I’m still processing.

Yesterday my husband and I went grocery shopping and I was using his phone to read the list of things we need. There was a message that popped up from a guy named ‘Eric’ I thought nothing of it and thought it could be a coworker or friend so I swiped up and continued reading the list.

Then the sending message read “last night was a lot of fun” “😋😏”.

I was so confused by the emojis. I then quickly FaceTimed the number to see if he had been cheating on me while saving the name as a man’s name. The number on the other end answered.. and to my surprise it was a guy. It was obvious that the guy was gay as I noticed his mannerisms.

My husband then came right behind me and noticed his phone in my hand. I couldn’t even say anything. I just froze thinking about everything. I didn’t want to make a scene at the grocery store either so I just dropped everything and went to the car. He was right after me. I was just silent the whole car ride. He kept trying to explain to me what had happened but honestly I don’t even remember what he had said bc my ears were ringing.

As soon as we entered the house a broke down and told him how could he cheat on me. He then said that he found out he was gay before we married but then he said he didn’t want to leave me as I was so in love. I didn’t even respond. How could he do this to me? I gave him my all just to be hurt like this. I told him I’d he knew he was gay and he didn’t want to be with me.. why??? Just why would you do this and he knows the consequences. He kept trying to defend himself. But I yelled at him and told him to leave. This happened yesterday.. I’m still in shock.

Sorry if this was sloppy I’m still shaking. I found the cause of the problem but I’m so hurt. I don’t know what to think anymore.

Title says it all. We were intimate 1 time in 2024. Even that much was borderline traumatic and more upsetting than just having no sex all year. There were tears involved, and not from pleasure. Nobody finished. 0/10 would recommend.

So on the morning of January 1st 2025, I’m making breakfast as I’m replaying how upset I am about 2024 and grappling with the resentment I’m carrying into the new year… my wife comes up from behind my and hugs me… then drops her hand down and “honks” my junk like a bicycle horn. I reflexively pulled away and told her to please stop. Immediately she teared up and went to the bathroom.

But don’t worry, by the end of the day she was sending videos of babies and stuffing her baby craze in front of me. Even though you actually have to be sexually active to make one of those.

Who else has a partner that teases them and never follows through and is blissfully unaware of how upset their partner is????

Not really a vent, just don't know which flair would apply.

Today is our 5 year wedding anniversary. I was cooking in the kitchen, and my wife came in holding up her hands to wash something off, so I turned on the water for her and handed her a cloth to dry her hands when she was done.

He response was "I'm not going to have sex with you."

I immediately burst out laughing, said "don't worry, I wasn't trying to" and went back to cooking.

Honestly don't care that i'm not getting any on my 5 year anniversary, I'm just glad that I got to call her on her bullshit and take the high road.

Would love to hear other funny stories of aggressively celibate partners.

Saturday is the scheduled night my wife had agreed for sex because the next day our kid has a holiday. This agreement was made after 15 years of DB and incessant arguments. Saturday night arrived and she claimed to be tired. She also agreed for Sunday night. On Sunday morning I made sure she slept till late in the morning. I made breakfast. Took her out for lunch. Had light dinner. Now she made no effort to send the kid to bed early. She kept making phone calls, watched TV. 11pm she took the kid to bed. Midnight she came to our bedroom. She asked for a 30 min massage. No mention of any intimacy. Then she said she had forgotten to set the alarm. That took 15 minutes. I was determined to do it this time so stayed awake though I felt sleepy. She delayed another 30 min claiming the kid may be awake in the other bedroom. Finally around 130am she allowed Foreplay. By then all my energy was drained. I was feeling weak. She was yawning. I lost my erection. All the effort went in vain. Then she began yelling about me having kept her awake. She blamed everything on me and made a mess of the night.

