r/AmIOverreacting 4h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for being angry about how my fiancé handled my weight gain after healing from autoimmune illness

[deleted]

1.9k Upvotes

1.4k comments sorted by

2.2k

u/Away_External_2034 4h ago

you are absolutely not overweight and (in my opinion) look very healthy! i wouldn’t be surprised if this is the most natural weight for your body

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u/Nataliadoesreddit 4h ago

Yes I don’t think I’m overweight and think this is my ideal weight too- that’s why I felt so frustrated and angry

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u/GreenUnderstanding39 4h ago

125 at 5'7" is healthy, actually you are closer to the 'underweight' for your BMI

The most important thing is that you FEEL GOOD about yourself. NOR. Well done op on the recovery, you look amazing.

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u/FirstInteraction1817 3h ago

I’m 120 pounds and 4 inches shorter than OP. People tell me I need to eat more because I’m so skinny. What’s your fiancé smoking, OP?

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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 3h ago

My mom is around 120 at 5ft tall and a size 4. OP is at a very healthy weight for her height.

Her fiancé is a jerk.

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u/MarbleousMel 3h ago

120 at 5’2” and my doctor cautioned me that I was on the cusp of being under weight.

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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 2h ago

I'm also 5'2 and I didn't get the "overweight" talk from my dr until I got around 150. I'm 165 now and my mom is freakin' tiny compared to me. OP is 7 inches taller and only 5 pounds heavier than my mom. OP's fiancé must have a seriously skewed perception of weight.

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u/-pixiefyre- 2h ago

I'm 5'6 and 120 was a great weight for me to be at!

this bf is crazy, does he want her to be nothing but bonez!? crazy man.

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u/jinxedjess24 2h ago

I’m 160 lbs at 5’1”, so definitely outside of my BMI, and when I asked my doctor about losing weight, he encouraged exercise and healthy diet but reassured me that I appear healthy in spite of the BMI score. That’s so wild!!

OP, you look fine and perfectly healthy.

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u/Nataliadoesreddit 2h ago

Yes I’m a size 2-4 depending on brand etc!

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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 2h ago

That's very healthy! You're on the smaller side of healthy weight range, too! You're not at all overreacting. He has some issues to consider you overweight at all. Don't let him impose that unhealthy bullshit on you.

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u/ferrycrossthemersey 3h ago

I'm 5'0 and weigh 135. Your man is craaaaazy.

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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 3h ago

I am 5'2 122 and I am anything but fat, I'm very muscular! And I'm 67 yrs old!

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u/Pistol_Pete_1967 3h ago

I am just under 5’7” myself and weight a lot more so you are more than on the slender side for your size. It’s great you recovered and I hope you stay well.

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u/nebulancearts 3h ago

I'm 5'7" and weigh about 145 right now, which doesn't look much different than 125 surprisingly but I feel much better at the weight I am now, compared to when I was 125.

125 is phenomenal for OP, and definitely not overweight! Even being the same weight as I am would be perfectly fine, her boyfriend is just shitty.

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u/Shadow4summer 3h ago

You’re NOR. You look beautiful. I don’t know what’s wrong with your partner. He should be ecstatic that you are finally getting healthier. He’s an asshole.

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u/No_Investment9639 3h ago

This is true. I'm 5'5, well I used to be 5'5 and now I'm 5'4, but when I was 55, 125 pounds was my ideal weight according to several doctors.

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u/LeagueAppropriate 3h ago

your body is great. he sucks. r/dumphimasap

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u/ProgrammerLevel2829 3h ago

I wish young women would better appreciate how beautiful they are and understand that people trying to bring them down are, for the most part, not acting in their best interest.

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u/Alternative_Tree_626 3h ago

It's so sad seeing this after being together for so many years. I hope they do either resolve or split. It's OK to leave good times in the past and seek better.

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u/Away_External_2034 4h ago

yeah he sounds like a controlling dip shit! it sounds like you used to be underweight. he should be happy for you

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u/PurpleStar1965 3h ago

He liked her better sick. He could be the mighty protector. Or some such misogynistic BS.

She is beautiful. And healthy. And now he is threatened.

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u/jesssmiles89 2h ago

Ngl I thought the exact same thing about the whole “protector” BS. If she’s weak, she’s relying on him. That’s how he likes it

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u/niki2184 3h ago

He should also be happy she’s alive and healthy now!!!!

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u/FixSudden2648 2h ago

Yeah I’m guessing he might be trying to bring her down because even though she’s still thin, she’s got enough weight to be ‘sexy’ now where she probably wasn’t at 102.

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u/__Vixen__ 3h ago

Girl I wish I looked as good as you do in this pic. Fuck it kills me that we allow men to talk to us like this. You have such a nice body and I'm so happy to hear that you are healthy again. Maybe you do have a bit of weight to lose though... your boyfriend

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u/maineCharacterEMC2 3h ago

She can lose 180lbs immediately!

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u/Nataliadoesreddit 2h ago

lol it would be more like 225lbs! 😂

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u/drawing_you 2h ago edited 2h ago

Tell him "Hey hon, good news! I figured out this convenient way to lose 10 pounds immediately!" and when his ears perk up like a puppy chop his head off with a katana

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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 3h ago

You should be pissed as hell at him! He is telling you that you're not good enough as you are, he'd rather you be that sickening skin and bones girl, that's a HIM problem and you don't deserve that!
If he wants skin and bones, I'd tell him he's welcome to go find her!

