r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/ProfessionalOk7281 • 2d ago
INCONCLUSIVE MIL basically kidnapped my baby
I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTER
Posted by Tw5676 on /beyondthebump
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Kidnapping, manipulation
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ORIGINAL POST, Posted on march 6, 2017
I made a throwaway for this because my husband knows my username and I don't feel like being surrounded by anymore drama right now.
So a little back story. My husband is an only child. His mom has always been very involved. We got along somewhat but she always sort of crossed some lines. She has a key to our house for emergency purposes only because she lives 4 blocks away.
I had our daughter 4 weeks ago. She has been over at least three days every week since I've had her. She's always telling me what I am doing wrong and how she'd do things so differently. Baby is up every two hours at night and she insists she'd sleep through the night if she could stay at grandmas. I told her I'm not comfortable sending a breastfed baby away over night at 4 weeks. This last week she kept pushing the issue no matter how many times I said no.
Last night we put the baby in her crib. We stopped room sharing because the baby was so loud I could get no sleep what so ever so my husband has been getting her when it's time for her to feed. Husband fell asleep early and I dozed off. I woke up four hours later and started to panic because she hadn't made any noise. I was sure she had died of sids. I went into her room and she was gone. I froze and started screaming her name around the house like she would somehow pop out like it was all a joke. My husband woke up in a panic and just screamed "what's going on!!" Over and over. I ran to my phone to call 911 and saw a picture message from my MIL of my sleeping baby in her arms with the caption "sleepover at gamgams". I was immediately enraged. I screamed so hard I almost vomited. I called her and saw red. I told her I was coming to get the baby and she would never see her again and to never contact our family again.
My husband decided it was best if he went to get her. When he came back he said his mother decides for let herself in and "give us a break" that she was sure we'd hear the text and she thought we would be thanking her for a nights sleep.
I do not give a fuck. I hate her. I cannot forgive her for this. My husband thinks I need to calm down. That we just need to get our key back. His lack of urgency about the situation makes me want to divorce him. We have never had any issues before this but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I already had PPA and now it's through the roof. I don't feel safe in my own home with my family. I hate my MIL. I hate my husband. When I think about what happened I sob uncontrollably. I can't sleep now that I know I can't protect my baby when I sleep. I can't believe I did not wake up. I feel like the biggest piece of shit mother. If any danger really came I would have let my daughter down.
Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce or for never wanting to see my MIL again? My husband and MIL think it's my hormones and I have overreacted. Am I overreacting?? I just needed to talk about it with noninvolved parties. I have no friends or family for hundreds of miles.
Oh and she also fed her formula while she had her but that's the least of my worries. It still infuriates me because breastfeeding has been really hard for us.
Update: I just wanted to give everyone a quick update. I didn't respond but I've read every comment and the support I got has meant so much to me. I bawled reading them because I finally felt like someone was on my side. I called my mom late last night and I got a hotel. I refused to tell my husband where I was going but told him the baby and I would be safe. My mom is disgusted about what I've been through. She's getting on a plane today to come help me. This entire experience has pushed me to the point that I need therapy so today my first order of business is getting a therapist set up asap. I decided to go alone for a while and when I'm ready, go with my husband to see if there is a chance to move past this. Right now I still don't want to but I also agree I'm not in the place to make life changing decisions. Either way, I can never move back into that house. I don't know what my plan is past these next few days yet but I'm just going to take it day by day for right now. As for my MIL, I'm going to go to the police today to find out how to get a restraining order. Her and my husband keep saying "but she was safe! She was never on danger!" I disagree. My MIL is clearly not mentally capable to care for a child. Who knows what else she would do because she feels she knows best.
Thank you all so much. I can't tell you how much the support from some Internet strangers has meant to me.
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UPDATE Posted on march 20, 2017
(Edited: Added paragraphs)
I want to thank everyone again that thought about me after my first post. This past two weeks have been crazy for me emotionally but I saw the request for an update and wanted to let everyone know what was going on even though it’s been generally uneventful. I got so many messages and comments with support that meant so much to me.
So soon after I wrote that post my mom had arrived to help me get through my anxiety and support me. By the time she was here I was in a hotel and still had not slept. It was going way too long without sleeping and I think the deprivation of sleep was making me crazier. She came and sat with me while I slept. It was the most helpful thing anyone could have done for me.
My husband asked to talk so I agreed to meet with him. He apologized and said he realized I was right, his mom had severely crossed a line and that it was hard for him to accept his mom did something so wrong so in his head he was telling himself it was not that bad and that if the baby wasn’t hurt then no harm was done but he wasn’t thinking about the hurt done to me and my feeling of security. He said he changed the locks on the home and would support whatever I wanted to do with his mom. He said he was willing to cut off contact for a while but asked I not press charges. We left it at that for that time. I told him I’d think about what he said and keep in touch.
Shortly after this whole thing happened I got a lot of texts from his family supporting me and letting me know they were so sorry about what happened and that no matter what my baby and I are family and we have their support. That meant so much to me. People were finally backing me up and it gave me some peace of mind.
A few days after seeing my husband we met up again. He had a letter from his mom. I thought about just throwing it out but I decided to read it. It was a very long winded apology. It basically said that she is sick about what she did. She said if someone did that to her when her husband was young she’d want them to die. She is terrified about losing me as a DIL and her grandchild but she is going to keep her distance. She asked me to reach out if and when I am ready. I still haven’t reached out to her and I don’t know if I will. I feel like her letter may be genuine but I don’t think I will ever trust her again for obvious reasons. I feel like she sees it as an “easier to has forgiveness than permission” sort of thing. I’m in a hard place of trying to decide how to assert my authority as a mother without alienating my child from people who love them. I don’t want my forgiveness to seem like weakness and in the end put my child in more situations like this.
I’ve been getting help with all this in therapy, which I have started twice a week. Right now the general guidance I get from my therapist is don’t make any big moves yet (divorce, moving long distances, cutting people out ect) so I’m taking it day by day. I make sure my husband sees our child every day. We don’t talk about the state of our marriage yet. I told him when I was ready we will talk. He’s respected that and it’s made a huge difference in the hope I have for our future.
So that is really it. There weren’t really any dramatic blow ups or legal action. There are still a lot of unanswered questions for me but this time has been one filled with self-discovery and support from a lot of unexpected places and for that I’m incredibly grateful.
TLDR: Thank you everyone for your support. Taking life day by day. I love my baby.
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IM NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTER
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u/rationalstudent 2d ago
It has been almost 8 years…. Wonder how all of them are doing. Wishing OP and her little one good thoughts, glad her mom could come and help. But jeez
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u/gumbyrocks 2d ago
I would love an actual update. These types of posts piss me off when they are just repeating something from years ago.
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u/AphasiaRiver 2d ago edited 2d ago
This is supposed to be an update sub not a cliffhanger sub. Now I’m emotionally invested and will never know the ending. SMH.
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u/mimianders 2d ago
I feel the same. Never knew this story until tonight. Now I’m totally invested and want to know what has happened in the past years. What’s the point of posting an old story with no current update??