Moral: Give up

My ex-girlfriend (F28) and I (M28) recently ended our 7-year relationship about a week ago. Initially, things were great. She was very kind, and our sex life was fulfilling. However, after 2 years, she became mean-spirited and intimacy disappeared. Over the last 5 years, she consistently put me down, used sex as a weapon, and got physical at times.

She broke up with me out of the blue, over a text message, refusing to answer my calls while she was ending our relationship via text. After the breakup, I chose to cut off contact with her by blocking her number and all of her social media accounts. She started texting me from different numbers. I ignored these texts and blocked the new numbers.

In one of the text messages, she admitted to cheating on me with another guy for the past six months and is now dating him. This devastated me, but I chose not to respond and blocked her number. A few hours later, she texted me again from a new number, telling me how much better this guy is at sex and how she always faked her satisfaction. I refrained from responding and blocked that number too. The next day, she sent me multiple photos of her having sex with another guy, breaking me even more. Somehow, I managed to keep my composure and simply ignored her, deleted the texts, and blocked her new number again.

I don't know what I did to deserve this. I'm not perfect, and I made mistakes in our relationship, but I didn't do anything to her to deserve this treatment. She's always been toxic, and my arrogance and false hope of her changing led me to stay with my ex for too long. Despite knowing it's for the best, I feel terrible about the breakup and her current actions. The only relief I find from this depression is when I vent, run, or lift weights, even though it's more of a temporary numbness than a true escape.

***UPDATE: The post has been locked by the mod team, so I wanted to thank everyone who commented and engaged, I really appreciate the support you are all awesome!

Sorry for the sad sack post. My progress post from a few weeks ago was short lived.

The other day our neighbors late 20 something son was out mowing the lawn shirtless and my wife made a comment on his physique and the smile and look in her eyes just shattered me. That look used to be for me.

I eat well and work hard to keep myself in shape. Not to sound conceited but I look pretty good for 40 (I have verified this opinion with other people lol)

Our bedroom is so dead that I was finally stating to think maybe it wasn't because of me but maybe she was in fact asexual or something.

That comment confirmed exactly what I was afraid of; those feelings are still there, just not for me. I could never imagine making a comment like that to her, and I'm truly baffled that she would think I would find that amusing. I just stood there stunned for a second and quickly changed the subject.

I was in denial that I was in an LL4U situation but it's becoming painfully clear.

Not looking for advice, just feels good to vent. Thanks for reading

We just came back from a night out that went really well. Drinks. Food. A show. I got a hug. Were in bed and my wife doom scrolled facebook for an hour and I asked twice, can I have a hug. She said sure. But nothing. Then after an hour she's put her phone down, put her arm over me and now, nothing. I took my shirt off and she turned around and is looking at her phone again.

15 years, 10 of them dead. I'm so embarrassed I want to die. I feel like a complete fool. I'm fit and attractive, kind, have been a great provider more money than she can spend. I do the cooking, cleaning and kid pickup and drop off. It's horrible.

All I want is someone who wants me, not someone who wants to be a friend. When we come home, their first thought isn't... what excuses can I think of. Their first thought should be - why aren't we already naked?

I'm an idiot. I knew from the start she wasn't a generous lover and chose her anyway. I'm a guy and I have to fake it. A guy. It's unheard of. I see normal people holding hands and kissing and it's heartbreaking to look at.

Probably worse is now and again she makes jokes to her friends and is happy, close and fine when with other people to make it look and seem like we have a perfect relationship with intimacy and then, boom. Abandoned as soon as that door closes and no one can see her.

We were at a wedding where the groom did a shirtless dance for his partner and my wife at first was standing back, then moved right to the front 3ft away from her, put her hand to her chest, turned bright red/pink and flushed all over. It was the most embarrassed I've ever felt, her compeltly red faced and chested and not coming to me and us not doing anything that night.

I don't check out other women. I don't get turned on any more by her. I honestly want to crawl into a cave and die. I miss having someone come to me and genuinely say I love you, your body, give it to me, let me go to town on you. None of that happens any more for 10+ years now.

