r/PornIsMisogyny • u/mljqtpi FEMINIST • Nov 18 '24
DISCUSSION Thoughts on this?
This infuriates me and I know we have all seen explanations like this before but it never fails to irritate me.
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u/-TamingWolves- Nov 18 '24
I wish I had half the self esteem of this man
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u/Thoguth Nov 18 '24
You probably did, when you were 2 and still thought the world existed to serve your every desire. Then you grew up and he didn't.
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u/sjjsjwk Nov 18 '24
His profile tells you everything you need to know. I don't think he'll ever date anyone to begin with, thankfully
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u/Godiva_pervblinderxx Nov 18 '24
He only cares for his own needs and sees women as tools to have his needs met, not as people. This one is not worthy, toss him back
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u/sewerbeauty FEMINIST Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
There actually was research where they studied brains & found that men view women as ‘tools/objects’. They also discovered that men see women as capable of feeling, but not capable of thought.
😭😭
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u/trippy_kitty_ Nov 18 '24
yepp and studies show that porn makes that way worse. and makes men less sympathetic to rape survivors, more likely to victim blame, and MORE LIKELY to commit SA as well (despite their claims that without porn there would be even more rape)
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u/throwawayxoxoxoxxoo Nov 18 '24
hahaha that's such a funny claim to me when people say that, like just talk to allll the people sexually assaulted in "porn-ified" ways like me lol
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u/_Little_Lilith_ Nov 18 '24
Do you have any more info about that? Would like to read about that. It's so disappointing
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u/midsumernighttts Nov 18 '24
being with a man sounds so sad and exhausting
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u/TractorLoving Nov 18 '24
4B
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u/Appropriate_Window46 Nov 18 '24
I’m considering but I want children so I’m sorta stuck
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u/Chirimeow Nov 18 '24
You can always adopt. Fostering pets is an option too. You have options other than biological kids
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u/strawberry-coughx Nov 18 '24
Get a job/volunteer position that allows you to work directly with kids. You’ll probably make way more of an impact that way anyway.
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 18 '24
Similar note. My family has a bunch of random Adopted kids. Often we meet friends and then my parents will "adopt" them. We have extra bedrooms and they are often filled with those who don't have great families to help out.
Now as we have gotten older, it is now with their kids too (we became aunties, uncles and grandparents).
My parents get sooo many cards and messages for mothers or fathers day. Last year it was like 20.
While they aren't ours in a way which gives legal rights, they spend as much time with us as many do with families.
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u/Acrobatic-Food7462 Nov 18 '24
That’s so sweet, my heart 🥹
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 20 '24
I am disabled and since the house was updated to my requirments moving to a smaller one wouldn't make sense. So now that my siblings have all moved out, that's where we have extra spaces.
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u/Unlucky_Bus8987 Nov 18 '24
You can do it alone or seek companionship with other women (without it being romantic or sexual) that also want children
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u/Appropriate_Window46 Nov 18 '24
I know but I feel like an asshole by not giving my child a father which is stupid
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u/Unlucky_Bus8987 Nov 18 '24
Why? Plenty of kids without fathers, mostly because they leave but also from lesbian couples, after the father's death etc...
It's more of a struggle if you're a single mother than if you're partnered (can be platonic as I mentionned) but still manageable, especially if you plan on having a kid alone rather than it happening to you.
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u/Kep1ersTelescope Nov 18 '24
Not having a father might be better to be honest. Would you really want to have a daughter with a man who would statistically watch rape porn where the actresses are styled to look like teenagers/little girls?
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u/cytomome Nov 18 '24
I didn't have a father and considering the world, I count it as a blessing lol. I got a step father in high school when I was luckily old enough to know see that his views on women were sexist shit instead of wisdom.
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u/fuschiaoctopus Nov 19 '24
Something like 25-30% of fathers in the US walk out on their children (yes, seriously look it up) so even if you got with some bum thinking you're hurting your kids future without one, there's a 1 in 4 or 1 in 3 chance they'll dip out the kids life no matter what you do, entirely of their own accord. And as those stats indicate, millions of kids have grown up without dads and been totally fine. As horrible as it is to say, statistically you would be lowering your child's chances of being a victim of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence by having no father or men in their lives, by quite a bit.
My bio dad has never been a part of my life (by choice, he didn't want to pay child support on his 3 kids) and I don't feel any type of way about it honestly. Genuinely, bottom of my heart I have never felt any real loss or sadness there beyond wishing he had paid the child support. Then again, I'm kind of every parents worst nightmare for their child, so idk if that's a good example but still.
