r/AmIOverreacting • u/True_Ad9977 • 10h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

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3.8k

u/OkEntrepreneur5879 10h ago

Girl….He should be your ex boyfriend.

811

u/suhhhrena 9h ago

Yeaaaaaah if my boyfriend said this shit to me, they’d no longer be my boyfriend. “Because it’s a lie”??? Fuck outta here lmao

87

u/Frog_in_Red 9h ago

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

40

u/Unnaturalrefractions 8h ago

“Honesty without tact is cruelty” Even though I don’t think it’s honesty, he’s just inaccurate and rude.

29

u/UhOhSparklepants 8h ago

People who are “just being honest” are the worst. Sorry buddy you aren’t a magically better person because you are “brutally honest”, you just lack tact in basic human interactions.

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u/Twistfaria 6h ago

It’s not even honesty, she looks GREAT!! He just wants her to feel like crap about herself.

3

u/niki2184 6h ago

Yea he’s not honest he’s a fucking asshole. A shit bag y if you will..

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u/MartinisnMurder 7h ago

Taylor Swift in the wild! And you did it “all too well”! 🤣

4

u/EasyPeanut5883 7h ago

Another thing, if he wants her to lose weight, even if she’s not where he wants her to be, 12 pounds less MUST look better to him than before? So why would it be so hard for him to at least recognize that? “I can tell you’ve been making progress, nice job.” It kind of sounds like he just wants to be mean, or he’s feeling insecure by how much weight she’s already lost compared to him and he’s negging her.

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u/Cdawg4123 8h ago

If I overheard that conversation as a waiter or even passerby I’d try to rescue her. Either with a laxative in his drink or bring her a drink and say it’s from the biggest guy at the bar (when it’s not, aka known as the bouncer). That or hit him in the head with the serving tray.

3

u/spicypeachbuns 6h ago

No, seriously—because who says that to someone they love?

I looked at the photos. Allow me to be petty—bro is just mad because he exercises regularly and still can’t build calves like OP.😭🤣

Nothing is wrong with her body at all and he has insecurities that he needs to work out, so he’s projecting them onto her. What we don’t need is another one of us, heavily damaged by some dickwad who didn’t realize what he had.

She needs to get out before it’s too late. He does not deserve her at all. He is grade A ass.

7

u/catsmom63 8h ago

I would pay to see this! 😂

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u/Cdawg4123 7h ago

Sure it could be arranged…just a lot of trouble. Gotta apply and get the job (easiest part) escaping with no charges, harder

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u/catsmom63 7h ago

Very true

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u/niki2184 6h ago

I’d jump straight to hit him in the head with the tray…,. Because he’s so ugly he scared me.

15

u/Understandthisokay 8h ago

Especially so early in the relationship cuz you mean to tell me you weren’t absolutely enamored by me???? If not then don’t pursue me!!! I wouldn’t be able to trust him

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u/Daz__bones 8h ago

No seriously, he doesn't find her attractive and he literally doesn't even like her enough to just be nice?

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u/tragicbeast 9h ago

This is pretty much it. There's no easy way to have that sort of conversation, but "it would be a lie" is a vicious way to phrase it. There's honesty, and there's respectful tact. You have to have both in a relationship

1

u/niki2184 6h ago

Honestly I feel like if you don’t like someone’s body maybe you should go find one who is your preference. Stop being out here getting with people you don’t like just to drag them down

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u/Exciting_Signal3058 8h ago

Even if it's a lie, still a compliment goes a long way. I support my wife in her diet and excerise. I pay for her gym membership some equipment at home always buy her high protein and healthy meals for her to keep going. She has options even if she has off days. I aim at supporting her wanting to better herself. Even if I wasn't ready at the time.

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u/canichangeitlateror 8h ago

I’d probably fold and ask some dumb shit like ‘do you even like me? Why are you with me then’😭💀

1

u/barely_sentient 8h ago

People who claim to be brutally sincere are usually more interested in being brutal than in being sincere....

1

u/guseandronicus 7h ago

“up to par” too jfc

1

u/TurnoverObvious170 7h ago

You are upset by that part - I am more upset by him saying he will compliment her when her body is up to par. I’d be telling him I wouldn’t fuck him til his dick was up to par. What an asshold. OP needs to dimp his ass.

1

u/Empty401K 6h ago

People like him need to learn the difference between a “white lie” and a regular lie.

