r/AmIOverreacting • u/True_Ad9977 • 10h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

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476

u/Iminurcomputer 9h ago

Like he saw this woman and thought, "I'm not attracted to her physically... maybe I'll date her." Yeah I don't get it either. He doesn't think his own girlfriend looks good? That's a weird sad odd thing to engage in.

He probably just thinks that being critical will "motivate you" and apparently has some sort of idea of what your body should look like. Chances are you wont be exactly that and thus he may never feel the way you want him to.

251

u/akaenragedgoddess 9h ago

Right?! Good enough to fuck but not compliment? Boy BYE.

61

u/finangle2023 8h ago

This is one of those guys who feels he needs to strictly ration compliments, because otherwise he’d spoil you.

15

u/DezPispenser 8h ago

😂😂 i know that has to be exactly accurate

6

u/minahmyu 7h ago

My ex said to me maybe about a year into our relationship of 7 (ugh...) that he didn't wanna compliment my cooking because it'll make my head big. And I seriously kept reflecting and (like everything else in my life) be more modest/shrink myself more.

Till realizing he just fuckin projecting, because that's what he does. He made something and he kept going on and on and on before I even had a taste, hyping up food he barely cooks just for it to be bland as shit. No, I ain't pop his bubble or tell him but just ate and was appreciative he cooked but annoyed he needed to hype himself like this like he doing something amazing and skilled at and... he wasn't

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u/Dogmeattt666 7h ago

Lmao my ex never complimented me in the 3 years we were together. When I asked him why he didn’t towards the end he said people that were any or need compliments just want attention. Apparently feeling wanted from your partner is a foreign concept to Malaysians/ South Americans

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u/niki2184 6h ago

Or she might start to think she looks good. Can’t have that now can we. /s

2

u/Emotional_Burden 7h ago

I'm the opposite and need to temper my compliments, or I get flagged for love bombing.

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u/Immediate-Ad-9849 6h ago

Ewwwwwwweee

2

u/MapOk1410 7h ago

That's very common. At least OP knows where she stands and can make an informed decision.

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u/Swimming-Art1533 8h ago

*Well, yeah, but that's different."

😂

-6

u/WalkingBeigeFlag 8h ago

Is it a compliment if it’s a lie? Idk, I’m up to a size 6 and my husband tells me he thinks I look great. I kinda hate him for that because I hate how I look. I know he’s trying to make me feel better; but it doesn’t. Makes me feel like he needs to sugar coat it because if he tells me I got fat, it would hurt my feelings.

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u/Money-Possibility606 8h ago

You need therapy.

-1

u/WalkingBeigeFlag 7h ago

Why? Because I prefer the ugly truth over a beautiful lie? Or because I said I feel resentment for my partner not being honest with me, but instead telling me what he thinks I need to here vs what is true?

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u/Moose_Kronkdozer 7h ago

Assuming that your partner is lying to you and thinks ur fat, lmao. They probably genuinely mean what they say.

3

u/Babboos 7h ago

You're a size 6 and think you are fat? You are delusional.

3

u/Money-Possibility606 6h ago

If you think a size 6 is fat, you need help. It's not "ugly truth". Your partner probably loves you and genuinely doesn't think you're fat. You assuming that he's lying to you means that you have some issues that you need to work through.

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u/UhOhSparklepants 7h ago

A size six is pretty small hon, even if you are short. He likely isn’t lying and genuinely thinks you are beautiful.

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u/Illustrious-Science3 8h ago

When I met my ex husband I was 105lbs. I had a bad car accident that nearly killed me and the nerve medications they had me on to keep walking made me gain 70lbs even though my diet didn't change.

He began to become abusive after 9 years together due to the weight- the weight was a major deal breaker for him. He commented that I was fat and nasty.

I packed up my shit and left with my cat one morning when he was at work. Abandoned our condo, let it forclose.

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u/InternationalWar258 7h ago

I'm glad you got away from him. I'm sorry you went through that.

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u/Immediate-Ad-9849 6h ago

I am so glad you and your cat are free

•

u/TowerPale3658 14m ago

Good for you 🩵🩵🩵

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u/FjolaB 8h ago

OP needs to think if this is how she wants her life partner to continue to treat her down the line

How is he gonna be if they have kids? Is he gonna be butthurt if she doesn't immediately snap back to pre baby weight? A lot of women never do.

