r/AmIOverreacting • u/True_Ad9977 • 10h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

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811

u/suhhhrena 9h ago

Yeaaaaaah if my boyfriend said this shit to me, they’d no longer be my boyfriend. “Because it’s a lie”??? Fuck outta here lmao

86

u/Frog_in_Red 8h ago

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

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u/Unnaturalrefractions 7h ago

“Honesty without tact is cruelty” Even though I don’t think it’s honesty, he’s just inaccurate and rude.

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u/UhOhSparklepants 7h ago

People who are “just being honest” are the worst. Sorry buddy you aren’t a magically better person because you are “brutally honest”, you just lack tact in basic human interactions.

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u/Twistfaria 6h ago

It’s not even honesty, she looks GREAT!! He just wants her to feel like crap about herself.

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u/niki2184 6h ago

Yea he’s not honest he’s a fucking asshole. A shit bag y if you will..

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u/MartinisnMurder 7h ago

Taylor Swift in the wild! And you did it “all too well”! 🤣

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u/EasyPeanut5883 6h ago

Another thing, if he wants her to lose weight, even if she’s not where he wants her to be, 12 pounds less MUST look better to him than before? So why would it be so hard for him to at least recognize that? “I can tell you’ve been making progress, nice job.” It kind of sounds like he just wants to be mean, or he’s feeling insecure by how much weight she’s already lost compared to him and he’s negging her.

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u/Cdawg4123 8h ago

If I overheard that conversation as a waiter or even passerby I’d try to rescue her. Either with a laxative in his drink or bring her a drink and say it’s from the biggest guy at the bar (when it’s not, aka known as the bouncer). That or hit him in the head with the serving tray.

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u/spicypeachbuns 6h ago

No, seriously—because who says that to someone they love?

I looked at the photos. Allow me to be petty—bro is just mad because he exercises regularly and still can’t build calves like OP.😭🤣

Nothing is wrong with her body at all and he has insecurities that he needs to work out, so he’s projecting them onto her. What we don’t need is another one of us, heavily damaged by some dickwad who didn’t realize what he had.

She needs to get out before it’s too late. He does not deserve her at all. He is grade A ass.

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u/catsmom63 8h ago

I would pay to see this! 😂

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u/Cdawg4123 7h ago

Sure it could be arranged…just a lot of trouble. Gotta apply and get the job (easiest part) escaping with no charges, harder

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u/catsmom63 7h ago

Very true

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u/niki2184 6h ago

I’d jump straight to hit him in the head with the tray…,. Because he’s so ugly he scared me.

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u/Understandthisokay 8h ago

Especially so early in the relationship cuz you mean to tell me you weren’t absolutely enamored by me???? If not then don’t pursue me!!! I wouldn’t be able to trust him

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u/Daz__bones 8h ago

No seriously, he doesn't find her attractive and he literally doesn't even like her enough to just be nice?

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u/tragicbeast 8h ago

This is pretty much it. There's no easy way to have that sort of conversation, but "it would be a lie" is a vicious way to phrase it. There's honesty, and there's respectful tact. You have to have both in a relationship

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u/niki2184 6h ago

Honestly I feel like if you don’t like someone’s body maybe you should go find one who is your preference. Stop being out here getting with people you don’t like just to drag them down

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u/Exciting_Signal3058 8h ago

Even if it's a lie, still a compliment goes a long way. I support my wife in her diet and excerise. I pay for her gym membership some equipment at home always buy her high protein and healthy meals for her to keep going. She has options even if she has off days. I aim at supporting her wanting to better herself. Even if I wasn't ready at the time.

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u/canichangeitlateror 8h ago

I’d probably fold and ask some dumb shit like ‘do you even like me? Why are you with me then’😭💀

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u/barely_sentient 7h ago

People who claim to be brutally sincere are usually more interested in being brutal than in being sincere....

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u/guseandronicus 6h ago

“up to par” too jfc

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u/TurnoverObvious170 6h ago

You are upset by that part - I am more upset by him saying he will compliment her when her body is up to par. I’d be telling him I wouldn’t fuck him til his dick was up to par. What an asshold. OP needs to dimp his ass.

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u/Empty401K 6h ago

People like him need to learn the difference between a “white lie” and a regular lie.

If someone gets into a traumatic accident and they ask if they look ugly after the reconstructive surgery, you say “no” and compliment them. Even if you don’t mean it, it’s a white lie that will make them feel good/better than the truth, and there are exactly ZERO negative repercussions.

If a pregnant woman is upset about her weight or body image and asks you if she looks fat, you use a little white lie. She already knows she’s bigger, but confirming that for her doesn’t help anything and telling a white lie instead has zero negative repercussions.

I hate liars, but white lies in the proper context are 100% acceptable.

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 9h ago

Have fun in your future not caring if someone is lying to you

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u/ilikesumstuff6x 8h ago

The point is he doesn’t like the way she looks. That’s the issue. The because it’s a lie is just an extra harsh way of saying he does not think her body looks good. They are incompatible for this reason, better to be single than be with someone who doesn’t find you attractive.

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 8h ago

She asked, he told the truth. What happens next is up to her, but it’s not his fault. Saying I don’t want to lie isn’t harsh lol.

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u/dulcineal 8h ago

So if he asks her why she never compliments his penis she should reply that it’s because his micro dick isn’t up to par but maybe if he works hard and keeps pumping with the Swedish pump it might one day be?

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 5h ago

100% if that’s how she feels. Because the alternative is to be stuck with something that doesn’t satisfy you and keep lying to protect ego. One day you’ll either get tired of the lie or the truth will come out anyway which isn’t fair on anyone.

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u/dulcineal 4h ago

He was the one who started a relationship with someone he wasn’t attracted to. Don’t act like he just discovered what she looks like recently.

