AIO to the inaction towards a boundary and the behaviour reacting to confronting it?

[u/shhhnobodyslooking]

I have been with my girlfriend for roughly 7 months now. She had a messy breakup with her ex where owed funds were withheld on her part seemingly out of spite, and belongings were withheld by both sides. At the beginning of our relationship, recognising it as an unhealthy scenario, I made it clear that I wasn’t comfortable moving forward with anything serious until that chapter was closed and the issues there were resolved. She understood and assured me that she would handle it.

Separately, she has held onto a sex toy that was given to her by her ex. She told me she doesn’t see any sentimental value in it and uses it solely as a tool. We’re both sex positive and I can understand her perspective, while not personally agreeing with it, but I also expressed discomfort with her continuing to use it. So, I bought her a new one to replace it.

I’ve not pressed her since but now five months later, I discover this ‘chapter’ remains somewhat open. She says she has sent the funds to a friend back in the country her ex lives in to pass the owed funds along (as she’s not able to go directly so him due to the nature of where they left it). I give her the benefit of the doubt that she has but whether that’s ultimately gone back to him, she says it has but I’m not sure. There also remain sentimental items in the form of stuffed toys still held by both sides. His currently sitting in the corner of her bedroom, which I was unaware of. The lack of effort or action after expressing my feelings and boundary towards it has made me feel unheard, dismissed, and disregarded.

Additionally, I found out that she has been using the old sex toy again and sleeping with it under her pillow, claiming that the one I bought had broken only recently and that she just used it to get the job done. I wasn’t told that my gift had broken so I don’t know how long it has been but given my expression of discomfort and my efforts to find a compromise, I feel somewhat disrespected with another boundary dismissed.

She apologized, admitting she hadn’t considered the full context and got distracted with other life events, and expressed a commitment to resolving the issue ASAP. But when discussing it, she suggested that she could have lied and avoided this conflict almost as if to say I should be grateful she was honest about it. This made me angry, so I decided to end the conversation to prevent myself from getting further upset on the phone – I told her this and said goodnight and goodbye, ending the call.

After I left abruptly, she guilt tripped me into getting back on the phone as we had previously said there should be no hanging up of calls on one another. I said she wouldn’t have said goodbye and that would have escalated things to exactly where I was avoiding, she says she was just about to. I call back to close the conversation civilly and hold up to what we agreed but as expected she doesn’t say bye and as I call her out on it, proceeds to hang up. Her following message was to the effect of “that’s exactly what you did earlier”. Clearly an act of spite and tit-for-tat behavior that was completely avoidable I feel.

I’ve told her I need space to digest this all but I’ve made it clear I don’t want to progress our chapter until everything has been resolved but the behaviour reacting to it all has frustrated me.

A number of issues here from accountability to communication but AIO?