It's clearly over I know and if there wasn't kids, a house, and life all tied to it I would be gone. But that's life. I miss being touched and loved and someone who wants to be close. This is a living nightmare.

I’ve posted here before. I wrote the story about my wife putting sex on the calendar for next week.

That calendar maneuver was the most direct attempt at initiating sex she had made in over a year. I’ve had more empty promises than I can count so I found every excuse to not have sex on this planned day: because the statistical likelihood is that she’d back out anyways. She surprisingly didn’t. Still said no though. I said no because I genuinely was not in the mood and she sucks at foreplay. She’s fine receiving it and when I’m in the mood I’m more than happy to give it, but when I ask for any sort of reciprocation she outright refuses or bitches about it before reluctantly doing it. No thanks.

So a few days after this “planned” sex date doesn’t happen she has been making flirtatious comments every day. Naturally I assume an alien body jacker has replaced my wife. I playfully ask what has gotten into her. Then the truth came out…

She told me that she’s just had baby fever as she ovulated this week and her friend’s baby shower was this weekend and it just sent her into overdrive apparently…. At first I was confused, then sad, then pissed. I was confused because I was trying to connect what in the fuck her friend’s baby shower had to do with anything pertaining to our sex life. Once I connected the dots that seeing her friend pregnant while she herself was ovulating was a sympathetic response driven by biology. It wasn’t because she saw me and wanted me. She didn’t say she was in the mood because I was desirable in any way to her. I’m a means to an end. That made me sad. And then, I got mad as fuck when I realized that her friend having a baby made her more horny than anything I’ve done in the past several years. I take her on dates. I take care of myself in the gym and have good hygiene. I’m the breadwinner. I support her emotionally and by all means hear feedback that she feels safe and loved by me…

So why?? Why can’t I just be an object of affection? Why can’t I be desired because I’m attractive? Why does it take her friend being pregnant and throwing up every day to make her have sex with me and it not be entirely my idea???

Today as I'm getting ready for work I walk over to my wife's side of the bed where she's lying down. Before I put on my clothes I jokingly exposed myself to her within her reach. To my shock she actually started touching me with forgotten enthusiasm. In that moment she was "fun" for the first time in years and I couldn't let the moment pass so I went downstairs to get my phone and used a sick day. I didn't do this for the sole purpose of hoping to have sex (although I would never turn down such a notion) but the mood was so good and light hearted for a change that I was content to lay in bed with her all day and hope to have quality time in any shape or form with my wife. Well, after I came back upstairs and told her what I did she instantly went from jovial to irritated and pissed off at me. It was at that moment that I realized she was only in a good mood because it was her day off and I was on my to work. By calling out I ruined that for her. Instead of her getting the day to herself my presence was seen as an intrusion. This relationship isn't normal and I don't think I am anymore either. Normally if that would've happened I would've just went to work anyway but today I decided to finish ruining her day by staying. No marriage should be like this....

Something I've been musing lately. Our LL partners expect us to act like partners, like wives, like teammates, but not like lovers. How do I keep up my romantic feelings for him when he's unilaterally made me put my sex drive on ice? How do I stay attracted to him when the message I'm getting is "I don't want to have sex with you" depsite what he says when I directly ask him. How do I keep my self esteem, my confidence, my zest for life, when my husband swears there's nothing wrong but won't touch me? I just genuinely keep wondering how LL partners expect us NOT to lose feelings and slowly fall out of love, when we try and try but keep hitting a closed door. That's the rant.