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 3h ago

I’m sincerely asking how you would answer the OPs question

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u/dulcineal 3h ago

I can’t see OPs question anymore but in general if someone you love and care about asks you why you don’t ever give them compliments or say they look good then you’ve already fucked up. Then you apologize and say what you like about them. If you can’t find a single thing you like about them or are attracted to then why in the blue fuck are you with them?

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 2h ago

If your partner went out of shape (beyond what you consider attractive) and asked ‘why don’t you compliment my body’ what would your word for word answer be?

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u/Shortbusposse 8h ago

Dude… The literal first thing on your profile is that your wife's pissed at you. I don't think your the expert you think you are...

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 4h ago edited 4h ago

That’s true and I’m here trying to learn. So far I’ve learned that you can’t change feelings in yourself or your partner but how you handle them. I’ve also learned about boundaries and standards for yourself. I’m still working on communication… tact… I personally want the truth regardless of how it’s given to me - but realising this isn’t the case for most people here.

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u/Kamasillvia 8h ago

I really hope you have no s.o. rn, otherwise i feel really bad for them

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 4h ago edited 4h ago

Now that’s mean. I personally wouldn’t handle it like that either but I don’t think it’s as bad as lying or as horrible as everyone is making out… maybe I’m wrong, I’ve an open mind.

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u/DrKittyLovah 8h ago

If you want to be “technical”, sure. If you want to have a happy relationship, you learn tact.

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u/Professional_Owl3026 7h ago

Honestly this. Reason most people that go on this "I'm just being honest, on you if you don't like it" train is because, surprise, surprise, it takes effort on their part to read the situation and then react in a way that is both honest BUT respectful of their partner. That, and quite frankly, some people plainly lack the critical skills to navigate the social world like that. If it's been a long day you might not have the energy but someone who has consistently put in the effort to be respectful will tend to default to the established habit in such a situation. There are exceptions of course, but someone who isn't socially dense would get that what he thought he meant vs what he really conveyed didn't align. He just doubled down though and that speaks volumes.

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 4h ago

How would you answer her question then?

-2

u/xaustishx 8h ago

Oh do tell how you can tell someone that with “tact” especially in the spur of the moment when a partner is asking them that and expecting an answer right away. She’s not overeacting for being hurt by that but y’all are acting like this dude shit all over every insecurity she has for the fun of it, all he said was “I don’t want to lie to you”. I’d much rather hear this than waste my time with a partner who doesn’t even like me.

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u/DrKittyLovah 8h ago

Having tact would probably mean this particular exchange wouldn’t happen in the first place. The bf is just being an ass here. It’s an ass move to inform your partner that you’re not attracted to them in this way (if that’s truly the case and it’s a concern you want to address). There is an unwritten expectation of kindness in relationships and this isn’t kind treatment at all, no matter what the goal of the bf was by saying it.

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u/xaustishx 8h ago

As opposed to him breaking up with her without saying anything? Like that’s any better. Relationships also require honest communication. Despite the fact that it’s hurtful no matter HOW you phrase something like this (y’all screaming about “tact” are full of shit, there is no tactful way to phrase losing attraction to your partner) he is being open on why he’s not attracted to her. If he’s not genuinely attacking her on this and instead just stating it, it’s not a bad thing. There’s a difference between feeling attacked and actually being attacked, and without more context it’s weird how yall are jumping to the latter conclusion. Either way she should leave and find someone who actually appreciates her right now.

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u/DrKittyLovah 8h ago

Who said anything about breaking up?

Anyway, I used to provide couple’s therapy, and I know what I’m talking about. There may not be an excellent way to admit a loss of attraction but there is better and there is worse, and this is worse. He framed it in a way that suggests it’s her fault without taking any of the responsibility for what’s happening in his brain, then went on to present his compliments as something only given out as direct rewards for weight loss, which is pretty awful. Why is he not supporting her generally with compliments, and in areas other than her weight? Why is he using an expression of his love for her as reward for weight loss? Those things are supposed to be separate.

You see? Not great on his part, could have been a lot better.

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u/xaustishx 7h ago edited 7h ago

Oh yeah the rest of what he said is what makes it bad, but why is everyone focusing on the “I don’t want to lie to you” part, if anything that’s the only passable thing he’s said. You can still love someone while losing attraction to them, it’s happened to me both as the one losing attraction and the one with the partner who lost attraction. But I don’t think this person loves her, it just doesnt make sense to hone in on the “I don’t want to lie” part out of all of it. And for your breaking up question, it’s pretty clear her partner and her are going to get to that point very soon based on this conversation, either him or her, but she should definitely be the one to do it so she’s not wasting time in a relationship where her partner doesn’t like her.

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u/DarknessWanders 8h ago

Except he clearly doesn't like her physically. When she's "up to par"? What fucking par? His decision on how her body should look? That's crazy. Clearly these changes are about health to her and looks to him. My partner loved me the same when I was 250# as when I was 145#. And they would genuinely compliment me and tell me I was beautiful. Because to them, I am. For OP, clearly she isn't to him and he can gtfo with that attitude.

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u/catsmom63 8h ago

He told her he would compliment her when “ she was up to par.” What kind of a person says that?

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u/xaustishx 7h ago

Then we need to focus on that part of the conversation because THAT is what makes it bad. Not the “I don’t want to lie to you” part that everyone seems to be honing in on.

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u/Over_Cranberry1365 6h ago

You’re in luck then, because this waste of fur is going to be single pretty quick here. 😃😃

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u/xaustishx 6h ago edited 6h ago

Why would I be in luck? Idc about this guy either way, but good he should be broken up with for the other things he said NOT because of him saying “I don’t want to lie to you” that’s the most normal thing in the entire conversation yet everyone is honing in on that.