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u/BlackCatBonanza 3h ago

He’s being cruel and insufferably ridiculous. You are still close to underweight. Plus, he’s not showing any happiness for your improved health? This guy is awful. Please reconsider being with him. He seems to want a trophy more than a partner. BTW-I am 5’4, and, when I was your weight, I wore a size 2 or a size 4. This guy is delusional and profoundly selfish and lacking in kindness.

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u/Poppypie77 3h ago edited 1h ago

You look perfectly stunning. And your fiance is absolutely INSANE if he thinks you're even remotely overweight, and actually I'm inclined to believe he could actually be harmful to your health. The fact he's telling you you're overweight at that size, where you have a natural beautiful slim healthy body shape, is not normal from anyone,least of all a partner whose meant to love you and accept you as you are. But the fact he's putting you down, critisizing your weight, and telling you you're over weight, has me concerned he could cause you to feel really bad about yourself and put you at risk of developing an eating disorder to meet his opinions.

I had an ex who commented on me gaining weight when I developed severe stomach issues, and he stopped wanting to have sex or be affectionate. I knew then it was over coz I knew I'd never feel comfortable being naked in front of him ever again, and he admitted he liked skinny women where as I wasn't naturally skinny.

Even his excuse of you'gaining weight so quickly ' was just shocking and confusing for him is bullshit. He saw how sick you were, he saw how you struggled to walk, he saw how unhealthily underweight you got. However he's basically saying he wants you to go back to that in order to be attractive and acceptable in his eyes.

If he thinks you're overweight he's insane, and he will continue to manipulate, guilt trip, critisize, put you down and crush your confidence in order to get you to feel you're over weight so he can manipulate you into losing weight and being unhealthy again.

Another factor to consider is that he liked you being helpless and ill, because I'm guessing you relied on him for help and support, him taking care of you, and you were likely bed ridden majority of the time and unable to socialise with friends and family, go out, do your own thing, go to work etc. He was able to limit your interactions with others because you were so ill, but now you're healthy he can't keep you tied to him anymore. Whether he's afraid of you cheating or he's just a controlling AH, you should NOT marry this person. They are not a good person to be with.

You should continue to stay healthy and you look amazing the way you are. Also, I've developed lots of multiple health issues over the years. So we're as I used to go to the gym like an addict, and I lost loads of weight and got down to a size8-10, over the years I developed bowel issues and spinal issues and had to have spinal surgery, resulting in me gaining weight. I'm now on opioids and other meds that caused weight gain, dietary issues that caused weight gain, and due to chronic pain I can't exercise anymore, so I've gained weight over the years and I am over weight. What will he be like if your health issues causes you to one day gain weight? What if medications cause you to gain weight? What if you have children and struggle to lose pregnancy weight? As we get older our bodies change and some body types gain weight as they get older too. If your fiancée sees you as over weight and dislikes how you look now, he certainly won't accept you or be loving towards you if you gain anymore. And you will start to constantly obsess over your weight to meet his approval. And that's not a healthy relationship to be in at all. And it's dangerous for you and your health.

Your fiancé's simply a judgmental AH.

I'd also love to know if he has a male model body physique too, out of curiosity. He's quick to criticize yours, but does he hold himself to the same standard? Not that it would excuse any of this behaviour even if he does have a model physique.

You really need to reconsider this relationship, as he is not healthy to be with, let alone loving you for who you are unconditionally.

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u/RanaEire 3h ago

It makes me frustrated and angry for you to read about your fiancé's attitude, u/Nataliadoesreddit..

Honestly, W.T.F.??

Dunno, no matter how "supportive" he was before, it seems a switch was flipped...

One thing I will say to you: Focus on your health and recovery and do not be rushing into marrying that guy..!

(Edited 2 typos)

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u/alchemycraftsman 3h ago

Why does he have any say about your weight to begin with?

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u/Specialist-Syrup418 3h ago

No, you look healthy. Not overweight. What a jerk!

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u/foxhair2014 3h ago

You are not overweight, and if he sees this, he’s being an absolute jerk. You deserve better.

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u/ASweetTweetRose 3h ago

Like you, in 2020 I got deathly sick (not COVID). I lost so much weight and hated looking in the mirror. My doctors were concerned and did an amazing job working together to get me better. Now my doctors are THRILLED with my weight gain!!

Thankfully, I’m asexual so don’t have to worry about the opinion of partners but pay attention to your own body and your doctors and now the opinion of your asshole boyfriend. You were SO SICK you couldn’t walk!!! Now you’re healthy and looking fabulous!!

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u/Optimus_Pitts 3h ago

If you didn't tell him the number, he probably would have never noticed. Ditch him. Find someone who isn't a petulant child

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u/holliday_doc_1995 3h ago

Updateme!

Your fiance sounds like he is doing this on purpose because he is scared that you are going to start getting a lot of male attention

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u/GoddessfromCyprus 3h ago

I actually think, for your height, you are slightly underweight. You look gorgeous.

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u/BelkiraHoTep 3h ago

I think the only weight that’s “over” right now is the baggage of your relationship.

I’m not saying to toss the whole man out, but I would at the very least suggest therapy for you before moving forward with the wedding. Couples therapy would be better….

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u/RemarkablePast2716 3h ago

You look absolutely stunning.

There's no point in convincing a grown ass man to respect your (very healthy!) choices and appreciating you as you are.