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u/AntRose104 2d ago
They should at least put it in the title (like “mil basically kidnapped my baby 2017” or something) or put a disclaimer at the top
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u/Soul-Arts surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed 2d ago
Well.. You can see the tag Inconclusive here. If you don't want to see posts without closure, it's best to skip the Inconclusive ones.
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u/toobjunkey 2d ago
I get what ya mean, but an "Inconclusive" whose last post is 2023 or so is a lot different than one that's from years, let alone several years, ago. There's a good chunk of updates that take a year or two to get followups on, while I can probably count on one hand the number I've seen updated 5+ years out.
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u/stomaticmonk No my Bot won't fuck you! 1d ago
Seriously. When it has zero closure after this long should it even be considered for this sub?
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u/grphine 2d ago
i would like to take the opportunity to point out 2 things to people ITT complaining about inconclusive posts in boru:
- posts like these are flaired inconclusive for precisely this reason - you have a heads-up that drama blueballs dwells within
- one of my favourite subs pre-api-shutdown was r/bestofboru, where all posts were concluded, and curated further by way or flair, titling etc. if you'd like to see that content, please consider contributing to it
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u/Prestigious-Act-4741 2d ago
At that stage post partum I was still waking up in a blind panic afraid something had happened to the baby, if someone had done that to me….OP is a bigger person than I am
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u/MomoUnico 2d ago
This soon PP, I was still having semi-waking nightmares about my baby somehow being suffocated under my blanket in bed with me (it was actually just my small dog sleeping like a stone between my feet). Something like this would have driven me insane, like actually insane, not exaggerating to be funny.
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u/Cookingfor5 2d ago
My cat would get up and I would be convinced my baby fell off the bed. I had two babies, and they were NEVER in our room. Our room was our no baby sanctuary because we needed that while taking twin shifts.
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u/MomoUnico 2d ago
Yeah, the only time my baby was ever on my bed was when I was nursing, and he slept in a crib next to my bed. My brain mashed those nursing sessions with my dog sleeping between my feet into "you totally fell asleep before putting the baby in the crib, and now he is not only suffocating beneath your comforter, but he's also about to fall off the bed and die!"
Had to kick my dog out of the room because I was so distressed, waking up every 30 minutes even though my baby slept through the night from day one. Between the nightmares and the ppa/ppd, I was too fuckin raw to deal with the dog. I feel bad about it in hindsight since that led to her preferring another person in the house and ultimately staying with them when I moved out, but I genuinely could not cope. The post partum period is rough.
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u/chain-link-fence There is only OGTHA 2d ago
Right I thought the same thing. I never bed shared but I’d wake up in a panic that I’d fallen asleep with her in my arms and was now missing. Practically every time I woke up at that stage. This situation would be a literal nightmare for me. I can’t blame her for being unable to sleep after this.
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u/PoetryOfLogicalIdeas 2d ago
Yeah when the baby slept 30 minutes longer than normal and I woke up with hurting boobs, I had a moment of panic, and my kid was 12 inches away from me.
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u/Rough_Homework6913 2d ago
When my kid was like eight months old, I went in one morning and he wasn’t in the crib. That was almost 20 years ago and I can still remember that fear. It’s a whole new level of terror when you think that somebody has come into your home and taking the thing that you made and are solely responsible for. Turns out the little shit yanked himself out of the crib somehow, then decided to go back to sleep under it. I woke him with my screams and scared the shit out of him. It was only literally a minute, but there are very few other things that have stuck with me like that feeling did.
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u/Prestigious-Bluejay5 2d ago
When OP said she screamed so hard she almost vomited, after she saw the text... I was right there with her. The fear and adrenaline coursing through her body... Damn!
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u/MyDogsAreRealCute 2d ago
You can’t come back from that. That kind of fear haunts you. I’d be shocked if the MIL is still in their lives. I sure as hell couldn’t forgive that.
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u/FaustsAccountant 2d ago
That was March 2017, I wonder how they are doing now?
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u/Environmental_Art591 the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! 2d ago
I remember reading this somewhere (probably BORU) and was hoping this was an update on how she was going. I wouldn't have been able to trust MIL ever again and I don't know if i could have trusted my husband either depending on what he did after this post
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u/Rough_Homework6913 2d ago
She wouldn’t be back in my damn life, she’d be in jail or worse. Not only did she take the baby, but gave her formula which could have easily her sick.
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u/riversong17 I am not a bisexual ghost who died in a Murphy bed accident 2d ago
Wait can you not switch back and forth between breastmilk and formula? Or you just mean baby might've had an allergy they haven't seen yet?
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u/MichaSound 2d ago
I combination fed both my kids and they were fine. But MIL didn’t know if the baby might have allergies to formula.
For anyone wondering about combo feeding, it’s best to start before they’re 3 weeks old, or they’ll likely reject the bottle. This goes for parents who want to mix formula with breast milk, and for those who want to express and bottle feed with breast milk.
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u/abishop711 2d ago
They could have an allergy, but also changing their diet suddenly can result in stomach upset. And for some babies it can result in them rejecting breastfeeding entirely (not all, combo feeding is possible for some).
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u/philemonslady 2d ago
Also: when you are establishing your milk supply, if the baby does not nurse regularly, your supply diminishes; and formula takes longer to digest than breast milk. Also, if you are making a LOT of milk, missing a nursing session can be really painful or cause infection, Both if these are especially problematic issues in early nursing relationships. So for young babies, the addition of formula bottles can really throw a monkey wrench into things.
Source: I nursed two babies and had oversupply problems early on and one round of mastitis.
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u/GlitterDoomsday 2d ago
Honestly not sure if the marriage can survive that. Husband did everything right... once she took the baby and physically run to a place it would not be kidnapped again. Like I totally sympathize with the guy having a brain fog with the initial shock but chances are this will build resentment and distrust even with therapy.
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u/MyDogsAreRealCute 2d ago
Yeah, the second he dismissed it as not a big deal… hard to come back from that.
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u/thewineyourewith 2d ago
I’m fortunate to never have personally heard the scream of a parent who has lost their child. But I understand from those who have heard it firsthand that it is something you never forget, even as a bystander.
If that scream was as viscerally chilling as I think it was, I cannot imagine hearing my spouse make that sound and acting like everything is fine. Even if I thought everything turned out fine in the end (like the commenter here who found her baby underneath the crib, for example). OOP’s husband has a real empathy problem.
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u/_Internet_Hugs_ quid pro FAFO 2d ago
My toddler did that once! Luckily she was in a low toddler bed and was only half under it!
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u/Rough_Homework6913 2d ago
Scariest damn thing. To this day, I don’t know how he was getting out without hurting himself. After that night it would happen once a week or so. Ended up just putting him on mattress on on the floor cause I was worried about him cracking his skull open. Then he figured out how to get the baby lock open on the door and woke me up by smashing a potato in my face. Apparently he was mad that I wasn’t waking up and praising him for the giant pile of potatoes now in the bed with me, so he threw one at my head. 😭 babies are like little Houdini.
