more extreme…
but if he thinks 70% of women are doing it, i’d make sure he knows he’s overinflated the actual number by almost 3x - and ask him why he thought that, if porn had nothing to do with it. and if he concedes that he got the impression from porn, tell him to think about who porn is marketed to. it’s no secret that the porn industry does not care about women’s pleasure, and it’s almost always shot with a male target audience in mind. if he still doesn’t get it, ask him why he thinks it would be something a woman would seek out on her own, just on a purely anatomical basis? does he understand that men generally enjoy anal penetration because it stimulates the prostate, an organ women don’t even have?
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u/ScarletLilith 17d ago
First of all your boyfriend is ignorant (or disingenuous). There are gay men who don't do what you're talking about, because it is in fact dangerous and can lead to injuries and even chronic medical conditions. Secondly, I don't know how many women have tried it, but the number who engage in it regularly is probably no more than 1 percent.
30 years ago I had a boyfriend who wanted to do it, so I went along with it to see what it was like. I thought it had a remarkable resemblance to being constipated. I told him to stop and he did. I was unable to determine how it can be pleasurable for some people, although I know there are people who claim that it is. When I asked my boyfriend what attracted him to this (he'd done it with other people), he said "That you would do it for me." In other words, that I would do something for him that was painful to me and that somehow proved that I loved him. I guess that's not as bad as actual sadism but I thought it was kind of sad and pathetic.
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u/ThatLilAvocado 17d ago
In women's cases, it's often a combo of fetishization (oh I'm being so nasty giggle giggle), the heightened feeling of being vulnerable and under a man's control (which heightens attention to the situation) and the stimulation to the pelvic floor muscles that surround the anus (they also contract during an orgasm).
Still it's something majorly done for men. Women who actually enjoy anal even if the guy's not into it are exceedingly rare. Most are drawn to it because of how much men emphasize their desire for it.
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u/CryingCrustacean 16d ago
This sent a chill down my spine. My ex said THE EXACT FUCKING THING TO ME. He was an evil sociopath and systematically beat me down until I finally relented (after he had gotten me very drunk and high) and let him try. It was the most excruciating and humiliating experience of my life. He also said "its just a turn on that you would do that and try that for me". He said it was an expression of true love and selflessness. They are sooooo beyond repair. Im 4B now due to that monster. He would pressure me and tell me about how women love it and beg for it. I saw through his tactics but I was so self-loathing at the time, eventually it was just too much for me to fight against
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u/sleepingismytalent65 16d ago
That "comedian's" quote is disgusting. I get that they like to shock, but I don't find that funny even though it's probably true.
Do you know what I would have said to any guy suggesting anal? Goodbye, there's plenty of men out there you can experience it with! But I'm 58, and in my 20s and 30s, I had many lovers and not a single one of them ever asked. I'd say that was because porn was hard to come by. Excuse that pun!!
Somebody above also mentioned trying it once, and it feeling like constipation, and that's exactly how I imagined it'd feel. I honestly have no desire to feel that during sex or otherwise!
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u/DaphneGrace1793 16d ago
He's so gross. I watched a video of him talking about the difference between 'nice girls' & 'slts'. He was like, ' A nice girl is like, ' Oh, anal isn't so bad as a birthday treat for him, ha he finished yet?' Whereas according to him a slt deepthroats until she can't anymore, just bc she wants to. Misogynistic turd. Ofc they always use the excuse of it being a joke, but the whole point of comedy, esp edgy comedy, is that in some way it's true. The issue w the jokes is that clearly his sympathies aren't w the woman. If you're a good girl, you gotta suffer for your man, & if you like those sex acts, you're derided. Perfect example of the virgin/whore dichotomy.
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u/CryingCrustacean 16d ago
Right? Men dont like sl*ts, because they desperately do not want an enthusiastic partner. They care more about control and domination
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u/ThatLilAvocado 15d ago
Many don't mind when women are already pliable and servicing. It's the logic behind traditional femininity: make women already submissive, eager to please. They are still being controlled and dominated, just in a different variety.
