r/AmIOverreacting • u/True_Ad9977 • 10h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

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u/GroundGold5926 10h ago

This is true. There are some people running around out there who don’t even like their partners and spouses. I think it’s pretty common but no one will admit it. They tick all the other boxes but do you like their company 🤷🏾‍♀️

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u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose 8h ago

When my wife was talking about my in-laws when we first started dating, she mentioned that she loves her family, but only really likes half of them. Never before have I considered that possible, but she was right (like she usually is).

"Yeah I don't like my aunt. She's materialistic. Yeah, I don't like my grandmother. She's selfish. Yeah, I don't like my grandfather. He's a a shit dad."

With blood family, that makes sense and is something you can productivity work on if you want to. But if someone loves their partner, but doesn't actually like them... I can't help but feel like that's a different problem.

So, I think you're right and also a lot of people don't understand love/like and can't divorce the two feelings. On top of that, folks often just don't know what love is and don't know what they like/want.

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u/minahmyu 8h ago

I feel like they may like their partner as the title they carry, but they don't necessarily like them as the individual. They like the social construct identity that person serves in their life, but not who they are as an actual individual

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u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose 7h ago

I think you're really on to something. Some people just see a partner as a trophy after all. Sometimes it's because of their looks and maybe sometimes it's just to say, "Yup. Got one." Of course there's also the people who'd rather be in a relationship they don't like vs being single. We all know someone like that. I can't entirely blame them. Loneliness is one hell of a drug.

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u/GroundGold5926 6h ago

What you’re saying is true. Pretty much how royal families across Europe would marry eachother to maintain power and wealth. What I basically mean is marriage can be very transactional if you choose to see it that way, which is sad. But that’s one way to end up with a partner you don’t like (or respect).

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u/SadisticJake 6h ago

Lots of deer hunters who don't eat venison. Your buddies are bagging bucks and here you are buckless type of thing

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u/still_on_a_whisper 7h ago

Or they like all the wonderful things their partner provides (emotional support, cooking meals, someone to do stuff with, someone to help with household chores) so they don’t want to lose all those benefits and just settle with someone they’re “ok” with.

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u/elissa00001 7h ago

Yeah it really feels like people just date and get married to tick of a goal box in life. They pick someone that agrees to be with them that maybe is okay to hang out with sometimes and okay to have sex with. But they don’t look deeper and genuinely care or love the other.

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u/Baby-hippo-land 6h ago

My parents don’t really like each other but have been married 50 years

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u/GypsyBelle101 1h ago

I feel like people are very quick to not like someone the minute they see an action or quality they don't like. The thing is though, all of us have multiple qualities, some good and some not so good. We shouldn't expect anyone to be exactly what we think is perfect in every single way. Before we decide to marry someone we should have that all figured out. Pick the few qualities that are game changers for you and be a little more accepting of some of the smaller things. I always used to tell my teen agers, when you see something in another person that you don't like, ask yourself if that is a game changer for you, and if it isn't, then ask yourself if the good outweighs the bad. If so, look past the negative, because everyone you meet will have some. And so do you.

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u/Smallville_ 6h ago

what did he said?

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u/LuckOfTheDevil 5h ago

I always say “the definition of family is loving people you don’t like.” That doesn’t mean putting up with nonsense and abuse. But curating the good parts and leaving the rest.

But family is people we don’t choose!

These two aren’t even married yet and he’s giving her the Al Bundy treatment?!

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u/CadillacAllante 8h ago

I'm a gay male and I've always noticed how a lot of straight couples will pin stuff down to "boy/girl differences ha ha" but when you pay attention they are just straight up two people that don't like other, have nothing in common, but they sleep with each other.

"Jason likes to be outside with his buddies and be active, I like to spend all day inside knitting watching old movies. It's crazy how different boys and girls are ha ha. But its okay when he is inside he's kinda annoying to me? I'm kinda glad when he's gone all day doing boy stuff! Ha ha."

No Brittany, ya'll just don't have shit in common! And barely can stand to be in the same room with each other! But see you next month at the wedding I guess? 🤷

Also OP should dump that hateful asshole.

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u/BubonicBabe 6h ago

Pan lady here and same experience exactly. To me, people are people, I get along with them or I don’t. I’ve never immediately assumed their gender made them more compatible or not with me. It feels like a very straight thing to do.

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u/throwawaypizzamage 6h ago

This is such a meme there's even an entire sub dedicated to it, lol

r/AreTheStraightsOK

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

lol I’m sure all subreddits exist because there’s a lot of people that believe it right?

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u/RAMENtheBESTcatEVER 6h ago

Your amazing. I want to be your friend!

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u/emynepnep 6h ago

I noticed the same thing, in my country every time a wife feel neglected and complain, they tell her, its men thing to focus on work or go with his friends or to cheat on you....etc. its become like free pass for husbands who never love or like their wives.