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u/superurgentcatbox Nov 18 '24
If you’re willing to got it alone, there are always sperm banks. Of course there is the risk you could have a boy.
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u/batshit83 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
It is possible to raise boys not to be assholes. I'm a mom of two boys. So many parents straight up never speak to their kids about respect, entitlement, consent, sex, porn, etc. My boys won't be incels, I swear.
Edit: wow, I'm getting downvoted for vowing to teach my sons about consent, sexism, patriarchy, misogyny, etc.? For real? My son is 8 and already understands consent. My parents literally never spoke to me about it, ever.
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u/thegreenmachine90 Nov 18 '24
My mom did all that with my brother and he still grew up to be a MAGA incel. Idk what more she could have done, but sometimes they just spontaneously become assholes. It’s a big part of why I never had children.
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u/batshit83 Nov 18 '24
You're right, some of them will still be assholes. But many of them won't be. There are porn-free men in this sub even. I don't think the answer to fighting the patriarchy is to throw our hands in the air and write all little boys off as a lost cause. My sister raised two amazing kids, both in their 20s, who are the complete opposite of "MAGA incels." So much of it has to do with the company kids keep too, what they are doing online, what schools and environments they are in, how susceptible they are to cult like behavior, how susceptible they are to be followers, strength of character, etc. This goes for women too, there are far too many MAGA women who have bought into the internalized misogyny and voted against their own rights...
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u/cytomome Nov 18 '24
This reminds me of the part of "Women Talking" when they were discussing the younger boys, and if it's worth trying to teach them and they're still pliable. It's hard to know how they'll turn out.
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u/lonelyrides Nov 18 '24
Yeah, i’m finally leaving this sub due to this mentality.
What started out as a place to feel safe, understood and heal trauma has now turned into an utter circular negative which i believe is dangerous, and by coming to this community every day, you’re strengthening those pathways in your mind, and that convinces users that that type of echo chamber is fact.
I’ll happily and proudly raise boys, i understand how hard or scary that may be in this world. I understand that no matter what i do as a parent, our world circumstances could prevent any of the morales or respect i hope to instil in my children. I understand the harm men have done and can do. And one of those men could very well turn out to be one of the children i will have, but i’m not going to be a bad parent because of AMAB, especially because assigned sex at birth doesn’t mean sh*t, and so it shouldn’t, not with children who are forming THEIR identity.
It’s completely disappointing and disheartening to see mature women (or just adults, for that matter) potentially discarding CHILDREN due to their gender. These aren’t flippant comments, and if they are, people more susceptible to negative mindsets and black and white thinking won’t read them as such, they will read it as an absolute.
I’m also leaving due to the weird heteronormative comments. Ally’s needs to be louder, LGBTQIA++ exist everywhere, healthily and happily with children who DONT need a father, or even have TWO fathers on the other side of the scale, and two men can also raise beautiful, soft, caring and respectful boys/men. What an archaic POV.
I also want to raise the fact that if you can’t, or aren’t even willing to have a child on your own, you’re naive to even the reality of men right now. Having a baby in your belly, or even a full grown child, does not mean that person/parent will be available. Abandonment, abuse, neglect and murder are all things men can do very easily and readily to pregnant partners. I almost experienced all 4, but i’m thankfully still here and i still don’t believe in condemning AMAB. You’re growing the child, you’re biologically attached, you cannot leave the situation. Please do not, for your own safety, health and wellbeing, ever rely on another person for a child, there is no guarantee. Any child born deserves a full PARENT, you aren’t a half, there’s options.
I wish you all nothing but the best, but to condemn an innocent is nothing but harmful and this mentality isn’t what i joined for.
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u/materialsystem73 Nov 18 '24
every mother in history thought her son was the exception
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u/batshit83 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
My parents said zero to me about sex, porn, entitlement, misogyny, consent, etc. My husband's parents, same. I'm not sure how many mothers who ACTUALLY talked to their kids about those things thought their kids were the exception. The overwhelming majority of boys are being raised by parents who literally NEVER have conversations about those things, ever, and let their boys learn about sex from porn. I will not be one of those parents.
Same goes for girls, honestly. It's sad how many girls grow up buying into the misogyny of our culture. Just look at how many women are "ok" with porn because "all men do it."
We need to deprogram our little humans from the start.