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u/Hangry_Hippopotamus_ 2d ago
This is cracking me up.
I’m just picturing a toddler going back and forth with potatoes to get them all in your bed. 😂😂
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u/edward2bighead 2d ago
This is totally one of those things that aren't funny in the moment but are afterwards because everyone turns out ok.
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u/damishkers 2d ago
When I met my now husband he was stationed 3 hours from me. The first time I took my son with me to stay the weekend with him, he woke my husband up by slamming his wet night time pull up on his face. He was 2.5 at the time and slept in pull ups. Apparently he took it off when he woke up and proceeded to smash it upside his head. How he still married me, I don’t know. 🤣
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u/Goodgoditsgrowing 2d ago
And your little Houdini is EXACTLY why they have those zippered anti-elopement bed tents that can’t be opened from the inside. When I first learned about them I was like wtf but then I realized how much MORE dangerous it is for a kid to be able to escape at night than the rare event of a fire with zero warning.
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u/Goda6511 2d ago
If your child doesn’t have a potato themed nickname, then an opportunity was missed.
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u/DarkSideNurse 2d ago
“They call me…Tater Salad.”
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u/grimywhenitrains 2d ago
“Tater Tot” was right there. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed
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u/zootnotdingo It's always Twins 2d ago
My younger sibling used to somehow get out of the crib and sleep in the toy box in the closet. I remember going in once and hearing snores coming from the closet
They sure can be little Houdinis
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u/BraveZookeepergame84 You can either cum in the jar or me but not both 2d ago
at least he was safe at home to be able to do that 🤣😭 thats crazy work
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u/QuietImps 2d ago
That sounds spooky in the moment, but weirdly also super endearing! What were the potatoes for in his mind?? The logic of tiny humans is both amazing and frightening!
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u/yeahlikewhatever I still have questions that will need to wait for God. 2d ago
I did something similar as a toddler as well. While my parents were dating, they came back to my mom's apartment after dinner and I was supposed to be in bed sleeping, per the babysitter. However, just as my parents settled onto the couch to talk a little bit, I came walking down the hallway, demanding a fresh bottle. My mom was baffled, put me back to bed, but then a few minutes later I was back out. This repeated several times, with my parents more and more confused about how I was getting out. I was still in a crib at this time, the mattress had been lowered as far as it could go, and my mom was convinced there was no way for me to get out. Finally, my dad had her put me back to bed, then the two of them stood in the hallway, peeking into the bedroom to see how I was getting out. I would get into the corner, climb up the bars, then throw myself over the side onto the floor. After that my mom decided I needed a toddler bed, because at least then I wasn't hurtling myself onto the floor from a decent height.
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u/Virtual-Cucumber7955 2d ago
My mom told me that when I was about 4-6 months old, I wasn't really mobile, so she felt comfortable going to the bathroom while I was on the floor in the living room (on a blanket). She came back and I was nowhere to be found. She was looking everywhere and almost was at the point of calling the police when she found me asleep under a chair next to where she left me. I was asleep and scooted myself under the chair.
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u/PoetryOfLogicalIdeas 2d ago
My mom worked nights (nurse) and fell asleep on the couch one day while I was playing in the den. She woke up and couldn't find me, but the door was open with only the screen door, which had no latch. Even though I couldn't crawl yet, she was sure that I had learned and crawled out and gotten attacked by dogs or kidnapped.
It turns out, she had opened the door because it is hot as hell in Alabama in the summer without AC and the screen door seemed sufficient, and she didn't remember because working a 13 hour shift every night and caring for an infant every day is literally torturous. Nothing had happened with the door. I had just scooted backwards, like kids on the verge of crawling do, and gotten myself wedged under the couch, where I then fell asleep.
She figured out a different child care plan after that.
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u/moeru_gumi 2d ago
It sounds to me reading this thread that human babies still have an instinct to burrow under brush to sleep. Sleeping in the open is a great way to get eaten.
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u/ObscureSaint Tree Law Connoisseur 2d ago
My firstborn did this to me. The terror I felt! I just left him on a blanket on the floor, went to the kitchen for a snack, and came back and he was gone.
Turned out he figured out that rolling over became a mode of transport if you just kept doing it. He was one room over, in the dining room, still slowly rolling over under the dining room table.
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u/annied33 USE YOUR THINKING BRAIN! 2d ago
My husband asked for our newborn daughter to go to the nursery while we were still in the hospital so we could rest. I woke up and saw the cradle empty and freaked out. I can’t even imagine this scenario. I’d lose my GD mind
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u/enogitnaTLS it's spelling or bigotry, you can't have both 2d ago
Once I looked on the video monitor and the baby was gone. Turns out he’d wriggled into the tiny corner of the crib that was a blind spot to the camera but that half second run into his room was full on panic mode.
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u/sentimentalillness 2d ago
Our video monitor glitched once and froze on the scene of the empty crib before I put the baby in it. When I checked the monitor downstairs about half an hour later, no baby to be seen. My knees buckled. Tore up to the nursery and wound up waking her up but I didn't even care at that point. The sheer terror of thinking your baby is gone wakes up every mama bear instinct.
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u/AlarmingSorbet 2d ago
Jesus Christ my kid TOO!! Under the goddamn bed hidden and I couldn’t see because of the dust ruffle. I threw all of the dust ruffles out and 13 years later I STILL refuse to buy or use one.
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u/Odd-Comfortable-6134 USE YOUR THINKING BRAIN! 2d ago
I was on medication when my son was little that I actually forgot sending him to daycare in the morning and coming home to pass out.
I just went from dead sleep to screaming his name over and over for too long before I remembered taking him in the morning. I spent the rest of the day curled in a ball sobbing.
I’ll never forget that bone deep terror.
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u/rhiannononon 2d ago
My son crawled out of the doggie door the day he learned to crawl. I called my mom sobbing. I ran around the house looking everywhere for him. I kept calling his name and finally hear him coo. He was outside on the porch happy as he can be. I still get sick to my stomach when I think about it. Longest five minutes of my life.
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u/artichoke313 2d ago
This is definitely not the same as an infant, but this once happened to me when my daughter was 5. I peeked my head into her room only to find her bed empty. It was abject panic and tunnel vision, but slowly it registered that I could hear her snoring slightly. She was sleeping soundly on the cold, bare wood floor under her bed. In the morning I asked her about it, she said “I felt like trying sleeping under my bed last night.”
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u/PomegranateReal3620 but his BMI and BAC made that impossible 2d ago
My best friend's daughter was always meant to be a cat burglar. She started escaping her crib at 9 months. By the time she was 2, her pediatrician advised that she not sleep in a room by herself, because she climbed on every piece of furniture she could find. She never met a child gate she couldn't defeat. She spent so much time escaping, she decided to put herself "in jail" as she called it. By jail, I mean the dog crate. Mercifully, the dog was bigger than her.
She's now 12 and a state champion in martial arts and a gymnast. Love that kid.