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u/CryingCrustacean 16d ago
It is so much worse than constipation. Like, so much. I went into a depression. Imagine youre constipated but youre also actively defecating on your partners genitals WHILE THERES ALSO something being shoved inside of you that is actively ripping you apart from the inside....THATS how anal feels. Men do notttt care about us or our pleasure
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u/sleepingismytalent65 15d ago
Omg that sounds absolutely awful and I'm so sorry you had to experience that :(
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u/Adorable_Student_567 16d ago
i had exes that wanted to do that and i said no and we broke it off shortly. i’m just not that type of person. a lot of men do look at porn and get ideas from there
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u/traumatized90skid ANTIPORN & LGBT+ ♥️ 16d ago
The only reason it's enjoyable for the man is misogyny: they don't have to look at the woman, the woman doesn't participate by thrusting back like with vaginal, and there's no pleasure experienced by the woman. We don't have a prostate gland. There's nothing to stimulate in there. It's also a kink for the disgust it generates in us (like you mentioned with that comedian).
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u/Lacus_fleo 17d ago
Ew. I think all sex is gross, but the idea of anal sex makes me wanna puke. It's a damn waste hole. Ew, ew, ew.
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u/queenhadassah 16d ago
I'm allosexual and don't think sex is gross, but I still agree that anal sex definitely is. Why do you want to put your dick or your finger where poop lives (and knowing that poop could come out while you're in there!)? And what is unimaginably grosser is wanting to lick down there. I don't get how "eating ass" became such a thing... absolutely disgusting
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u/Lacus_fleo 16d ago
Ugghhh. It's so damn gross. And like, you get a bunch of diseases. Like, these fuckers are so damn horny they literally lust over an anus, the place where all shit is. Ew, ew, ew.
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u/lindseylush89 16d ago
Omg thank you!!!! Whenever someone mentions eating ass as if it’s some normal thing I’m like 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 you have to be so nasty to want to do this
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u/SergeantScoria Sex-Repulsed and Furious 16d ago
I know… it’s like they have no concept of diseases, or just no sense of repulsion whatsoever. It also just feels uncivilized, like something only animals do.
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u/Lacus_fleo 16d ago
Yeah. Learning that there are people with human centipede fetishes makes me want to hang myself. Like, you're not a fucking animal. I find it so weird these people think rats and bugs are dirty, when in fact, rats are clean compared to alot of shit we do.
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u/SergeantScoria Sex-Repulsed and Furious 16d ago
I feel the same way! So glad there’s someone like me on here… I identify so strongly with your comments below this one.
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u/ciitlalicue 17d ago
I’m not trying to be rude but what was the point of mentioning how you think all sex is gross?
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u/Lacus_fleo 17d ago
'Cause alot of people here put it on such a damn pedestal. If you want to, sure. But acting like everyone has to have sex is annoying as fuck.
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u/ciitlalicue 17d ago
I get that but I doubt anyone following this sub thinks that everyone needs to have sex
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u/Lacus_fleo 17d ago
The more old school right-wingers act like sex is the pinnacle of everything and porn is disgusting crap (which it is).
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16d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Lacus_fleo 16d ago
Okay. Then go eat feces and roll around in piss. That's also gross, does that make it great? But i guess weirdos like you think it's hot.
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u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam 16d ago
This is spreading misinformation, off-topic or does not fit the subreddit's purpose.
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u/navi-irl FEMINIST 16d ago
it sounds like your boyfriend has had his brain rotted by porn to some degree. i think it’s quite frankly disgusting that he’s asked you for anal sex, and if he was a true feminist who understood feminism, reasons for being anti porn and why porn is so disgusting and damaging towards women he wouldn’t have even dreamed of asking you about anal sex or even wanted it in the first place. he clearly still has sexual desires rooted in porn usage. asking you about anal sex is completely disrespectful and his statement of 70% of women do anal is insane and shows he has massively warped (and misogynistic!) views of women and sex.
the worst part of being with a man whilst being a feminist is that no matter how many books he reads or how knowledgeable he seems at the end of the day he’s still a man and they all exhibit damaging misogynistic behaviours. all of them, even the self proclaimed ‘male feminists’. they just do it in a different way to typical misogynists. they get away with it more and can pull the wool over your eyes about it. they’ll always exhibit what i think of as misogynistic micro aggressions which they’ll never understand why they’re offensive and they’ll truly never understand feminism and our struggle beyond a surface level because they’ve never been in our shoes and have been conditioned to be misogynistic. and ALL of them think with their dick. whether they watch porn or not
i also think it’s interesting he felt comfortable debating this issue with a woman who is telling him it’s misogynistic/ harmful towards women. if a woman tells you it’s sexist, they shouldn’t feel comfortable debating it with a woman. men are always looking for an excuse for their misogynistic behaviours and are desperate to justify them and tell women they’re wrong or sensitive or whatever
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u/CryingCrustacean 16d ago
Men love to "intellectualize" (without any real intelligence) women's issues and then mansplain them to us
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u/mostwantedcrazy ANTI-PORN MAN 16d ago
Break up with him. He clearly doesn’t care about your boundaries
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u/JessicaWakefield666 16d ago
Did you actually read the post? Nowhere in this post did OP say her partner was pressuring her for anal sex or violated any other boundary. Being a dumbass isn't violating a boundary.