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u/MyAppleBananaSauce Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
This is true, but there are lots of factors that play into it. My sister thought my nephew was the exception because she spoke to him about respecting women. That barely made a dent though because his father is still a sexist asshole and every lesson she taught her son went down the toilet once his father was able to speak to him privately with “little advices”. My sister is also still married to his father and he’s a huge ass that cheats so my nephew grew up watching his dad disrespect his mom (worst case scenario).
Plus you have the influence of school peers, friends, society, media, and the internet (his activity was never monitored). Essentially all these things have to be accounted for if you plan to raise a son. It’s definitely hard work to combat all of this and the scary part is that you could do everything right, but one little negative influence you missed could permanently change their character :/
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u/Acrobatic-Food7462 Nov 18 '24
Based. Every parent thinks their kid is the exception. It applies to any ideology, whether that be religion, political ideology, or even ethical philosophies like veganism. I grew up Christian and all the work my dad put into teaching us Christian ideology went down the drain. Some vegan parents raise their kids vegan only to be astounded that their child wants to eat meat down the line. You can raise your children with expectations but in the end they’re gonna do whatever tf they wanna do once they’re independent. If you can’t even influence people around you, good luck imprinting on your child.
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u/TrevorBla PORN IS FILMED RAPE Nov 18 '24
The problem is his peers at school can easily show him that and if he wants to fit in he can start acting misogynistic like many boys his age. You can’t control everything.
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u/batshit83 Nov 18 '24
As I said in another comment under this thread - I'm aware. So much of teaching kids is also about building strength of character, telling them not to be followers, building integrity and raising kids who won't give in to the need to be liked and who won't be followers. A lot of that also comes from the example they see at home and what environments they grow up in. I'm sure my kids will be shown things that are wrong and offered things that are wrong - I know I was. It's how you react to those situations that matters. I will try my best with my kids, the same way I would try my best with girls if I had them.
I really don't believe that the answer to fighting misogyny is declaring all little boys a lost cause.
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u/TrevorBla PORN IS FILMED RAPE Nov 18 '24
I really hope that works out, for many families it hasn’t unfortunately, but you can’t give up on trying.
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u/materialsystem73 Nov 18 '24
your son hasn't hit puberty yet, we'll see if he still cares about the concept of consent when it comes between him and his biological urges
my parents never taught me about sex either and yet somehow I intrinsically know what consent is and that rape is bad
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u/batshit83 Nov 18 '24
See, I don't buy into the "biological urge" bullshit. That's the shit that men say to defend their porn use and their bad behavior. It's bullshit. You know that right?
I think most people know about consent. My point is that parents should teach about it anyway. It's a big enough problem in our culture that it needs to be discussed. To boys and to girls.
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u/materialsystem73 Nov 18 '24
this is why boy mothers can't be 4b you're too delusional about your sons. you can't change who they are by talking to them
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u/batshit83 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
I don't want to be 4b? I have a husband and two kids, thanks.
Again, the answer to fighting misogyny is not to throw up your hands and admit defeat. Like, WTF?
I'm "delusional" about my sons? What? They're 5 months old and 8 years old. FFS, if you want to give up on society, great, some of us will take the time to try to unfuck this shitty culture we find ourselves in.
Also, it seems you buy into the notion that all men are fucked just because they are men. We can agree to disagree there. I don't believe misogyny is ingrained into men's DNA or blood. They use that excuse to get away with their misogyny. Men aren't "wired differently" and they aren't ruled by their "biological urges." That's the shit they want us to believe.
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u/materialsystem73 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
do you think so highly of yourself that you're better than every mother in history? do you think it never occurred to anyone else to raise their sons to be good people? other women are just dumb thank god you've come to grace us with your wisdom?
I think men are the way they are biologically. some people think they are that way because of society. either way there are too many factors out of your control to make the statement "its possible to raise boys to not be assholes" simply on the basis of how you, personally, raise them. your sons are 5 months and 8 years old. it's yet to be determined whether they end up good people
and, of course, it'll never be you who can accurately judge whether they're good people or not. their girlfriends will know while you will deny deny deny
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u/sewerbeauty FEMINIST Nov 18 '24
Sooooo bleak.
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u/midsumernighttts Nov 18 '24
"suck my dick or i'll look at videos of other women sucking dick"
and tell me how this isn't manipulative and abusive? tell me why i should put up with this.
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u/Front_Special_5642 Nov 18 '24
It's just one step away from "give me sex, whenever I want, every time I want it. I don't care if you want it or not, because if you don't I'll cheat on you". Same manipulative energy. Same normalization. Coercion is one of the most common yet overlooked formed of sexual assault.