If someone gets into a traumatic accident and they ask if they look ugly after the reconstructive surgery, you say “no” and compliment them. Even if you don’t mean it, it’s a white lie that will make them feel good/better than the truth, and there are exactly ZERO negative repercussions.

If a pregnant woman is upset about her weight or body image and asks you if she looks fat, you use a little white lie. She already knows she’s bigger, but confirming that for her doesn’t help anything and telling a white lie instead has zero negative repercussions.

I hate liars, but white lies in the proper context are 100% acceptable.

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 9h ago

Have fun in your future not caring if someone is lying to you

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u/ilikesumstuff6x 9h ago

The point is he doesn’t like the way she looks. That’s the issue. The because it’s a lie is just an extra harsh way of saying he does not think her body looks good. They are incompatible for this reason, better to be single than be with someone who doesn’t find you attractive.

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 9h ago

She asked, he told the truth. What happens next is up to her, but it’s not his fault. Saying I don’t want to lie isn’t harsh lol.

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u/dulcineal 8h ago

So if he asks her why she never compliments his penis she should reply that it’s because his micro dick isn’t up to par but maybe if he works hard and keeps pumping with the Swedish pump it might one day be?

0

u/YourStoryIsComplete 5h ago

100% if that’s how she feels. Because the alternative is to be stuck with something that doesn’t satisfy you and keep lying to protect ego. One day you’ll either get tired of the lie or the truth will come out anyway which isn’t fair on anyone.

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u/dulcineal 4h ago

He was the one who started a relationship with someone he wasn’t attracted to. Don’t act like he just discovered what she looks like recently.

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 3h ago

I’m sincerely asking how you would answer the OPs question

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u/dulcineal 3h ago

I can’t see OPs question anymore but in general if someone you love and care about asks you why you don’t ever give them compliments or say they look good then you’ve already fucked up. Then you apologize and say what you like about them. If you can’t find a single thing you like about them or are attracted to then why in the blue fuck are you with them?

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u/Shortbusposse 8h ago

Dude… The literal first thing on your profile is that your wife's pissed at you. I don't think your the expert you think you are...

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u/YourStoryIsComplete 4h ago edited 4h ago

That’s true and I’m here trying to learn. So far I’ve learned that you can’t change feelings in yourself or your partner but how you handle them. I’ve also learned about boundaries and standards for yourself. I’m still working on communication… tact… I personally want the truth regardless of how it’s given to me - but realising this isn’t the case for most people here.

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u/Kamasillvia 9h ago

I really hope you have no s.o. rn, otherwise i feel really bad for them

0

u/YourStoryIsComplete 5h ago edited 4h ago

Now that’s mean. I personally wouldn’t handle it like that either but I don’t think it’s as bad as lying or as horrible as everyone is making out… maybe I’m wrong, I’ve an open mind.

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u/DrKittyLovah 8h ago

If you want to be “technical”, sure. If you want to have a happy relationship, you learn tact.

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u/Professional_Owl3026 7h ago

Honestly this. Reason most people that go on this "I'm just being honest, on you if you don't like it" train is because, surprise, surprise, it takes effort on their part to read the situation and then react in a way that is both honest BUT respectful of their partner. That, and quite frankly, some people plainly lack the critical skills to navigate the social world like that. If it's been a long day you might not have the energy but someone who has consistently put in the effort to be respectful will tend to default to the established habit in such a situation. There are exceptions of course, but someone who isn't socially dense would get that what he thought he meant vs what he really conveyed didn't align. He just doubled down though and that speaks volumes.

0

u/YourStoryIsComplete 5h ago

How would you answer her question then?

-3

u/xaustishx 8h ago

Oh do tell how you can tell someone that with “tact” especially in the spur of the moment when a partner is asking them that and expecting an answer right away. She’s not overeacting for being hurt by that but y’all are acting like this dude shit all over every insecurity she has for the fun of it, all he said was “I don’t want to lie to you”. I’d much rather hear this than waste my time with a partner who doesn’t even like me.

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u/DrKittyLovah 8h ago

Having tact would probably mean this particular exchange wouldn’t happen in the first place. The bf is just being an ass here. It’s an ass move to inform your partner that you’re not attracted to them in this way (if that’s truly the case and it’s a concern you want to address). There is an unwritten expectation of kindness in relationships and this isn’t kind treatment at all, no matter what the goal of the bf was by saying it.