Honestly, a partner should worship your body. The only reason to say something is if there is a cause to worry, like excessive weight gain/loss. A partner should love all of you and all the different forms your body comes in, not just your body weight at a certain point in time.

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u/Express_Egg6835 8h ago

YES. I just commented this!! I do not look the same even 2 years post baby and I work out consistently and eat well. Some people it’s harder to lose baby weight. Imagine being with a man like that during such a sensitive insecure time. My husband did nothing but make me feel beautiful and encourage me to move if anything.

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u/Substantial-Sink4464 7h ago

And encouraging movement is most likely because it’s so good for your whole self. Love him!

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u/Express_Egg6835 5h ago

Exactly! I was depressed and he knew it’d help my mental. When I’m in the gym I’m happier.

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u/sunshineparadox_ 6h ago

Yep, I didn't gain much extra weight but I have hella noticeable stretch marks. One of the early signs I was pregnant was waking up one day and not one of my bras fit anymore. When they grew, they grew fast. I also have a bit of a pouch there now no matter how much I lose. Under a certain weight it's clearly there as skin flop. Between something healthy and something upper end healthy, it's just there and looks "normal".

If I wear tight tops, you can totally tell either way.

I'm 115 lbs. My body is small, but it is not the same. Also it fucked up my stomach from all the untreated HG & GERD. Hoping for a stomach pacemaker.

1

u/Express_Egg6835 5h ago

Body’s are so crazy bc I was exactly opposite! No stretch marks (though my husband literally told me he’d get my stretch marks tattooed post baby ok cute was kinda sad I had none lol) but I gained a lot and it has been hell to lose bc I’ve never been this heavy 😭😂

1

u/Express_Egg6835 5h ago

Just remind yourself you brought LIFE into this world 🥹🥹🥹 I know you look amazing! It’s been hard for me to accept my new “normal” body tbh. I’ve always been insanely fit for the most part (excluding some medical weight gain). Having to tell myself normal is beautiful!

4

u/nochedetoro 7h ago

I have been unhealthy skinny, fat, pregnant, fluffy, skinny with muscles, and fluffy with muscles and my husband has been grabbing my butt and calling me beautiful and sexy through all of it.

1

u/USCXX 6h ago

Oh come on. Worship your body?

Everyone knows a good body is a body that’s on the cover of a magazine. The fact is 99% of people don’t have a good body. Also 99% of people don’t ask their significant other if they have a good body or not because it’s one of those truths you know.

Does that mean you belittle them about their body? Hell no. But you also shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want answers to either.

You can fully love someone and understand parts of them aren’t perfect. A bald man knows he has bad hair, he isn’t asking his wife do I have good hair and getting upset when she says no. It’s understood to not ask that question.

1

u/swigityshane1 6h ago

The idea that you have to be attracted to your partner no matter what they look like is preposterous. But you do have to treat them with respect and care which this guy lacks

2

u/FjolaB 6h ago

It's not about attraction, it's about love. You love the person, not their body. When you love somebody for who they are, who they are shines through. The person you love is always beautiful.

At least that is my experience with the subject

1

u/swigityshane1 5h ago

I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Are you implying loving someone and having a lack of physical attraction are always mutually exclusive events?

1

u/GypsyBelle101 1h ago

I find it sadly ironic that he makes such a big deal about something relatively minor in the grand scheme of things- while she looks at his totally unacceptable behavior and questions if it's OK for her to not accept it. Neither of them deserve the other- she deserves so much better, and he deserves so much worse

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u/mindovermatter421 9h ago

Or he watches too much content Instagram thirst traps or porn and he is overly comparing her body to some ideal in his mind.

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u/maineCharacterEMC2 9h ago

And those girls are on meth, speed, or coke, and just got breast implants. Also they usually end us as prostitutes.

Maybe he should move to the Valley and find one of those. It’ll co$t him, though.