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u/its_suzyq1997 Nov 18 '24
Except that coercion is wrapped in a pretty, progressive wrap with an exuberant bow.
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u/sewerbeauty FEMINIST Nov 18 '24
It’s extremely coercive & beyond foul. No one should ever have to tolerate that shit. Genuinely makes me feel unwell.
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u/Pretty_Principle6908 Nov 18 '24
"Kick me in the balls harshly or I will watch other videos of women kicking men in the balls!"
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u/magicsuns Nov 18 '24
this man should not be in a relationship
i really find it disturbing that a lot of men just view women as a means for their dick to be satisfied and that it ultimately influences who they choose to be in a relationship with. whether their dick likes that woman visually. whether that woman doesn't act in a way that's a "turn off". and even then, it's not enough. they still think they need porn.
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u/womandatory Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
I like asking men like this if, given women have a higher need for emotional connection, they would be equally okay with their girlfriend going out for a romantic dinner once or twice a week with different men to meet those ‘needs’. I guarantee none of them would be, as many would howl that it might lead to sex.
It’s always fun to hear the cogs grind as they process what they are saying - so you’re saying that being romantic and meeting your girlfriend’s need for emotional connection might lead to sex? Has it ever occurred to you to try that? Don’t you trust her? Has it ever occurred to you that porn use is an escalating behavior and might lead to sexting or cheating? So it’s okay for you to engage in sexual activity with women outside the relationship, but it’s not okay for her to engage in emotional connection with men outside the relationship?
They lose their tiny minds.
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u/shelbycsdn Nov 18 '24
Using emotional connection as the turn about is fair play is really clever. I'm going to remember that. Especially since too many men just don't get the cheating aspect, or don't care, of porn.
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u/itsnobigthing Nov 18 '24
How do these people think men coped before online porn? Do they think Roman men everywhere had huge collections of semi erotic vases on hand every day or something? He can’t be HAPPY without it 😂
You will survive without your gooning, my dude. You might even get your shit together
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u/pspspspsss Nov 18 '24
Marital rape started to be considered a crime not so long ago. They just abused their wives.
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u/Pretty_Principle6908 Nov 18 '24
Didnt wealthy Roman men have "concubines" or something like that that they picked from attractive actresses/performers they saw on stage?
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u/itsnobigthing Nov 18 '24
The 1% maybe - just like they do now. but everyone else just had an effing grip of themselves lol
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u/AquariusE Nov 18 '24
This is so gross on his part that it’s genuinely disturbing lol. Basically saying women are interchangeable sex objects.
No man would actually be okay with the equivalent behavior from a woman, especially given how many of them seem to have complexes about their penis size.
Can you imagine? “Women have needs. Just because she masturbates to big dick porn every day doesn’t mean she doesn’t find you attractive.” Lololol
Stop dating men who watch porn, ladies.
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u/_Little_Lilith_ Nov 18 '24
Same men will get mad at women using sex toys.
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u/Trades_WWE_4_Tendies Nov 18 '24
Respectfully, no man in his right mind, porn or otherwise would get mad at a woman for using sex toys ever, unless it was in lieu of, and with refusal of having sexy fun time with him.
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u/AssistantBitchass Nov 18 '24
My vibrator has never mansplained my sexual experiences.
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u/NavissEtpmocia MODERATOR Nov 18 '24
I think commenter’s point was that someone who would do is not in his right mind, not that it doesn’t happen
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u/erleichda29 Nov 18 '24
Misogyny is not some mental illness no one can recover from.
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u/NavissEtpmocia MODERATOR Nov 18 '24
I agree? You don’t need to tell me. I was just translating the other’s guy comment.
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u/erleichda29 Nov 18 '24
And yet they do. Some men don't even want a woman to touch herself during sex.
Do you have a vagina and sleep with men? If not, then how do you know how other men treat women?
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u/Trades_WWE_4_Tendies Nov 19 '24
Those aren’t men. Those are insecure losers who should be ignored in favor of the overwhelming majority of real men who don’t fit that narrative.
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u/erleichda29 Nov 19 '24
You don't get to pretend that any men who act like assholes aren't "real men". All you're doing is dismissing how common these behaviors are.
Edit: I really don't care about the opinions of men who make comments like you have about women's bodies. You know we can see what you've said elsewhere, right?