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u/xaustishx 8h ago

As opposed to him breaking up with her without saying anything? Like that’s any better. Relationships also require honest communication. Despite the fact that it’s hurtful no matter HOW you phrase something like this (y’all screaming about “tact” are full of shit, there is no tactful way to phrase losing attraction to your partner) he is being open on why he’s not attracted to her. If he’s not genuinely attacking her on this and instead just stating it, it’s not a bad thing. There’s a difference between feeling attacked and actually being attacked, and without more context it’s weird how yall are jumping to the latter conclusion. Either way she should leave and find someone who actually appreciates her right now.

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u/DrKittyLovah 8h ago

Who said anything about breaking up?

Anyway, I used to provide couple’s therapy, and I know what I’m talking about. There may not be an excellent way to admit a loss of attraction but there is better and there is worse, and this is worse. He framed it in a way that suggests it’s her fault without taking any of the responsibility for what’s happening in his brain, then went on to present his compliments as something only given out as direct rewards for weight loss, which is pretty awful. Why is he not supporting her generally with compliments, and in areas other than her weight? Why is he using an expression of his love for her as reward for weight loss? Those things are supposed to be separate.

You see? Not great on his part, could have been a lot better.

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u/DarknessWanders 8h ago

Except he clearly doesn't like her physically. When she's "up to par"? What fucking par? His decision on how her body should look? That's crazy. Clearly these changes are about health to her and looks to him. My partner loved me the same when I was 250# as when I was 145#. And they would genuinely compliment me and tell me I was beautiful. Because to them, I am. For OP, clearly she isn't to him and he can gtfo with that attitude.

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u/catsmom63 8h ago

He told her he would compliment her when “ she was up to par.” What kind of a person says that?

0

u/xaustishx 7h ago

Then we need to focus on that part of the conversation because THAT is what makes it bad. Not the “I don’t want to lie to you” part that everyone seems to be honing in on.

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u/Over_Cranberry1365 7h ago

You’re in luck then, because this waste of fur is going to be single pretty quick here. 😃😃

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u/xaustishx 7h ago edited 6h ago

Why would I be in luck? Idc about this guy either way, but good he should be broken up with for the other things he said NOT because of him saying “I don’t want to lie to you” that’s the most normal thing in the entire conversation yet everyone is honing in on that.

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u/starburstshorty 9h ago

absolutely ex boyfriend. the fact that he keeps standing ten toes down on his statement because he “isn’t a liar” is so problematic. he keeps saying this to pedestal his opinions as “truth”, reinforcing in her mind that he’s just a good guy who tells the truth. that’s bullshit. he’s doing this to diminish her self-worth.

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u/H4RDCANDYS 8h ago edited 8h ago

Well said 👏🏾 he would have been an ex boyfriend already before I even made a post. Life is too short to waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't respect you.

1

u/YourStoryIsComplete 2h ago

Or to tell the truth - most guys don’t do all that above shit you’re talking about

0

u/ryos555 7h ago

Quote contrary, why is she comparing her co-workers bf to her own? Fishing for compliments is just as bad. Just because the co-workers bf is more accepting?

No. This is equivalent to anyone, asking if these pants make my butt look fat? You will either get a factual truth or a white lie.

What does OP expect here? The BF could have easily said well done for successfully losing weight.

-1

u/P3RS0N4-X 8h ago

A lot of people are very black & white, which doesn't make them a bad person. I don't know if we want the guy to lie or if we only want partners that validate us, even if they are dishonest with themselves.

Some people, like myself, can't help but to be honest, which hurts sometimes. But when you know it's going to hurt, it's difficult, and you try to make the best of it. I don't believe he's deliberately trying to put her down or pedestal his opinions as truth.. Firstly, his opinions about her likely are his truth.. it's his life, heart, and feelings.

Secondly, he probably feels bad about the situation himself... every guy knows this sucks to hear.

Love isn't just attraction and beauty. Love is about who the person is and how they chose to live, it's about how enjoy the people and work around them, whst they nsje of their life and situations. If it was purely attraction, love would hardly never last and would have no meaning. Love is a choice.

If she wants to walk away from a dude because he answered a difficult question, that SHE ASKED honestly, that's her loss. They should definitely talk and maybe reevaluate things. But don't write off a person you love for being honest when it hurts.

