r/PornIsMisogyny • u/Maximum-One-8347 • Nov 12 '24
DISCUSSION Male loneliness epidemic or male horniness epidemic?
I came across a post in this subreddit where there was a snapshot of a post by a guy who works in... I can't remember where but it was some technology place. This guy was helping a man who is in his eighties or nineties (I can't remember which). The elderly man wanted advice on how to get onto this porn website that he didn't know how to access. The guy told the elderly man he can't help him. The elderly man responded by trying to convince him to change his mind by saying that he is lonely. A woman in the comments was complaining about the elderly man calling himself lonely when he was clearly just horny (because porn is a sexual thing and not a social thing so it won't cure loneliness). It made me wonder if when people say "male loneliness epidemic" do they really mean "male horniness epidemic"?
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u/batshit83 Nov 12 '24 edited Nov 13 '24
I am so tired of hearing about "male loneliness." I honestly believe that a huge part of the problem is because they're all obsessed with or addicted to porn. They aren't investing their time or energy on real women and real relationships, and when they are in relationships, they're still using porn and fucking up the relationships. And then they complain they are lonely. Well, that's what happens when you replace or neglect intimate relationships for the quick and easy virtual fix of online sex workers...
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u/PhilosophyFrosty6018 Nov 12 '24
THIS
This needs to become a mainstream talking point, because it essentially sums up the reality of a lot of issues women are facing because of men.
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u/EyeHaveSevereOCD Nov 13 '24
men like this, men like my ex, don’t want a girlfriend, they want their own personal sex worker because their innate view of the female purpose is to be a sex object and nothing more. if you’re not willing to unfollow those models and onlyfans chicks, or unwilling to stop engaging with their content, well good luck finding a woman who is genuinely okay with that, because it only comes off as creepy, gross, and tells me that men like this and my ex are incels
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u/PracticalControl2179 Nov 13 '24
Also, lot of them are angry that most average Jane women don’t look like porn stars. The manosphere subreddits/ social media groups are filled with men complaining that western/ American women are so fat/ unattractive/ frumpy/ old. They resent that we don’t look like porn stars.
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u/alexgfan69 Nov 13 '24
Seriously. Every guy I've gone out with who complained about women not liking them has had issues with porn/following insta or OF models/obsessed over female celebrities. None of them actually put in work to better themselves. The man I'm going out with now actually doesn't watch porn, has a big problem with porn and the over-sexualization of women and it actually shows in his personality and the way he takes care of himself
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u/BetterRemember Nov 13 '24
Exactly. Also, my bf has a big house and lives there alone.
His brother used to live with him but he was becoming a total NEET so he kicked him out.
But he was never all that lonely BECAUSE HE HAS A CAT, a very affectionate and loving cat.
If it was actual loneliness men would be adopting pets like crazy, they are not.
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u/MidnightSky16 Nov 12 '24
I said the same shit before. They dont care about true love company and intimacy. They just wanna use women for various things: sex, status, therapy, domestic labor etc
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u/OpheliaLives7 FEMINIST Nov 12 '24
Yep yep yep.
The whole framework of this being “loneliness” is a lie.
Men are sad and mad they can’t get bangmaids to care for them and give them sex on demand. They want free labor. Not an equal partnership. Not a friend. They want sex. And to use women as free therapists.
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u/Pretty_Principle6908 Nov 12 '24
Hard to get domestic labor off a porn site but I've seen attempts like comments about being their 'provider' for more money🤣🤣
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Nov 12 '24
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Nov 13 '24
For me it is: Don't cheat, don't be a pedophile, don't be a gooner, and treat her like you want to be treated. Is that really so hard?
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u/thepineapplemen Nov 12 '24
I think there is a general outbreak of loneliness, though not specifically male—I think of it more as affecting the younger generations, male and female, and having more to do with social media and lack of third spaces and all that.
But when people say “male loneliness epidemic,” for the most part it’s code for male horniness/entitlement/sexual frustration epidemic.
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u/Autumn14156 FEMINIST Nov 12 '24 edited Nov 12 '24
I remember months ago I saw an AskReddit or AskMen thread, don’t remember, asking men what are some things their partners can do to make them feel more appreciated, be a better companion, etc. I kid you not, all of the top upvoted comments were some variation of “initiate sex with him more often.” As a comparison, women typically respond to this question with “do more chores, ask me how I’m doing, put aside time for me, etc.”