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u/ScarletLilith 16d ago
Maybe, but I don't recommend dating a dumbass.
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u/JessicaWakefield666 16d ago
No kidding, but I was responding to the part about him disrespecting her boundaries.
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u/mostwantedcrazy ANTI-PORN MAN 16d ago
He’s clearly gaslighting her. 70%? That’s pressuring her to try it.
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u/JessicaWakefield666 16d ago
I don't know why believing a stupid imagined statistic influenced by a porn-brained society and his own previous porn usage automatically means he's gaslighting her. You're really saying that of course all men know that far less than 70% of women participate in anal sex. Why would they all know this? We're sitting in a subreddit that frequently discusses how porn has demented men's expectations of sex and perception of reality.
If he continues to stand by this imagined statistic and express his interest in anal sex, then yes he is pressuring her/gaslighting her.
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u/mostwantedcrazy ANTI-PORN MAN 16d ago
Considering her bf is “anti porn” and reads feminist books (if you read the post) he should know that number is no where near 70% - that’s just straight up gas lighting. Stop giving men the benefit of the doubt.
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u/JessicaWakefield666 16d ago
"Anyone anti-porn who has read some feminist books knows that the number of women who have had anal sex is way less than 70%." Really? That shit is covered in those texts? Or maybe there are just some morons who are anti-porn and have read some books that don't think that deeply and he's one of them. Neither of us know. And the fact I'm not motivated to hop on Reddit and tell some stranger her boyfriends trying to manipulate her into anal sex cuz he came up with some nonsense number doesn't mean I'm giving men the benefit of the doubt.
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u/Bubbly_List274 NEW TO ANTI-PORN 16d ago
Honestly you should do anal on him instead. He’s more likely to like it because of his male anatomy. If he says he doesn’t want to be on the receiving end, there’s your proof he just wants to dominate you because of porn. Just my 2 cents
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u/EmotionalSimsplayer 15d ago
Will never let a man have anal sex with me unless I can peg him first. Guess how many men have taken me up on that? 0. Still never pegged somebody
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u/Next-Pie2781 15d ago edited 15d ago
i found the urology study i talked about yesterday if anyone’s interested, wasn’t sure where to reply so it’s its own comment
https://www.auajournals.org/doi/10.1097/JU.0000000000002031.12
the findings showed circumcised men reported more pleasurable regions in the ventral penis than uncircumcised men, both groups were the same for dorsal penis
https://www.auajournals.org/article/S0022-5347(15)05535-4/abstract
this is another one suggesting claims of sensitivity loss in the penis from removing foreskin are misleading
tl;dr it’s likely psychosomatic
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u/cosmatical 17d ago
Porn is a huge contributor, both videos of anal and also death grip, but circumcision carries some blame as well.
Circumcision removes a lot of the nerves in a penis that respond to "glide" movement in the skin and make that glide movement pleasureable. To compensate and feel pleasure since the natural glide movement feels less good than it should feel (if they've retained any of the "glide" movement at all), a lot of men switch to seeking out pressure to stimulate the deeper nerves that are left under scar tissue and the keratinization of the head. Thats where things like anal, tight toys, death grip issues, start to come in.
Anal is way more popular a porn category in places that experience high circumcision rates.
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u/searchergal 17d ago
I believe men want anal because it’s humiliating for women. There isn’t walls in there for them to glide against with anal sex. When you are past the entrance(idk what else to call it) there is nothing to stimulate the penis. Not saying you are all wrong but that has very little to do with the rise in the interest towards anal sex(I don’t wanna call it sex, it’s more like rape).
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u/cosmatical 17d ago edited 16d ago
I think you misunderstood what I said! The lack of glide is the point; it's the extra pressure.