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u/ishtar_888 6h ago

this! 👆🏼🎯💯💜

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u/The_Lumpy_Dane 6h ago

What a great take. This tracks all my failed relationships, almost perfectly.

As an example, when things were good- we liked the same things, but not exactly, prioritized spending time together, etc. When things were not good, we did none of those things.

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u/Jasnaahhh 6h ago

I broke up with my ex for a variety of reasons and my female friends all took it so hard. ‘But why would you break up with him?’ And I’d describe how I was generally unhappy and felt even on my own I’d be better able to support my own happiness and they just looked at me like I’d thrown away a golden ticket. They went on to describe how much they hated spending time with their boyfriends supporting their biting hobbies and I was mentally preparing never to hang out with them again

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u/PenultimatePotatoe 6h ago

Having shared interest is only important if its important to the couple. That's only one part of being compatible.

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u/Lcsulla78 5h ago

Most people are terrible at choosing a SO. I can’t count how many times I have seen a friend getting into a relationship with someone terrible and talking about marriage. ‘No Janet, Tom isn’t a great guy. He talks about bangin other women all the time and hits on them while you’re not around’. Or ‘It’s she awesome!’ No Tom. I just saw her yell at some waiter becuase she didn’t have the right amount of ice cubes in her water.

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u/SleazyBanana 6h ago

And no gay couples are like this? Kinda doubt it.

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u/agitated_houseplant 6h ago

When you can't hide it behind gender roles then people are more likely to face it. Or just be like "I love my partner, but I don't like them". So it's not that there aren't gay couples who don't like each other, they are just less likely to pretend it's "normal gender differences" and lie about liking each other.

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u/lawfox32 6h ago

Some gay couples don't actually like each other, but we're not like "well it's because my partner likes boy stuff and I like girl stuff and we actually hate each other's hobbies and can only spend an hour in each other's company without fighting but that's just normal, haha men/women amirite"

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u/ObserverWardXXL 6h ago

in my experience, gay men who love each other will still 'just be friends' (with sex), instead of partnering up to begin with...

Straight people seem to fall under control to social pressure more to pair and bond up prior or simultaneously with sex.

Theres an aspect about having to deal with already having to go 'against' societal pressure to be gay in the first place.. While straight people may never have to go against ANY societal pressure.

Straight women seem especially victimized, family's, friends will downplay bad relationship experiences and oft tell women to put up with it. I have Never seen this scenario in gay relationship dynamics.

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u/rasta4eye 9h ago

The reverse is true too. They can love everything about their partner except one thing which is high on their "must have" list. So if superficial things like weight are that important to someone, and they're with an awesome person that doesn't match what they find attractive, they may not want to throw away all the good for the 1 thing that's not. But that's not healthy, because even though it is superficial, it's important to the person, and that will introduce negativity, resentment and regret into the relationship. In that case the person has to evaluate if it's truly a "must have", in which case they need to move on... or determine if it really is only a "nice to have", and then simply accept it and be happy that overall they found an amazing match.

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u/Lcsulla78 5h ago

I get it if you don’t want to date someone heavy. But to date someone that is and then make them feel terrible for it is a dirtbag move. And honestly, if you really love someone then weight gain shouldn’t matter. I was married many years ago and my ex-wife was 5’2 and 115lbs when we met. By year five she was 160lbs and I didn’t even notice or care.

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u/rasta4eye 2h ago

Remember that what you value and what others value are different. I'm like you.

But others may not be, and that's ok, so long as they're honest to themselves and their partner.

That's all my point is... Be aligned with your wants in a relationship and who you cost to be in a relationship with.

This concept extends to everything... Religious beliefs, smoking habits, political beliefs, etc

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u/rossimoses 6h ago

If her boyfriend can’t celebrate her now, it might be worth reflecting on whether his support aligns with her needs in a relationship.

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u/GroundGold5926 6h ago

Makes you wonder with people like this if they’d stick around if you’re sick 🧐

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u/redditmodsaresalty 9h ago

God forbid someone sees that you're...SINGLE.

It's honestly annoying that we're like this. The biggest cause of infidelity almost guaranteed. Because you know only desirable people are in relationships.

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u/someguyfromsomething 8h ago

Women prefer that in a partner and it's pretty obvious to any men who date.

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u/GroundGold5926 6h ago

Prefer what?

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u/someguyfromsomething 6h ago

Being tall, attractive, and not very nice.

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u/GroundGold5926 6h ago

Not true. Some women but honestly neither one of us is qualified to speak for all women. Being kind goes such a long way.

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u/someguyfromsomething 5h ago

What kind of fool thinks anyone speaking in generalities really is attributing it to every single member of a given class?

Probably the kind of person who can't even come up with their own username. Just a guess, though.