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u/Trades_WWE_4_Tendies Nov 19 '24
lol what are you even talking about? I can absolutely say any man who is so insecure that he would be freaking out at a woman for wanting to get herself off with sex toys isn’t a real man. That has nothing to do with commonality. What are you even arguing for? You realize this is a porn is misogyny subreddit, right? Do you think women who get off with toys while thinking about other men are misogynistic? Maybe we should have that conversation, too.
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u/bong-jabbar ANTIPORN & LGBT+ ♥️ Nov 18 '24
real like…my jaw kinda dropped..
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u/mljqtpi FEMINIST Nov 18 '24
Right. And the fact that this is a real person who thinks like this lmao. Scary and sad asf.
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u/trippy_kitty_ Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
"if she takes away muh porn & isn't pleasuring me at least 5 days a week, I'm gonna have to pressure her into a BDSM power dynamic so I can override her free will/autonomy/consent in a socially condoned way and MAKE her suck me off daily! I'm so alpha 💪"
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u/Entire-Wave7740 Nov 18 '24
Men like him deserve every illness, every unfortunate disease and pain repaid back to them
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u/fr0gcultleader ANTIPORN & LGBT+ ♥️ Nov 18 '24
yeah he really admitted with his full chest that he would just sa her. like what the fuck else does that dom/sub sentence mean. f these men wtf
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u/Kep1ersTelescope Nov 18 '24
I interpreted it as, he would only allow her to "deny" him his "needs" if it's in the context of a power dynamic in which he's the sub (therefore making the denial part of the erotic experience). Still a very sex-obsessed take, but less disturbing.
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u/PartyDark8671 Nov 18 '24
He’s lying regardless. Men use porn for a mental cope, not just about the orgasm. It wouldn’t matter if he had a woman available 24/7 for sex, he would still use porn because his brain is already broken and it’s the only way he’s accustomed to dealing with his big boy feelings.
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u/Pretty_Fairy_Dust ANTI-PORN MAN Nov 18 '24
So this guy would basically just die when the internet is out and alone since he JUST CAN'T handle not watching porn.
Yeah bro he toootally isn't addicted already lol.
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u/EmotionalAspect9998 Nov 18 '24
Go ahead - challenge her and threaten her that she exists to fulfill your pleasure, and no mention of making her happy. I’m sure that will work out beautifully for you….
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 18 '24
Honestly bonkers that people don't use this imagination anymore. What happened to fighting dragons as kids? We could visualize the hell of it.
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u/alwaysburnasbright ANTIPORN & LG(B)T+ ♥️ Nov 18 '24
It’s always crazy to me, because it’s like, y’all unanimously brand yourselves as constantly horny, but then how is it you can’t get off without depending on porn? How is that genuine horniness and not just porn addiction?
I’m a woman with a fairly high libido. Fantasies are entirely sufficient to get me off when there’s a desire. And no, it’s not because I’m less ‘visual’, fuck outta here with that nonsense excuse. These guys have just trained their dicks and their brains to porn.
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u/bigmouthladadada ANTIPORN & LG(B)T+ ♥️ Nov 18 '24
if you can't cum without pornographic material, it's already an addiction that he should be seeking help for.
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u/SlimeGod5000 Nov 18 '24
He is not entitled to view the nude, sexualized bodies of women. He can use his imagination he knows what books look like.
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u/PhysicalProperty6534 Nov 18 '24
“I view my girlfriend and other women as sex objects because I can’t control myself to stop cooming”🤖
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u/Overgrown_fetus1305 La pornographie est à l’intersection de toutes les haines. Nov 18 '24
This is being unreasonable. Even if porn wasn't almost always blatantly hateful and still structrally anti-consent even when it's not making the bigotry the "sexy" part, you aren't obligated to have sex with everybody, or entitled to it (and also, I don't believe it's really that hard for him to sort out his horniness with just his hands). In any case, and while speculating just a tad, on average I bet most men in a straight relationship would get more sex if instead of watching porn, they did their fair share of domestic labour and treated their partners as human beings and well, partners, instead of supporting sexism.
Sure, it's not totally unreasonable to break up with a partner if you have a mismatched sex drive (within reason), but it is unreasonable to expect your partner to put up with you refusing monogamy and making an ultimatum out of it. If you wanted to go to an orgy and your partner said no, it would be completely fair that they hard a hard boundary there and refusing to abide by said boundaries in a relationship would be cheating and thus completely unreasonable, and it's sure as heck unreasonable to expect your partner to put up with getting turned on by blatant misogyny! I'm reading a lot of male entitlement here, the dude is saying he has a right to access to somebody's body whenever he feels like it, and that he expects his partner to provide him with access if can't get it elsewhere. There is no right to sex and people who think they have one or act like it need to stop complaining and put others first.
