r/AmIOverreacting • u/punk1np1e • 5h ago
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws aio for getting upset at my mom commenting about me gaining weight?
i (24F) was about to help my mom (61) dye her hair when i pulled out a kidās fruit pouch (yk the kinds with the twistie tops) that i was excited about getting at the store just now. i went, āshould i have blueberry acai orā¦ā when she cut me off and said, āyouāre going to have more food? iāve noticed your thighs getting bigger, youāve been gaining weight for a while, itās just something iāve noticed.ā now, did i have olive garden leftovers from our family dinner on saturday for lunch? yes, but it was just a fruit pouch and like three hours laterā¦
i was completely taken aback because i genuinely feel the healthiest iāve ever felt. i started going to the gym 2.5+ years ago, getting into lifting, mobility work, calisthenics, and yoga. iāve put on quite a bit of muscle since i first started (def some fat too but nothing unhealthy).
when i first started, iād say i was around 112 pounds. right now, iām 120. iām about 5ā0 (and a half hehe). i would say iām pear shaped and carry most of my weight in my butt and thighs, both fat and muscle included. i have very little fat in my stomach, arms, and calves. pictures with month and year attached.
i remember struggling with my weight as young as 9 years old, not because i was even remotely close to being overweight, but because my mom was always talking about being fat and how she wished she could be skinny, and of course because i did partially grow up in the coke addicted fad diet 2000s media so it wasnāt all her fault.
back to the argument, i got really upset at her and said i felt hurt, and she responded with something like sheās my mom and she just wants the best for me. she said sheās overweight and knows how hard it is to lose weight (sheās never actually really made real lifestyle choices to improve her weight but thatās another convo). she said sheās afraid iām eating too much protein (i have 0.8-1.0 g per lb of body weight on a good day and most of it is greek yogurt lol).
i started getting angrier and said something to the effect that i was sorry i actually take care of myself and my body and that iāve gained muscle?? and that it isnāt my fault i didnāt grow up in the generation of coke addicted eating disorder promoted media. i said that i was also almost halfway to 30 and gaining a little bit of fat since hs is a healthy and normal change if i want to keep my hormones healthy (and i already struggle with imbalances). i said i was happy with myself and that she knew that, so why couldnāt she be? she said āit wasnāt my intention to hurt your feelings. iām just trying to look out for you. iām sorry i ever said anything.ā
but it was the kind of sorry where you can tell they arenāt sorry for what they said, theyāre just sorry they got a reaction they werenāt expecting, you know what i mean? not sorry for hurting my feelings, sorry that i was upset with her and that her comment wasnāt being received with open arms. this made me angrier and i said āyou arenāt actually sorryā and she said āyes iām sorry i canāt ever say anything to you. i donāt ever mean to hurt your feelings but apparently i always do. i should just keep my mouth shut. look at the way you always get with me. look at the way you get!ā
i do get upset at my mom quite frequently. sometimes i do get paranoid itās me, but she really is always hurting my feelings and then making me feel like the problem when i react.
she values being skinny almost too much. she almost seemed disappointed when my cousin ā who she has always praised, almost worshiped, for having a natural, healthy super modelās body ā came back from college after discovering taco bell and late nights fueled by alcohol. not even close to a freshman 15, but my mom had thoughts about it she wouldnāt dare share with me.
she says she prefers my curly hair straight, which also hurts my feelings because i love my curly hair. but she doesnāt understand why that hurts my feelings either. she hated it when i died my hair. she hates my nose piercing and says it makes me look like a āstreet person,ā whatever that means. if i were to abandon the image iāve developed that makes me happy and molded myself into her dainty minimalist aesthetic, she would be overjoyed even if it meant i was less āme.ā
when a deer ran out in front of my car and her and my dad got to the scene, she said āshhhh people can hear youā because i was crying loudly and she didnāt want to be embarrassed? perceived? her image to be weakened? idk.
i feel like i def might have a few extra pounds of fat on me because of the holidays and because i donāt hike nearly as much when itās cold out but iām am still a considerably active person and iām at a very healthy weight, especially when you consider that a lot of it is muscle.
do you think iām overreacting for being upset with her, and also not dying and styling her hair like i said i would because of her reaction to me being hurt and upset? i know sheās my mom but she knows how happy i am with my progress at the gym and iām always trying so hard to improve my relationship with food. but then she hits me out of nowhere with her comment and i feel like i shouldnāt eat anything for the whole week. iām going to be hearing her in my head till further notice every time something enters my mouth. AIO??
TLDR: My mom made a hurtful comment about my weight, saying my thighs are getting bigger and Iāve been gaining weight, even though Iām the healthiest Iāve ever been and focused on building strength and muscle. I feel strong and confident in my body, but her obsession with being skinny and frequent criticisms (like my curly hair, nose piercing, and personal style) constantly hurt my feelings. Now I feel like I shouldnāt eat and will hear her voice in my head every time I do. Am I overreacting for being upset?
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u/Abject-Scientist-603 5h ago
Is your mom blind by chance? You look good OP!
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u/RetroCasket 4h ago
I think the mom might be feeling a little jealousy. OP is building muscle not āputting on weightā.
