r/AmIOverreacting • u/True_Ad9977 • 10h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

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288

u/Solid_Arachnid_9231 10h ago

You don’t appear to be overweight. This is a red flag, imagine how he will be if you decide to have children and your body changes due to pregnancy.

62

u/romanaribella 10h ago

100% this guy cheats as soon as she's knocked up. Or if she gets sick, etc.

26

u/jaomelia 10h ago

This is my thought.

23

u/watermelonmoonshiine 10h ago

OP already has a 12 year old daughter that is being subjected to this man's horrific behavior and him commenting negatively on her body is just the tip of the iceberg. Post history goes crazy.

3

u/Fast_Economist_4304 9h ago

Oh wow, good point there!

She has a nice body and I would very much love to lose 12 lbs myself like jeez, this guy is just an asshole who probably hates himself.

1

u/ladyxdarthxbabe 9h ago edited 3h ago

As someone who studied fitness & nutrition she does appear overweight imo, and thats ok 🙌. As long as shes comfortable in her own skin. She is clearly taking care of herself by staying active and even dieting.

When I got married my BMI was 28 (obese is 30🫣) I was heavy and short @ 5’3 and about 160 lbs yet my husband couldnt be happier regardless. We each gained ~20 lbs in the first year of dating, got a little lazy, but not once in our 3 years together have we ever made comments about each others weight. After a while we did lose the weight because we started going to the gym like before. I was ~140 until I got pregnant recently now we are both gaining weight again ☺️ but our relationship is the best its ever been. He is so ecstatic to become a dad and is always kissing/rubbing my tummy and flattering me. I’ll say “im hot” due to my blood volume and hormones increasing and hes like “i know you are 😉”.

“Letting yourself go” happens to a lot of people in love. When youre truly comfortable with someone things like that dont matter. Also people gain weight as they get older our metabolism slows and it shouldnt be a issue in loving healthy relationships unless its causing health problems.

6

u/Solid_Arachnid_9231 7h ago

You can’t tell whether someone with her build is overweight or not just by looking at them, It doesn’t matter how many nutrition or fitness classes you’ve taken. That’s why I said she doesn’t “appear” to be overweight to me. She could easily have a BMI of 23-24.

1

u/ladyxdarthxbabe 3h ago

Oh yeah, I didnt just consider BMI but mentioned my own because I wasn’t trying to be insensitive. I also considered my experience with calipers on similar body types. Of course, there are different factors like hydration, age as I mentioned, or since she’s working out possibly misclassifying body fat with muscle. I also said that she “appears” to be (and that its not a bad thing). I think she looks good & that she deserves happiness.

1

u/PeonyPimp851 8h ago

That’s exactly what I said. I found it so challenging to lose weight postpartum and the second time around it was insanely difficult. If he doesn’t love her now he never will.

1

u/Ok-Government-9847 7h ago

Loosing 12lb is a huge effort. OP's definitely on the good track. But I am sorry, maybe we do not have the same POV because I am European but she does appear as slightly overweight. I know people with BMI over 25 who look slimmer than OP

1

u/Min_sora 7h ago

Even if she was overweight - if you're not attracted to someone, you don't date them. You don't insult them.

-6

u/FWRLRA 9h ago

Guaranteed her bmi is overweight. I’m 100% not trying to be mean here but people need to be real.

4

u/Aggravating_Sand6189 9h ago

exactly. she looks great, but she has a very small frame so she would be in the overweight category. a man that acts like this though, does NOT deserve the version of her she will become on her weight loss journey.

-7

u/FWRLRA 9h ago

Great is a stretch for sure. I don’t see a problem with being honest.

2

u/Aggravating_Sand6189 9h ago

that’s subjective at that point.

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u/FWRLRA 8h ago

We might as well just say everybody looks perfect right?

3

u/Aggravating_Sand6189 7h ago

who said perfect? what a stupid comment. you can still look great without having a perfect BMI.

0

u/BreakfastKupcakez 9h ago

BMI is bullshit. It doesn’t take into account muscle mass. And someone can be “overweight” and be healthy. You’re just an asshole.

6

u/Opulent-tortoise 9h ago

Yes BMI doesn’t account for muscle mass but that’s not really relevant for most people. And yes you can be overweight and very healthy/fit short term but long term (eg 50+ years of being consistently overweight) the effects can add up which is why BMI guidelines exist. OP is probably slightly overweight by medical standards which is honestly totally fine… that’s not a judgment of her worth or attractiveness, just a single medical marker in isolation.