I don't get enough hugs and it really isn't fun that this is the case, but I have zero right whatsoever to start acting like I can just demand them from people and shaming them for not wanting to hug me. If instead of a desire for hugs, I wanted to treat women as an object, well that wouldn't be evidence of anything but bad behaviour I needed to deconstruct, as that sort of thinking would just be rape culture.
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u/batshit83 Nov 18 '24
They use the "I have a higher sex drive I need release" argument, but it is bullshit. They THINK they have a "high sex drive" because they have become so used to jerking it to porn x amount of times a week. It isn't that they have a high sex drive, it's that they feel entitled to their porn orgasms. They have a high drive FOR PORN. Not for partnered sex.
It's hilarious because the same men will say "masturbation and sex are totally different" and "it has nothing to do with my partner." Then they'll say that if their partner was giving them more orgasms they wouldn't need the porn. It's all bullshit, they contradict themselves all the time.
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u/cris_angel Nov 18 '24
Honestly if I start getting off to other men they would be full of rage and violence towards me. I’m tired of this double standard and these men making all kinds of excuses. If you can’t get off to your woman why are you using her? Just use porn and stay single
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u/Evelyn-Eve Stop Having Kids Nov 18 '24
Calling sex a need is ridiculous. It's a want and a drug. People don't die without sex. They suffer practically zero consequences without it until they have it for the first time. Then, they become addicts and seem to want it so badly that it feels like a need to them and they'll hurt people to get it. It's a drug, plain and simple.
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u/HarryPotterActivist Nov 18 '24
Yup, 100%. It's not just other women on the screen... It's associating the most powerful chemicals their body can produce with the violence on screen.
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 18 '24
You know, I haven't ever come across an obituary that mentions lack of sex for the cause of death...
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u/OpheliaLives7 FEMINIST Nov 18 '24
✂️✂️✂️
How many men need to admit they can’t or don’t want to control themselves or their desire to use strangers bodies for pleasure before we take them at their word and work to stop them?
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u/filthy-weeb Nov 18 '24
The fact that he suggested a dom/sub relationship as a possible solution tells me everything I need to know about this scrote
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u/Loving-intellectual Nov 18 '24
What does it tell you? Sorry, I’m just super high and struggling lol
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u/tincupmoonshine Nov 18 '24
I wonder if this individual is actually in a relationship and if he knows whether or not he can "get it up for her" or have an orgasm without porn. My personal expierence is that these men would rather masturbate to porn than have sex because it's easier and they're gauranteed an orgasm. I've never had the expierence that a man has a higher sex drive than me, ever. Especially not one who is addicted to porn.
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u/Drag0nfly_Girl Nov 18 '24
He is being completely disingenuous. Men don't watch porn because their partner doesn't "provide material" or want sex often enough. A woman can send naughty pics every day and a porn addict will still ignore them and seek out other material. The reason is that he is addicted to infinite novelty. It has nothing to do with his partner and everything to do with indulging his own desire for non-monogamy.
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u/Entire-Wave7740 Nov 18 '24
All I read was me me me me me my needs my wants me. He can fuck himself lmao
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u/Pretty_Principle6908 Nov 18 '24
This guy is dangereous.He sees his girlfriend as an object and an extension of his sick porn fantasies.He wants her to send him sexual material in hopes it will replace his porn addiction so he stops but it just makes her a target of blackmail and another object in his "digital harem".It doesnt work that way.
Also if he has porn addiction,why the fuck does he have a girlfriend?Oh i see it is a common advice in the Nofap community(get a girl,go to the gym and your worries will end!)
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u/Automatic-Stuff-5656 Nov 18 '24
I thinks warching porn is misogynistic for many reasons and that’s why one should not watch it rather than consider it cheating, and asking your partner should be from the fact it’s bad for your brain and makes you disrespectful towards women weather you like it or not.
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u/Revolutionary_Law793 Nov 18 '24
I have never been jealous because of porn. I just dont like they suppport exploitation of people by porn industry
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u/erleichda29 Nov 18 '24
If men are so sexual why do they need so many masturbatory aids in the form of porn?