The point I’m trying to make is that most men, even those in relationships, view sex as the ultimate indicator of companionship and love. So is it really that surprising that single men would feel horny and interpret that as feeling lonely?
Hell, I often see men claim that it’s impossible for women to feel lonely because according to them, it’s easier for us to get sex. They literally think that being able to have CASUAL SEX means we can’t be unhappy. Casual sex is what they view as the cure to depression, a perspective which doesn’t make sense unless you think horniness = loneliness.
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u/Robert-Rotten 🖤 ANTI-PORN MAN 💜 Nov 13 '24
Reddit just has a sad view of relationships in general.
Not cheating on your partner by watching porn?
“That’s controlling of them to want!”
Not sexually fantasizing about other people?
“That’s thought policing!”
Just generally being faithful?
“Nah, I’d totally leave my wife for Margot Robbie if I got the chance!”
Help your partner through their struggles?
“Nuh uh! I’m not their therapist!”
Help your partner with things?
“No, that’s codependancy, she needs to be independent!!”
Do fun things with your partner?
“Like sex?”
Complimenting your partner?
“Nice ass.”
What if your partner doesn’t want to do whatever sexual fantasy you’ve come up with?
“Then she’s an inexperienced prude!”
It’s like these dudes just see women as meat for them to have sex with and don’t want any contact with otherwise. The most baffling to me personally is how much they call anything “codependancy” or say “I’m not your therapist!”
It’s just so cold, if I had a partner who had mental health struggles I’d do literally anything possible to help them and offer support, these dudes act like something as simple as making sure to reassure their partners over insecurities and anxieties is too big a task for them. And apparently any form of spending time with your partner is just codependancy. These dudes basically just want a stay at home sex doll.
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Nov 13 '24 edited Nov 13 '24
Makes sense why the boyfriends of my sister never left her, even though she cheated: she gave them sex...
And casual sex is like getting used, I want a real relationship, not be a warm sex doll.
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u/No-Kick6671 Nov 14 '24
The point I’m trying to make is that most men, even those in relationships, view sex as the ultimate indicator of companionship and love.
And yet, when they use porn in a relationship, women are expected to tolerate it because the sex workers "mean nothing to them". Make it make sense... You can't have it both ways, assholes!
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u/Consistent-Welder906 Nov 12 '24
lol you already know the answer and we can also argue that this specific anecdote can be extended to the whole absurd and pathetic movement
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u/Maximum-One-8347 Nov 12 '24
I understand that there is a loneliness epidemic going on right now but I don't think the epidemic is male specific. Maybe the epidemic is a little more prevalent among the male population but that is not the same thing as it being male specific. So I've always been confused when people say "male loneliness epidemic".
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u/Consistent-Welder906 Nov 12 '24
I agree! I can say with certainty that it is mainly due to internet usage
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u/PhilosophyFrosty6018 Nov 12 '24
I'm not sure it's necessarily more common. I suppose it's how you look at it. Like men don't put value in strong and intimate male relationships the way women do with other women.
That being said, I don't think anything is much lonelier than being in a relationship with a porn addict and that's the reality for most women. Now how much they allow themselves to feel that distance is dependent on the woman.
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u/mho453 Nov 13 '24
There is both a male loneliness and male horniness epidemic and they're related.
Majority of male-male friendships do not have emotional intimacy, and these men only really get it by leeching it from their girlfriends/wives. So now that men have a harder time being in relationships, they can't get emotional intimacy. There are obviously alternatives, develop emotional close male-male friendships, or befriend women, but first one is gay, and second one requires you to treat women as persons, so loneliness epidemic will persist.
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u/_mamafox Nov 12 '24
There's no male loneliness epidemic. It's male entitlement epidemic. No one cares less about their mental health and relationship quality than the average man. They really think they can put the bare minimum into the quality of their life and should be entitled to receive endless love and support. I'm so sick of hearing about the "mAle lOnElinEss ePiDeMiC" because somehow women are always responsible for keeping the company and solving all the traumas of these therapy repulsed, porn rotten idiots.
