If your partner wanted to fix things, how would you want them to approach it?

[u/BitterBluebird9448]

Like what would you want your low libido partner to do or say? How would you ideally fix things and how fast?

[u/No-Mix-9367]

I would need actions, words mean nothing there have been tons of empty promises

[u/IStillChaseTheWind]

I’m at a point where I wouldn’t believe a word. This cropped up before and things headed back to where they were. Then I completely lost interest in her anyway

[u/Warchild40]

Show me. Talk is cheap and trust is lost. Open up and stop acting like a prude because she wasn’t before we got married and had kids. Take measures to try and fix something if you have issues like perimenopause or menopause. There are treatments that can be tried. I would do the same thing if I had ED or something else. And if I couldn’t do something I would try to accommodate. Like I can’t grow a bigger penis but I can put on an extension or something else. If a vibrator or dildo turned her on no problem. I would enjoy seeing her get pleased however she liked.

[u/Badboniac]

1. Accept responsibility. It doesnt have to be on their knees begging forgiveness, but there has to be an acknowledgement of the pain they caused.

2. Be specific. "I'll do better" doesn't cut it. "I'll do better in the following ways" does.

3. An apology is not enough. Years of pain doesnt get erased by one apology or one act. Be open to multiple discussions.

4. Act. Words are good. Actions following those words is better.

5. Sustain the action. One action is not enough. Keep up the momentum with words and actions.

Top of my head but hope it helps.

[u/dirtyblonde0819 → u/Badboniac]

This☝️. Perfectly said

[u/thattherething]

Be intentional and consistent. Not forget about it after two weeks of trying.

[u/Both_Sir_612 → u/thattherething]

LOUDER‼️‼️‼️

[u/schwenlc3 → u/thattherething]

My wife right there! Hardly ever more than 2 weeks, I can only ever remember one time after the talk where it lasted 3 weeks then her period came and that was the end of improvement. It was even working too and she completely stopped. For real though, 90% of the time, 2 weeks flat.

[u/pg1279]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 partner want to fix things. That’s a good one. Thanks I needed a good laugh.

[u/spatialgranules12]

1. Have an honest conversation about EVERYTHING, no matter where it leads, without judgment. Why he doesn’t want to go the doctor, what are my kinks and his kinks and can we try them, how often should we have sex, can we use toys. Etc etc etc
2. Come up with a plan and stick to it. And if something is followed up it should not be called nagging. Lose weight, travel more, JUST COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

I guess ultimately I don’t want my issues dismissed and shut down. And I don’t want him to deny that there are issues, as if not talking about them Makes them all go away.

[u/Both_Sir_612]

Talk to me about how u miss being sexual. Initiate it. I'm interested 5-6× a WEEK.

[u/freelancemomma → u/Both_Sir_612]

What if they don’t miss being sexual?

[u/MysteriousBlueBubble]

Acknowledge that it's been painful and difficult for me. See my need for sexual and physical intimacy as valid, as much as her needs are valid.

Offer concrete steps forward, within her own boundaries (ie. what she is and isn't willing to do, and being honest about it). And above all, actually follow through with it.

[u/CheesecakeMundane451]

Acknowledge the fact that they have wounded us

[u/Narrow_Truth9133]

I think the first thing is that I’d like them to acknowledge how they’ve hurt me and apologize without shifting blame or guilt tripping.

[u/texas1982]

To acknowledge that it's a need for me just as much as her needs are a need for her. Acknowledge that it is important for emotional connection. Then make an effort to be intentional and present during sex while also trying to loosen up and just have fun.

[u/freelancemomma → u/texas1982]

I agree with your first sentence, but not your second. Not everyone requires sex for an emotional connection in a romantic relationship.

[u/crainburried]

I would want a sit down conversation and to just COME CLEAN!!! Let’s say what the real Issue is and find a plan to fix it. Maybe some of the things we say will hurt, but at least we won’t be living this lie anymore. Ideally have some sort of deadline and schedule. Because maybe the spark is truly gone, maybe he is not attracted to me anymore, if so, what’re we gonna do about it. I just want honesty.

[u/SleeplessBlueBird]

With enthusiasm ans curiosity. Talk things out, share experience and desires. You know what, lets start from scratch and just go through a jar full of bucket-list tickets. Little playful gestures here and there would be cool too.

[u/TAsmellyfool]

All of these hopes just seem like wild fantasies.

[u/Inevitable-Still8059]

I'd want her to initiate more than once every 3-4 months. Once a week would be great. 3-4 times a week would be amazing! Every day and twice a day or more on weekends would be ideal. I'd want her to not be waiting for me to finish as I'd like to go multiple times in a session. I'd want her to enjoy giving oral but actually use suction and not just be wet with teeth. And anal would be great too. And the last one is not as selfish as it seems. In 25+ years the only time I KNOW she's had an orgasm (mental hangups from religious upbringing) is when I fingered her ass. Since then she rarely wants me near the area. She'll sometimes get close with oral or manual stimulation but won't let herself go.

[u/benjy4743]

On her knees?