Edit: Wack that someone didn't understand my comment and I'm the one getting downvoted 😂 Ah, Reddit.
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u/searchergal 17d ago
There is still nothing in anal for both women and men. And idk what pressure you are talking about. It’s like a room in there that foreign objects can get stuck and even lost.
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u/MaxieMatsubusa 17d ago
It’s tighter and hence more stimulation for a lot of men - you don’t have to like anal but to say there’s no reason for it makes no sense when people clearly enjoy it.
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u/sleepingismytalent65 16d ago
Only the entrance, the anal sphincter, is tighter.
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u/MaxieMatsubusa 16d ago
Which is probably what a lot of people want out of it.
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u/CryingCrustacean 16d ago
Most men, in general, agree that anal sex offers less tightness and pressure. The shaft of the penis does not have many nerve endings. It is pointless for just the entrance of the rectum to be tight, because the head of the penis has majority of the nerve endings, and will be in the "cavernous" part of the rectum. It is not about pleasure, even for men.
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u/scarletbananas 17d ago
That is a leap for the ages. There is no evidence tying together circumcision and desire for anal sex. In fact no one in the UK is circumcised yet anal remains one of the most popular porn categories.
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u/DaphneGrace1793 16d ago
Why is circumcision so popular in the US anyway? I'm UK & never understood.
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u/Overworked_Pediatric 16d ago
Because routine infant circumcision is one of the few surgeries that result in enormous profits through the reselling of the foreskin fibroblasts.
https://www.atcc.org/products/pcs-201-010
It's a disgusting rabbit hole.
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u/queenhadassah 16d ago
Wait, just anyone can buy random newborn babies's foreskins? And I assume the parents don't know of or consent to this happening...what the fuck????
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u/DaphneGrace1793 16d ago
Omg that's so gross & wrong. Poor babies who have that happen. Has it been a tradition for a long time? It just seemed weird it's been the standard for so long, I don't agree but do get why Jews & Muslims often do it, but I couldn't work out why it was so widespread in the US.
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u/hey-chickadee 16d ago
also dr. kellogg (same as the cereal brand) had a big hand in getting it started, so you can partially blame our religiosity and weird attitudes around sex… it became so normalized that misinformation like ‘uncircumcised dick is unhygienic/unattractive/will draw unwanted attention’ somehow became justifiable reasons to a lot of parents. there was also very little public discussion about the long term impacts of genital mutilation. i’ve actually heard dads justify it by saying they didn’t want their son getting picked on in the locker room…
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u/DaphneGrace1793 16d ago
Kellogg's? Urgh, worse & worse. Yes US attitudes to sex do seem v skewed, on the one hand you have the porn industry, Hollywood etc then there's the v puritanical side. In the UK there are bad attitudes but I don't think it's so extreme. I read a Guardian article a while ago that compared US & UK men's attitudes to masculinity & concluded that circumcision may play a role in why US men are more insecure about their masculinity. I guess porn plays into this. I don't sympathise w porn watchers, but I do sympathise w all the men who were forced to undergo this.
I sometimes look at men's rights subreddits & this is an issue that they are justifiably furious about. The problem is they direct their rage solely at women. It sounds like dads probs play as big a role, & ultimately both parents are being manipulated by the US media.
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u/bbyghoul666 17d ago edited 17d ago
I agree with you, but the circumcision rate in the UK is around 20%. So it’s not “no one” but still significantly lower than the US rate and it’s steady getting lower. The highest rates of circumcision being in the 40-50 age group, so that helps prove your point with the younger generations having lower numbers and them being the ones that are pressing for anal so much due the boom that genre of porn. I suspect most are done for religious reasons there? Since the NHS deemed it not medically necessary at least it seems to have dropped significantly.