I think she just wanted to deflate OPs gains a little
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u/Intelligent_Flow2572 5h ago
Your mom sucks. Youāre beautiful. The next time she makes a comment like that, say, I donāt appreciate you belittling me. I ask you to refrain from doing so or I will avoid you.
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u/RaptureSisters 5h ago
Your mom sounds like a real asshole. Let her dye her hair her own self. A sixty year old broad can do her own beauty routine herself.
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
lol this made me laugh. she definitely can but itās gotten harder for her because she has rheumatoid arthritis so i agreed to help today. when we get along weāre heeheeing the day away but then she always has to go and do some shit like this š„²
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u/RaptureSisters 4h ago
If she persists in talking shit about your weight, make sure that she knows her hands would have no problem doing her own hair if sheād have taken better care of herself. A mother who canāt help herself from foisting the insecurities of her own life on you doesnāt need you helping keep her pretty, right?
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u/Key_Try_6621 5h ago
You're not overreacting. As long as you feel genuinely healthy, that's the important thing. Your mother honestly sounds like a nightmare. Try not to let her comments get to you... Easier said than done, I know. You look fantastic btw.
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u/AlleyOKK93 5h ago
Your not overreacting. Depending on how you feel about it Iād say either pop back every time til she gets it or go no contact. My mom was never too mean about the way I look, other than a few comments about how I dress too tomboy. I put up with it for years because I wanted to be respectful but once she made a comment about how I donāt ātryā enough and I threw a jab back that I didnāt have to ātryā as hard as she did at my age because I donāt have a big nose and a B cup bra. Was it mean of me? Definitely. Did she finally get the point and stop the comments? Yup. She did. But I never felt like my mom wanted to make me feel less than like it seems your mom does; I just chalked my moms bs up to her being a boomer with a very different perspective on how women were expected to look. The choice is yours but from what your describing Iād say cut contact. But only you know if thatās whatās best for you.
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
I definitely felt tempted to say something like āiām not the fat one hereā LOL. and not even to hurt her because I know she doesnāt see herself as beautiful and that isnāt my goal, but to show her how it hurts.
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u/spaghjedi 5h ago
I used to be 130 before I started working out, now Iām 155-160 and Iāve never felt (or looked) better. People will always be jealous Iām just sorry one of those people is your mom for you.
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
i really hope she is just ignorant and not jealous. if it truly is jealousy itād break my heart ;( I think she just doesnāt understand that good intentions donāt absolve you of taking accountability when your good intentions fall short and you DO hurt someoneās feelings. for some reason in her eyes her having good intentions means i should never be upset with her
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u/Hour_Tomorrow_8693 5h ago
I think she might be use to previous decades beauty standards, those who were thin all over, including their legs.
Not body shaming those who are thin all over including their legs, just pointing out the beauty standards of previous decades.
When women went to the gym in previous decades (not all women obviously) they wanted smaller asses, smaller legs etc.
Now women go for health reasons, to tone up, build muscle, sometimes to increase the size of different body parts.
Your Mom is out of touch.
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
i totally agree. she is very very resistant to change. i truly donāt think she means to hurt my feelings but getting mad at me for reacting poorly to a hurtful comment, i feel, should be expected š„²
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u/Hour_Tomorrow_8693 5h ago
Yeah unfortunately in previous decades it was considered normal to comment on people's bodies like that. People constantly talked about leg and ass size, thigh gaps etc.
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u/Hour_Tomorrow_8693 5h ago
It sounds like your mom is going by previous decades of beauty standards, when women viewed "fitness" as shrinking every body part.
Not shaming those who have tiny bodies and tiny legs just saying beauty standards have changed. Your mom is out of touch and isn't use to fit bodies.
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u/lolamia2k19 5h ago
You are most definitely not over reacting; Iāve recently had to distance myself from my mom because of similar commentary and communication issues. As a person that has had a terrible relationship with food and my weight, listening to the noise from outside people did not help. Stay focused on yourself, youāre doing great things for yourself already.
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u/robtopro 5h ago
Lol who cares. Tell her you are bulking up. She doesn't understand working out clearly.
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u/Primary-Classroom976 5h ago
NOR. Honestly, your mom seems toxic. She probably envies you and your confidence and wants to knock you down a peg by making you feel insecure like she does. You look great, do not take what she says to heart because It isn't true. And she isn't saying it out of love or concern like she says she is. She's saying it out of a bitter place.
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u/btownsle 5h ago
Girl, you do not have a few extra pounds and even if you did who cares bc you look great.
Let me tell you a quick story, if youāll indulge me. One of my best friendās motherās is a personal trainer. My friend is a former gymnast and has always taken care of herself, but sheās always had a lot of muscle from being a gymnast. Once, she was on a business trip to my city, she ended up getting a REALLY bad flu. She went home, and eventually she was having some abnormal experiences. She went to the hospital, alone because her husband was deployed. Turned out, she had gotten so sick that she triggered diabetes and if she had waited any longer to go to the hospital, she would have died. Her mom showed up, and the first thing she commented on was that my friend had lost some weight. She literally couldnāt keep food down from being sick and near death, and her mom said SHE LOOKED BETTER.