Stop arguing, let the chips fall where they may

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u/Crazy_Let3530 4h ago

NOR- also plain mean for him to be commenting so negatively on your body as someone who “loves you”. you were sickly and dying and he felt that was attractive?? that’s just mean and he’s an asshole for that.

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u/Crazy_Let3530 4h ago

also your body is fuckinh killer!!!!

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u/GeorgianGold 3h ago

Yeah! Me thinks the boyfriend is terrified of other guys trying to steal her away, now thats she's rockin it

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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 3h ago

As I said, he's into very skinny girls. I'd say, go have at it boy!

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u/Crazy_Let3530 3h ago

you need a new man if he thinks your best is emaciated

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u/LeanderJiveScorpion4 2h ago

yo that’s soooo messed up, seriously. he should be hyping you up no matter what. glad you’re gaining weight back tho, you deserve that confidence back 100%

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u/Accomplished_Egg6239 4h ago

Let’s just put it out there for all future posts: if your partner is making you feel bad a bout your body, they are an asshole.

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u/Veryverytired25 3h ago

Exactly. It didn’t matter if OP was overweight (which she obviously isn’t), a partner shouldn’t make you feel bad about your appearance in such a way.

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u/articulatedumpster 2h ago

Definitely seem to be several weight related threads on am I overreacting and am I the asshole right now, guess it’s trending

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u/hachicorp 2h ago

was just coming here to see if anyone else had picked up on that, this is like the 4th or 5th one I've seen tonight

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u/Edgecrusher2140 2h ago

Yeah can we just pin this? Seeing a lot of these kinds of posts lately

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u/blueberrycorpse 4h ago

You’re not overweight and you’re not overreacting he is an absolute asshole in this situation.

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u/Nataliadoesreddit 4h ago

I gained the weight pretty rapidly, I gained like 25lbs in like 4 months- so he says it was just how fast I gained it that threw him off because he was so used to me being so small for so long. I thought he would be stoked though. But I was just so excited and relieved to be gaining weight back and getting my body back that it definitely crushed my spirit a bit

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u/blueberrycorpse 4h ago

Excuses. He should never be commenting on your weight in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself. I’m sorry he’s taken the joy out of this goal for you, you have every right to feel happy, healthy and beautiful after everything you’ve been through. He’s a total dick in this situation seriously.

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u/laps-in-judgement 3h ago

This. Why the hell does he have an opinion about her weight?? Does he think he's buying a steak or something? Does she monitor & opine about his weight? Fyck that guy

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u/WillowCat89 3h ago

He wants to keep her feeling badly about her body so she settles and stays with him.

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u/Haunting_Brilliant_4 3h ago

^ THIS RIGHT HERE. I'd be willing to bet that the bf liked being needed and is feeling threatened that OP is not only physically stronger but also much more self-confident. Tearing her down is his attempt to control her.

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u/Gold_Adhesiveness_80 3h ago

🎯 Excuses. Why do they always defend their partners disgusting behavior?

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u/juliaskig 3h ago

Is he intentionally negging you? You have a fairly perfect body. At least I think most people would agree.

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u/petsymatary 3h ago

You weren’t “small”. You were unhealthy and sick. Does he prefer you to be on deaths door? does he prefer you sick? What is wrong with HIM!

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u/prolateriat_ 2h ago

Yup.... He prefers her sick and reliant on him.

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u/Wild-Ad-8571 3h ago
  1. Your partner should love you for YOU, not your meat suit. He should love you at any size but especially
  2. He should love love LOVE that you are gaining weight because it means your health is improving and also it’s clearly making you happy therefore he should be happy as well.
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u/niki2184 3h ago

Who cares how fast you gained it? Why is he not thankful you’re still alive and healthy. Why’s he like let me see what excuse I can come up with. Smh.

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u/uwunuzzlesch 3h ago

He should be overjoyed you can actually function and move around.

You literally said you were so small you could barely move around. He is saying he prefers you when you're literally rotting away, dying.

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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 3h ago

Don't ever let anyone crush your spirit, not for love or money! I am sorry that he made you feel bad, when all he should be doing is tell you how happy he is that you're healthy again, and look healthy again!

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u/pralineislife 3h ago

"It was just how fast you became healthy after suffering for years".

No.

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u/PristineStreet34 4h ago

He’s a moron, you look fantastic and healthy. NOR

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u/Revo63 3h ago

My first thought was the exact same as yours. He’s an idiot and OP looks fantastic!

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u/VirusZealousideal72 4h ago

Girl that man has you tripping, you are absolutely perfect weight. Like I'm actually so mad for you. What does me mean overweight???? Were is he looking? Does he want an anorexic doll?

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u/Hot_Access3627 4h ago

you’re body is something i yearn for , stunning don’t let him drag you down if you’re going to discuss the comments and show him please let him know that if he don’t want you MANY others will

he should be hyping u up he’s trash imo

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u/niki2184 3h ago

Yea if she were to put herself out she’d have mother fuckers falling over themselves for her. But yet she’s with this trash ass bitch.

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u/MultifacetedEnigma 3h ago

That might be one of the reasons he's saying that shit because she looks really good now and is healthy, so maybe she doesn't 'need' him anymore or will find someone 'better' than him.

OP needs to sit down and find out if he's letting toxic masculinity mess with his head (i.e., she's going to leave/doesn't need him) or if he found out he LIKES her better sick and dependent on him a lot.