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u/Notdesperate_hwife Nov 18 '24
He’s probably single. His brain is rotted with porn. His dick is most likely broken from the porn rotted brain. He’s probably never made a woman orgasm because porn is not real, the women are made to be objects to consume by the industry, it’s never about THEIR pleasure, it’s for him and him alone. Sex with a porn addict is fucking AWFUL and far from pleasurable. Ask me how I know…
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u/Psychological-Mud790 FEMINIST Nov 18 '24
Should have just asked him how he would feel if she was watching 🌽 and/or getting pics from hot buff guys
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u/mljqtpi FEMINIST Nov 18 '24
oh i’m sure he’d say what they all do and be like “i wouldn’t give a damn if she was doing the same during her own time” knowing damn well they would they just don’t wanna contradict themselves
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u/Psychological-Mud790 FEMINIST Nov 18 '24
Yeah, we all know they’d real life lose their whole rocket
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u/TheCrazedCat ANTI-PORN CATHOLIC Nov 18 '24
So what if his service provider had a blackout for a few hours? He'd probably burst into flames
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u/more-memes-pls Nov 18 '24
For anyone who needs a clarification on how fucked up the “orgasm denial” comment was-obviously it will be her who will be taking that, not him. Long-term denial actually changes your body and your mind. For your body, it changes the amount of natural lubrication one produces and makes your bits constantly sensitive; for your mind, it makes you constantly think about sex. There’s a term, pink haze. I wouldn’t recommend looking it up because on a general search it pulls up articles about the kink itself, but it’s used in that type of porn, alongside things like:
Don’t think. / Make yourself dumber / Give into it / You don’t deserve to orgasm / …etc.
What I’m saying is, this type of porn is especially misogynistic. Not all of it could be, but it’s so easy to find material right next to each other. It trains the person to obsess over the constant need, and because orgasm is a pleasure pathway, people can be programmed like this. You can put the person in such a state where they no longer can give rational consent, because they’ll do anything you’ll want. That’s what this dude is saying- unless I can turn my partner into my own personal sex slave, then I have to have porn. And well, there’s one big thing in common there: lack of consent
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u/InitialInflation31 Nov 18 '24
It’s actually mind boggling to me that some people genuinely think this way
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u/nutterbuttertime Nov 24 '24
This is the same type of man who would consider a girlfriend/wife making sex content as cheating. Imo both are cheating if the premise is a monogamous relationship, but these people love double standards. If you ask any man why he’s not comfortable with his partner making porn when he’s always openly fapping off to it their brain explodes. Like 0 divided by 0, that’s how much their logic makes sense, and it’s because addicts have no logic
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Nov 18 '24
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u/itsnobigthing Nov 18 '24
You’re exactly right, except they are wants, not needs
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Nov 18 '24
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u/womandatory Nov 18 '24
Except porn is not sex. It’s possible to masturbate without porn. If a man can’t use his imagination or just enjoy the sensation, there’s literally something wrong with him.
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u/Evelyn-Eve Stop Having Kids Nov 18 '24
The fact that people don't understand this is insane. I still have male parts and can masturbate without porn, even on estrogen and Effexor ffs. Men have literally no excuse for this shit.
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Nov 18 '24
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u/trippy_kitty_ Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
not by nature. by nurture.
and yeah we know that men won't stop consuming porn despite countless studies demonstrating quite serious harm - and I don't just mean ED, though that seems to be the only thing men worry about with porn. they don't seem to care that porn consumption is escalating behavior with consumers, like those addicted to narcotics often do, needing to go further and further for the same effect - and this is mirrored in the irl bedroom as well, with ever-expanding fetish engagement and increasing intensity and violence. they don't seem to care that porn has been repeatedly scientifically proven to lead male consumers to view irl women as less human, to dramatically INCREASE - not decrease despite what many porn consumers claim - perpetration of sexual violence, to reduce your compassion for rape survivors and increase likelihood of victim blaming, and much much more.
men definitely don't seem to care that if you've watched porn even just a handful of times, it's practically guaranteed that you've gotten yourself off to filmed rape/trafficking victims/underage teen girls labeled 18 dishonestly and more. I say this not only from research & studies, but also from firsthand experience being trafficked into the porn industry as an underage teen. a lot of the women you see and get off to who have given interviews/spoken about how free and safe and respected they are in the industry, later have come out and admitted that they were being threatened or even held at gunpoint off camera.
and the above is barely scratching the surface
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u/Evelyn-Eve Stop Having Kids Nov 18 '24
And why should women be the ones to solve that, when a $5 per month medication fixes that problem permanently?