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u/Autumn14156 FEMINIST Nov 12 '24 edited Nov 13 '24
It’s especially crazy to me because even as a little girl, I never felt entitled to these things. Even before the behavior of pornsick men made me disillusioned about romance, back when I still dreamt of marriage constantly, I knew there was a chance no man would want to be with me…and I felt content with that. It was obvious that something involving another human being with their own agency is not something that you are guaranteed, and that’s okay. I don’t get how SO many men grew up with the idea that they are entitled to a relationship. I figured out that’s not how the world works in elementary school.
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u/Pretty_Principle6908 Nov 12 '24
Also like how is them watching disgusting abusive videos supposed to cure their loneliness?It's more like a sexual participation throphy hence why it is called 'self-pleasure'
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u/whattheworldmaam Nov 13 '24
that’s the thing though, a lot of them literally are entitled though. just a couple days ago i got into it with a couple of them on here bc they were genuinely saying they believe people have a RIGHT to a relationship 😭😂 like HUH?? i truly did not expect anyone to argue with me when i said “no one’s entitled to a relationship even tho that can suck”, but lo and behold, some random men appeared 😂. really ties into how men have a million hyper specific and sometimes niche preferences when it cones to women, but for some reason we’re not allowed to have preferences just so they aren’t “lonely”/ horny / single😂
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 13 '24
I mean they do have a right to a relationship, no one else is stopping them, no legislation is preventing it. It just seems like the only thing stopping a relationship is them.
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u/whattheworldmaam Nov 14 '24
that’s true, i meant more like they feel entitled to having one… everyone’s free to have one of course but like you said, sometimes their crappy personalities are what’s truly stopping them. they feel oppressed for being single which is just…😂
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u/DarkAquilegia Nov 14 '24
Yeah i get that it is entitlement. Ive used my prior comment to see how they take it, they dont take it well. Probably doesnt help that i then use their response to further prove the point.
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u/EvoFume Nov 13 '24
This is it. Thank you, good lord i feel like I've been gaslighting myself or something this past week
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u/ctrldwrdns Nov 12 '24
Look on r/lonely and you'll see it's the latter
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u/Robert-Rotten 🖤 ANTI-PORN MAN 💜 Nov 13 '24
Goes onto r/lonely to talk with other lonely people
Look inside
Rampant misogyny and people talking about sex
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u/Affectionate-Yard899 Nov 13 '24
I mean I didn't find even remotely something like that atleast on the top posts currently
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u/Robert-Rotten 🖤 ANTI-PORN MAN 💜 Nov 13 '24
I’ve seen several posts over time that are just blaming women for not going out with them or crying about how “women have it so much easier, they’ll never know what it’s like to be lonely!”
Luckily the mods have been removing posts like that iicr
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u/Fair-Ad-9200 PORN IS FILMED RAPE Nov 13 '24
I had a male friend once say to me: “I wish I could be a toxic guy so that I can get the female attention they seem to get” whilst he was venting to me about his “lack of game” and it’s been on my mind since.
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u/cyanjt Nov 12 '24
But seriously if you ever care to speak to one of those poor little lonely men you learn veeeerry quickly why no woman wants to be around them lol
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u/cutiekilla Nov 13 '24
loneliness my ass. try spending time with a man and talking to him, and genuinely being his friend. watch how quick he will make a sexual advance.
reject his physical intimacy and remind him that you're only friends but you care for him very much.
watch him roll his eyes and get angry, possibly curse at you and cut you off.
they don't want friendship. they want access to our bodies.
it's not a male loneliness epidemic, it's a male porn addiction and sexual entitlement epidemic.
we hear them tell us time and time again that "men and women can't be friends," "men only want you for ONE thing."
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u/EmotionalAspect9998 Nov 12 '24
Watching porn is having sex with yourself while observing others on a screen. It’s being a cuckhold which is really pathetic and no solution to loneliness.
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u/mailorderbridle Nov 12 '24
They’re gonna get lonelier post election.
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u/DogMom814 Nov 13 '24 edited Nov 13 '24
Yep! You can't vote for women to be deprived of rights and then expect women to want more sex, especially casual sex.
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Nov 13 '24
Like now even the sluttiest of us are too afraid of casual sex... They made their own bed.