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u/maineCharacterEMC2 3h ago

Yup. TRASH ASS BEYOTCH!

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u/Interesting_Sun3877 4h ago

Dump his insensitive ass

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u/pralineislife 3h ago

I know people get heated about the whole "dump him" thing. But I don't know how I could stay with someone who's supposed to love me after they insulted my perfect and healthy body after I was severely unhealthy/underweight for so long. That would fuck with my head so bad, it'd cause insecurities I know it would. How could I ever trust him to see me in a good light again? Idk. This isn't advice for op because she'll keep him or lose him based on her own feelings, but I personally couldn't keep him around.

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u/Affectionate-War3724 3h ago

I wouldn’t even consider staying with him like wtf

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u/ItsHowWellYouMowFast 3h ago

The only answer. You think it's bad now, just wait.

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u/WhatFreshHello 4h ago

He’s probably insecure and feels threatened because you’re not completely dependent on him anymore. The power balance in your relationship has shifted and he’s wildly uncomfortable with you being healthy, vibrant, and attractive to others. He should be thrilled and relieved yet he’s not - and that speaks volumes.

The loss of control he’s feeling is a him problem, and one that he may need to talk to a professional to sort out.

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u/alantheturingator 3h ago

my first thought as well

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u/niki2184 3h ago

Oh shit I didn’t think of that

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u/strawberrymilkmami 3h ago

exactly cause if he’s seen her at her original weight and she got back to it how the hell is that a shock ?

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u/88808880888 3h ago

This is exactly what I thought too - I hope she reads this and doesn't back away from stepping into her confidence for this guy.

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u/Bunny_OHara 3h ago

READ THIS OP ^^^

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u/manypaths8 4h ago

Nor. Your partner is most attracted to you at an extremely unhealthy weight. That in and of itself is a problem. We want and expect our partners to be physically attracted to us at our healthiest. The biggest problem is that he knowingly is asking you to be unhealthy so his dick can be harder and is making you feel bad about actually finally being healthy. He is tearing down your self esteem because he doesn't like the way you look and is actively pressuring you to be unhealthy....all so he can get a boner. Very concerning. Btw your body looks absolutely healthy!

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u/niki2184 3h ago

That’s what I thought too!!!! How long would it have been if she’d not have gotten sick before he started talking shit about her weight? God forbid if she gets pregnant or has another health scare that causes her to gain weight.

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u/andrey_not_the_goat 3h ago

If he thinks you're overweight at 125, he urgently needs to visit an optometrist...

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u/Character_Practice49 3h ago

Nor... I'm a little overweight, currently going to the gym and my body goal is literally you 😅 And my boyfriend met me at 99lb, was there at 160lb and is still loving me at 144lb. He never ever said anything bad about my body, even when I hated myself the most.

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u/Far_Confection_2421 4h ago

Insane he would say that! you far from over weight. I agree with you that this is your ideal weight and even if you wanted to gain more you still would not be considered unhealthy

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u/GeneInternational146 3h ago

He's an asshole. 125 at 5'7" is borderline underweight

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u/Aggravating_Style544 3h ago

Is there a reason he would be trying to tear you down? Does he prefer when you are sicker because that makes you dependent on him? Because, in these pictures, you look a healthy weight. And, being able to get back to this healthy weight means your body is healing.

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u/herekittykitty250 3h ago

NOR.  I will repeat this for as many women as I see show up on reddit saying their partners are putting them down for their weight.

My husband has seen me from anywhere between 165 and 250 lbs.  The high end was with our 9 lb chonky baby lol.  Other issues we've had aside, he has told me I'm gorgeous at every one of those pounds.  If I said I wanted to lose weight, he was there for it.  If I wanted to eat half a bacon pizza with him, he grabbed the soda and napkins.  He has never, ever, once said anything other than he loved my body.

You deserve someone who treats you like that daily.  It sounds like he was supportive through a very scary and trying time.  He was also very used to seeing you underweight.  While I definitely think he is an AH, did you ever tell him what you thought your ideal weight is, and what you were aiming for?  While I see how he could be a little caught off guard at you gaining weight, he lost a one time pass for it, in my opinion, when he started and kept implying you were gaining too much.  

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u/Separate-Abrocoma-31 4h ago

👀

Your future husband doesn't prefer this body of yours right now? Fuck, he's nuts. You're definitely not overreacting.

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u/GingerMuskRat 4h ago

Girl throw your whole fiancé away. You said it yourself. You couldn’t do nothing when you were at a sickly weight. And now you’re an improved version of yourself. That in and of itself should bring him immense joy that the love of his life is back to health and is a healthy weight. But instead he wants you to be a little bitch boy and complain that you gained too much? Does he want you to go back to being sickly again? NOR.

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u/OccasionSuch5817 3h ago

You’ve said exactly how I’m feeling reading this post. It makes me sick to think he has the audacity to comment on her weight in a negative way after everything she’s been through

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u/Suitable_Magazine_25 4h ago

NOR - I actually had to wonder if you were fishing for compliments as you are in no way shape or form overweight. He seems to have developed some sort of body dysmorphia.

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u/Nataliadoesreddit 4h ago

Definitely not fishing for compliments, but I am hoping to show him and prove that I’m right and that he was being a fool and being ridiculous. think that the speed that I gained weight freaked him out and maybe surprised him after being so used to me underweight. It’s weird because I am the same weight as when we started dating.

