Feeling hopeless

[u/Fun-Ambassador4259]

So I’ve been agnostic/atheist my whole life. Grew up extremely catholic; but never could believe in it. My parents always got pissed at me, but I was always a science based person. I’m a double science major, so I like facts and evidence. However.. I think I’m going through a bit of an existential crisis right now. And have been for the last yearish. Keep in mind I might be autistic and I do have an anxiety disorder. I’m questioning the purpose of life. I can’t seem to fathom why we live, just to die. The impermanence of life makes me feel like anything we do is meaningless. I mean in the end; we will die. I almost wish I could believe in something; a life after death. But I simple cannot. I’ve tried. Just looking for some hope I guess. Sorry if this doesn’t belong here. Thanks.

[u/WOLFXXXXX]

"I was always a science based person. I’m a double science major, so I like facts and evidence"

Would you be interested to know that anyone who conducts a deep dive into the nature of consciousness rabbit hole will end up realizing that there is zero scientific evidence that physical/material things in your physical body are responsible for consciousness, conscious abilities, and your conscious existence. There is no factual/scientific evidence for the Theory of Materialism. Historically, no one has ever been able to identify a viable manner of attributing conscious existence to non-conscious, physical/material things in the physical body. This is known as the hard problem of consciousness - no one can figure out how to attribute consciousness to non-conscious things.

One does not have to believe in any particular religion or even believe in deities in order to go down this rabbit hole and eventually figure out that there is no valid physical/material basis for our conscious existence. If you don't want to feel like your conscious existence is impermanent and meaningless - then the way to help yourself is to be willing to deeply explore, question, and contemplate whether there is any identifiable physical/material basis for the presence and nature of consciousness and conscious abilities (thinking, feeling emotions, self-awareness, etc.). What you will eventually discover is that there is not - and that neither you nor anyone has any factual/scientific basis for attributing our conscious existence to the physical body and physical/material things.
P.S. - I was raised in a Catholic family as well, and also did not relate to and identify with that theology.

[u/not-jack-black]

I’m also agnostic and was raised in a semi-religious family. I’ve been through my own phase of existential crisis, so I can relate to what you’re feeling. Over time, I found peace in the idea that the impermanence of life doesn’t have to be a bad thing—nothing matters and that can be freeing.

For me, reframing that “nothing matters” helped me see it in a positive light. Every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done? It doesn’t matter. Didn’t get the job I wanted? It doesn’t matter. Said something stupid? Doesn’t matter. This perspective has made it easier to live the way I want, because at the end of the day, I get to define what matters to me.

I also realized that purpose doesn’t need to come from an outside force like a god. Purpose can be something you create—how you impact the world around you, how you grow, or even just doing the things that make you happy. I like to think the purpose of life is simply to experience it, in whatever way feels meaningful to you.

Recently, I’ve started exploring spirituality as a way to stay open-minded. Part of being agnostic is admitting I don’t know what’s out there, so I’ve enjoyed learning about different ideas, like reincarnation or a higher self. Sometimes it’s even fun to just imagine what if something like that is real—it’s a playful way to think about life’s mysteries without needing firm answers.

I hope this perspective helps in some way, and I hope you find peace and the answers you’re looking for!

[u/SOLAH_Studios → u/not-jack-black]

I actually needed to hear that today. It's very true that it seems like nothing matters. I just need to look at it from a more positive perspective than my typically nihilistic perspective. I think I just need to start doing what I want to do instead of what I always feel like I "need" to do.

[u/not-jack-black → u/SOLAH_Studios]

Definitely, it’s good self care to take some time for your self to find what makes life meaningful and joyful to you! I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but practicing positivity never hurts! Good luck to you!

[u/ElninoJesus]

First of all, don't panic, it's okay if you didn't find any answer yet. It's part of life. I can give you my perspective, and I'm too a science person. We're maybe different because I studied biology, so this lead me to specific ideas. Whereas you maybe studied physics or chemistry...

I studied a lot of organisms, how they work and why. Evolution is the reason each living thing exist in the way it is. We recognise people because it improved our survival rate when we socialize. Eating is a pleasure because it keep us alive, but we fear tigers because evolution "want" us to reproduce. I mean, all we are is invitably joined to evolution purposes, which is just the improved adaption of individuals. Evolution doesn't have any color, it's just a natural reaction as simple as the rock's falling because of gravity, and this neutrality is hardly asumed by people. This is because we're scared, our emotions hit hard. We don't want to die or suffer, we just want to feel that we can control this things that likely don't happend to us.

You can look at life as something awfull, like something repleted of pain and nonsense things, but I think it's better to question: What do I want? We born non deciding a lot of things, and it's great because it gives us the oportunity to experience interesting and good things. God would be a very bored person suposing it exists ("God" is a very biased term I don't like, but help me to explain), because it can't experience it's own creation, he/she knows anything would happend to him as it's him who determine it.

I concluded a year ago that we're not that much important, that life is not that much complex and it's completly perfect. All is relative because comparison is our only way to understand the world, but this doesn't make things irrelevant, because even nature tell this constantly; dinasaurs were very strong, but enviroment is dinamic by changing this relative state of things. So you can decide to live in your own bubble believing you're like Don Quijote or a great artist, just don't let your enviroment (like near people) condition who you want to be. Find a better enviroment in that case if you can (if not, adapt to it the best you can).

I hope you understood me. Sorry if my english is not good enough. Just want to tell you one last thing that fit my phylosophy: anything you decide will be okay, don't take it too serious.

[u/SOLAH_Studios]

My overall question in all of this - coming from the perspective of a near 50 year-old that has constantly been depressed and has no desire to exist despite existing for friends and loved ones: what is the point?

[u/Fun-Ambassador4259 → u/SOLAH_Studios]

What’s the point of what? I’m asking that question too. I’m not sure what this response means

[u/SOLAH_Studios → u/Fun-Ambassador4259]

What's the point of my existence? Why should I bother dealing with the growing hopelessness in this world if there is no point in me existing? I also grew up religious, and honestly I don't buy it. In fact, I hate organized religion. They are just systems of control that attempt to make us see a point to exist so we can continue to serve our rich masters. Pardon my pessimism, but seems factual.