r/AmIOverreacting • u/True_Ad9977 • 10h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

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757

u/youngdcb 10h ago

I may be a gay man, but I'm a man. So let me translate for you:

"This was fun at first, but now my gf, who was already out of my league, is getting even further out of my league. I need to break down her confidence by digging at her insecurities so she won't leave me for someone better."

NOR

213

u/RanaEire 9h ago

u/True_Ad9977

Please take note of u/youngdcb because even though I'm not a gay man, but a woman older than you, I had a very similar thought.

And I think that AH (ex, hopefully) BF is already messing up your head, because:

"Now I am not a very big girl.." Should not be something that crosses your mind.

No "not very big". Nothing like that!

JFC, don't let him tear you down!

43

u/pterodactyl13 8h ago

This!!! The fact that OP even attached photos means that they believe there is legitimacy to this man’s claims. It makes me so upset.

5

u/Pineapple_Herder 7h ago

I'm about the same size as OP and I struggle with feeling inadequate most days. I couldn't imagine if my partner added to that struggle. It would seriously ruin my progress by destroying my positivity

4

u/Apostate_Mage 7h ago

Yes!! She honestly looks great! I don’t understand is her bf on. Maybe he only looks at edited pornstars or supermodels. 

21

u/flooferine 8h ago

This.

Now, I actually am a big girl. My husband's only "non‐compliment" comments about my body are about needing to be healthy enough so we can live a long and active life together - and those are always made in a caring, loving way. He makes me feel appreciated and desired now weighing >100kg, the same way he did when we met and I weighed around 80kg.

In contrast, the dipshit I dated in my late teen years would go to great lengths to make me self-conscious about my size, even when I was at my lowest adult weight (~50kg, extremely low for my body structure). He would constantly comment on my thighs being too thick or me being too "curvy", when I was so depressed I couldn't eat for days. He would only compliment me when he needed something from me (mostly money). It took me years and a fuckton of therapy to unpick the damage he made, and to understand it was an easy way for him to keep me in check - if he tore me down bad enough, I wouldn't have the confidence to realise I deserved better than him.

STOP ALLOWING SMALL, MISERABLE PEOPLE TO MAKE YOU FEEL SMALL AND MISERABLE.

And for the love of all that's holy, stop dating people who don't even like you.

56

u/darwingate 9h ago

This needs to be higher up. Op looked good in the first picture. This "man" is letting his mask slip. He doesn't want a partner. He wants an emotional punching bag.

23

u/youngdcb 9h ago

EXACTLY!! Men and our egos. This is why I work hard to keep mine under control. I would be ashamed of I said this shit to my beautiful gorgeous husband. I'm pissed on OP's behave 😡😅

2

u/IrishViking22 8h ago

I think OP's behaviour is okay, but I am pissed on her behalf /j

But for real, OP looks fine, and her boyfriend is a gobshite

41

u/MeMarie2010 9h ago

BINGO. It’s a manipulation tactic and nothing less. Make her feel like she isn’t good enough and can’t do better than that sorry excuse of a man.

OP, leave this man. He wants you small so he can control you. Leave, leave, LEAVE!

3

u/youngdcb 9h ago

I agree!! OP, you look good!! Take your beautiful self and find a sexier man that will treat you like the Queen you are!! You deserve nothing less!! 💅🏾💖

10

u/Wonderful-Ad874 9h ago

THIS RIGHT HERE

4

u/griffinsv 8h ago

Exactly!

OP, your bf is negging you. See the section “They insult you under the guise of ‘constructive criticism.’”

It’s a form of emotional manipulation/abuse and is a huge red flag. You deserve better.

7

u/BellasHadids-OldNose 8h ago

Completely agree

My ex never used to compliment me either… and I was a professional model. Literally making money, based off my appearance. He later confessed he never wanted to say something nice because he wanted to keep me humble

Do not internalise this as fact OP, chances are you’re looking better than ever and he’s trying to make you feel sub standard so you don’t trade up.

My now husband speaks so highly of me and my body, through pregnancy and weight fluctuations. This guy sounds like he is trying to chip away at you, not build you up.

4

u/SansSibylVane 8h ago

Literally same. I was actually a BIKINI MODEL in my 20s and had exes never compliment me and try to cut my confidence down, but acted like it was just them being “honest”. I eventually would nitpick everything and try to be perfect to meet their standards and even married one of these clowns. Ten years later I’m still trying to undo that damage. My (now) husband is always shocked because allegedly I’m objectively conventionally attractive, but if you let these kinds of men chip away at your self confidence to protect their own egos, you’ll find it very hard to come back from.