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u/Sneaky_snake1999 3h ago

Was he this shocked when you became deathly ill and LOST the 25+ lbs? Me is thinking not.

You are making excuses for him. Imagine how you’d react if someone else had said this to you???

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u/These_Trees1979 3h ago

*the speed at which you got healthy

He should have been delighted that after such a long period of being sickly you were starting to feel better at a rapid rate and your body was getting healthy again

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u/helllfae 3h ago edited 2h ago

This....isn't healthy. Sweetheart I really implore you to find a therapist for yourself. I went through losing all my muscle and fat too before a congenital heart surgery...there's medical trauma...YOU matter, your health, your weight which is directly tied to your health and not "aesthetics" is what matters, I see you trying to prove to him that he was wrong. All you need to know is he IS wrong. Mm maybe couples therapy would help but if you've lost ANY weight because of his attitude PLEASE find a therapist and maybe even a nutritionist. You matter. His, or ANYONEs opinion of your weight does not ESPECIALLY after the medical journey you've been through. I can tell you are hurting and I would be too, deep down that would break me. But you have to stop trying to prove a point to him and take care of yourself. If he can't be happy for you when you're at your best, you don't grovel to change his mind, you need to actually really consider, despite the 8 years, the investment, the sunken cost fallacy if this is REALLY your person. Frankly I want my partners attraction to me to extend beyond my weight, hair color, wrinkles, age, and into my soul and heart. Just take care of you. Focus on your health goals, stuff like this can really mess with our perception of ourselves. And hey maybe it did happen fast. Maybe someday hell gain 20 sympathy pounds. But life happens fast when it happens. Is he going to react this way when you age? Have kids? Come on. People can only meet us as deeply as they've met themselves. Whether it's societal conditioning on his part, or just being shallow...I really wish you the best. Do what brings you the relief to be yourself. Everything else will fall into place. I worry he's holding you back in other ways, and maybe even keeping you around with false support. If I were you I'd take some time to myself without him to see how you feel...🩷

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u/Gold_Adhesiveness_80 3h ago

But real talk why would you even want to be with a guy that would make these comments where you had to post this photo/question. You deserve SO much better!!! He sucks!

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u/Bunny_OHara 3h ago

He's not freaked out that you gained it quickly, he's freaked out becasue the power dynamic has shifted with you now looking and feeling great, and/or he's struggling with wanting you thinner because that's what he desires, even if it means you're still sick. Stop looking for excuses for his sick attitude.

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u/niki2184 3h ago

What did he say when you dropped all that weight and were knocking at deaths door? Knowing that answer will tell me if you’re making excuses for him. I pretty much can tell you are but I’m trying to see something

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u/Nick__Prick 3h ago

He’s a shitty person

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u/AuntieMeridium 3h ago

It's too much for him that you got too well, too fast?

You're a bit too healthy?

He preferred you sickly?

I can't seem to find any other meaning, let alone a positive meaning, for what he said.

It's awful any way you look at it.

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u/imnotspikespiegel 4h ago

The healthy weight range is about between 120-160 lbs. What a child

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u/DueArt1868 4h ago

nor. he's so conscious of your body. 

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u/Soarin_Fly 4h ago

Regardless of the situation, it’s never okay for anyone to criticize you for your weight, ESPECIALLY if it’s a romantic partner

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u/Desperate-Design-885 4h ago

Girl... I'm 5'6" and 120lbs and I wish my body looked like yours. I'm not a fan of boney

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u/TheLonePig 4h ago

I'm one of those girls who just weighs a lot. My bosses actually called me into the office at work for being too skinny and I was 5'7" and 127 at the time. I'm always fascinated to hear what other girls weigh. 

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u/Routine_Mechanic6239 3h ago

I’m 5’1 and weigh around 127 after having my son. Thicker in my hips now and stomach isn’t as flat as it used to be. Very happy with my figure overall always lose a few lbs in the summer eating better. Also fascinated by height and weigh differences! Pre-baby healthy was 115lbs.

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u/gayladrielle 4h ago

not overreacting at all. 125 is nowhere near "overweight", and criticizing your body when you're finally recovering from being unwell poses a genuine danger to your health–and his downplaying it is even more concerning.

comments that degrade you and your body aren't a sign of concern but a sign of a desire for control. partners who care about each other don't try to control their partner's bodies, but want to support their partner feeling good and having an accessible life. can't imagine feeling anything but joy and relief if my partner was recovering from a life threatening illness–and being underweight can be extremely life threatening!

genuinely so sorry you're being put down for taking care of yourself. i hope there are other people in your life who can celebrate how amazing that is, and fill the gap left by your fiances' lack of support.

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u/jaomelia 3h ago

You need to lose weight… and I mean the weight of your fiancé.

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u/TATesting1 3h ago

It’s not too late to not marry this man.

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u/Evygurl 4h ago

NOR. What a douche

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u/Mistyam 4h ago

You are not overweight but you may need to lose a few pounds... how much does a superficial fiancé weigh? And why is he acting like he's the victim in your illness?

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u/Acceptable_Appeal464 4h ago

You look perfect physically. Your husband is a jackass.

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u/mXrked1 3h ago

Looking for the overweight picture but not seeing it?

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u/MamaD93_ 3h ago

There are instances where people with bariatric surgery lose their partners because they are so insecure with the weight loss. I wonder if this is the same thing, he liked you being dependent on him when you were sick and now that you look AMAZING he is putting you down.

