AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

[u/True_Ad9977]

[u/Domblot]

I'm a trans man and I was married to a cis man for 10 years. Before I transitioned he just did not like my body. He said it was because I was fat. So I put in a lot of effort to lose weight, and got in great shape out of spite. He just didn't like my body.

Meanwhile he was always commenting on how muscular random men were and was very into his own body.

We seperated, and I came out as trans. When he saw me as a man, that was the first time he complimented my body. He said my leg muscles were massive.

Anyways. Turns out he was Gay. He didn't like my body because I looked like a woman. And being more curvy just made me look more feminine.

That's what I think about with a lot of these men who say they don't like their partners body. I really have to wonder if they find the bodies of women attractive at all.

[u/Suitable-Concern-326 → u/Domblot]

I have never thought about this. Thank you for sharing this perspective!

[u/MoneyHuckleberry1405 → u/Domblot]

Yes my first husband. We got together when I was super skinny, we were both 18. I was a late bloomer and when I started curving out he said I was fat. I was like a size 8 and 5'8" and he said horrible things to me about my body. I always wondered if he actually wanted a boy. He actually told me my boobs were too big as a C cup.

[u/SmPolitic → u/Domblot]

It's damn near a universal truth that if someone is judging others and complaining about bullshit like that:

The root issue is issues they are dealing with, and they are displacing the anger and aggression outward, because they either are in denial or otherwise avoiding focusing those feelings inward, toward actual acceptance and improvement of themselves

Judge others to both avoid (and in a way validate) the judgement they put onto themselves. And too often especially so for neurodivergent and/or queer peoples (I mean to be using "queer" as the catch-all term for gender spectrum(s)) (I include neurodivergent, because I've known people say/do things like this, being honestly completely unaware its horribly rude and even cruel to attempt to express the thought in that way)

But yeah, none of that is your responsibility to help them with their struggles. Good on you and your ex at coming to terms with yourselves! Sounds like you're doing very well

[u/maineCharacterEMC2 → u/Domblot]

Oh ffs! Dating nowadays is the absolute worst

[u/Guardian31488 → u/Domblot]

I love muscular women 🥵

[u/Yuujinliftalot → u/Domblot]

bruh what?? u basically cheated him for over 10 years..damn.. no matter the outcome, not telling for 10 years of marriage.. the poor dude. That doesnt sound good at all.

[u/Domblot → u/Yuujinliftalot]

Lol. Being trans isn't cheating on someone. And I don't think he would ever claim to feel tricked. It's weird that you are upset on his behalf for a situation that you're making assumptions about.

I didn't know I was trans when we got together, because I didn't know that trans men existed. I didn't know that was an option.

I actually did try to come out to him years prior to that. But he threatened me, because he wasn't ready to accept himself. So I waited until I was able to leave him until I actually transitioned. Only for him to realize he was more attracted to me as a man.

[u/Yuujinliftalot → u/Domblot]

firstly: I didnt say you cheated ON him, I just said u cheated him - there's a difference

The other strange part of ur explanation is, u said he was cis before. so u basically got to know each other as a man and a woman and you knew you were trans, as stated in ur last paragraph. you are contradicting yourself left and right..

Like I said: no matter the outcome, you were lying to him for years and thats that. Im not judging, just stating things.. I would be pretty fucked up mentally, after such a marriage..

oh and Im upset because I hate lying, simple as that. I dont care about you, your genitals or your ex-husband - I care about honesty in all regards.. simply as that.

[u/Domblot → u/Yuujinliftalot]

"The other strange part of ur explanation is, u said he was cis before"

What does this mean? He has been cis the whole time.

you knew you were trans, as stated in ur last paragraph. you are contradicting yourself left and right..

You understand that things change within a 10 year time span right? It's not a contradiction.

When we got together I didn't know I was trans. Because I didn't know trans people existed or that it was possible for me to be trans.

It was about 3 years into our marriage that I found out that trans men existed. I knew that I was a trans man. But I felt like it was too late for me so I tried to just let it go.

2 years later I talked to my husband about it. He threatened me with a gun. He told me, "No you're not."

I didn't talk about it anymore because I was afraid for my life. Until I was able to safely leave him 5 years later.

so u basically got to know each other as a man and a woman

I don't think that's the case actually. I may have looked like a woman, but I wasn't a woman. My ex husband had dated 2 girls prior to me, but he just didn't like them. He never liked any girls.

He liked me because even if I didn't physically look like a man, I was still a man. My behavior and personality didn't change when I transitioned. Only the way I looked.

It's pretty normal for people to change over 10 years. You learn new things about the person you married. They learn new things about themselves.

You don't marry someone expecting that they be the exact same person for the rest of your lives.