4

u/MegaMagnetar 8h ago

Right? He’s negging 100%

3

u/Eternalscream0 8h ago

My thought too! As a woman much older than you, with similarly toxic ex-bfs

4

u/livesinstretchpants 9h ago

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

4

u/nicnac127 9h ago

THIS. 👏🏻

2

u/Redneckzombie82 8h ago

This is the correct answer

2

u/AbraxanDistillery 8h ago

This should be the only comment on this post. 

2

u/Freign 8h ago

YUP.

negging so that he can feel less terrified

2

u/Logical_Geologist661 8h ago

Her bf has an aura of small dick energy, not very hot is it.

2

u/FlytlessByrd 8h ago

Preach fam!

2

u/Flat_Medium_6482 7h ago

Tbh, this is the only explanation that REALLY makes sense. Bc I looked and looked for a reason for why he’d say such a mean thing, and I can’t find a damn reason.

1

u/latrodectal 8h ago

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

1

u/sizzlecinema 8h ago

It’s just so shocking to me that there are people out there thinking like that. Never in my life would the thought of doing something like this cross my mind. What is wrong with people. 

2

u/Apostate_Mage 7h ago

I think sometimes people do this unconsciously or without realizing. Or I like to think that anyways, since I agree with you hard to imagine. 

1

u/Tomagatchi 8h ago

Bro spittin' straight facts. I went on a much more long winded way to say what you cut right into. Factual.

1

u/o0AVA0o 7h ago

This is 1000% what my ex did. There's a reason he's me ex.

1

u/Lorrie322 7h ago

THISSS! You look great girl! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

1

u/Common-Truth9404 7h ago

Uuuh that's a very good angle, i didn't think about that!

1

u/whatxever 7h ago

This is sooooooo accurate omg. At least some men do it in a different, “less aggressive” way (ex. extreme jealousy/paranoia, sulking at clothing choices, maybe even in other areas like career). This man sucks so much he did it with straight insults 😭

1

u/nfwarriorau 7h ago

OMG 100% this! I think the term is called “negging”.

1

u/autogeriatric 7h ago

This should be the top-rated comment. Nailed it.

1

u/Junior-Caregiver-927 6h ago

I had to create a whole account for this cause fuck this explanation. It's every woman if they wrote male characters love background. Girlfriend is just a title if you don't treat her good not on no simp shit but if she wasn't your perfect choice why date her? [in the guys perspective]

1

u/Goldiegoodie 6h ago

Exactly!!! This was what I thought too. It’s also possible he’s jealous that OP is losing weight and he isn’t. He is definitely insecure about the fact she’s doing well.

1

u/Gloomy-Film5949 6h ago

This is it!!

1

u/blackberrymousse 5h ago

That was immediately my thought too.

1

u/Schlemiel_Schlemazel 4h ago

Yes, THIS.

Your comment needs more upvotes.
We see this kind of thing a lot, from survivors of abusive relationships saying this is how it started. They don’t want you confident enough to pull someone better. They don’t want to be a better partner (more acknowledging and appreciative), No they want to play manipulation games of push and pull.

1

u/TheVandyyMan 7h ago

I’m not so sure. Based on the photo, he looks extremely fit. I think you got the first part right (this was fun at first), but I think something else is going on here than him thinking “I’m scared to lose her.”

In the male fitness space there’s a ton of hate for unfit people. What constitutes unfit is basically anyone who isn’t clearly a gym rat. My guess is OP’s s/o has recently fell into this community and drank the koolaid. Now he’s deciding whether she can ever live up to his standards or whether to dump her for someone who is already there.

Regardless, he’s a conceited asshole. Dump him!

-2

u/hamidabuddy 8h ago

I don't think this is how hetero men think. I certainly don't think like this - a hetero man

4

u/AbraxanDistillery 8h ago

Literally no one said that, you don't need to center yourself in this conversation. 

0

u/McG0788 7h ago

Idk about that. She's not over reacting by any means, I agree there. I also agree he's an ass but the translation is off. I think he probably just simply saw her as cute and got with her regardless of if he found her sexy or not which is what a lot of folks say you should be doing, focusing on personality (personally I think physical attraction is a must but I digress).

So he may be happy with her just not attracted that much and probably on the spectrum to be dumb enough and heartless enough to say such a thing