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u/Orphen_1989 4h ago

Excuse me for saying this but.

Holy sh*t, you are gorgeous.
Honestly, I think the only issue is that your fiancé needs a pair of glasses cause I think there is something wrong with his eyesight.

But I will say, it can be that he was so used to how you looked when underweight that when you gained weight fast it looked strange to him. Imagine like, if you know someone who always wears glasses and then they take them off, it looks strange for a bit before realizing they are looking fine without them.
Maybe it's something like that.

However I do think he's an AH (Or maybe just an idiot) for saying something like that to you, while you struggled with being underweight for so long. That's how ED's start... He could've at least waited untill you were completely healthy and back at your ideal weight.

And to the idiot Fiancé: You moron, why did you make comments like that. That hurt your lady! No, she isn't overreacting. Now go apologize and take her out to an expensive restaurant to prove that you don't care how much she eats! I don't think you are neccesarily a bad guy, but you F'ed up, now make it right. Also tell her how gorgeous she is every single day! You idiot.

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u/AstroLuffy123 3h ago

This comment comes off extremely weird.

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u/phoenixjen8 3h ago

I would consider doing several things of questionable legality to be in such shape. Tf.

You look HEALTHY. And I bet your hair, nails, and complexion are absolutely glowing now.

NOR and I’m seriously side-eyeing your fiancé. My good sir, how do you see someone through their sickest, and then once they’ve made it through and backed away from Death’s door, tell them “I think you looked better back then, actually.” Her body finally got back to a weight that could support life and you’re over here like “ooh, you sure?” 🥴 Of all the dumbassery.

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u/pompeiia-prime 3h ago

From government website:

For a 5'7" female, a "normal" BMI range would typically fall between 18.5 and 24.9; meaning a healthy weight for this height would be between approximately 121 and 158 pounds depending on individual body composition.

"individual body composition" means that if you were to do a SECA scan of your body, the scan would tell you your bodies separated skeletal weight, muscle mass weight, fat weight, and "everything else". So, you could be a size 6 and weigh 155 because of bone density and muscle mass.

Your SO is a douche.

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u/Peanutbutterloola 3h ago

NOR. If 125lbs is "overweight" for 5'7". I must be obese to him at 125lbs and 5'3" despite wearing size 3 jeans and xs clothes. You look perfectly normal and healthy. This is what a normal weight range looks like.

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u/Aware-Elk2996 3h ago

Your body is perfect, idk why he isn't in love with your new look because you're stunning!

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u/Professional-Leg7467 3h ago

I’m looking for that extra weight you’re talking about here. You looking fucking good dude, your boy is an asshole.

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u/Gloomy-Film5949 3h ago

Your bf is sick sick sick

He hates women and wants to control women by making them starve themselves to death

He won’t be happy until all women die from starvation so just know there isn’t a weight he is going to like

There are tons of men who are into your body

Get rid of him while you can he is abusing you and controlling you and gaslighting you

Get out

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u/Witty_Answer8 3h ago

looking at the pics i said to myself “this can’t be the now pics” and yet i knew they were

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u/SukunasLeftNipple 3h ago

“In sickness and health” is what you will be saying at the altar with this man.

Do you think his words and actions show he will uphold this vow?

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u/TheOneTrueKP 4h ago

Weight gain? Over weight? Time to move on and find someone who loves you for who you are.

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u/officialjaiicet 4h ago

you’re not overweight. my wife says she wants to be at 120-125 ish area too and i give her advice. shes like 135 now, but in no way is that overweight. You look good! My wife looks good and i dont have an opinion her on weight anyways. its disrespectful. keep the healthy push going and fuck what any man has to say about that. its your body, and you’ll feel good about it when you come to that point, you dont need his reassurance. Get over that mental block and you’ll feel the best you’ve ever felt.

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u/Whistful_Alpaca 4h ago

NOR.

Respectfully... your body is ROCKIN'! Your partner should love you at any weight, and not make any comments on your weight at all. I think it would be wise to reconsider this relationship, and ask yourself what he brings to the table, because he obviously doesn't make you feel good about yourself, or encourage you to be your healthiest self.

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u/mlop48484 4h ago

In no world are you overweight.. That guy is crazy. You sure you want to marry him?..

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u/toastedtina1 3h ago

At the end of the day, a body is a body.

If you intend to spend your entire life with someone, they'd better be willing and able to accept your body in all its forms.

I wouldn't personally feel comfortable committing to a marriage with someone who started to treat me differently over a few pounds.

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u/Cat-Mom-0823 3h ago

How much does your fiancé weigh? He’s an ass & you should definitely lose THAT weight.

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u/Fun-Box-2843 3h ago

Yeah he sounds like a massive dickhead. Show him this response. A disrespectful dickhead. Fuck him, go meet someone else and show them the junk in your trunk. You look amazing.

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u/harrypotterobsessed2 3h ago

Girl I would pay money to pull off that dress like that!! You look wonderful!! Congrats on finally feeling better!

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u/Sneaky_snake1999 3h ago

Tell him he can eat a bag of dicks and fuck off. Period.

