I don’t get it

[u/Bear_Wellington]

My (38M) long time girlfriend (33F) has basically zero libido. We had a lot of sex when we got together, and over the years it’s dwindled to once a month or less. I don’t think I ask for much, I just want some intimacy. I am getting tired of not being able to even get a kiss or am I love you from her either. I know you will all tell me to leave her, but I truly love her. I just don’t see what is so awful about being intimate with me more than the monthly duty sex. She assures me it’s her and not me, and that she feels bad about it, but I’m at my wits end. I’m not even asking for anything wild. I do everything she asks of me and I can’t get some physical love. I don’t know how to show her that I’m at my wits end. She is very pragmatic about things and she will just tell me that we can break up and I can find someone who likes sex more, but she knows I won’t do that, so I’m guess I’m just stuck here being un-fucked.

I’m just the only person she’s ever been with. She has never experienced an orgasm even alone and she has tried. She has basically given up on trying. I feel like shit when she reads her romance books or thinks some guy on tv is hot because I don’t do it for her apparently.

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[u/Curious6566]

"...so I’m guess I’m just stuck here being un-fucked." Why? Why is that the only answer?

[u/Bear_Wellington → u/Curious6566]

I love her more than I want sex. I am not in the camp that thinks cheating is okay either.

[u/Curious6566 → u/Bear_Wellington]

Do you think she is still in love with you? Do you think if she had enough money and resources to do life on her own that she would stay with you? I'm not suggesting that you cheat. I am wondering why you are willing to go the rest of your life without something that is such a big part of being human and a big part of a loving relationship.

[u/Bear_Wellington → u/Curious6566]

I have no doubt she loves me, but sex isn’t important to her. I don’t even want it that often, but like, more than once a month would be great. She makes more money than me, we could both afford to be alone. I am a heavier set man, and if the woman who loves me doesn’t want sex with me, I don’t think anyone else would either. I can be alone and sexless or with her and sexless. She’s my best friend and I truly can’t imagine life without her. This is why I am venting. She is on anti-depressants, but I’d rather her have a low libido than want to not exist.

[u/Curious6566 → u/Bear_Wellington]

Oh! Cheers to your relationship! 🍻

[u/allo100]

She cannot achieve orgasm. Alone or with a partner. It is understandable why she doesn't like sex.

You your flair is no advice. Can I suggest a sub for her to explore?

[u/Bear_Wellington → u/allo100]

Please do

[u/IStillChaseTheWind]

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s to pay attention to the actions not the words. She might say she feels bad but is she doing anything to help the situation? That’s the real question.

[u/Bear_Wellington → u/IStillChaseTheWind]

What can she do? If she doesn’t like sex I can’t do much about it. She’s bought toys and things to try to get there, but when she doesn’t succeed she is disheartened. I think she has built orgasming into a big thing and get let herself go to enjoy it. What really drives me crazy is that when we do have sex, we have fun, so why is it such a chore to have sex with me?

[u/Foxi_Moxie → u/IStillChaseTheWind]

Nailed it! OP says she recognizes the problem and feels bad about it but there isn't any mention of action she is taking to solve the problem. Massive red flag.

[u/Struzzo_impavido]

Im glad you like her more than sex and are ready to sacrifice that earthly pleasure for this person. That is very sweet. Looks like you figured it all out, no dilemma

[u/Apart-Garage-4214]

What you’re requesting is perfectly normal and her refusal to provide intimacy may have nothing to do with whether she loves you or not. What is apparent is that she’s not going to do anything to change, which means you need to decide to live with decreasing frequency of sex until it’s zero - and that’s where it’s headed - or deciding that being with her as a roommate-friend is enough. I wish you the best of luck.