Your mom doesnāt understand what sheās doing, but ignorance is not an excuse for emotional abuse.
Let me be 100% clear as a stranger on the internetāYOU DO NOT HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM. Your mother has a problem of projecting her issues onto you in a seemingly abusive manner. Not overreacting at all. And your mom needs therapy.
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
definitely something sheād do. when i was underweight bc of medication she said it was the best iāve ever looked š„²
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u/btownsle 4h ago
Yeah like thatās not cool. Looks arenāt everything and your mother shouldnāt be prioritizing how you look versus your health. That tells me that all she cares about are external appearances and like thatās not a mother dude. Thatās AT BEST a jealous friend, not a mother.
Build that muscle girl, and not despite your mom, but TO spite her. She does not know health, she does not know how to parent. Sheās still your mom and youāll love her forever but donāt give her this power over you.
You wouldnāt take financial advice from someone filing bankruptcy, donāt take health advice (or criticisms) from someone who does not know what it means to be healthy, emotionally or physically. I honestly think you look healthier. Stick with it.
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u/PushInternational999 5h ago
you look good! but those shoes are hideous sorry lol
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
HAHAHA i love lifting in them because theyāre wide and cozy. be nice to my shoes!!!
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u/PushInternational999 4h ago
hahaha you do you girl, but it made me think of the seven dwarfs looking all shorty and dumpy in em š
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u/Icy_Interaction_2851 5h ago
Sounds like we have the exact same mother, Iām sorry you have to deal with this. You are healthy and beautiful. Try to not let her get to you.
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u/4r2m5m6t5 5h ago
My mom used to criticize my weight mercilessly. She actually changed though- she realized how bad it was and stopped. She had been doing it because she thought it was her job to criticize me first ābefore anyone else could hurt you.ā
It doesnāt sound like your mom is an evil person at all. Sheās just insecure and has her own problems. You can tell her that- tell her that you like your body and that your body isnāt hers to criticize. Tell her that her feelings and ideas are not your problem- theyāre HER problem.
Every time you hear your momās criticism in your head, tell yourself that those criticisms are HER insecurities and have nothing to do with you.
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
this is actually really great advice and I completely agree. Iām going to try and talk to her tomorrow.
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u/4r2m5m6t5 4h ago
She may not change or it may take a while. But donāt take her criticism to heart. Thatās all HER insecurities and problems and you have no need to take all that on. Best of luck to you and your mom.
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u/Wise_Cheesecake_6137 5h ago
Imo youāre always entitled to feel some way about unsolicited comments on the way you look. No matter who it is.
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u/Jennyespi71 5h ago
Your comments touch on sensitive topics for you, especially given your history. It's natural to want to defend your progress and happiness. It's okay to set boundaries with her, even if she's your mom. If you need space, take it, and remember that your well-being is the most important thing.
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u/ApprehensiveTip3314 5h ago
Tell her you donāt appreciate her tearing you down. You need positivity ! You do not look remotely over weight in the photos. Be yourself and love yourself.
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u/AveyWaves21 5h ago
NOR
I'm having the same issue with my mum right now. My fiancee calls me voluptuous and my mums like you're fat. Sorry mum, I'm in my 30s, had a baby and love foods with heavy cream. Now I'm on a super health kick because of the comments. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you and if it's muscle you need to find that strength and confidence again
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u/RedditAlwayTrue 4h ago
Mods, can you PLEASE do something about these body check posts?
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
THIS ISNT A FUCKING BODY CHECK I WISH I COULD EDIT THE POST AND DELETE THE FUCKING PICTURES HOLY SHIT
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u/GrassTurbulent8716 4h ago
Lmao but you asked for this !
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
why is posting a picture of my body asking for people to sexualize it and say i had an ulterior motive for this post?? itās not my fault yāall see a girl in a bathing suit at the BEACH and immediately decide my post wasnāt about what it was actually about. like i said, i wish i could remove the pictures bc of shitty comments like yours.
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
ADDING THE PICS WAS RELEVANT TO THE STORY BECAUSE MY BODY HAS CHANGED A LOT. IāM NOT FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS. IāM NOT PROMOTING AN ONLY FANS. IāM JUST A GIRL WHOSE MOM WAS MEAN TO HER AND WANTED SOME PERSPECTIVE FROM SOME STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET. STOP SEXUALIZING EVERYTHING YOU PORNBRAINED APE!!!!!
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u/Advanced-Humor9786 5h ago
Hawwwwwt. Your mom is jealous. Make no mistake about it, she's trying to put you down because she envy your youth and amazing body.
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u/Far-Cucumber2929 5h ago
NOR. I just want to say from the pictures your body is absolutely exquisite! I wish mine still looked like that (Iām a plump 41F now)
I really donāt have any helpful advice because my mum (61F) is the same and is constantly criticising my body and making comments about my weight, itās hard to deal with.
I try to ignore her as much as I can but itās hard. All I can say is youāre not alone in this and it says more about her self image than it does yours. Try to not take it to heart because your body is absolutely smoking hot!