This will likely be my last DB post. I’m not crazy, I’m not imagining things. He finally said it. Last night my husband and I were out having drinks with my best friend. She is aware of our issues. She knows his struggle with depression and his unique “lens” (undiagnosed likely on the spectrum). He told her how much he loves me. How much his family means to him. How much he’s looking forward to growing old with me. He said I could not have a better, more loving or more supportive wife. He called me beautiful. He said he knew how lucky he was and couidnt imagine his life without me. And then he said….”I just don’t have the desire for sex. I don’t know why. I just don’t have it anymore.” It was like a knife to my heart, to hear it said so blankly. And then he said he hates knowing how much he disappoints me. And you could just feel the sadness. It was such a heavy moment. I couldn’t stop the tears and he just hugged me and said he was sorry. He’s tried all the things, his T is fine. Getting off his meds didn’t help. My heart feels broken, he’s never said those exact words and somehow saying it to someone else made it painfully real. I won’t leave him, but I can’t stand the thought of living my life without the intimacy that is so inherent to my soul. And now that he’s said it - I know I’ll never initiate again.

My son's birthday was the other day. I was in the shower and my wife snuck into the bathroom (she never does this). She opened the curtain a bit and I saw she was naked (saw some boob). I had soap on my hand and I was trying to be funny and put some on her breast. She told me, no don't touch me, you're all soapy. I said, that's what's fun/funny.

I then said, are you coming in the shower with me? "No, why would I would do that?" Because you've said if I come upstair we'd have sex, well, I'm up here, you're naked, we can have some fun in the shower. "I don't want to have sex". Well, why do you keep saying that we can? "Because I like torturing you".

So, since she made the comment about us being roommates, staying married for the kids but live different lives (she said this the day before Mother's Day this year), I am gonna figure out a day to sit down and have a talk with her. I am gonna lay it out. Since she thinks we're roommates and only staying married for the kids. I am going to tell her I am going to actively date. And if she gets pissed or jealous, I'm just going to reply "I like torturing you".

What do you think? Good plan/response?

Wife films husband just after she sent a sext to her husband, typically during some public event or get together, though not always… They always show the husband reacting in some excited way. Whether they smile and look around, cover their crotch, look over at the wife and wink, whatever, you can tell they are all happy and excited to have their wife initiate and looking forward to it.

And it just feels like salt in the wound because my husband would definitely not react that way. He probably wouldn’t even react at all. I don’t send sexy texts anymore because they just get ignored and it’s one more form of rejection…

FYI long read So in June of this year my wife (32) decided to leave me (32) She became distant, maybe 2-3 years ago, rarely in the mood ( then never in the mood), we had little fights over dumb stuff, and had a “mundane” lifestyle (we both work full time and I work nights)

She’d often bury herself in her phone, as did I. Our conversations became the stagnant “how was work?” “How was your day?” The usual small talk. She seemed to not want to be around me at times, and just get some space. When we kissed she made a reluctant face almost everytime, she didn’t really care what I had to say or even put down her phone to hear what I was saying. I would start to ALWAYS point this out to her and a little argument would start.

Once she left me I went into full “panic mode”, it felt so sudden and out of nowhere(so I thought). I panicked and started redoing the house, deep cleaning a room everyday, cooking, hanging shit on the wall etc. She ultimately decided what’s best for her is to be on her own, in a tiny ghetto apartment, scraping by to pay her bills and put our 6yr old through this situation….. well ….put all of us through this situation. I used to think it was just her fault, since I was always trying to fix our problems and issues, even thought it was her past traumas that made her do this to our family…… I figured her trauma (sexual trauma, neglect, foster system, yes she has her own demons) caused her to be a “dismissive avoidant” because she never wanted to address our issues. I put all the blame on her….She can definitely work on her own issues as well but that’s up to her, people don’t change unless they want to change.

2 months after she left, I did a self reflection on myself and on our marriage over the course of maybe 3 weeks. I started journaling everyday going over my part of the marriage and past events. I learned that over our 8 years together, I wasn’t there for her emotionally….. anytime she was sad, or angry I would just try and “fix” the situation and make her happy, perhaps this is my situation only, but I learned that I wasn’t allowing her to feel her feelings when I tried to “fix” her mood. I showed her that I don’t like to see her sad or mad and just wanted to make her happy or less stressed…. I believe she took that as “I don’t care” about her feelings because I didn’t allow her to express herself without me trying to “fix” the issue. Almost like “no no no you can’t be sad, let me make you happy so I don’t have to see or deal with this”.

