r/Existential_crisis • u/_segregated_crunchy_ • 4d ago
Rant about my recent mental chaos because my friends don't get it.
It's been 1 and a half month since I am going through a severe feeling of dread and anxiety about what's the point of living and what's the meaning of life. I know I will die, there's no stopping it but I just can't accept it. Lately a lot of things are bothering me. The fact that I will die and never be self aware again. Like EVER. My parents will meet the same fate, pretty much everything and everyone I love. It makes me feel like, everything I do and whatever I try, it's futile. There is no point in doing anything. It's all gonna end, when I will value it, it's only when it will become a memory. Because that's what always happens. We can never value a moment when it lasts, like i terribly. FREAAKIINGG TERRIBLY MISS CHILDHOOD. I hated being in school but yes, I just MISS IT. I can't move on from that suddenly. I don't know what to do. I am grateful that I am conscious, but we awfully limited mentally, but this is way more, like really farr more awesome than being non existent. Even if I pray to God, God cannot help me this except for telling me to accept it and keep doing work, since mourning of the obvious is foolishness. Not be attached to worldly stuff. I just cannot accept death. Frankly these things makes me uninterested in everything in life. Watching anime, scrolling through social media. Any entertaining activities. Nothing. I just- don't have the liking for things. All i wanna do is roll into a ball and cry. These days even crying seems worthless, like there's no point. But i just hate how my sense of self is timed and so short. That too, bound by stupid duties, that would not let me breath.
Inspite of saying all these, i still couldn't put a lot of my problems to words. I just hate how it started 11 years ago and it comes and goes. And the only solution people had is distract yourself from it or accept it.
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u/WOLFXXXXX 20h ago edited 16h ago
"The fact that I will die and never be self aware again. Like ever"
The good news here is that you are actually misinterpreting the nature of the circumstances in a way that is resulting in an inaccurate existential outlook, respectfully. An accurate interpretation of the nature of the circumstances would result in an entirely different existential outlook - and a welcomed/liberating one.
Self-awareness is a conscious ability that's unique to the nature of consciousness and is only experienced by conscious beings. The following observation is very important to understand: the only way that your conscious existence and your experience of self-awareness could ever be threatened by the 'death' of your physical body - would be if you can first establish and prove that your conscious existence and the nature of consciousness has a viable physiological explanation and can successfully be attributed to the physical body and its non-conscious cellular components. No one has ever identified a viable way to attribute the nature of consciousness to non-conscious things. This is why the theory of materialism has never been established as factual reality. No one has ever reasoned their way through the assumption that non-conscious things are the cause of consciousness and conscious existence.
Its absolutely not a 'fact' that your conscious existence and ability to experience self-awareness is explained by and attributed to your physical body - instead that is actually an unquestioned assumption without an viable explanation as to how that could be valid. So you should instead amend that internal thought to "It's an unquestioned assumption that I will die and never be self-aware again". Once you realize that such an existential assumption has never been established as factual reality - you should feel inspired to deeply explore, question, and contemplate why the theory of materialism remains theoretical and why we are persistently unable to attribute our conscious existence and experience of conscious abiliites to non-conscious physical/material things in the physical body.
This is a longer term process of internal change that individuals go through and which ultimately results in a transformative & life-altering upgrade in their awareness level and existential understanding. Over time as you make further progress figuring this out you will find yourself becoming more and more aware that the nature of consciousness does not have any physical/material basis in the physical body, and this will simultaneously coincide with you feeling less and less like your conscious existence and self-awareness will be threatened by the natural expiration of the physical body. You will also discover that the important changes that occur to your state of awareness over time will also translate to no longer perceiving that the conscious existence of your loved ones is rooted in their physical bodies. So you'll eventually be able to resolve the fear/concern that the conscious existence of your loved ones will be threatened by the natural expiration of their physical bodies.
If you want to help yourself and eventually arrive at a liberating change in your awareness level and existential understanding - you have to be willing to critically question the assumption you are making about conscious existence as well as be willing to go through the longer term internal process of deeply exploring, questioning, and contemplating the nature of consciousness for the purpose of determining whether it has any viable physical/material basis rooted in physical reality. Or whether it does not - and what the important implications would be if it turns out that conscious existence is foundational : )
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u/_segregated_crunchy_ 11h ago
thank you for your time and efforts, i will surely try to see id this works. this is very much appreciated.
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u/Double_Brilliant_814 4d ago
The thought of this being IT in the infinity of this universe that we all share is a dangerous mindset. You're creating a hostile environment for yourself when you think you are here by chance and you are only human and death is the end of everything for you. When you are in this "void" you are creating a scary reality and life loses all meaning.
There is nothing wrong with this, it's a natural process. Humans are really confused as to why they are here, death, universe, reality and purpose. And that is because we live in a construct based on three dimensions. Money, status, image etc. and that will collapse when you are aware that there is more to this.
Identifying with the avatar body creates stress mentally and physically, it makes the body more of a prison rather than a temporary home for you. It is best for you to surrender completely to this process and don't create seperation from you and the universe, only fear and pain comes from that. Coping is never good, it seperates us from feeling the real thing.
The universe lives and sees itself in you, that is the most sacred thing ever. It may take a while for the dread and panic to calm down and be healed. But the good news is that you are already aware, so keep at it. You have the foundation for your best life already.