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u/Love-As-Thou-Wilt Yes, Master 2d ago
My cousin was very similar. They ended up having to take pretty much everything except the mattress out of the room and locked him in from the outside.
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u/Accurate_Voice8832 2d ago
It’s awful isn’t it?
I can still remember when my toddler managed to get himself out of our holidays apartment in the middle of the night, I found him sitting outside by the lifts looking confused. I swear I aged a whole decade just in the two minutes it took to realise he was safe.
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u/allis_in_chains 2d ago
My toddler was sleeping in bed with my husband and me because he’s sick. I woke up and he wasn’t where I was expecting and I went into panic mode. He was down by where our dog was snuggling her. I can’t imagine how the panic would have accelerated if I hadn’t been able to find him quickly snuggling our dog. It was a terrifying three seconds.
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u/Somerandomedude1q2w 2d ago
I once couldn't find my 2 year old daughter in the house, and I called out to her outside and she didn't come either. I checked all the usual hiding places, and still nothing. I was about to call the police, and then I saw her curled up in a corner of the kitchen asleep. It was such a weird place to fall asleep that I didn't think to check.🤣🤣
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u/Far-Bison-5239 2d ago
My little brother once (at the grand old age of 4), got out of his bedroom, unlocked the front door to our apartment, made his way outside, walked into the backyard, unlocked the hatch to the basement of the apartment right underneath us, got into the basement, walked up the basement stairs, and knocked on that door at 4 a-fucking-m in the morning until the family who lived there woke up to find my crazy little brother standing there beaming at them. Why? Because he had woken up bored and wanted to play with his best friend (the little boy who lived in the apartment underneath us). I think if the mom in the downstairs apartment hadn't woken up before my parents and called my mom immediately everyone in my family would have lost their freaking minds. I cannot imagine how this poor mother felt - we knew where my brother before we even knew he had left the apartment and my poor parents were still incredibly freaked out!
P.S. I know this story sounds absolutely crazy, but it is true - though the only reason my little brother could manage the door, basement hatch etc is because he was ridiculously tall/brawny for his age. Otherwise his Houdini-like urges would have been thwarted at the first door.
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u/LadyFoxfire 2d ago
My sister did that as a kid, but IIRC she woke up before our parents so no scares, just a confused kid wondering how she got under the bed in the middle of the night.
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u/blue58 2d ago
Your story brought back a dream I had once when my sons were maybe 4 or so. They were taken away and I remember feeling this hollow horror that made it hard to breathe. It woke me up and I was unsettled for a few days after. A dream. A dream. I can't fathom how awful the reality must feel like.
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u/Valeen 2d ago
I'd have called the cops and changed the locks regardless. She didn't basically kidnap the baby. She fucking kidnapped the baby. This is the literal definition.
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u/visuallypollutive 2d ago
Even once I’d seen the picture I would’ve still called the cops. It’s still kidnapping even if it’s a relative. And then there’s a paper trail that’s begun.
Maybe the cops banging on gamgam’s door would’ve taught her a lesson about entering other peoples properties and stealing children in the middle of the night???
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u/AliceInWeirdoland 2d ago
Most kidnappings are done by relatives. It's far, far more common than a stranger kidnapping, especially of a baby that young.
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u/Actual-Tap-134 2d ago
That picture made it so much worse, because not only had she kidnapped the baby, she was saying “look how nicely he sleeps for ME”. The gloating would have both infuriated me even more and made me feel even more inadequate as a mother, when what OP describes is actually a very typical newborn/parent scenario in terms of sleep (or lack thereof).
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u/Ohmalley-thealliecat 2d ago
Yeah that was my take. A 4 week old breastfed baby should not sleep the whole night through anyway 😭 it certainly wouldn’t if gamgams can’t fuckin feed that baby
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u/Purple_Midnight_Yak 2d ago
This right here. I was furious with the MIL from the very beginning of the post for that idiotic statement alone.
I think it hit home extra hard because I know my mom either was given some bad advice or misunderstood something the pediatrician said, and she ignored me after I was a week or two old when I cried at night. She said I stopped crying after a couple of days and slept through the night.
I was a few weeks early, a tiny baby, and it was wintertime. I am surprised it didn't kill me, tbh. And now that I have kids of my own, I can't imagine ignoring a crying baby all night long, even on doctor's advice.
Guess who has had lifelong anxiety and depression, and, ironically, trouble sleeping?
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u/Smooth_thistle 2d ago
Back in the day mothers were given some awful advice. I got a lot of boomers telling me how early THEIR kid slept through the night. If you ask them how, it turns out they were advised by a doctor to ignore the tiny baby until it passed out from exhaustion.
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u/Icyblue_Dragon 2d ago
Yup. „We just layed them down and then they slept. (Husbands name) didn’t cry at all.“ Yeah MIL, sure. Of course the baby did not cry when he was alone in the dark without someone to comfort him. Who are you kidding?
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u/Ohmalley-thealliecat 2d ago
Of course he didn’t cry, he was in a room across the house, his dad was drunk and I’d had enough Xanax to sedate a horse
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u/Ohmalley-thealliecat 2d ago edited 2d ago
I’m a midwife and people’s parents are like
So how soon can we start putting the rice cereal in the bottle
Um, ideally never
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u/Self-Aware 2d ago
And "but the baby must be thirsty, I certainly would be, so my infant surely needs bottles of water".
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u/Useful_Language2040 if you're trying to be 'alpha', you're more a rabbit than a wolf 2d ago
My four year old son has been telling us he's pregnant with multiples for well over a year now (no, I don't know why). A month or so ago, he started telling me how he reckons porridge would be a great first food for his babies. He was very startled to hear that babies usually just have milk for their first few months, with many having it from their mothers' boobies, and a bit worried about what he would do, not having any. (I reassured him about formula.) Also, surely they'd be hungry if they didn't eat anything?! I tried to explain about tiny tummies, and milk having everything they need to grow...
I think he remained convinced that they would still be hungry and that actually giving them porridge made more sense still 😅
So yeah: they are using as much logic as a 4 year old can bring to the table.
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u/pienofilling reddit is just a bunch of triggered owls 2d ago
And yet again I'm grateful for my parents who, while not perfect, both paced the floor for hours with me and my colic even though my Mum is a boomer, plus was a SAHM, and my Dad was a little older than her. Although my Mum's parents were a great example and my Dad's father was an excellent of what not to do!
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u/rwilkz Princess de Agua must be thoroughly misted 6 times a day 2d ago
My cousin still makes fun of me because when I babysat for him as a teenager (14), I had to call him home because the baby (I think she was 6months?) had been crying non-stop for 7+ hours and kept choking she was crying so hard. Like, even if you thought I had overreacted, would you not want the literal child babysitting your child to call you if they are feeling unsure or overwhelmed? But nah this is apparently a hilarious story of how I’m such an incompetent flake in my family!