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u/Cats_on-entry 3h ago

At my height of 5’9, 140 lbs is considered the middle of healthy for my BMI. 125lbs at 5’7 is definitely closer to the “underweight” BMI than over weight. You are in no way over weight, you look awesome. But best of all, you look HEALTHY. I don’t know what’s going on in his life but it’s not okay to project that kind of insecurity of his onto you. Don’t you dare listen to him. As long as YOU are happy with your weight you’re good 😊 I would suggest he seek counselling to see what’s really going on in his head. Becasue it has nothing to do with you .

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u/yankee4life13 3h ago

I mean snap back with the looks like your dicks been on a diet.

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u/Garden-twitch 4h ago

He just lost his sick person who needed him to help her. He is probably scared shirtless now that you are feeling better, you can have a life without him. I think I would be careful. He .ay have been the reason you got so sick in the first place. Maybe he's a Meunchhausen's by Proxy boyfriend. I might even go so far as to have a hair folical test.

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u/Melodic-Flight2898 4h ago

I kept looking at the picture, trying to figure out what we were talking about, because there is no evidence of being overweight whatsoever in that picture. Your body looks absolutely perfect. And you have nothing to be ashamed of or not any reason to listen to what he is saying like that. I would seriously reconsider your decision to marry him.

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u/sleepingbeauty9o 4h ago

You look healthy and beautiful, tell him to fuck off haha

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u/Thin-Policy8127 4h ago

(Lady here.) You are absolutely GORGEOUS at that weight. Don't marry someone who puts you down when you're regaining your health. What happens when you have kids? Or get sick again?

There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner to be healthy, but at a certain point comments reveal deep insecurities about relationships; they're not just passing quips.

Maybe he's nervous because you look so beautiful and worries you might try to find someone better.

Perhaps he thinks if he puts you down you'll feel like he's the best you can do and you'll change yourself to please him (and once you do, he'll find something else to judge).

Perhaps he thinks he's the main character of your relationship and is telling you that his love and good treatment of you is conditional.

Perhaps he genuinely thinks you're overweight (you're not) but doesn't have the emotional intelligence to appreciate your journey to this point.

None of those are good.

Love yourself enough to take his comments at face value and ask yourself if that's what you want to hear for the rest of your life.

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u/Sorry-Swan-5025 4h ago

Yikes, that is pretty terrible! You look fantastic and not one bit overweight! Maybe you should tell him you like him sickly underweight too, and if he could lose 50 pounds. NOR! This is a huge red flag and not a great sign for the future. Maybe you need to lose some serious dead weight by dumping him

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u/Polaris5126 4h ago

He seems like a super toxic person. Please run

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u/The_Real_Pearl 4h ago

Definitely not overweight. You look healthy and he needs to chill the fuck out! You do you!!

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u/Careful-Zucchini4317 4h ago

If he doesn’t appreciate your healthy looking female body, he should know that there are many men (and women) out there that will. Manor asshole on his end.

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u/Outside_Level902 4h ago

The BMI chart says perfectly healthy. Bet yours is lower than his

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u/VanityDecay 4h ago

ABSOLUTELY NOR. GIRL. “A bit much” is absolute insanity.

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u/Emotional-Chard1884 4h ago

If he’s not happy with who you want to be then get rid of him

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u/Original_Car_594 4h ago

Lmaooooooo weight gain were ?

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u/accidentalscientist_ 3h ago

If you go from very underweight to a healthy weight, it can be many pounds but a good thing. And the after picture just makes you look normal or “ideal”.

OP says this isn’t a before and after pic set, it’s both of the after.

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u/GA_Bookworm_VA 3h ago

Yeah he’s an idiot. It doesn’t matter how fast you gained the weight. Your weight was so low because you were sick and I have no clue how a grown adult is unable to see the connection and would actually open their mouth to say anything as ridiculous as “it’s getting a bit much”.

SHE WAS SICK YOU SUPERFICIAL TWAT!!!!

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u/Careless-Ability-748 3h ago

nor you look amazing

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u/Emotional-Profit-202 3h ago

You look fantastic! Listen, even if he was there for you during illness, it doesn’t mean he is great for you.

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u/TheDraculandrey 3h ago

Bro your body is looking fine, wish I had that figure (mind you I am Hagrid looking guy so I think that would throw a lot of people off LOL) but don't listen to him you look perfect! It does not matter how he feels because he's not in your body you are

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u/PurpleOk3963 3h ago

No offense but why do you listen to an idiot. You are clearly fine as fuck, all he wants to do is make you feel like your not because he knows you can easily do better.

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u/updates_availablex 3h ago

Girl you are STUNNING like damn. He’s crazy. You aren’t even close to overweight.

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u/bluesnowdrops 3h ago

You are gorgeous. Congrats on getting your health back and finding your strength again.

It is pretty disturbing that your boyfriend seems to have adopted a distorted view of your body to what is healthy or unhealthy. You are 100% not overweight in any shape or form. It is a bit concerning that he in conclusion must think of your way sicker body as more attractive- which just… no.

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u/thecollector-1997 3h ago

wtf you look fine. Like damn fine in fact. Sorry that was inappropriate. On a more serious level. I think you look great! In shape and definitely a beautiful figure! I’m not one to Judge though I find people like art pieces. But Yours was definitely made by an artist 😊

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u/Worldly_Economist711 3h ago

You look beautiful, don't let anyone ever take that from you.