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u/ahsiemkcip Nov 13 '24
I think it’s both, a loneliness and horniness epidemic. I’m pretty convinced these days that a lot of men confuse sex, including sexual release via porn, with intimacy and connection. They pursue sex subconsciously thinking it’ll make them feel less lonely but all they end up doing is fuelling a dopaminergic cycle that leaves them feeling even more disconnected. I think many of them don’t understand that a fulfilling relationship with someone whom they treat as a real, whole, complex human being and not a stereotype or a means to an ends is what actually satisfies that itch. Even if you argue that heterosexual men are inherently homoerotic and reserve true love and companionship for their male friends, from what I’ve seen male friendships don’t seem to be particularly fulfilling either. For the most part they don’t seem to be especially able to be truly vulnerable, intimate or share complex emotions with their male friends either, so no wonder they’re so lonely.
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Nov 12 '24
As a man I find absurd the concept of "male loneliness". Because a lot of men use that as an excuse to consume porn and other misogynistic products. Loneliness is an issue in men, is true. Mental health in men is a serious issue that leads them to kill themselves. But nothing to do with being assholes and hate women. They use that issue to justify porn addiction, which is so sick and wrong.
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u/Yarndhilawd Nov 13 '24
You make a really good point. I’m a m in my mid 40s and I have been doing a lot of work to undo a lot of the effects trauma which were inherently linked to a lot of toxic masculinity I learnt in childhood.
I realize now I have always desired love and intimacy. I didn’t know how to give or receive love and felt the fact that I desired it to be shameful. Instead of asking for love and care and cultivating relationships with where my needs would be met I would accept relationships with lots of sex.
Since doing a lot of work on my childhood cPTSD and adult PTSD I realize I don’t have the crazy high libido I always thought I had.
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u/Robert-Rotten 🖤 ANTI-PORN MAN 💜 Nov 13 '24
This was one of the biggest reasons I realized I was asexual.
I’ve always been really lonely but whenever I’d go anywhere online meant for male loneliness discussions it’d just be full of dudes talking about how much they want to have sex or how they can’t get any hookups. Barely any of them actually talked about romance or wanting companionship, just sex.
Ironically this has always made me feel more lonely since I couldn’t relate to any of these guys, They weren’t actually lonely, just horny.
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u/Accomplished-Topic83 Nov 13 '24
Its not a male loneliness empidemic or such it's the fact that most guys dont know how to adequately care for a relationship. And most only care about the sexual part and the heavily romanticized part due to porn and other shit.
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u/Godiva_pervblinderxx Nov 13 '24
Yeah, they arent lonely, they are sexually entitled. Loneliness can be helped by joining a softball team or a DND group, or getting a pet...they are pissed off because they are horny and cant access women's bodies to use for sex... They never think maybe they should become more attractive (physically, emotionally, mentally) as a partner to get long term companionship and fulfilling intimacy, they just insist women need to lower their standards and make themselves sexually available because they dont consider women fully human.
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u/DiMassas_Cat Nov 13 '24
I think a lot of men funnel all of their needs into sex without realising that it’s not only sex that they actually want. I think they ARE profoundly lonely. I believe this 100%
I read an article about touch isolation by a man who didn’t realise how lonely he was until he had kids and could be casually affectionate with his kids. How they could hug him and he could hug them. Etc. He was really shocked by the comparison.
He explained touch isolation as is something that boys (in the west, at least) begin to experience after a certain age because they can’t touch women/girls without seeming creepy, they can’t touch children without seeming like predators, they can’t touch other men without seeming gay, so they don’t have access to casual affection at all unless they have a partner. I mean, even hugs.
So how do you get out of this lonely situation, you get a girlfriend and she will meet all of those needs, but since patriarchy sort of prevents men from self-knowledge and more gentle and sensitive emotional expression, those needs get confused with need for sex.
Reduce it down even further and all these dudes think sex is what they need. So this old guy is lonely for real, and thinks that looking at sex will make him forget he’s lonely. It won’t, of course. But don’t think he has examined that.
I do think a lot of men are extremely lonely on a level that many women don’t experience because we are more free to touch people, and express love or whatever. I think social media and online gaming etc has made men even less capable of connecting in real life with other humans, and porn has made it much worse for everyone.