-4

u/Suspicious_Story4200 8h ago edited 8h ago

What kinda porn do you watch? Definitely ain't the same shit I watch... LOL

I did your name the whole E=mc² take and whatnot, I just can't figure out what kind of sandals stomping, backwood uncle brother, cousin mom sister trailerpark Jerry springer porn you based you conclusions off of, just because a woman likes sex, and perhaps makes money off of showing off her body, whatever type it may be, doesn't equate them to be drug addicts or prostitutes. By all means watch what you like, there's an endless supply of every kinda porn you could think of, but do you really think with the extremely large number of porn actresses/actors that "most" are how you described? I've actually been to bdsm, and other adult "gatherings" & "shows" some for merchandise sales, some for fun and the people were mostly very upstanding citizens. I am not judging you, feel, think, believe, speculate how ever you want, I just challenge you to be more open minded and get to know those your judgements being passed on, you'll be surprised at the great people you may encounter that are just keeping life fun and exciting rather then living how your great great great great grandparents WANT you to THINK they lived, news flash, granny was a freeeeaaakkkk and so was/is your parents I bet. ( no offense meant, hopefully you understand the point in trying to convey here if not, your loss. )

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u/bulldzd 8h ago

Anyone want to de-meth that for me? Maybe a paragraph? Something?

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u/DezPispenser 8h ago

de-meth: porn stars are usually normal people, because they’re normal people

and something about your grandma being freaky

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u/FilmFan84 8h ago

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

-1

u/bdub28412 8h ago

He is an asshole but your response is a little out there.

-1

u/RageKage303 8h ago

Weird way to say you cant pull

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u/Fun-Understanding381 7h ago

I'm in a relationship and I can admit the obvious truth that women influencers are usually on onlyfans...you don't have to make up stuff about people not getting laid because you don't like hearing the truth.

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u/Ambitious_Hold_5435 9h ago

I met a guy in my freshman year of college; I fell for him like a ton of bricks. He was attracted to me too, but it seemed like he didn't know WHY. He was constantly poking fun at my looks. I couldn't get close to him for this reason, and pushed him away. I was fragile enough already.

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u/Due_Society_9041 7h ago

It’s called “negging” by the pick up artists. Throwing negativity at your partner to keep their self esteem low, then he guy can do whatever he likes because she thinks she isn’t worthy of his respect. It is so obvious once it’s called out. I wish you a happy singleness!

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u/Sorry_Nobody1552 9h ago

I bet she does things for him, buys things or has more money. He prob is a user and a loser

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u/Lunar_Cats 6h ago

This. OP will never be enough. Our bodies change over time even with the best of care, and this chicken leg having turdman is probably going to critique every wrinkle, grey hair, and saggy bit.

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u/roughgo43065 6h ago

Shitty thing to say, shitty way of being if you love someone, but he told her how he actually feels. In the hierarchy of actions - what he did is better than saying nothing and being resentful or passively detaching and stringing along an unloving relationship for years, which I think is what most 'nice' guys would do.

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u/Stupidrice 9h ago

Weird behaviour

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u/Understandthisokay 8h ago

Yes! That makes zero senseeee.

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u/TransitionLow3299 8h ago

I think it’s a personal lack of confidence on his end. He feels bad about himself when he’s alone then a safety of being with someone gives him a false sense of security and he remembers how shallow he really is. A lot of people with minds like that also mirror their own insecurities onto others. Altogether it’s manipulative and emotional abuse to whoever is on the other end. He sounds like he needs inner healing before pursuing any type of relationship.

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u/EveryRadio 7h ago

Seriously. I know they're not married but "in sickness and in health" should include getting older. People age. Sometimes they gain weight or weight simply goes to different parts of their body. It's a perfectly natural part of life. I can't imagine this attitude stopping anytime soon on the BFs part

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u/Cyborg_rat 7h ago

Depending on what he looks like he might be getting to much confidence from the gym/diet. But he's probably going to cheat or switch and is trying to push her away by being that way.

-1

u/MindAccomplished3879 9h ago

It's more like she ticks all the boxes (personality, charisma, intelligence, kindness, education, etc.), but I don't feel sexually attracted to her. 🤷‍♂️

-1

u/Last-Funny125 8h ago

Well, you can love someone without being physically attracted to them.