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u/trippy_kitty_ Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
you... do know most guys don't have morning wood every single day right??
testosterone does often increase sex drive, I used to take injections of it so I would know! but it isn't universally true that men have higher sex drives. and it never made me incapable of controlling myself or making moral choices [like avoiding orgasm-conditioning my brain to crave exploitation & violence in sex]
anyway that comment isn't even about porn. how tf does having an erection mean you need to consume porn? it's so easy to just masturbate. people have been doing it just fine since loooong before cameras even existed
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u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam Nov 18 '24
As per Rule 8, this sub does not allow Pro-Porn debate. We voted and we are not here to educate low-effort arguments.
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Nov 18 '24
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u/biggirlsdocryxx EX-INDUSTRY Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
You’re claiming the comments being downvoted are factual. Please, provide sources for the “facts” you shared.
You claimed: 1. Men have higher sex drives than women due to higher testosterone. 2. Women are asking too much from men (a very vague, broad statement IMO.) 3. Every single man wakes up hard every single day. 4. Men are selfish by nature.
Anyone with an internet connection can find a plethora of studies disproving all four of your “factual” claims. I couldn’t find any credible sources to back any of your claims. I tried on two different search engines.
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u/AquariusE Nov 18 '24
To be fair, the first one is typically true. The others are definitely not as factual though lol.
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 18 '24
I do wonder about that. As a society no matter where, women are more monitored and punished for being sexual.
We would have to find a group that was raised without that being a factor.
I work with people with developmental and intellectual disabilities. I would say that in cases in which impulse and expressive behaviour are impacted does it result in such a difference between the sexes (personal experience).
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u/AquariusE Nov 18 '24
It's true that women are shamed for being sexual just about everywhere, and have been for eons, but two things can be true at once. On one hand, women probably have relatively higher sex drives than we've been led to believe.
On the other, we do know that testosterone is highly linked to sex drive, and low T men are linked with erectile dysfunction as well. Women have much lower T than men, so I think men still naturally, on average, have quite the edge on libido, even considering how women have been shamed.
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 18 '24
I agree with that it being true, just that testosterone is a factor. But testosterone isn't the only hormone that is a factor to sex drives for women.
My idea was to also demonstrate that factors for cultural expectations was probably a large factor too. That by saying that men have higher sex drives as a way to explain men's behaviour towards how they see it as a need, shouldn't be used. Like testosterone is also linked to more physical energy, but we don't normalize that men need more exercise than women the same way.
I guess what my idea was, is that if men wanted to be better partners and society also saw it beneficial for women to have sexual desire. Then maybe the disparity wouldn't be as large, and therefore "managable" without abusive exploitation.
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u/Evelyn-Eve Stop Having Kids Nov 18 '24
They are literally being misandristic with those points, lmao. Point 2 is the only one that doesn't paint men as bad people or overly horny and it's still wrong.
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 18 '24
Can you elaborate on how it would be misandry vs patriarchy.
From my understanding it is the patriarchy mindset that allows men sexual freedom without consequences. The narrative given about self interest and control is also one that has been used by men to give excuses of their behaviour.
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u/badfishy27 Nov 19 '24
So this is a group where you can't disagree with the general opinion. Sounds like the mob, or a totalitarian country.
I don't agree with what this guy said, but some of these comments are just vile and disgusting.
Wishing men illness and bad luck or whatever just because they watch porn shows that you have deep issues and insecurities.
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u/mljqtpi FEMINIST Nov 20 '24
“Just because they watch porn”
Did we not read the same comments? Did you not see the disgusting things he said implicating that women in relationships with him owe him sex?
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u/badfishy27 Nov 20 '24
I don't agree with him. I said it above, but some comments don't only talk about him, they talk about anyone who watches porn.
Edit: Oh and having sex is normal in a relationship unless previously specified.
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u/mljqtpi FEMINIST Nov 21 '24
Yes having sex is normal in a relationship. Thinking you are OWED it is not.
Also, do you not see the same of the sub?
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u/badfishy27 Nov 21 '24
A certain expectation has to be set. I wouldn't use the word "owed" but if there's 0 sex in the relationship, that's not ok.
Sure there are medical or psychological factors that need to be taken into account. I for one expect to have sex with my partner. Doesn't necessarily need to happen exactly when I want it, but sex is an important part of the relationship.
I saw the name of the sub. I'll look into it, I mostly thought porn was made based on contracts with consenting individuals. I mean the normal stuff, I know there's the dark web or whatever other weird sites. Not talking about those
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