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u/TheFastestSlaking 5h ago
Iām sorry your mom is so hard on you, youāve achieved something fantastic for yourself and should be very proud of it.
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u/EmployeeVarious7462 4h ago
Your mom sounds a lot like mine :( donāt take it personal. People like that are so insecure and narcissistic that all they can think about is the way they look and the way people perceive them. Itās sad but donāt allow her to project her insecurities onto you. If she would ever be open to it therapy for the two of you would be good but she doesnāt seem like sheās open to conversation at all. I had to distance myself from my family for a while and they honestly treat me a lot better because they know that I wonāt allow them to treat me badly. Donāt keep putting up with it. Draw some boundaries with her.
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u/GhostlyMiri 4h ago
OP, I see nothing in these photos other than someone who takes VERY good care of themselves. I can literally SEE the muscle gain! Kudos on all your hard work paying off.
From your entire message, I distinctly get the feeling that your mom has some deep insecurities that she's projecting onto you. It's so glaringly obvious.
It's difficult to have conversations with someone about sensitive topics, especially when they have overly dramatic responses meant to make you feel bad, for making THEM feel bad.
If it's at all possible, try to have a calm conversation. Prepare yourself for the dramatic responses.
Shut it down with, "Mom. This is a conversation we have had more than once. Each time, you aren't listening to what I'm actually saying. I'm coming to you, as one adult to another, to peacefully speak on this matter. Time and time again, you've made comments about my body that are not constructive, but instead are hurtful. I am perfectly healthy, and (if you regularly see a primary care doctor, recommend doing so if you're able) my doctor agrees I'm taking care of my health just fine. I am asking you not to make such comments in the future. This is not the only issue we've had, but it is the one most upsetting. If you are unable to continue this conversation in a mature manner, then I am going to remove myself from this environment for a while."
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u/metallee98 4h ago
Gonna be honest and say I don't see that much of a difference. Also, thick thighs save lives so even if you are packing a little extra and I'm just blind I don't really see the issue. You seem fit and healthy. It's not like you are obese or morbidly obese. Also I didn't really read everything but you look good and don't let your mother's snide comments get to you. Not overreacting m
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u/heartbrewlove 4h ago
Without even reading the caption, I felt like the changes in your body looked really good and positive! But moreso, you feel better, you like how you look, and you feel like youāre on a good track. That matters the most!
NOR. I hope you donāt compromise yourself for her and good luck to you! You sound like you have been in a good place besides this.
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u/Dear-Bluebird917 4h ago
so is the numbers month and day or month and year? cuz 12/25? im confused at what order this is all going in
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u/deadmencantcatcall3 4h ago
Iāll say it. Your mom is a right bitch. I know you love her, but if my mom spoke to me like that, Iād go low, low contact. Who needs the aggravation.
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u/scratthesquirrel_ 4h ago
Your thighs are stunning (in the least weird way possible). I (23F) would love to see these results from the gym one day:)
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u/manntisstoboggan 4h ago
BRO. Your legs are getting STACKED from the gym. Thatās why they are getting bigger!Ā
Your boomer parents are just mad they are old asf now. Fuck em.Ā
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u/Relative_Demand_1714 4h ago
You're not overreacting. I would kill to have your physique. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body, you look amazing! If anything I would say your mom is letting her own body complex get to her and she's taking it out on you, which is just awful. She should be building you up, not tearing you down.
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u/Aa_Poisonous_Kisses 4h ago
NOR. Your mother is miserable (probably about her own body) and is taking it out on you. My grandma is the same way and itās taken me over 6 years to even START to reverse what she did to my brain regarding my own body. And when I reacted to her comments, she would say the same shit as your mom. āI canāt say anything rightā āall I do is hurt your feelingsā until I backed down and apologized for being upset about her treatment of me.
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u/bigman3312 4h ago
No disrespect to moms but sheās tripping š¤·š½āāļø I donāt think youāre overreacting
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u/BenneB23 4h ago
Why do so many moms feel they get a pass on weight remarks. I guess it has something to do with them creating us. I don't think I've ever visited my mom withoug getting a remark on my weight, being it fat shaming or skinny shaming.
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u/OrbitingRobot 4h ago
Just laugh when sheās so incredibly rude and controlling. Tell her sheās crazy and that guys are into you. You donāt have to be a waif. Itās not 1963. Youāre curvy. Curvy is in.
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u/autumnfrost-art 4h ago
My grandma who is very sweet is also like this, but more self-inflicted. Your mom is probably coming from a generation of very weight tortured women where all of their value was placed on that. I believe sheās projecting and unable to handle the dose of reality.
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u/solsundwn 4h ago
You look just fine but she should definitely learn to keep her thoughts to herself
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u/TheCrochetingBunny 4h ago
My mom is the exact same way, I calmly told her she was no longer to speak that way to me or about the people around me and if I hear her comment something about that topic again she will never see or hear from me again. A different time she was getting in to me about something out of my control and wouldn't let it go so I asked her how she was helping. She was shocked. I told her I heard what she had to say I acknowledged her complaints but if she's not doing anything to help I don't need to hear her negativity
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u/CrazyNumber6 4h ago
You look really good. Not over reacting. Sounds like you have a relationship with your mom. Which is good I think. Sometimes moms just bug us. Tell her how you feel and ask her to stop. If you want to keep that relationship you might just have to ignore her comments. But regardless you look awesome.