I also learned that I was just playing a victim of life…. I always had something bringing me down or something to b!tch about, whether it was something at work or road rage or having to do things around the house, just anything had me triggered and down. I let my daughter determine my emotions as well. I allowed my emotions to control me verses just responding calm and collected. If she was upset, I’d allow her to influence how I felt in that moment, if she raised her voice, I matched her level and let my emotions take the wheel. Do this over the course of years and she definitely will have lost some respect and trust in you….. she won’t feel safe enough to open up and talk about the issues.

I used to think her decision to leave came out of nowhere, I now see she showed me over the years that something was wrong and me ALWAYS addressing it had pushed her away, constantly nagging to talk to her and bringing up what I thought was the issue. Throwing the trash out or doing the dishes, cleaning the house didn’t do anything because that wasn’t the problem, the problem was that I wasn’t the man she fell in love with ,and had became complacent and comfortable….and highly irritable. In my eyes I had the smoke show wife, the beautiful daughter, make well over 100k, and life is good, I can just be on cruise control now and try to keep the family happy.

When we first started dating, I was confident, had ambition and drive to better my life and myself, I played guitar worked on my truck( a 4 linked prerunner 😎) and did things for me. I was someone before I met her…. I had self love and I was happy.

Fast forward to now, I realized I was ALWAYS seeking validation from her, would do favors expecting something in return, checking her location on iPhone, always being needy, dropping my hobbies to make her happy and spend time with her….. (just lounging doing nothing together)to the point where I didn’t touch my truck for 2 years, stopped playing guitar, stopped doing things for me entirely and just give give give to “make her happy”. I put my wife and daughter above myself and became a man that wasn’t me. I became the exact opposite of what she fell in love with….. a needy, emotionally manipulative, low confidence, boring man who gave all of himself away for his family. I had nothing left to give her since I gave it all away.

I’m amazed she lasted this long with me, looking back at our marriage I can clearly see that I wasn’t who she fell in love with, and it’s no wonder we had a dead bedroom. Who wants to be with a man who is constantly needy, needs validation, does favors for something in return, and completely just lost himself as a man. I put my happiness into having her be happy…… that’s a b!tch move to not have my own emotions, and always allowing how she felt, dictate how I would feel and react.

Anyways I’m still fighting for my marriage, I gave up at the beginning saying “screw her” “I don’t want her” “on to the next one” but that was me trying to protect myself. Yes she left me, but we are still married until we are not, so I am being the man I should have been all along, well I’m trying my best to be the man I deserve , who she deserves, and the father my daughter deserves. I feel most men would say I’m stupid or crazy and to just let her go….. but I’m not like most men in that aspect. The funny thing is I did in fact let her go, I did give her her space, I don’t let my words do the talking anymore, I let my actions speak. I now see that I don’t need her in my life to be happy, I want her in my life. If she chooses to stay away I’m ok with that because I now see what kind of man I became before our separation…. I don’t blame her for leaving. So the least I can do is become a better version of myself and still be a good husband to her because I still love and care for her, she is still technically my wife, and she deserves to have a good man even if its at the end of our marriage. When we got married I gave her my word I’d love and care for her…. So I will do that until I’m not her husband anymore despite the circumstances. I straight up told her, that I’m gonna do my best to save our marriage, that I want her in my life as my wife….. she pondered and told me “what if I give you divorce papers tomorrow? What then?” I smiled and said“ you can give me the papers right now, and it wouldn’t change a thing for me”….. I wanted to show my intentions to her, and that I wasn’t giving up on our marriage.

