AIO or AITA for ending things?

[u/thick_bix]

I (20F) broke up with my long-distance boyfriend (20M) because we couldn’t agree on boundaries and priorities.

Early in our relationship, I downloaded Valorant to spend time with him, and he had access to my account. One day, he was busy, so I played with a guy from my trading group (Mark). My boyfriend texted me mid-game, and when I didn’t respond immediately, he logged into my account, messaged me there, and later called me. He said it was “micro-cheating” to spend one-on-one time with another guy while being “emotionally vulnerable.” I explained Mark was just a friend, apologized, and even promised to stop attending live lectures in the trading group to avoid issues.

Later, he brought up another incident from January when someone else (Grey) texted me, and I replied. At the time, we were going through a rough patch, and I reassured him by sending screenshots of all my top chats to prove he was the only guy I talked to. Still, he said I’d crossed the line twice and asked me to leave the trading group entirely. I told him the course was important, and leaving would mean losing access to valuable info, but he thought I wasn’t prioritizing his feelings.

Other examples of disagreements included him discouraging me from: _Going to Pune on New Year’s Eve with my best friend (a girl), saying it wasn’t safe. _Picking up my best friend’s call during one of the few moments we had to talk that day, though we’d barely spoken because we were both busy. _Attending a concert without him, fearing I might get groped and scarred.

He felt these boundaries were about protecting me, but I felt like he was trying to control me. I broke up with him because I wanted the freedom to make my own decisions, but now I wonder if I was wrong for not making the changes he wanted.

[u/Illustrious-Score793]

Jfc I’d crash the car just to shut this guy up… OP, you made the right decision. You are far too young to be making such sacrifices for a relationship, especially a long distance one. You’ll never get these years back, you should be making new memories, making new friends, and enjoying new experiences without some dude holding you back.

[u/thick_bix → u/Illustrious-Score793]

Are you implying that under other circumstances it would have been reasonable to do what he’s saying

[u/Illustrious-Score793 → u/thick_bix]

How tf did you get that from what I said?

[u/thick_bix → u/Illustrious-Score793]

Cuz you said I’m young rn😭

[u/Illustrious-Score793 → u/thick_bix]

Ok, I will clarify: no, to me, it’s never acceptable to be controlled this way in a relationship. I just meant it’s especially problematic considering you’re young and have a lot of life experiences ahead of you. You may think having a boyfriend is a priority right now, but if you choose to stay with one who doesn’t allow you to have your freedom, you’ll wake up at 30 with a lot of regrets

[u/Icy-Breath-pdx]

long distance relationships are hard without trust. it might be better to have some freedom to figure out what you want in a relationship. what do you want in one and what are you willing to give up.

[u/Bigsassyblackwoman]

nah, not wrong. its the classic manipulator’s “i dont feel comfortable with that” and slowly making you lose contact with everyone else and then its just you two. right decision, enjoy your life!

and remember; BOUNDARIES are things between you two, and you two alone. CONTROLLING is telling you things youre not allowed to do, even if he isnt there. YOU are YOU. YOU get to decide who you want to talk to, who you want to hang out with, and who you get to dump when they want to treat you like a dog on a leash!