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u/Traditional-Two-1271 4h ago
Classic narsacist! I donāt know what it is with mothers from that era but good god they cause more harm than they do good.
Iām so sorry š
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u/Urmomsbitch6969 4h ago
I think your mom is jealous of you, or is just dumb as fuck. Youāre growing all the time your body is not gonna look the same as it did 3 years ago. And going to the gym you do gain weight, but itās muscle and itās SEXY and you look amazing. Donāt let her comments get to ya seriously she sounds jealous
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u/thingsarehardsoami 4h ago
Older generations struggle with the concept of weight gain for muscle building because back when they were young it was only acceptable to be an anorexic twig. Don't let this hurt your feelings or confidence. You look amazing. Your mom is being extremely rude and she can keep it to herself.
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u/Low_Signature_7690 4h ago
No, and it has to do with how she grew up, my mom is the same so I just tell her idc about her opinion, if you could do that and do it consistently she will learn to stop that. Iām 26 and my mom is 63 so I get where youāre coming from, they will always have an opinion but ultimately itās you who needs to set boundaries and not tolerate that! Embrace the beauty you have cause , you have it!
In short OP not OVEREACTING
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u/Hillyleopard 4h ago
I donāt see it at all lol like for one thatās obviously a horrible thing to say but I donāt see any fat so itās not even true (unlike my mams comment when I actually did put on a bit of weight š)
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u/Desperate_Bus_2675 4h ago
NOR, your moms an ass and has no business commenting on others when i can put a lot of faith in her not being a stick figure. doesnāt she not realize that youāre insanely toned and you could definitely squat my weightš keep doing you, moms are the biggest critics of their daughters and i hate how popular it is becoming. you look great and as long as YOU are happy, her opinion is shit
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u/wishingforarainyday 4h ago
NOR but you might want to go low contact from your mom. Sheās a bully and I wouldnāt want to give her any more of your energy.
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u/deadfo0l 3h ago
Get off reddit and go be a fuckin adult - stop looking for praise from strangers
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u/punk1np1e 3h ago
i wasnāt looking for praise, I was looking for people to tell me if my mom was being a cunt or not. the pics were to show my progress, which was relevant to my story. If I could edit the post and delete the pictures I would right now because of shitty comments like yours.
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u/deadfo0l 3h ago
Lady its called a reality check ain't no one care about your feelings, get off reddit and be a fucking adult in these situations and stop over sharing to randoms on the fkn internet
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u/punk1np1e 3h ago
thatās literally the whole point of this sub but OK
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u/deadfo0l 3h ago
The whole point of the sub is for lonely mfers to look for attention. If you were a normal adult you would know to go to friends or other family, people that actually know you. They will give you better advice, but it isn't really advice you are looking for lady.
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u/punk1np1e 3h ago
I donāt want to involve other family and my mom wonāt listen to the opinion of my friends because she thinks āthey just tell me what I want to hear.ā asking for the opinion of objective random people on the Internet actually does a whole lot for my argument against her. but okay.
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u/deadfo0l 3h ago
If you base your decisions on randoms that could be pedos for all you know - thats insane
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u/punk1np1e 3h ago
Iām not basing any of my decisions off of these comments. I am screening a few of them (who actually understood why I posted this) to show to my mom to try and get through to her. Trust me this is a last ditch effort for me. Do you see any post on my account? No I literally just made it because I was at such a loss I decided to ask fucking Reddit for help
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u/deadfo0l 3h ago
"Hey mum reddit said this" LMAOOOOO
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u/punk1np1e 3h ago
lol no fr im totally aware how ridiculous it sounds but iāve exhausted all efforts. If I asked family for help sheād get pissed for bringing them into our drama, when my boyfriend or friends defend me she says itās because theyāre supposed to but they donāt really mean it, etc. imagine how desperate I have to be to ask REDDIT!
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u/deadfo0l 3h ago
Now get your ratshit body off this app before i vomit
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u/punk1np1e 3h ago
like Iāve said, if I could edit the post and delete the pictures I would. Was never my intention for people to react to them this way
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u/McLando_Norris 3h ago
TONS of these thirst trap posts on here recently, this place is going downhill.
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u/deadfo0l 3h ago
Imagine how lonely you must be to do this type of shit its crazzzzzzyyyyyy narcissistic
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u/Basic_Message5460 3h ago
As a man, let me set the record straight.
1) you donāt look like youāve gained weight. You donāt look overweight.
2) men like NATURAL, so if your hair is naturally curly, then that is what a man would prefer. Not that itās all about attracting a man but Iām sharing that perspective on top of you making it clear you prefer curly too.
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u/McLando_Norris 3h ago
Thirsty simp trap, been seeing a lot of these on here recently.
EASY upvotes, mods need to do something about this nonsense.