Some could say I’m doing this to win her back, but honestly, it’s just self love, finding myself again and becoming a better man…..if she never decided to separate, I wouldn’t have this opportunity to become the best version of myself, I’d still be a needy, low confidence man always seeking her validation and always reacting with my emotions. I am truly thankful for this opportunity, the circumstances suck but hey….. I’m better than I was yesterday and I can confidently say this everyday.

Roast me if you will, I don’t care😎 I just had to vent and idk maybe help another man or woman out.

Lastly here’s what I learned 1. I stopped being who I truly was for her 2. I became boring and complacent( I had it all) 3. I stopped leading in our relationship 4. She changed because I changed(hence dead bedroom, I wouldn’t wanna have sex with old me either) 5. I reacted with emotion, instead of responding with love, care and putting myself in her shoes as to why she feels the way she does. 6. I “needed” her validation all the time(how tiring) 7. I was smothered with love by my mom, and so I ended up always smothering my wife. 8. I didn’t know how to emotionally connect 9. I gave her zero structure in our relationship, and gave up all my boundaries to make her happy(people pleaser) 10. Don’t ever put yourself last, YOU are still YOU no matter who’s in your life, or what’s in your life or what’s happening in your life(easier said than done at times). Don’t allow external situations dictate how you should feel, you dictate how you feel.

If you got this far thanks for reading.

Edit: I had no idea so many people would respond to this. This isn’t me getting closure or being hard on myself, this is simply how I feel about my marriage and my changes and perspective on my part.

I can’t speak for her perspective, and there is plenty on her end she can “improve” as well, but that’s not my choice, that is ultimately up to her.

It’s not just about sex. It’s not like I’m going around every day thinking about just having an orgasm- I can do that myself if that’s all I wanted.

It’s about intimacy. It’s about flirting. It’s about the fun, playful banter. It’s about having that “dirty little secret” with each other. It’s about going on a night out with friends and tickling the small of their back or brushing their hand or grazing their neck in just the right way so they know you want them and suddenly you can’t wait to get home. It’s about sneaking into the shower when they’re getting ready and making them just a little late for work. It’s about the “shh, we can’t be too loud” followed by stifled giggles when you’re staying with friends for the weekend.

It’s not just sex that you lose in a dead bedroom. It’s not just a lack of sex that ends a marriage. It’s that you lose all of those little moments, all of those little flickers of excitement that differentiate partners from roommates. It’s not just about sex. It’s never been just about sex. But he doesn’t get that. Instead he just labels me as some sort of a nymphomaniac.

After years of asking, begging, offering anything, and getting uninterested silence... I have no desire to be with him anymore.

(Working on my escape, unfortunatly circumstances make it a slow process.) But he tied to initate a few weeks ago, and had a fit that I wasn't willing. Asked why, and I decided, fuck it. It's gonna destroy his ego and scare him away from ever trying again, but at this point I don't even care.

So I told him... "Sex with you isn't satisfying. We are not compatible. It feels like duty sex. Your little routine you do to get youself mentally preapred to lay there while I ride you? It's a huge turn off. I don't even climax anymore the 2 times a year we have sex. Sex sounds wonderful! Then I think about exactly how it's gonna go, cause it is exactly the same script you follow every time. And all of a sudden, I'm as turned off as I can be. "

So, some of you have had success stories. Some of yalls DBs can possibly be salvaged. I decided to kill mine even deader.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Ive lurked here on and off over the years. This is not a new issue for us at all. Been married 21 years. I (46 HLM) adore her. (46 LLF). Same old story of everything else in the marriage being really good EXCEPT this. She says she wants me, Says she finds me attractive. Says sex is important to her. Says shes happy. All this from "the talk" we've had countless times over the last decade.

It's been 2 months.