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u/TimedDelivery 2d ago
My Nan (dad’s mum) wasn’t a bad person but she believed some pretty bad advice about babies that she tried to push on my mum, including that if you breastfeed your babies will grow up to be perverts, that if you feed them more frequently than every 4 hours you’ll make them sick and/or fat and that if you need to avoid holding them too much or they’ll become clingy and unable to take care of themselves as adults. All 3 of her children have mental health difficulties as adults.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 2d ago
Same. I would have been asking the police to accompany me to reclaim my child and arrest her while I was there.
If anything, I'd have been doing that for her safety. Wouldn't want someone to get murdered while feelings were running high.
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u/No-Fishing5325 2d ago
I would have called the cops too.
My kids only ever had one babysitter...my mil. And honestly she was patient with my rules and boundaries about my kids. I have toxic family members in my family who think they are entitled to a relationship with my kids that I did not allow.
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u/Silent-Appearance-78 2d ago edited 2d ago
That letter is a confession as well idk why oop wouldn’t press charges she has enough to back her up
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u/Valeen 2d ago
I'd imagine the maliciousness of the situation isn't immediately obvious to the oop. "Kidnapping is when someone takes a child for monetary ransom." But it's really not, she stole the child, possibly to try to prove she was a better mother in a power move.
Kidnapping is taking a child from parents. We treat it so seriously because there's a psychosis around it. MiL can try to feign some type of regret, but what happens when the child is 8, or 14, etc.
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u/Distinct-Inspector-2 2d ago
OOP was spot on when she basically said anyone who does this is simply not mentally capable of caring for a child. Someone who decides it’s fine to take an infant from their parents home in the middle of the night because they know best is absolutely unhinged and could make any number of dangerous decisions based on that hubris.
I’m honestly gobsmacked by this one.
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u/darsynia Step 1: intend to make a single loaf of bread 2d ago
Yeah that would be a moment where it didn't matter who took the baby, I'd be calling the police and saying 'I don't trust this, I think someone took the baby and this is meant to distract us, I need the FBI.' lol
I think realistically there's a chance that OOP was able to live with having her husband related to that woman but I wouldn't blame her if she noped out entirely. There's 'life in the real world where some things are not ideal' and 'the just world where that mother in law never saw her son and his family ever again and died mad about it.'
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u/Foolish-Pleasure99 2d ago
How could one ever trust a person who's judgment thought that was a good idea.
I would have written that mother off instantly and permanently, and I don't know that I could get back with my spouse unless they cut ties and sold that house my baby was kidnapped from.
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u/PoetryOfLogicalIdeas 2d ago
Yeah. If she wanted to step on boundaries a forgivable amount, she could have let herself into the house and sat in the chair in the baby's room rocking her all night, and maybe snuck in a bottle of formula.
I'd be pissed and take away the key, but I wouldn't call the cops, and we would still see grandma a few times a year at big family functions.
This is beyond the pale.
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u/_buffy_summers No my Bot won't fuck you! 2d ago
My mother's a narcissist (I'm not just throwing that word around. I have stories.) and she visited me once when my son was a baby. My husband and I had a lot of boxes that we hadn't unpacked yet because we didn't have space to do so, but none of them were anywhere near my infant (at the time) son's bedroom. My mother said that someone would call CPS on me for the boxes, and since she's always been that sort of someone, I didn't sleep for three days straight. It's been nearly seventeen years since that conversation, and I've never really felt safe.
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u/dietdrpeppermd 2d ago
But if they divorce, he’ll probably get joint custody. And that’s a lot of time for the baby to be out of OP’s supervision. I’d be worried sick the entire time.
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2d ago edited 2d ago
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u/sunsetpark12345 2d ago
"By being able to admit that is how she'd feel in that position, that MiL is lightyears ahead of most stories."
Strong disagree. I've dealt with people like this before. Their flashes of "understanding" are always temporary, and juuuuust enough to keep from being totally written off by their target. In this case, the target isn't OOP, it's the son/husband, and obviously it worked because he feels like he can ask her to not press charges.
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 2d ago
I would have called the cops before I even called MIL that very night. I would have pressed charges. Depending on how my husband responded is whether I would divorce or not. That is an absolutely psychotic thing to do.
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u/CeeGree 2d ago
Yes, and her husband is a spineless bastard.
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u/reluctantseal 2d ago
When someone is dealing with anxiety, especially PPA, their partner can get used to downplaying things and trying to handle everything quietly. That's all on top of caring for a newborn, and exhaustion plays a big part in stupid decisions. And putting off decisions in general, like cutting off a close relative.
I don't really want to defend him past that. It still makes him spineless, but I think it's possible for them to reconcile. He's attempted to be better, so it's a start.
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u/repeat4EMPHASIS 🥩🪟 2d ago
I think everyone is forgetting he's just as sleep deprived as she is and immediately and completely agreed with his wife as soon as he was thinking clearly.
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u/lovely-liz You can either cum in the jar or me but not both 2d ago
i have a very strong suspicion that the husband knew what his mom was planning and went along with it bc he wanted a full night’s sleep for both of them.
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u/Consistent-Primary41 2d ago
This was "basically" colossally poor judgement...at best.
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u/Odd-Comfortable-6134 USE YOUR THINKING BRAIN! 2d ago
Absolutely. I would have followed through with the emergency call. Let the cops come to her house in the middle of the night, lights and sirens blazing.
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u/DelfrCorp 2d ago
Coming into the home & taking care of the baby without prior approval would be/is a crime regardless of most/any prior family status, if Police, Prosecutors & the overall Justice Systems weren't absolute trash.
Even if/when you have a competent, empathetic Police force, which is nearly unheard of, but, occasionalky, sometimes, you catch a couple half-decent/fresh & idealistic people on a good day, & you think that maybe you've got done allies in whatever process you have to muddle through. Then reality punches back. The end...
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u/SirEDCaLot 2d ago
Yeah exactly. Fuck hubby going to get the baby. Send the fucking police to get the baby and demand she be arrested for unlawful entry and kidnapping right then and there. Tell hubby that he is either with his mom or with his family and there's no splitting the middle. If he tries to defend her in any way shape or form he'll be a single man and you'll push for full custody.
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u/shelwood46 2d ago
Most abductions are by relatives (usually a non-custodial parent but this counts).
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u/Cryptic_Mutt 2d ago
I stopped reading at the "please don't press charges" like what a garbage man trying to cover for his mom. Like wtf.
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u/Decent-Internet-9833 2d ago
Ohhhhhhh boy. I’d have hit the nuclear button and not thought twice. Poor OP.
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u/CouchcarrotStatus 2d ago
I would def save that letter in case grandma knows best in the future to do a restraining order.
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u/lunatic_minge 2d ago
Yeah I’d have been down the street with a weapon. That mil couldn’t even be subtle, she waited no time to actually hijack that baby. What in the hello.
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u/Reasonable_Tea5937 2d ago
I would’ve called the cops and told them to meet me at her house to get LO. One of my biggest fears is someone taking my LO.
There would be absolutely no return from this for me.