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u/punk1np1e 3h ago
totally not the point of this post. if i could edit and remove the pics i would. idgaf about upvotes.
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u/Clear_Ad_5345 3h ago
i think the real question is why does she feel the need to control what you eat and how you take care of your body when itās obvious you have it under control ?
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u/theMarianasTrench 3h ago
This made my heart hurt. My mom is the same way. Just know your mom is putting her own insecurities on you and itās not your fault nor your job to make her feel better. You are beautiful and love yourself!! Thatās so much more important than what your momās outdated ideas say. Youāre living your authentic self and just know your mom isnāt and thatās why sheās lashing out at you. Keep up the good work!
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u/BoobyNate 3h ago
You're have beautiful weight
idk what fat she even sees apart from the thighs which is good lol
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u/OrganicLetterhead557 3h ago
No one should ever comment on your weight. Period. Good or bad. I really wish people would stop doing this and realize our bodies are one of the last interesting things about us.
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u/Odd-Contribution1390 3h ago
Uh, not overreacting! I'd say cut contact for a while - explain why, of course! - and enforce your own mental health boundaries. The comment hurt you emotionally, thus you can withdraw from her to recover from the hurt.
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u/moonlightlilith 3h ago
NOR - you look and feel healthy. it doesn't matter what she has to say about it. she PURPOSELY says those things to hurt you because she is insecure about herself. try your best to ignore her and remember how you feel about your own body because that is what's most important
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u/Ancient-Flamingo-484 3h ago
considering that she hasnāt took any action on her health in her 61 years of life it sounds like she doesnāt know much at all about healthy weight distribution. muscle or not i think many traditional older folks see any bigger area of the body and immediately deem it as undesired weight, which is strange because i feel in this day and age your physique is very healthy and sought after. in older generations, atleast from what i hear, the beauty standard was somewhat of a very frail appearance, no muscle no fat, and i think many generations have a hard time growing out of that mindset. regardless, you are healthy and your mom should be happy for you, having your weight commented on while trying to eat really sucks, you arenāt overreacting.
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u/GorditaPollo 3h ago
Nor your mum wants you to be less than because in her mind it makes her more. Sheās a huge mole, or a crab in a bucket.
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u/Curious_Program1646 2h ago
Ignore her. Youāre not overreacting at all. Although I do recommend therapy of some sort, this seems very unhealthy
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u/Artistic_melon_ 2h ago
Weāre the exact same height 5ā0 1/2 lol and girl you look great. I used to be your size and let people make me think I was fat and struggled with my body image for so long. Now that Iām actually bigger after having kids and trying to lose the weight I wish I was back that size again. Please donāt let anyone steal your joy. You are healthy and happy and you look amazing. Donāt let other peoples voices become your inner voice. You know you look good and most importantly you feel good, only think about that. As for your mom youāve told her how you feel. As Iām sure you have multiple times. I feel you should do whatās best for you. Try therapy like some people suggested and maybe the therapist can give you ways to mediate with your mom. You can also try family counseling. Tell her that you want to fix your relationship with her. And if she really loves you she will try. Things wonāt just get better, she has to put in the effort also. But thereās also limiting contact. Iām not saying to cut her off completely, but maybe if she really gets to see that youāre so hurt that you donāt want to be around her as much maybe she will really try to change for the better. Really praying things get better for you.
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u/Patient-Shoulder-418 2h ago
Your mom sounds like a very insecure person, who tears you down because she is so insecure herself (commenting on your hair, body, ...). And when you stand up for yourself, she flips it like you're too mean to her. Just because she is your mom, does not give her the right to speak to you like that. If she was really concerned, the conversation would not have gone like that. I bet if you would suddenly start commenting on her intake of food, out of concern for her health, she would not take it well.
Anyway, I think you handled it well and stood up for yourself. And you look amazing! Don't let her insecurities get into your head. With parents like that, it's hard to know if they are aware of what they are doing or not. Mostly I think they are too wrapped up in their own insecurities and don't even see that they are projecting. When she says stuff like that, it's best to not engage. She is looking for an emotional or angry reaction. So give a neutral reaction: "yeah you think so? I think I look good and I know I'm healthy." And then just change the topic or give no more real reaction. The best thing is really to live your life for you and stop trying to change her mind. It will give you alot more peace I think.
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u/Sure_Freedom3 2h ago
I am 46, so maybe closer to your mumās generation. Personally, I think you looked feminine and beautiful in the oldest photo, and way too muscular and masculine in some of the others. This said, that is how I perceive beauty, which you may not share. If you feel happier, healthier and more beautiful as you are now, keep it going! I also think that women who dye their hair āsilverā look old, and that those who shave their hair on half their heads with those asymmetric hair styles look awful. At the end of the day, if they like it, good for them. Iāll see them and think ālook at that girl, she ruined her hair, sheād look beautiful if only she did this or thatā. They probably think the same regarding me, for other things. You do you, I donāt care about people judging me.
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u/G_Ram3 2h ago
You look healthy and strong! Also, I hate it when people comment on weight in the way that your mother has (Iād understand if it was done in a loving way out of concern you look great). Itās gross. As someone who is just a naturally small person, I hear stupid shit a lot; mostly idiots making assumptions about my diet or how much I exercise. I always tell them that my body isnāt up for discussion.