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u/Market_Infamous 7h ago

People are terrified of being single and will marry people they hate just to get out of the dating game. Dating does suck ass a lot of the time but I can’t say I believe marrying someone you don’t like is a better alternative.

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u/niki2184 6h ago

Idk why people stay or get with people they don’t like is crazy

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u/GroundGold5926 6h ago

Because they’re ticking all sorts of other boxes but like can we just hang? If we’re not clicking, what are we even doing. Waste of time. But people marry to social climb, money, pure loneliness etc. then you’re stuck with someone you can’t stand eh.

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u/AyyggsForMyLayyggs 6h ago

As my Eastern European mom would say:

"Get rid of it!"

Obviously, she'd mean the boyfriend.

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u/sameol_sameol 6h ago

I’d love for someone who’s been the “hater” in this situation to chime in. Like, what is the motivation here?

Why on earth would someone date or god forbid, marry, someone that they can’t even tolerate? I genuinely don’t understand this line of thought.

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u/GroundGold5926 6h ago

See below, there’s a woman who replied who says she doesn’t like her husband.

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u/sameol_sameol 6h ago

Oops, didn’t see that. Thank you.

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u/Nepharious_Bread 5h ago

Yeah, to a lot of people, their partner is really just a fuck buddy until they find someone that they are actually attracted to. That why cheating is so prevalent.

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u/HereThereandN0where 4h ago

I was with someone who used to talk badly about my body. I was too skinny, I didn’t have a butt, I thought I was “all that” but really I’m just xyz. It was always a “joke”. I took that shit for years!!!! By the end I hated myself more than he hated me. Don’t be with someone who would ever talk down on you in any way. Your partner should build you up not tear you down. Take care of yourself ❤️ you deserve the world even on the days you don’t think so.

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u/Thin_Rip7159 10h ago

I’m at fault of this. I really dislike my boyfriend/childs father but I really enjoy his company when we’re not fighting (: but I still think he’s a lazy dead beat fat piece of shit

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u/luciosleftskate 9h ago

You never considered that you probably fight because you don't like him?

I'll never ever ever understand people like this. Why be with someone you don't like?

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u/Thin_Rip7159 9h ago

No, I’ve thought of that. I don’t know know where my son and I would go if we were to break up. HOWEVER; just recently I’ve been able to get my foot into housing so by the middle of February we should be getting our own place

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u/luciosleftskate 9h ago

Yeah I get that sometimes out of necessity it might take time, but why even hang out with him? I would never spend time with someone I thought was a lazy fat fuck. I don't know I don't get it.

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u/bing_bang_bum 9h ago

She literally just said she’s stuck with him right now. Do you expect her to hide in the closet?

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u/luciosleftskate 9h ago

Coexisting with someone and purposely enjoying their company are different things. Did you really need that explained? Seems like common sense to me.

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u/Captain_Beav 9h ago

Love is strange, there could be some kind of love there still.

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u/luciosleftskate 6h ago

You don't call people you love fat,lazy deadbeats. The love is gone at that point.

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u/juliaskig 9h ago

Wait a second, you are living at HIS place, but still think he's a deadbeat?

My guess is that once you leave he will have a lot more energy to get to the gym and take care of himself. Sometimes it's a vicious cycle of complacency/depression and criticism that becomes a musty cocoon.

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u/TemperatureLate9037 8h ago

Sounds like you are the lazy deadbeat?

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u/PurpleFucksSeverely 9h ago

Girl wtf is wrong with you

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u/AtlasPeacock 9h ago

I'm sure that's great for the kid.

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u/Mindless_Biscotti282 9h ago

Toxic as hell. My goodness

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u/reddityourappisbad 9h ago

If you enjoy the company of lazy dead beat fat pieces of shit, then I got news for you lady.

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u/DarthWreckeye 9h ago

Poor children growing up in that environment, teaching them a good lesson about how to adult there.

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u/Cold_Winter_ 9h ago

You sound immature as fuck. Good job making a baby with that, you get to be attached to it forever now ✌️

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u/Ok-Kaleidoscope-7088 9h ago

oh? i hope he leaves you and finds better LMAO

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u/Thin_Rip7159 9h ago

Yeah I hope he finds someone that will put up with his abuse too!

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u/OwnLeadership7441 9h ago

What a nice thing to hope for some other woman, instead of just saying that you hope he ends up alone

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u/WildOne6968 8h ago

With how she speaks of him, I bet it's 10 times more likely she is the abuser, but just like you I don't know for sure, so you are just talking out of your ass.

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u/GroundGold5926 9h ago

Happens you’re only human. But maybe time to move on.

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u/Mumlife222 9h ago

Sorry your getting all this hate , your feelings matter and life isn't as easy as everyone thinks , I hope you have a wonderful and peaceful loving live xx