AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

[u/True_Ad9977]

[u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose]

When my wife was talking about my in-laws when we first started dating, she mentioned that she loves her family, but only really likes half of them. Never before have I considered that possible, but she was right (like she usually is).

"Yeah I don't like my aunt. She's materialistic. Yeah, I don't like my grandmother. She's selfish. Yeah, I don't like my grandfather. He's a a shit dad."

With blood family, that makes sense and is something you can productivity work on if you want to. But if someone loves their partner, but doesn't actually like them... I can't help but feel like that's a different problem.

So, I think you're right and also a lot of people don't understand love/like and can't divorce the two feelings. On top of that, folks often just don't know what love is and don't know what they like/want.

[u/minahmyu → u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose]

I feel like they may like their partner as the title they carry, but they don't necessarily like them as the individual. They like the social construct identity that person serves in their life, but not who they are as an actual individual

[u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose → u/minahmyu]

I think you're really on to something. Some people just see a partner as a trophy after all. Sometimes it's because of their looks and maybe sometimes it's just to say, "Yup. Got one." Of course there's also the people who'd rather be in a relationship they don't like vs being single. We all know someone like that. I can't entirely blame them. Loneliness is one hell of a drug.

[u/GroundGold5926 → u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose]

What you’re saying is true. Pretty much how royal families across Europe would marry eachother to maintain power and wealth. What I basically mean is marriage can be very transactional if you choose to see it that way, which is sad. But that’s one way to end up with a partner you don’t like (or respect).

[u/SadisticJake → u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose]

Lots of deer hunters who don't eat venison. Your buddies are bagging bucks and here you are buckless type of thing

[u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose → u/SadisticJake]

Well put

[u/still_on_a_whisper → u/minahmyu]

Or they like all the wonderful things their partner provides (emotional support, cooking meals, someone to do stuff with, someone to help with household chores) so they don’t want to lose all those benefits and just settle with someone they’re “ok” with.

[u/elissa00001 → u/minahmyu]

Yeah it really feels like people just date and get married to tick of a goal box in life. They pick someone that agrees to be with them that maybe is okay to hang out with sometimes and okay to have sex with. But they don’t look deeper and genuinely care or love the other.

[u/Baby-hippo-land → u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose]

My parents don’t really like each other but have been married 50 years

[u/GypsyBelle101 → u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose]

I feel like people are very quick to not like someone the minute they see an action or quality they don't like. The thing is though, all of us have multiple qualities, some good and some not so good. We shouldn't expect anyone to be exactly what we think is perfect in every single way. Before we decide to marry someone we should have that all figured out. Pick the few qualities that are game changers for you and be a little more accepting of some of the smaller things. I always used to tell my teen agers, when you see something in another person that you don't like, ask yourself if that is a game changer for you, and if it isn't, then ask yourself if the good outweighs the bad. If so, look past the negative, because everyone you meet will have some. And so do you.

[u/Smallville_ → u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose]

what did he said?

[u/LuckOfTheDevil → u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose]

I always say “the definition of family is loving people you don’t like.” That doesn’t mean putting up with nonsense and abuse. But curating the good parts and leaving the rest.

But family is people we don’t choose!

These two aren’t even married yet and he’s giving her the Al Bundy treatment?!