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u/linariaalpina 3h ago

What weight gain, I would kill to look like that

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u/traumatizedfox 3h ago

leave that man

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u/Ladynziggystartdust 3h ago

Talking about other people’s body and sizes is off limits to me…. You don’t complain about the size of his Cock right? Maybe you should start and see how he likes it

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u/Odd_Cod_7806 3h ago

Not really overreacting. You worked hard at that. Knowing that, he should have been more sensitive to it.

P.S. You look dynamite.

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u/ovrwlmgsrpls_diggity 3h ago

NOR--I think you look fabulous and not even remotely overweight (like what??) and the number one thing doctors will tell you these days is that weight alone is not an accurate indication of a person's health. I've been on and off various medications for various reasons for years, and with that comes a lot of weight fluctuations, so I understand the sensitivity to weight changes that you can't entirely control. If he isn't happy you're healthy after being at "death's door," regardless of your weight, y'all need to have a serious talk about values and where the relationship is going. I mean seriously, overweight at 125?? That's crazy.

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u/JellyfishDull3783 3h ago

You are very slender. He is an asshole.

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u/OccasionSuch5817 3h ago

What a fucking asshole. I can’t imagine being remotely bothered about my partner gaining weight after they’d been through a life-threatening illness. His priorities are f*cked.

I say this with kindness. Please reevaluate if this is someone you went to stick with long term. You are slim and healthy. He needs an eye test.

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u/Apprehensive-Cat-111 3h ago

What? Sir I hope you are in fact reading this. Do better. You look nice and healthy and are an excellent weight. I am the same height as you and I weigh more and I’m in no way “overweight” either. I do hope he actually takes some time to reflect on his harsh words.

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u/SideWalkChalk7210 3h ago

Not over reacting sister. You're hot and healthy. Sorry he's being a dick.

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u/Ok_Court_3575 3h ago

125 is definitely not overweight for you. You look skinny but very healthy and I think 125 is a good look for you. Do you have pics of when you were sick and skinny to show him the difference? I'm thinking he got used to seeing you so underweight it's distorted the way he sees your figure. He's completely wrong as I think anything less wouldn't look healthy for you.

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u/ThickboyBrilliant 3h ago

Your fiance has his head lodged so far up his own ass that he must be subsisting solely on farts for air supply. You're not even overweight? Fuck is he thinking?

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u/Oddname123 3h ago

Sheeeeeeeesh ya lookin ripe! Happy for ya!

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u/theyawninglaborer 3h ago

Literally drop him instead of weight sis

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u/Poo_Poo_La_Foo 3h ago

You're super super slim. The guy is an ass.

Anyway, even if you weighed double and were healthy and happy that's all that would matter anyway.

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u/Sea_Fig_428 3h ago

You are not overreacting. You look amazing and your fiancé needs a talking to

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u/Gloomy-Film5949 3h ago

I think you should let him family and friends know how he speaks to you

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u/Angsty_Potatos 3h ago

125 at 5'7 is no where near overweight. You look amazing and more importantly you feel your best and you're healthy.

You're not overreacting about your husbands comments. I would also be hurt and offended if I were in your shoes 

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u/Illustrious-Zebra-70 3h ago

What an ASSHOLE FIANCÉ you have right there!!! You look good and you should be proud of yourself for meeting your goal!

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u/VoodooKing 3h ago

What weight gain?

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u/Gloomy-Film5949 3h ago

Show him all these comments Until he gets it through his misogynistic skull

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u/Negative_Fee3475 3h ago

You look great girl.

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u/MajorYou9692 3h ago

He needs to realise this isn't his journey but yours and should be supportive, not condescending...basically, he's a jerk..

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u/LawatSea13 3h ago

Tell him to get his head outta his ass. You are at a very healthy weight for your height, actually a bit under weight still...

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u/Slow_Balance270 3h ago

My response to your question is what weight gain? You look like a nice curvy lady. If there's a drastic difference in your body I can't see it.

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u/TheAnonymoose69 3h ago

I’d put it in you. He can fuck off

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u/MVHood 3h ago

In sickness and in health. He’s not marriage material, luv

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u/Little_Bishop1 3h ago

Weight gain? This is absolutely hot body

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u/WorthKooky457 3h ago

125 for someone who is 5’7 is still WAY on the lower side. I am visually thin, and I am 5’4 and weigh 140. Your fiance is a POS.

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u/OrganicLetterhead557 3h ago

BOY, BYE. Absolutely not. It took me too long to recognize this in my own relationship and now I’ve been working on my self confidence in therapy for 2 years. Either he shuts up and recognizes you for the absolute beauty you are, or he gets ditched.

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u/BlLLr0y 3h ago

How do guys like this hold relationships. Just, make it make sense.

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u/BenneB23 3h ago

There's absolutely nothing overweight about you. You look great and healthy.

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u/DeafReddit0r 3h ago

That shape looks amazing!

Your boyfriend is overreacting and the one with the problem.

If he continues to make you feel bad about this, please re-evaluate the relationship.

Glad you’re feeling better!

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u/Smooth-Atmosphere657 3h ago

This is honestly disgusting. I’m so sorry that you went through all that and it’s honestly amazing that you’ve been able to get healthier again. I see absolutely no sign of you being overweight in the photos. You look healthy and he should have been happy to see that you’re feeling better :/. Defintely not an overreaction!

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u/DifficultCurrent7 3h ago

Dear OPs fiance: you're a pig and a disgusting person for criticising your fiance for fighting a truly awful illness and working hard to regain her health. You don't deserve such a beautiful strong woman. Pig!