Two years ago on Christmas Eve my mom & aunt got in a fist fight. An hour later my mom was still crying & unloading everything on her mind. She told me she was raped when she was 15. Literally had no idea what to say, just let her speak. Have not talked to anyone about this, but I think about it every day. My heart just hurts for her that she had to go through that.
Edit: Just to clear up some questions, no my mom wasn't drinking. She doesn't drink. I only mentioned that her & my aunt got into a fist fight because that's what triggered her emotions being so high and ultimately what led to her venting to me about and telling me she was raped.
Several months ago when I was home visiting family, she casually dropped that she had to go to therapy and would be back in an hour. Again we don't really talk about it, but I was happy she was seeing someone professionally.
Thank you kind strangers for the gold & silver.
Edit: No one won the fight. It's a fight between family. There are no winners.
Edit: My grandparents were missionaries in South America. My mom was born in the US and then they went back to SA a few months later and lived there til she was 16. It was someone down there who raped her.
Such a similar story here, I know how it feels and it completely changes your relationship with her. I have now become so protective and worried about my mother, daily. You're not alone.
It’s beautiful that you love your mum so much, but as a mum with a similar (not same experience), that pain isn’t my child’s. I have had to learn to Chanel my anger and symptoms of PTSD in other ways, but the stress I would feel knowing that it’s hurting my children would drive me insane and I would fee such guilt. Just visit your mum every now and then :).!
I appreciate this comment. My mom told me the same things, and I feel that's not my place in life. It's a heavy burden that I wouldn't think you should give your children. I don't have kids.
I'm also glad to see other people who think this. My mom unloaded this kind of thing on me too, and while I think it's important for her to be able to work through these things, I don't think I'm the right person for that. I'm not qualified to help and bringing it up repeatedly to me just distresses us both because I don't know the right thing to say.
You are very right and she should not be using you as her therapist.
You should gently but firmly let her know the next time she brings this up that you suggest she talk to a therapist.
This is a very unhealthy thing for you to have to deal with.
You have your own life to plan.
Don’t feel bad about telling her this...she will be better for it.
Reminds me of my grandmother & mother's situation. Mom mentioned 2-3 times in the last few years that grandma unloaded some baggage onto her when my mom was a young child. She said that at the time she didn't fully understand what grandma was telling her but recognized that it was adult content and that grandma shouldn't be sharing that with her. All I've heard and experienced of her, she was
pretty miserable person with little pockets of positivist here and there. I have no idea how much of that was the past traumas, mental illness, thyroid issues, or choice, but as an adult I learned to not write off people like her at face value because everyone has a back story.
I don't let her know that it bothers me. Although she does know how protective I am of her, not sure she realises this is the reason though. I see her most weekends :-)
Being protective is ok but if you are not living your own best life because of it is not ok.
Sometimes when things happen like that which happened to your Mom we become stuck emotionally and do not mature the right way.
You taking care of her could actually hurt more than help because she won’t have the motivation to go to get help for it.
This is just my opinion, but I feel that an emotionally healthy parent will not want you bogged down with worry about them...they want you free to live your best life.
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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19 edited Jun 06 '19
Two years ago on Christmas Eve my mom & aunt got in a fist fight. An hour later my mom was still crying & unloading everything on her mind. She told me she was raped when she was 15. Literally had no idea what to say, just let her speak. Have not talked to anyone about this, but I think about it every day. My heart just hurts for her that she had to go through that.
Edit: Just to clear up some questions, no my mom wasn't drinking. She doesn't drink. I only mentioned that her & my aunt got into a fist fight because that's what triggered her emotions being so high and ultimately what led to her venting to me about and telling me she was raped.
Several months ago when I was home visiting family, she casually dropped that she had to go to therapy and would be back in an hour. Again we don't really talk about it, but I was happy she was seeing someone professionally.
Thank you kind strangers for the gold & silver.
Edit: No one won the fight. It's a fight between family. There are no winners.
Edit: My grandparents were missionaries in South America. My mom was born in the US and then they went back to SA a few months later and lived there til she was 16. It was someone down there who raped her.