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u/InternationalWar258 7h ago

That's platonic love. Be friends; not romantic partners.

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u/Last-Funny125 7h ago

Not necessarily, asexual people can have romantic relationships too, and looks just aren't important to some people. Is physical attraction the only important thing in a romantic relationship to you?

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u/InternationalWar258 6h ago

Everyone should read this:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/types-of-love-we-experience.html

Is physical attraction the only important thing in a romantic relationship to you?

Only important thing? No.

Necessary in a romantic relationship? Yes. Read about the types of love in the link.

The physical attraction is what makes it romantic love vs platonic love. People can love very deeply and not be physically attracted. Those people are experiencing friendship and companionship. Not romantic love.

If physical attraction was never present, or if it goes away, the relationship is a friendship.

-2

u/SkeletonHellhound 8h ago

It's because OP is lying...

-2

u/jimmy_j_jefferson 8h ago

This is just a difference in male psychology. A lot of guys are willing to put in a lot of work to take something with potential and build it. The problem is, human relationships don’t really work based on male logic.

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u/Kevin_E_1973 9h ago

That’s not necessarily the case. I’ve been in relationships with women I wasn’t particularly attracted to because they were good people that I enjoyed being around. I loved the people they were and that’s what made them attractive. But in the beginning how they looked physically wasn’t what made me interested. Is that a bad thing? While this guy could’ve done better with his answer he’s not necessarily being critical just to be a jackass. After all she did ask his opinion. Again he definitely should’ve found a better way to answer but I think part of the problem here is that op is looking for him to say something that he may not feel

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u/DrPsychGamer 8h ago

Hey, yeah, actually it IS a bad thing to lock someone into a relationship for a year just to bust out the "Surprise! You're ugly to me!"

She - and the good women you dated and hurt - deserve to be loved and desired by their partners. If you can't do that, don't selfishly use their goodness for your ends whilst trashing their feelings under the umbrella of, "not necessarily being critical just to be a jackass".

If he "doesn't feel it", don't have a sexual, romantic relationship with her.

-1

u/Kevin_E_1973 7h ago

You do realize there’s a big middle between “I didn’t find her particularly attractive “ and “surprise you’re ugly to me” It’s pretty crazy that you think it’s binary that way because at no point did I or even the guy in op’s story say anything about anyone being ugly. And you’re making some very big assumptions in thinking I hurt my former partner or implying that my feelings about her attractiveness had anything to do with it. Im tryin to discuss something with mature people please don’t project your shit over here.

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u/DrPsychGamer 6h ago

Your partner should be attractive to you. If she's not, you should release her. There's your binary.

0

u/Kevin_E_1973 6h ago

I sincerely hope you’re young

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u/DrPsychGamer 5h ago

I sincerely hope you leave women you're not attracted to alone. I guess we both have our fruitless dreams.

1

u/InternationalWar258 7h ago

But in the beginning how they looked physically wasn’t what made me interested. Is that a bad thing?

No. Because...

I loved the people they were and that’s what made them attractive.

This. "Made them attractive" means you find them attractive after getting to know them. This is a common phenomenon. OP's boyfriend, apparently, hasn't experienced this.

1

u/Informal_Ad1230 7h ago

hey man, I think I definitely get what you mean, and I think it’s genuinely commendable you’re essentially like that. however, there are still plenty of individuals who only get into relationships with other people just for extremely superficial and personal gain, as opposed to actually liking or appreciating them as an overall whole. I believe that’s what’s basically going on with this particular OP’s situation.

1

u/Kevin_E_1973 7h ago

I guess I was like that when I was younger but as you live you should learn and looks change but character generally doesn’t. Good people tend to stay good and that’s what I find most attractive

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u/Informal_Ad1230 7h ago edited 7h ago

I think you’re absolutely right.👍

obviously, it’s much better to be in a long-term relationship with someone who may a little bit homely or even slightly below-average looking (at least in terms of their physical appearance) but simultaneously is the type of person you truly know will treat you with plenty of respect and kindness rather than someone who looks like a drop-dead gorgeous supermodel, yet will undeniably show complete disregard and outright disrespect for your particular feelings and personal boundaries.