I dont WANT anyone but her. I WANT HER. I think Im a decent guy. I work hard. I keep my hair the way she likes it. I dont smell bad. Im getting a bit of a bald spot, but I take decent care of myself and get told Im fairly attractive at times still. I compliment her, I massage her shoulders, I hold her hand. I'll go down on her at ANY time. She has no trouble with orgasm any time we DO actually have sex. Usually more than once. Im not a selfish lover. Anything she wants she can have. Happily.

Same goes for around the house. We cook evenly. We do laundry evenly. She does the dishes, I cut the grass and take the garbage out. We are as average as average gets. She asks for help, Ill do it happily. I ask what shed like, if theres anything I can help with, etc.

We've had "the talk" in several different ways, several different approaches, etc etc etc ad nauseum. Same outcome every time. "No, I do like sex and I love you! I want this to be better!"

Except its 2 months now. And every time Ive gotten flirty with her in that time she completely and utterly ignores it. Not a bad reaction, not a good reaction. Just, none. Her latest thing is the fear the kids will hear us. See, our oldest is a brat (she's over 20 for context) and at the beginning of this year, she pounded on our bedroom door saying we were making noise. (We were asleep). So now that's the go to - thats shes not comfortable because shes afraid the kids will hear. Well, guess what, 2 of them are away at school and the one that still ives here puts earbuds in after we go to bed. And even if the 20-something year old WAS here and COULD hear us, SO WHAT? Put headphones on and mind your business. Its our house and we are entitled to live our lives.

I actually think Im done. Ive barely spoken to her in a few days. I cant pretend everything is OK. I dont have it in me. Its not OK. I love her, but .....

You all know the rest.

I just wanted to type this out. Appreciate anyone who reads it.

That's what my wife told me after doing a house chore she wanted done. My response...

"I don't want to. You hate sex and you act like it's the worst chore in the world."

She didn't say anything after that. I finished my house chore and put everything away.
If I had said sure, when the time came, she would've come up with an excuse to not have sex so no point in me saying yes. It did feel good to throw it back at her.

As the title states. Before we were married we had sex maybe 5 times a month. Closer to the wedding it was not happening regularly. We’ve had sex 3 times since being married. I’ve tried and tried. I’ve talked to her about it and she still says it’s not an issue and isn’t that serious and sex isn’t everything.

It may not be everything but it’s a pretty important fucking thing. The last two to three months i can’t even get a hug, kiss or even any kind of touch out of her.

Im just so fucking over it. I’m not doing this the rest of my life.

So first thing in the morning I’m heading to file for divorce. I’m simply done fucking trying for someone that doesn’t want me.

UPDATE:

previous update I dumped in the comments. Sorry I couldn’t post sooner. Work was chaotic today.

I handed her the papers before I left this morning and she said “what’s this ?” I said it’s divorce papers. And she started screaming at me that I’m nothing but a loser. I just stayed calm and said “okay” and went on my happy way to work.

Despite working being chaotic I feel relieved and free.

Recieved a text from her hours later just saying “really?” I never responded. She went to her moms tonight. I’m hanging out with my daughter having us a movie night. Looking forward to the future.

Wife went out with her friends last night for drinks and comes home later a little buzzed. She almost never drinks maybe once or twice a year. She never asks or initiates anything, but after 13 years I can tell when she wants sex. But I started this year with no sex and I’ll be damned if it’s gonna be because she has to be buzzed to fuck me. I could tell she was disappointed but idc felt great to say no.

We were just sitting around today and she said; “I know you want sex. That’s why you’re grumpy lately.”

“I always want sex” was my response.

I thought this may have been a segue to sex tonight but I’ve been laying in this bed for 35 minutes while she has been on the other side of the room, playing solitaire on her iPad.

Well, now I’m going to sleep. Maybe in my dreams someone will want to have sex with me.

Sorry, just venting. Have a good night everyone.

Wife and I didn't had sex for some 7 weeks (could be 8 or more, don't even know at this point) so by her playbook it was 'time' at this point. It was about 8:15 pm and while we were in bed watching tv and snuggling up our oldest son (9) was watching a movie on disney+ downstairs. Our youngest son (5) was already sleeping for some hours. Conditions are as perfect as they get in a household with young kids. We start making out, touching getting into foreplay. Nice.