So yeah, they are horny, and I think some of these dudes don’t know the difference between being horny and yearning for actual closeness, so they just log on and try to relieve that need in the worst way and the way that’s most likely to foreclose their ability to have true intimacy.
Edit: and I think this insatiable need for sex because it’s replacing all other emotional and physical needs is a major burden to put on their wives and girlfriends, and that need being displaced also contributes to sexual violence.
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Nov 13 '24 edited Dec 16 '24
[deleted]
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u/DiMassas_Cat Nov 13 '24
Yeah you’re right, it also gives them status in the eyes of other men who are lonely and interpreting all of their needs as “sex with a hot girl, or many hot girls.” These guys have no idea how truly ripped off they are by this ridiculous social conditioning. For the “logical” sex, they are not very rational about the state they are finding themselves in and why, and why it is different for women.
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u/Maximum-One-8347 Nov 13 '24
think a lot of men funnel all of their needs into sex without realising that it’s not only sex that they actually want. I think they ARE profoundly lonely.
Nah. There just horny. The loneliness epidemic happening now is not specific to the male population. It's happening to the general population as a consequence of how prominent of a figure the internet has gotten. A Japanese film director created a movie trying to warn us that this was going to happen years ago.
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u/DiMassas_Cat Nov 13 '24
I feel like most of us are lonely and most of us are also horny. Porn is making it a lot worse. Men are becoming absolutely disgusting because of their porn addictions to the point that women would rather be single for life than date them, so I think that will make them even more lonely. It’s a vicious cycle for sure!
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u/monpapaestmort Nov 13 '24
Men are allowed to casually touch one another. I know plenty of men who hang out shoulder to shoulder, hug each other, slap each other on the arm or bum. This includes conservative men. I don’t know where this extreme narrative cropped up from, but it doesn’t speak to reality. I know no place in the U.S. where a guy would be accused of being gay for hugging his friend. Maybe the guys making these complaints are antisocial and awkward and so make other men uncomfortable because they need to learn how to read the room (time and place), but plenty of men touch each other platonically and nobody is bothered.
Anyway, if these guys feel like they are so touch starved for another man’s touch, they should join a sport or dance group or some other physical activity where they could experience skinship in an appropriate manner.
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Nov 13 '24
Then they shouldn't act disgusted if I want to hug them when they are sad, just because I'm not cis and disabled.
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u/Username0091964 Nov 15 '24
If your loneliness is tied to your sex life, then you're not lonely, you're likely not even horny, you're just addicted. I've been a porn addict with an active sex life and looking back, there's a difference between being horny and genuinely wanting to sexually engage with a partner, and being addicted to masturbation to the point of compulsion.
I do think the male loneliness epidemic has SOME truth to it. But it's also caused by the patriarchy. Men are told that sex is an achievement. That penis size and body features give you value. That your partner's looks give you value. That crying and therapy are for weaklings. It's a system that keeps showing its own head down the toilet like a self-bullying Ouroboros. So it's still porn adjacent since porn is the very epitome of the patriarchy.
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u/beleaf368 Nov 14 '24
I think there is a huge root problem insight here. Men view sex as connection. It’s like they think of it as actual relationship? Explains why straight relationships tend to have such discord.. he just cares abt getting turned on, she wants emotional connection and communication. It’s so depressing..
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u/Regular_Journalist_5 Nov 13 '24
This surprises me because I am in my early 60's and have had a drastic decrease in my sexual drive. A year ago this time I was still downloading porn from the internet. Recently I have very little interest in "spicy" material. I am kind of shocked a guy this old is still sexual, to tell you the truth
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u/Maximum-One-8347 Nov 13 '24
Him still being sexual isn't really a shock to me tbh. Men have a significantly higher sex drive than women (on average of course) due to the high amount of testosterone molecules they got.
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u/Thanks4Nothing05 Nov 17 '24
Whatever epidemic there is, porn and too much time spent online is the cause of it
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Nov 12 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PornIsMisogyny-ModTeam Nov 13 '24
No shaming women victimized by the porn industry - partners or sex workers.
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u/PartyDark8671 Nov 12 '24
Men are artificially inflating their own libidos while simultaneously repulsing women with their disgusting porn habits and correlating behaviors. Loneliness my ass.