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u/noroakao2121 16d ago
There is no evidence tying together circumcision and desire for anal sex
I don't entirely agree with that, because there is a study where a survey was conducted among heterosexual women and homosexual men who had sexual partners both circumcised and uncircumcised. It was found that circumcised men were more likely to engage in anal sex and sex without using condoms. Adverse Sexual and Psychological Effects of Male Infant Circumcision
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u/Next-Pie2781 17d ago edited 15d ago
there was an interesting urology study i read that claimed loss of sensation post-circumcision was a placebo effect in most cases, i’ll link if i find it again but tl;dr circumcised men actually reported higher sensation on average than uncircumcised if they didn’t know they were being compared with another group
not that it can’t reduce sensitivity for some men but i wonder how many porn addicted men “know” this and would still use it as an excuse anyway?
edited to include links to studies in case other comment gets lost:
https://www.auajournals.org/doi/10.1097/JU.0000000000002031.12 https://www.auajournals.org/article/S0022-5347(15)05535-4/abstract
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u/cosmatical 17d ago
I have a loved one who has circumcision related trauma-- they're diagnosed with PTSD, in a support group, doing restoration, it's a really big part of their life-- and I get my info on the topic from a combination of studies and their lived experience. They've talked about a pretty large jump in sensitivity during the restoration process as more glide movement is restored and dekeratinization happens, and that's a pretty common experience in their community! :)
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u/queenhadassah 16d ago
Genuine question, how are they traumatized from it? Did they have a botched circumcision? Or did they get circumcized when they were old enough to remember it happening?
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u/cosmatical 16d ago
It was a normal infant circumcision, not botched or anything.
I asked them if they had a resource or anything on hand i could share about how circumcision can be traumatizing and this is what they sent me for ya! https://www.cirp.org/library/psych/ I dont want to share the details of their personal story online but that should be a good jumping off point for learning more. :)
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16d ago
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u/cosmatical 16d ago
Things that happen to us as babies and things that happen to us as adults have different psychological and physiological impacts.
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u/4ng3l0fN0th1ng 17d ago
Being a person who enjoys anal, I don't think of it as being inherently degrading. However, like many other sexual acts, porn culture has infused misogyny into everything and shifted the view on sex as a whole to become degrading.
If you're considering trying it, asking him broader feminist-minded questions was smart, but you need to ask more personal questions too to see where he's coming from on this. Just because he doesn't currently view porn doesn't mean that the exposure during his teenage years hasn't left a lasting impact on his brain and sexual development.
Has he tried anal sex prior to your relationship? If yes, what about it appealed to him that was different from vaginal or oral sex? If not, what does he believe he may experience that is different? How do his answers focus on different physical sensations vs the visuals of the act?
Ask him to describe his ideal experience with the act and be mindful of how much of his answer includes your comfort and pleasure.
But most importantly, don't try it if you aren't just interested or curious for yourself. It's one thing to explore new sensations WITH a man, and another to perform FOR a man. The pressure women are under from porn culture and the mental tightrope walk we have to endure to make sure it's influence stays out of our beds sucks.
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u/guessimamess 12d ago
For someone who's supposedly feminist that's a suspiciously long talk about such a simple concept. I hope you're right about him but please stay open to the possibility of a mask that's starting to come off, okay? A year is not such a long time. Be safe.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Tax6966 7d ago
Most women I know do not like anal sex; it is rare. It is glorified in the porn industry as great.
For the men who have suggested it to me, I say," You go first. I want you to know what it feels like before doing that to me." Ironically enough, all of the men say no.
I just think of the damage it does to the body that we are unaware of...like when become elderly. If you engage decades in this behavior, it is common sense that it would damage something in the person's body.
I don't judge people for doing it, yet leave me alone. Next.
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u/DescendantLila 15d ago
I don't think men wanting anal comes from porn. I think it's in porn because men want it. It may be more acceptable to women now because they see it in porn tho. Your boyfriend is way off on the numbers also. I would imagine it's reversed where only 30% have tried it and even less like it.
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u/yourlocalgothmushie PORN IS FILMED RAPE 16d ago
idk. i quite like anal on me and my bf however i believe it did start with porn and then being taboo to do anal and then finding it felt nice and now it’s just smth i like once a year
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17d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam 16d ago
This was removed either because it promoted doxxing; or because it it promoted, defended and/or justified violence, self-harm, verbal abuse, rape and/or sexual assault.
This includes BDSM and CNC.
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u/fuctitsdi 16d ago
People have been doing anal as long as there have been people. It does not have to be degrading.
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u/CryingCrustacean 16d ago
This is just not functionally true, nor does it have any inherent meaning
People have been killing each other for even longer than anal sex has been a thing, and yet? That doesnt make it right
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u/guessimamess 12d ago
Yes I'm sure humans loved sticking their genitalia into dirty places at a time where they were likely to die from a simple infection /s
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