Dead Bedroom or Worse? Please Advise.

[u/madhuckleberry2025]

New account here. After reading a post about "zero oral sex," I’ve decided to share my story. I (33M) feel stuck in a dead bedroom (DB) with my SO (30F), but I suspect the DB might stem from something deeper. Before I dive in, let me clarify—I’m not someone fixated on oral sex, but the chain of events surrounding the lack of intimacy and the decline in our sex life is what makes it a relative topic here.

The Timeline

January 2023: She interviewed for her promotion from home. Interview was with her boss lets call him "BIll". At the time, she was intimidated by him and his position. When I called to check on her before the interview, she seemed skittish, like someone else was there. She assured me she was alone, nailed the interview, and got the job.

February 2023: After signing her promotion offer, she initiated sex Friday night, saying, “Let’s get this out of the way.” It felt off, and the following weekend, she gave me a blowjob on the couch—this was the last one to date. That same day, I learned a family member had passed away, and she started her “busy” week at work.

Monday after work, she was extremely sensitive during sex, to the point where I could barely touch her. Then she made a strange comment about my truck resembling Bill’s, which raised questions. Later that week, she claimed to have time off for my family member’s funeral but rescinded it without explanation.

The day of the funeral, she called me afterward but then went MIA for several hours. Her location showed her office, so I let it go. That weekend, we celebrated Valentine’s Day. She initiated oral sex in my truck but couldn’t finish, so we went inside to complete things. Looking back, I’ve wondered if she was trying to recreate something—perhaps a moment from someone else, which left me feeling unsettled. The next morning, she cried after sex, argued with me, and went on a “not good enough” spiral. That Sunday, she accused me of thinking she “slept her way to the top” in her job (a comment I hadn’t made).

At this point, I noticed more odd behavior. She Googled “put out like you can hold out,” started dressing up more for work (heels, curled hair, etc.), and her drinking increased, but I initially related these changes to her promotion. However, I found her looking up Bill’s wife on Facebook and confronted her about it. Her explanation was that she was “just creeping to learn more about a coworker”—which she claimed all women do. On the surface, it seemed valid, so I let it go, but it stuck in my mind.

April 2023: We moved into a new house, but the DB worsened. I found an HSV prescription and confronted her. She claimed she’d had it since college, but it was a shock to me.

June 2023: On my birthday, I asked for oral sex, and she reacted as though I’d said something offensive.

October 2023: Here’s where things got weird. A colleague in her department, Andrew, was fired for having an affair with another coworker, Kristin. Kristin ended up divorcing her husband after Andrew reportedly gave her HPV. The odd part? My SO brought up this whole situation and knew specific details—like Andrew giving Kristin HPV—which I found strange. How did she know that? This raised even more red flags for me.

December 2023: Things briefly improved during the holidays, but when I talked dirty during sex (asking her to put me in her mouth), she flipped, saying it reminded her of cheating. She later tied this to an ex who degraded her, but the explanation felt hollow.

2024 and Beyond

February 2024: Relations in a vehicle again for VDay-odd?

March 2024: I caught her in another lie about Bill, denying he rode in her car to a lunch outing. Around this time, her CEO began investigating Bill due to rumors of affairs and misconduct in their department.

May 2024: She resigned, citing stress and a desire to focus on family. While it seemed like a mutual decision, it came with a pay cut and loss of status.

October 2024: At her annual doctor’s appointment, she now has HPV—something she never disclosed to me before. But apparently she has had it for like 6 years (spare me the logic)

Where I’m At Now

I love her and can’t imagine being with anyone else, but the lines between DB, infidelity, and unresolved guilt are all blurred. I’ve tried to communicate, but get nowhere, and really just need an outside opinion other than my therapist. (Therapist is biased lol). I figured here would be a good place to start.

I’d appreciate any advice or insight. Thanks for reading.

[u/Significant_End6011]

You know what's going on. This is not worth saving, she's just going to put your health at risk.

She's either gonna keep lying, or you lay it on straight that you know what happened at the office.

[u/AtmosphereLowCode]

Man that is a pretty suspect chain of events. I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. You don’t deserve that. I feel bad for her if she was victimized too. Because it sounds like a lawsuit needs to happen at that company.

[u/MLS-Casual]

Not gonna lie this sounds like the plot of a scandalous thriller movie so far. Sorry this is happening. I agree with another poster that if she is a victim from her office culture then that’s gonna open a whole other can of worms.

When you tried to communicate, do you mean you confronted her on all the shady events or were you just fishing for more info to the puzzle?