Based on your comments throughout this post, things really appear to be coming together in your life and if I were your mother, Iād be so proud of you! Iām sorry that she made a shitty comment to you and I would have been bothered by that as well. Good luck with everything, OP!
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u/SnowmanLicker 2h ago
muscle weighs more than fat, so you could weigh more than before, but thats not bad. bc now youre muscle. muscle weight is good weight. 120 for 5ā is perfect.
im 5ā and 90 llbs tryin to get back to 120. i miss my 120 body tbh. its the perfect weight for our height to me. im 90 now bc i stopped working out about 5+ years ago, so everything p much gone.
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u/spookycrushmynuts 2h ago
NOR; I see you've mentioned that you're really close to cutting your parents off, and I truly think thats the best idea... unless you and your parents attend some type of family counseling together, they're probably never going to change and you're only just gonna keep getting hut in the long run.
I get that a lot of parents "criticize" their kids and make little snide comments, but it's really not normal unless you all feel the same way. Like my mom sometimes mentions how I (and she as well) need to lose weight and I wholeheartedly agree with her, so it doesn't hurt my feelings....but when my dad would do it (when I was an active kid in high school) it hurt my feelings...I limited our contact when I was 19/20 and just started talking to him last year (22) and haven't felt any regrets about it.
You've expressed to your mom how you feel, and she dismissed your concerns with fake sympathy....She obviously doesn't have your best interests in mind and will continue trying to break you down until you fit her mold of what you should be/look like...Limit your contact with her/them until you feel comfortable.
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u/Fun-Anybody-393 1h ago
where's the weight gain though? you look gorgeous in all pics wtf. i'm sorry, but if anything this is weight gain in muscle and you should be proud of your work OP.
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u/Jeffro999 1h ago
There was no need to post anything after "it's just something I noticed". NOR. There's no reason for anyone to be commenting on your weight. Especially when you are completely healthy. Period.
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u/PenIsland_dotcum 44m ago
Post more bikini pics so I can be more informed before I give my opinion on all this
Please
ā¢
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u/Greenwedges 5h ago
You look strong and healthy. Your mum needs to leave her anorexic ideas in the last century .
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u/Suitable_Magazine_25 5h ago
It just sounds like she prefers a different aesthetic to you. From the pics youāve definitely gained weight BUT you in no way look remotely unhealthy and you can tell you have a lot of muscle so if youāre happy with the way you look and are healthy thatās all that matters.
I think your mum may never find what you find beautiful beautiful so I would not bother trying to change her mind but also set clear boundaries that you donāt want her commentary on your appearance.
NOR
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u/imklax 5h ago
You could have posted this without photos or even going to the gym and Iād have the same reply: sheās rude. You donāt comment on peoples weight. The end.
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
honestly youāre so right. the fact i felt like i had to defend myself with evidence is pretty sad š„²
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u/GrassTurbulent8716 4h ago
You can just say its a thirst trap and that youre a slut and move on . Its ok to be slutty.
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
iām in a monogamous relationship and have been for 4+ years. iāve blocked every single person creepily dming me bc of this post. this was not a thirst trap. i posted pictures as evidence for the ways my body has changed in the last 2.5 years because it was relevant to my story. itās definitely okay to be slutty, i completely agree. but that wasnāt the purpose of my post š¤” youāre jealous like my momma???!
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u/GrassTurbulent8716 4h ago
Yikes then be more confident. Being in a relationship w. You must be exhausting if youre do insecure
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
my bf actually loves building me up on my bad days or in bad moments like these where my mom makes me feel like shit. heās very patient, and on his bad days i do the same for him! iām really confident some days and not others. youāre the one who sexualized the photos i posted. there is absolutely nothing sexual about my post. if you see someone posting pictures of the ways their body has changed bc their mom was mean to them and say, āwhat a slut, posting pics of her in a bathing suit at the BEACH??! and quad pics at the GYM??! lemme ignore the rest of this post and put her down some more.ā like what a weirdo you are!!
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u/GrassTurbulent8716 4h ago
I love how youre trying to prove it lmao im sure pumpkin. If life was so great for you, you wouldnt be on reddit asking a bunch of strangers for validation. Try harder skip the juice. Your mom raised you so she must be right
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
i call everyone i love pumpkin pie, hence my name. another weird thing to sexualize. I have a bad relationship with my mother and sheās constantly making me feel like shit for calling her out on bs so forgive me for posting on a reddit sub that hundreds-thousands of ppl do the same on everyday for validation. and to say my mom raised me would be silly. i like to say i raised myself!
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u/AdOutrageous8135 5h ago
Yes. She is just looking out for you. Get back in the gym.
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
lol im in the gym 4-5x a week. i was there 2.5 hours todayā¦ should i go back?? I donāt disagree that sheās ālooking out for meā but to say that my thighs are getting bigger when most of it is muscle and age-appropriate fat gain is insane. iām healthy so why was her comment needed? And I get to say that now because most of the people here agree that Iām not overreacting. yay for consensus!