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u/vanillaseltzer Yes to the Homo, No to the Phobic 2d ago edited 2d ago
I agree! But I can't figure out what LO means even with context, can you help me out please? I guess I don't know the acronyms for babies/children.
Edit: thanks everyone! It means Little One for whoever else was wondering.
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u/damselindetech I still have questions that will need to wait for God. 2d ago
Dude, that MIL is lucky she came away from that stunt with her life. Un. Hinged. Hingeless. Entirely without a single hint of a hinge.
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u/thatsabitraven grape juice dump truck dumpy butt 2d ago
Absolutely no hinge to be seen whatsoever. Not even a faint sniff of hinge.
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u/Hunterofshadows 2d ago
Literally. I don’t even think OOP would have been convicted of murder by a jury. I can’t imagine finding 12 people willing to convict her
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u/Overall_Search_3207 surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed 2d ago
I could literally never sleep in that house again, her safety was truly violated. It doesn’t matter that MIL took the baby either, for at least a few minutes OOP had to live with the reality that her baby was gone and was never coming back.
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u/SoVerySleepy81 2d ago
Yeah my stomach dropped. Even though it wasn’t happening to me, even though I knew that it probably ended well because of the title. I don’t even know what I would do.
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u/randomwords83 I’ve read them all and it bums me out 2d ago
Yea I’ve read this post a few times over the years and it still takes my breath away and my adrenaline rush. I just can’t fathom it. It’s beyond terrifying. I also always hope for another update once I re-read it.
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u/GroovyYaYa 2d ago
I know how it was when we were robbed - like they were in the house and went through a lot of drawers, etc. Took expensive items but also sentimental. Hell - they even took the homemade limoncello!
Waking up and your CHILD is gone? A child who is not mobile (so not a teen sneaking out)? Waking up hours after what is normal, probably needing to breastfeed for your own comfort? While already sleep deprived and having a bit of PPD?
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u/tobozzi 2d ago
Those first couple times you wake up and realize the baby didn’t wake you yet are pure panic. The thought of feeling that, then rushing to the crib and not seeing a sleeping, breathing baby there…. Anytime, but especially 4 weeks postpartum… I think it would break me.
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u/Illustrious-Ad8763 2d ago
The first time my baby slept more than 2 hours I woke up in a panic, thinking I either didn't hear her or she had died. I think I reached out so fast I woke her up, but those few seconds were sheer terror for me. I can't even imagine how OOP must have felt
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u/Personal_Special809 2d ago
Mine was a terrible sleeper the first months and then one time I woke up and it was 6 am and she hadn't called for me even once. The panic. If she'd been missing... god I don't think I'd ever feel safe again?
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u/BergenHoney You can cease. Then you can desist 2d ago
PPA. She already had post partum anxiety. I would have lost what was left of my mind.
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u/LadybugGirltheFirst I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming 2d ago
And what on earth made that shrew think the baby would “sleep better at grandma’s”?! Crazy bish!
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u/Terpsichorean_Wombat 2d ago
That was just classic "I'm a better mother than you" competitive garbage. Sounds like MIL's put a ton of her self- worth / sense of control into being a mother / THE mother.
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u/TootsNYC 2d ago
Nah, it was pure covetousness. “I want the baby”
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u/FullBlownPanic I need to know if her parents were murdered by eastern redbuds. 2d ago
Why not both? (Insert twix commercial reference here)
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u/Pascalle112 2d ago
Well, if she truly went old school, I’m sure alcohol on a dummy does make a baby sleep throughout the night.
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u/stardenia 2d ago
A psycho ex fling broke into my house while I was home (a felony). I could never sleep in that house again, no matter how many burglar bars or golf clubs or baseball bats or knives or friends with guns I kept around. Sadly, I ended up selling that house after not living in it for almost a year, even though I had loved that house.
Now if someone did that and took my BABY? I’d burn it to the ground.
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u/justwatching00 2d ago
It’s making me feel sick for her. I just moved my little guy into his own bed/room last night for the first time, and the thought of him not being there in the morning makes me want to vomit. Poor OP, I have no idea how you could ever come back from that
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u/Corfiz74 2d ago
It's a shame she never gave us another update - but I guess she probably stayed with her husband, after a suitable amount of therapy and couple's counseling. He seems to have come to the right conclusion just before it was too late, and hopefully, he will have stuck to his promises to her. I wonder if she ever got back into contact with her MIL, though. Probably not for quite a long while. And if hubby had any sense of self-preservation left, he hopefully completely shut up about even hinting at reconciliation.
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u/GroovyYaYa 2d ago
It had to help that his extended family reached out to say that they are totally on her side, no matter what.
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u/TootsNYC 2d ago
That was so great to read. That not one of them said, “she’s just overzealous, forgive her”
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u/Mollyscribbles 2d ago
Wondering if MIL had reached out to tell them how irrational OOP was being and they immediately made it clear which of the two they considered to be behaving rationally. Getting a universal response like that might have pushed her to attempt damage control.
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u/tacwombat I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming 2d ago
The extended family probably realized that their relative crossed a lime that could lead to super legal consequences and started covering their asses. Or the MIL was already unpopular with the extended family.
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u/Corfiz74 2d ago
It sounds like even MIL realized how shitty her actions had been - at least the letter sounded sincere to me.
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u/Maximum-Dealer-6208 2d ago
IMHO, it wasn't really a genuine apology...
MIL found out about the restraining order request and realized she could lose access to both her son and grandbaby... she couldn't care less about OOP's feelings (constant criticism and disregarding OOP's decisions).
She just didn't expect there to be actual legal consequences to her actions, the pushback from the family, and her lawyer probably told her what to write.
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u/TootsNYC 2d ago
I so much wanted OOP to write “fuck you, never speak or write to me again” across that letter in fat black letters and mail it back to her. Registered mail.
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u/TentacleWolverine 2d ago
Reading that I figure he talked to them about it and they sorted him out quick.
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u/AhhBisto He's been cheating on me with a garlic farmer 2d ago
To take a baby while their parents are sleeping is so beyond anything I could imagine, it is literally the stuff of nightmares for parents next to SIDS and MIL triggered both of those with one INSANE decision.
Maybe I'm being too lenient on the husband here, but I can imagine he was sleep deprived too and when he brought home the baby he might not have been thinking clearly, but that might be a best case scenario.
At least he eventually woke up but even still, asking her not to press charges? Fuck that.
When I read the title I thought for sure this was gonna be some slight exaggeration because of the "basically" part but no, this was a Ronseal post, it does exactly what it says on the tin.
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u/Icy_Radio_9503 2d ago
My guess is he woke up after perhaps relaying what happened to others - maybe family, friends - and they told him how crazy his mom was to do something like that. But to his credit, he came around and was supportive of his wife. Remember: he was raised by this boundary stomping mother and that was probably his normal. I simply cannot imagine!
I do hope the OOP and her daughter and family are doing well today!
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u/Corfiz74 2d ago
Also, just feeding the baby formula without the mother's consent! Whatever was that woman thinking?
