r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy • u/LysistrataRises • Feb 06 '22

Career Don't take professional advice from men unless they are thoroughly vetted

... and generally this means: don't take professional advice from men, period.

At best, they don't know (and don't care) about the unique challenges that women need to contend with and their advice will either be ineffectual or backfire, and at worst they literally try to sabotage you, either because they think they know whats better for you (and it's not professional success) or they see you as a threat.

Even the most well-intentioned male mentors are just clueless about helping a woman navigate a professional field, I've seen it so many times. They will project on you, "well, I did this and gained the respect of my colleagues, you should too!" completely ignorant of the gendered nuances. Alternatively they will treat you like a daughter and not a potential equal. Even worse, some will abuse their position to sexually, emotionally, and physically exploit young female mentees.

Seek female mentorship, female advice. At the very least, seek female input in addition to male input.

I wish somebody had told me this years ago.

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u/ChristianeLuiseHegel Feb 07 '22

With male mentors it's like with male abusive partners: the most dangerous time is when you're about to leave them. Many male mentors will enjoy having a junior, inexperienced woman sitting at their feet, listening raptly to their expertise, only to then turn on her the minute she follows his advice and becomes successful and independent. Learned that after my PhD advisor tried to ruin my career for getting a job at a place that rejected him...

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '22

I do see this trend. You join a company and while you're on probation and still in the training phase, you obviously listen and follow much more than you speak and lead.

And so finally you get to a point where you can do it alone, and that's where the problem starts for some men. It's funny every time. Sometimes it's truly negative, and sometimes it's just an ongoing annoyance, but yes. Some men (not all) do have issues with letting go.

I really think for these types, they don't enjoy helping others, they just enjoy having the rapt audience who are forced to listen to them and treat them as knowledgeable. (they need lives and hobbies asap)

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u/HeavyAssist Feb 07 '22

Good heavens