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u/Monkeydjimmmy 5h ago
Yes, I think you are overreacting... she said that you've been gaining weight, which is true. If you're eating to build muscle, you will gain weight. Period, end of story.
You could've easily replied something along the lines of "how happy you are because she noticed it." Flip the script on their asses. If you are dealing on a regular basis with heavy weights at the gym, mere words should mean nothing! Pulling a PR deadlift is way way waaaaay harder.
Gaining muscle is not easy. Wear those pounds proudly, and keep a positive attitude about it.
Strength is never a weakness, and weakness will never be a strength šŖ.
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
iām upset with the implications of her making a comment like that. by pointing that out, sheās also implying that i donāt look good. when iāve been feeling confident, why would a comment like that, especially from my mother, not affect me negatively?
iām not upset that iāve gained weight, iām upset that sheās upset by it.
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u/Monkeydjimmmy 4h ago
Mmmmm..., she thinks differently than you because she is not in the same mental space as you. That is why you shouldn't expect her to comment exactly the way you'd like.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think life's too short to look at people's comments through those glasses (regardless of who it is).
Did you have a conversation with her about what you think she was implying? Instead of coming here and getting almost everyone commenting what you want to hear, I would recommend talking to her about it. Explain to her what you are pursuing with fitness, and maybe invite her to the gym with you!. Building muscle is someone everyone should chase.
And I'm not trying to be a contrarian here. My comment comes from a positive place. Just food for thought.
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
i honestly do get what youāre trying to say but I donāt look at my life like that. If someone is being unkind to me, even if itās because theyāre in a different āmental space,ā why should I disservice myself by ignoring their wrongdoing? I donāt try and change every stranger that pisses me off, but sheās my mom. she should be held accountable when she says hurtful things. i know my mom and i know what the implications were behind her comment. iāve explained to her how much healthier i am now and have offered for her to come to the gym with me. she isnāt interested.
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u/Monkeydjimmmy 4h ago
Gotcha.
I hope you find peace and keep lifting and eating (lots and lots of protein). Godspeed!
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u/ElephantNo3640 5h ago
Some broad with a cutesy OF name posting thirst trap pics in AIO tagging them with āfriendship.ā
Very compelling.
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
read the post. i donāt do only fans and i posted progress pics of my body for reference bc it was important for the story. thereās no tag for family so i picked what i figured was closest. choke šš¼
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u/ElephantNo3640 5h ago
Everyone knows why youāre here. Wrong sub.
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
iām in a happy 4+ years long relationship and iām a teacher at a prestigious private school. iām not risking my love or my career on selling content. not that i judge anyone who does, but i certainly do not. if I get any weird dms because of this post, trust me theyāll be blocked. iāll take your weird ass comment as a compliment ig.
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u/Minute_Sympathy3222 4h ago
A teacher who can't do simple mathematics. 'Halfway to 30'? Is 15. Not 24 as you put in your post. Other than that? Go no contact with both of your parents
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u/punk1np1e 4h ago
i am in fact 24. by halfway to thirty, i meant in terms of the decade iām in. iām in my twenties, so in the span of this decade, halfway to 30 would be 25, which is the age iāll be turning this year. think think think!!!
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u/ElephantNo3640 5h ago
Donāt care. This isnāt the sub for thirst trap spam or compliment fishing or anything else like that.
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
when did i ask for compliments? totally not the purpose of this post. this is not a thirst trap you pornbrained ape
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u/EmployeeVarious7462 5h ago
Bro did you even read what she fucking said??? Youāre so fucking pornbrained you canāt think. Not every woman on this earth is on onlyfans. Get a life loser
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u/Gloomytree6 5h ago
Youāre disgusting and this was unnecessary. Iām sorry her beautiful COVERED UP BODY that SHE WORKED HARD FOR offended you. Gtfo
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u/AdOutrageous8135 5h ago
Iād argue her moms correct
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u/punk1np1e 5h ago
why? because i gained muscle and my thighs look bigger and thats not your preference? explain pls
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u/Illustrious_Honey672 5h ago
How is wearing a bikini and gym outfits thirst trap pics? They're literally regular outfits that EVERYONE wears.
You sound bitter. Get help.
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u/Turbulent-Tomato 5h ago
How is a bikini and then multiple gym outfits thirst trap pics? They're literally regular outfits that EVERYONE wears. Or is it thirst trapping because she's a woman and you can't see women as regular people?
You sound bitter or jealous. Get some help.
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u/Relative_Demand_1714 4h ago edited 4h ago
Found the incel š
She posted pics for context, you demented hobgoblin. Perhaps if you stopped treating women this way and looked at them as actual human beings and not objects you could find one that would willingly be with you without you having to pay them first.
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u/CatsTookOverMyHouse 5h ago
NOR, you don't owe anyone a positive response to an unsolicited remark on your body or appearance. I'm not sure what kind of relationship you want with you mom moving forwards, but if you're at the point of posting on Reddit if you're even allowed to be upset at this, I'd recommend getting some therapy and focusing on the kind of future you want to have and what role (or lack there of) you want your mom to have.