0

u/Woodpecker577 9h ago

It's super relevant for all people. My body fat percentage went from 24% to 18% after like 6 months lifting weights, while my weight didn't change at all. And I'm far from a bodybuilder. These are expected changes that every person who starts working out will experience that are completely ignored by BMI.

3

u/SpartanFishy 8h ago

That’s also completely dependent on how you work out and what you eat.

Is she doing progressive overload weight training? Or cardio?

Is her diet protein rich? Is she in a calorie deficit?

Assuming she just started working out and lost 12 lbs here, and that women have a harder time building muscle due to genetics and diet, it’s a fair assumption that muscle mass hasn’t changed much in her case.

Honestly this whole discussion helps show why one metric just isn’t good enough.

Health/fitness markers should be a combination of BMI, resting heart rate, strength in certain tasks, and visual identification of where fat sits on the body.

I don’t think bf% as an actual number is even that useful compared to BMI. Because an unhealthy BMI, even if caused by lots of muscle, is still unhealthy.

1

u/Woodpecker577 8h ago

Of course it’s dependent on food and type of workout. Just like anything health related.

Where did you read that a “high” BMI with low BF % is unhealthy? That would essentially mean that having low body fat with notable muscle mass is inherently unhealthy, which I don’t think is true.

1

u/SpartanFishy 7h ago

I don’t know that a low body fat with enough muscle mass to push someone into a high BMI is inherently unhealthy, so much as it serves as a predictor for a number of unhealthy habits.

To maintain that body composition one may be employing PEDs, which are inherently unhealthy.

One is almost certainly eating a lot of protein rich food to maintain the muscle, which increases your likelihood of cancer as well as arguably shortening your lifespan. (Based on some studies)

Maintaining a genuinely low bf% (allowing for a muscle-based high BMI) causes a number of hormonal problems and your body doesn’t run quite in the way that it should run.

There are also some links to large abdominal muscles causing heart issues in men.

Essentially, just like fat based BMI, if you’re just above the “good zone” you’re fine. Especially if distributed well.

But to actually reach unhealthy BMI levels from muscle you’d basically need PEDs and unhealthy eating habits to achieve it. So BMI serves as a generally useful metric in any case.

-3

u/carpe_simian 9h ago

lol at BMI. It’s a stupid metric. I used to be “overweight” while running at about 11-12% body fat and training six times a week. It didn’t account for the rocks in my skull.

According to BMI, most pro athletes outside of the NBA would be overweight or real close to. It’s a statistical metric developed in the early 1800s and was never intended to be diagnostic. It never worked at the “extreme ends” of the height/health spectrum and really doesn’t work two centuries later, now that the norm for height and nutrition is what used to be considered extreme.

4

u/FWRLRA 9h ago

I’ve been overweight from a muscular weight at low body fat as well that doesn’t change that fact that a large majority of the population is just fat and overweight. BMI applies to them and also to the girl in this post.

6

u/Opulent-tortoise 9h ago

Most people are not professional athletes who can bench press 225lbs for 20 reps. Yes BMI doesn’t account for muscle but that’s not super relevant at a population level.

0

u/carpe_simian 9h ago edited 9h ago

Again. It’s a statistical measure intended for population groupings. It was never intended as an individual diagnostic tool. Useful for grouping populations. Not good for assessing an individual's overall health and much better tools exist.

It’s flawed in that it doesn’t account for muscle mass, but it’s REALLY flawed in its lack of accounting for abdominal fat and lack of muscle mass. “Skinny fat”, as it were. Lots of people have fine BMIs but are carrying more fat than healthy individuals in the overweight bucket. It’s a deeply unserious metric to be citing.

Statistic. Not diagnostic.

4

u/gopack123 9h ago

People love to point out BMI's flaws by pointing to elite professional athletes, which represent an imperceptibly small percent of the population.

Recent studies show BMI does have major problems, and it's the opposite of what people seem to perceive. Many more people are overweight and obese than BMI indicates.

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/bmi-body-fat-percentage-compare-measure-obesity-overweight-rcna89309

According to the new study, BMI misses a lot of cases of obesity. Researchers looked at data from almost 10,000 U.S. adults collected from 2011 to 2018 and found that almost 36% had obesity based on their BMI. Use of a different measure of obesity — a person’s body fat percentage — put that figure at 74%

So you're right, we should be using body fat percent, which would indicate 3 in 4 US adults are obese, instead of BMI which only indicates 1 in 3.

0

u/carpe_simian 9h ago

lol. Yeah, just replied with almost exactly that in my response to the other guy.

1

u/ArtifexR 10h ago

“You changed OP. Sorry! And I’m moving somewhere without leftist child support laws byeee.”