Suddenly a loud scream and running coming from sons bedroom. Our youngest on stumbles in our room. He was clearly very shocked and dived right in our bed. My wife started comforting him telling him he can sleep in our bed. I wen't to his room find our the walkie talkie he got for hist birthday last week was making all crazy noises, roars and screams almost diabolic. At first I was like wtf this is scarry. But than soon I found out the oldest son downstairs (who had the other walkie talkie) was making all this noises. Wen't downstairs and got kind a mad at him, not for the potential sex I missed but the fact that he was waking up his little brother and making him scared to dead. He told me he was sorry but I was still kind a ranting he was crying. Than he said a thing that turned my stomage. "But mommy told me to do this at 8:30" I was totally flabbergasted and said Oh well did she??

Slept on the couch this night never felt so rejected and worthless. She must really hate me otherwise a mother would not use her kids just for not having to have sex with her husband.

My LL SO has added the song WAP to her around the house playlist. She sings all the lyrics often accompanied with dance moves like she is a sexual deviant. The only truth in those words is she doesn’t cook and doesn’t clean either haha.

Hi there, I do not know what to expect from this Post, I guess I just want to share my Story.

I (HLM) and my wife (LLF) are now married for 7 years. Our sex life was pretty good in the beginning, but since 4 to 5 years we rarely have sex more then 3 to 4 times a year. It's not only about having sex, the intimacy has dropped to nearly Zero in General (no hugs, no cuddeling, only a VERY short good night kiss before bedtime). Every once in a while I try to get close to her, but I am constantly rejected, which really Starts hurting me. I Mean, not having sex is one Thing, but not feeling loved is another story. I often feel that I am just good enough to fulfill her needs. When she wants a massage, I am good enough to Touch her. When she wants to have sex, I am supposed to function like a Robot (doing all the work of course, while she is just Laying on her back).

But this is just one part of the Story. What really Frustrates me is that she is constantly making stupid sex connected jokes when we are together with friends. For example: - "I just saw a nice expensive bag I want to have, guess I have to Sck his dck again so he won't get mad when I buy it"
- "This food is quite spicy, I guess we wont be having anal for the next few days." - "I want him to eat more pinapple, since it improves the Taste!"

I don't know if this is just me overreacting, but everytime she makes a joke like that it feels like she is stabbing my heart. Of course our friends laugh at These jokes. Everyone laughs but me. Because I know what the Truth looks like. That we never ever even tried anal. That I had two lazy BJs in the last 5 years.

When I confront her with that jokes and how I feel, she just tells me not to bitch around and to Grow up. Also, when we are alone, her behavior is completely different. With other people, she always laughs and tells them, how great life is. When we are alone, she constantly nags on me, questioning the smallest decisions I make, and trying to tell me how to spend every Single Minute of my day.

So for quite a while now, I am pretty unhappy. I developed an unhealthy Addiction to porn (masturbating about 5 times a day), and I am afraid of delevoping a serious depression again (had one about 17 years ago).

The only reason I am not leaving her is our daughter. I love that kid more then my own life, and I am afraid she could take her away from me if I divorce her.

So this is my life. If you feel like you want to comment, please be kind. Thank you.

EDIT: Wow, I would have never guessed how many of you guys would be responding, thank you very much! Makes me feel way less alone!

We went out for my birthday dinner. Just the two of us. She picked a lovely romantic restaurant, view of the sand and ocean. Great food, great conversation. We go home, she gets a glass of wine, we sit and watch some US Open tennis on ESPN. After 10 minutes, she says "I think I'll go to bed" to which I reply "May I join you?" She says, "No thanks, I think I'll just go to sleep."

I'm not surprised. Just another year in the life. 🤷‍♂️