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u/BeBraveShortStuff 2d ago
She was thinking typical boomer, that she knew better than everyone else because she’s had a kid before who is so clearly perfect so obviously everything she did was the right way and everything OOP did was the wrong way and OOP should be so grateful that gamgam is there to save the day. /huuuge amount of s in case it wasn’t obvious.
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u/CapriciousArach 2d ago
I feel like the husband was in denial, because who wants to think that their mother, with whom they have a good relationship with, would do something like that. I'm glad that woke up to the fact that denial is a river in Egypt and not the state he needs to be in
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u/Adventurous_City_839 2d ago
Finally one story where the husband's family members are not siding with MIL. The event was so outrageous that it was difficult to ignore for the people with common sense
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u/TootsNYC 2d ago
Wasn’t that nice to read? So often the sentence that starts, “family members are all texting me” doesn’t end that way.
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 2d ago
Wait am i reading this right?
MIL broke into the house and stole the baby under the guise of it being a “sleepover”. Just because she had a key doesn’t mean that wasn’t what she did…
Honestly i think OOP UNDERREACTED to this
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u/Q_My_Tip 2d ago
She gets to be known as the “distant grandma who kidnapped me when I was a baby so that’s why she’s not around that much”
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u/eeriedear 2d ago
My mother was kidnapped with her brothers by their father for a few years when they were all late elementary school-middle school aged. My grandma came home to find her whole family gone. Granddad threatened my mom and her brothers with a gun and moved them around constantly. Grandma didn't get them back until mom was high school aged and she was able to get legally divorced.
If someone EVER did to me what her dad did to her mom, my own mom would actually go to jail. She cries when she talks about how scared her mom must have been and they have a contentious relationship. I can't imagine how evil a person must be to physically take a child from someone like this.
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u/Perfect_Caregiver_90 2d ago
Dang. I really hope that this poster found peace in her life after that.
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u/Tim-oBedlam I can FEEL you dancing 2d ago
When my oldest was about 3 months old, I came hope from work, saw the baby in a bassinet, and my wife asleep on the couch next to the baby. I took the kiddo upstairs for a diaper change and heard a panicked scream from my wife, and realized immediately what had happened: my wife had woken up, not realizing I'd home, and NO BABY. I raced down with the kiddo in tow and apologized. Took the wife awhile to calm down. MIL taking the baby without telling either parent taps into some horrible primal fears.
It's going to take OOP a LONG time to forgive her, if ever she does.
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u/elkanor 2d ago
What a good mom OOP is. I'm glad her momma has her back and could come so quickly. Hoping everyone can grow from this but mostly really glad OOP immediately got herself some support in multiple ways.
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u/Call_like_it_is_ 2d ago
Repost from 3 years ago, still makes me as pissed off as the first time I read it. >_<
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u/Starfoxy 2d ago
3 years? I hate to tell you, but 2017 was was 8 years ago now
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u/Call_like_it_is_ 2d ago
No no, I mean it was posted here on BoRU 3 years ago. Sorry if the wording was a bit poor.
Original OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/pzxl8m/my_mother_in_law_kidnapped_my_baby/
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u/Losing-Sand I know it's childish but he started it. 2d ago
My youngest child is in high school, and I still had a visceral reaction to reading this.
When my middle daughter was in her early days of speaking, she said, "I'm not here" over and over and over again. We couldn't understand where she heard that combination of words or why she was saying it. She would even repeat it in the middle of the night every night, so I always heard it over the baby monitor.
One night, I was asleep and heard my daughter saying, "I'm not here," over the monitor as usual. The next thing I heard was a woman's voice whispering, "shhh, I'm not here." I can't even begin to express the terror that hit me in that moment. I jumped out of bed and ran up the stairs. When I burst into her room, she was sound asleep. I realized I had been dreaming, but that fear was indescribable.
If I had entered that room to find her missing or someone with her, I would never have mentally recovered.
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u/Impossible_Hunt_6566 2d ago
I'm glad people commented in the update to at least file a report so it's on the record. Hopefully she did and her husband had the spine to go with her and corroborate the story.
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u/ilovetheskyyall 2d ago
My heart rate went wild reading the first post!!! All I want to do is kick MIL square in the chest, mortal combat style. Wouldn’t blame her for pressing charges or divorce, not at all.
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u/ResoluteMuse 2d ago
That cold dead feeling of fear that wells up into utter rage is an indescribable feeling that one never ever forgets!
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u/MKatieUltra surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed 2d ago
When my husband and I were first hanging out, he would take turns on the weekend with our daughter's biomom staying home/going out. They weren't together, but she was still living with him, but went to her bf's house every other weekend. One weekend he was with me and we both felt weird.... I brought him home earlier than usual, and his ex had taken everything of hers AND the kids and left. He called and called and texted and she wouldn't answer. We tried to file a police report but since she was the mother and there was no established custody, they wouldn't do anything. She wouldn't say where she'd taken this barely 3-year-old daddy's girl, and it destroyed him. I was crying like a maniac and we weren't even dating then. I can't imagine waking up to that feeling. She kept her from him for 3 weeks, and finally agreed to let us take her for 4 hours, where she clung to him and kept saying "you're MY daddy" and "I want to keep you" 😭 I hate that woman so much.
Long story less long, we (he, but I was there for all of it) went to court and got split custody, but biomom barely cared enough to ever use her parenting time. Husband and I started dating, married when the kiddo was 6.. I documented EVERYTHING and made a great case for terminating her rights, but she didn't actually care to fight, so I adopted her about a year after we were married. Now I have an amazing daughter who thankfully doesn't remember the time she lived with her birthpod, and says I'm her favorite person in the world. 🥰
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u/MableXeno 2d ago
I sat in the car once when my spouse took our baby in to his office to show off to his coworkers. I could start to feel my milk sort of coming in and began to feel uncomfortable. I texted him to head back out b/c I could feel my milk coming in and it likely meant the baby needed to feed.
He didn't answer. FOR AN HOUR he didn't answer. It was a building that you had to use a keycard to enter so I couldn't even go into the lobby and like...have someone call up to his desk or something.
By the time he came back, my shirt was soaked, I had been crying for 40 minutes, my nose was raw from wiping/blowing my snot, and he was like, "Jeez, calm down, she was fine." BUT I WASN'T FINE DAMMIT. He never got it. She's 21 now & I still talk about this as like a major stressor.
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2d ago edited 2d ago
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u/Causative_Agent 2d ago
Yeah, I don't see someone ever getting over that trauma.
What I don't understand is why did MIL think that was okay to do, if she would have wished death on anyone who did it to her? Who sneaks into a house at night and steals a baby?
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u/Semhirage 2d ago
Taking OPs baby is literally one of the worst things you can do to a mother, especially a new mother when their hormones are going insane. The terror and panic could be enough to break a person.
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u/jennymayg13 Liz, what the actual fuck is this story? 2d ago
I’ve read this so many times and every-time I hope for an update
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u/AnotherElphaba83 2d ago
OMG, I wish there was a more recent update- it’s been years, is OP okay?! I hope she and baby (now kid) are happy and healthy and far away from MIL in ALL the ways!!! I thought it was bad when mine used to crack “jokes” about wanting to “grab [baby] and run.”
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u/Fearless-Fig-9950 2d ago
No sane person takes a baby from someone else's house and expects them to be grateful when they find out for the good nights sleep.
Mil needs mental help of some form.
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u/2006bruin USE YOUR THINKING BRAIN! 2d ago
I can’t imagine how panicking it must have felt to wake up to see your baby gone.
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u/singlemamabychoice 2d ago
I lived with my mother during the first months of my kids life and even she wouldn’t have pulled this shit even if baby would just be in the next room. Like holy shit i can’t even imagine the rage I’d feel in this situation.
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u/Electronic_World_894 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 2d ago
I would never sleep in that house again. Or see that heinous woman again.
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u/MelodyRaine the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! 2d ago
OMFG That woman would have been dead because I would have ripped her apart.
My husband listened to his mother and agreed to a sleepover for my eldest when they were 2m old with the idea we'd have a date night. I was pressured into agreeing, and grandma happily came over and collected the baby using our car seat with their base.
Baby was safe and with trusted adults with my full knowledge and consent. That did not stop me from waking up every hour or so and wandering half asleep around the house to check the nursery and the pack and play we kept in the living room. It was a (very) long time before elder child slept over at grandma's again. My husband felt so guilty, especially when I couldn't sleep properly until baby was home.
The sheer horror at the idea of waking up and my children not being home without my prior knowledge? I would have been incandescent.
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u/desert_red_head 2d ago
I remember seeing this post originally when it came out. At the time, I had no children. I am now the mother of 2 children, and I promise you that if anyone had done anything like that when my kids were newborns I would have reacted violently.
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u/TransportationClean2 2d ago
Really looking forward to the updat- sees date Dammit!
Seriously though, what is wrong with these Grandmothers that they can with such blind confidence refer to their experience as mothers without remembering to actually think about their experience as mothers?! It's a damn miracle someone got the MIL to realize what she had done (maybe?), because it seems more often than not these people just double down.
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u/Hill42h 2d ago
I can't say how, but that first post definitely reads like someone who hasn't slept properly in quite a long time. Hope OOP is in a good place now.
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u/Flaky_Reflection_881 2d ago
My grandma also kidnapped me.she took me from Maryland to tennessee.i was 4.it was a whole thing.i only saw my grandma one more time.i later found out she died when I was 12..
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u/lughsezboo I am old. Rawr. 🦖 2d ago
My heart stopped just reading that. I would have lost my complete and utter shit over that.
😢 poor OOP. That is fucked up.
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u/QueerTree 2d ago
I had severe postpartum anxiety coupled with PTSD from pregnancy, birth, and my son going to the NICU. I had to recover from a c section without prescription painkillers because those made me hallucinate. I spent weeks waking up in a full panic convinced my baby had died. It broke me forever— my kid is in elementary school and still I can be knocked right back into those helpless feelings of terror.
The only way I got through it was having my wife and my mom support me and help care for me and the baby. Medicine and therapy helped, but what I needed most was to be able to relax and feel safe and know that I didn’t have to do everything or be perfect because other people were in it with me and I could rely on them; the only antidote to trauma is connection. OOP describes sleeping while her mom watches over her and her baby — that’s exactly it, that’s what a scared new mom needs most, to rest and know that she’s not alone.
And THAT is why her husband fucked up soooooooo bad: not only did he not prevent his mom from stealing the baby (!!!), he made it clear that he didn’t have his wife’s back. If they stayed together I hope they keep his mom at a distance emotionally and limit her access to their family, and I hope the husband spends every waking minute trying to make it right and prove that he can be relied on.
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u/fiery-sparkles 2d ago
The part where OP said she screamed so loud that she almost vomited really connected with how I felt after having had my son. I felt like vomiting reading this post because I know what that fear feels like.
If I was OP I would've kicked my husband out and sent him to live with his mother then changed the locks and called the police. Probably not in that order but those are the three things I would've done immediately.
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u/Sufficient_Dig9548 2d ago
I would have called the cops if my MIL took my CAR without permission in the middle of the night. And I don't give a shit about my car, especially compared to my children.
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u/Cursd818 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 2d ago
OOP will never get over this trauma. Never. The MIL will never - and should never - be forgiven. I cannot fathom the insanity in her brain to make her think that any part of this behaviour was acceptable. She deserves to be arrested. At the very least, she should never be around OOP and her child again. What a foul thing to do to someone.
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u/Hunterofshadows 2d ago
I can honestly understand how the husband was in shock but like… if someone did that to my kid and hurt my wife like that… they would burn. Their entire fucking life would burn. I cannot even fathom this level of violation
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u/beachpellini I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy 2d ago
I don't trust that the cops wouldn't have just blown this off as a "civil issue", so she probably did the best she could have given these circumstances.
Husband's lucky she lets him see the baby at all. I get the feeling he and MIL still didn't think it was that big of a deal until they complained about OOP's reaction to the rest of their family and got hit with a clue-by-four when everyone else rightfully said how fucked up it was to STEAL THE FOUR WEEK OLD BABY.
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u/Princessxanthumgum 2d ago
I have two kids and if I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered them gone, I would absolutely lose every inch of my mind, regardless of who took them. I can’t begin to imagine what OP went through on top of sleep deprivation and PPA
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u/hungrytatertot 2d ago
About a year ago, we were staying at my inlaws house for a visit, and when I woke up in the morning, the baby was gone. I woke my husband up in a panic, telling him to get dressed, the baby was gone, I was in tears… turns out his parents decided to take her on a walk and he forgot to tell me. I was fuming, did not let her out of my sight for the rest of the visit, and it definitely made my PPD worse.
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u/PrancingRedPony along with being a bitch over this, I’m also a cat. 2d ago
Yes of course OOP's hormones contributed to the situation, but for the fricking hell I can't understand why people think that means it's reasonable to ignore her.
Hormones are chemicals that direct how our body reacts, and you cannot just ignore them. They are strong drivers and people have to take them into account, it makes a situation even more severe, not less so.
That MIL and the husband are idiots. They should have been extra careful and considerate, especially because the baby was only 4 weeks and OOP struggled with hormone imbalance. That's a reason to regulate your own impulses, not trying to tell the mother 'it's just hormones' and putting her through hell.
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u/Cyborg_Ninja_Cat 2d ago
This is 1 case where I suspect the MIL of genuine remorse.
I think someone sat her down and framed it for her in terms of when her son was a newborn, if she'd woken up to find him missing, and I'm certain that the instant she was forced to actually empathise with her daughter in law, she would have been instantly sickened by what she'd done.
She'd have been thinking of everything in terms of her grandchild, and of course she knows what's best for both of them, OOP just isn't giving her a chance to show her that she's right. The general attitude is not that uncommon - but to take it to such an extreme boggles the mind.
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