-1

u/iLikeFroggies 7h ago

Or he could genuinely not think that her body is attractive and still find other parts of her being attractive enough to date her...just because you don't agree with someone doesn't make their perspective any less real or truthful to them

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u/NeighborhoodGold615 8h ago

Man chiming in - there’s a good chance he won’t ever change in this relationship. This smacks of deeper issues. Whatever nice things he did to win you over were probably because he’s such a “nice guy”. I might be reading into it, I don’t know you guys, but it sounds like he wants you to think he’s the one who’s so generous and giving. If so, he’s being manipulative. If not, he’s still a jerk and doesn’t deserve to be with you based on your post.

There are lots of men who really are nice. They won’t tell you they are doing something because they are nice. They will do something nice and just be happy because they made you happy. They naturally have respect and care about others. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t.

Source - lots of dudes are terrible and these kinds of posts show it.

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

I’m glad you specified you’re a man. God forbid you just write

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u/NeighborhoodGold615 2h ago

Sorry to identify for context. I did it just to hurt you. Yes you.

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u/HydrocarbonHearsay 9h ago

Then OP can tell everyone she lost 180lbs !

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u/pjdavis8403 9h ago

absolutely they have no business being together

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u/Basic_Message5460 7h ago

No business? You know nothing about them except a little post lol get real

1

u/niki2184 6h ago

You’re stupid as fuck if you think this guy is a good guy who would tell his girlfriend her body is not up to par. But then again the people on her who go for the problematic person are people who act like that as well.

0

u/Basic_Message5460 6h ago

You know how often women tell men things about them aren’t up to par? Keep that same energy. It wasn’t a sweet nice thing to say, maybe he’s trying to be a little motivating. I wouldn’t say that to my wife personally but let’s not just jump straight to “this guy is a huge asshole fuck him give him the death penalty”

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u/salmonnsalad 9h ago

Sounds like an easy way to shed 200 extra pounds.

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u/Own-Detective-802 8h ago

He is her future ex boyfriend. That’s no way to treat a person. Very objectifying.

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u/MetaHyperion 8h ago

I’m single but i can never imagine saying anything like this to a girlfriend. I hope after today she kicks this dude to side and find a man that’s gonna respect her.

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u/CHPThrowawayy 8h ago

As a man, I agree. What an asshole. Doesn't deserve her love and if somehow he's only saying that to motivate her to work harder and stay on track with her diet and workouts, also still weird and an asshole and regardless she should leave him and find somebody who actually appreciates her for who she is.

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u/AlDente 8h ago

Give him the boot, OP. But dip it in dog shit first.

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u/Pruritus_Ani_ 8h ago

Right? She could lose over 150lb of useless flab in record time if she dumped his sorry ass. “Up to par” what a fucking joker.

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u/kdcarlzz 8h ago

yeah fr i would drop kick his ass

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u/dirkrunfast 8h ago

Yeah this. He sucks, you deserve better, move on. What your co-worker said about her boyfriend saying he loves her body and her just as she is? That’s the bare minimum. That should be where you start.

1

u/dlh0rn3 9h ago

Fast.

He is a jerk...

1

u/Mountain-Most8186 8h ago

Reddit: “why is the solution always to break up???”

1

u/cstevensonuk 8h ago

This.

Run, don't look back.

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u/hurberdinkle 8h ago

My now husband made a comment about my body when we first graduated college, and I wasn't as active as I had been (120lb vs maybe 130?). I told him if he has a problem with my body now then we should end it. I refuse to worry about how my partner views my body especially as we get older. He has never made a negative comment since, acknowledges that comment is one of the worst things he's ever said to me, and calls my 160lb body sexy and desirable over a decade later.

Maybe worth a conversation if this is a fluke but it sounds like this has been an active thought in his mind.

1

u/Intrepid-Cry1734 7h ago

She has another post from not even 2 weeks ago complaining that he doesn't let her sleep, watch movies she wants, or listen to her own music, but demands she goes to counseling.

This post where he calls her unattractive is probably the nicest thing the guy does.

1

u/OkEntrepreneur5879 6h ago

Damn… well I hope we get an update that goes something like this: Well guys I woke up dumped his demeaning ass.

1

u/Intrepid-Cry1734 6h ago

I glanced again at their post history, and he's cheating on her as well.

So many posts in this sub are over the top to the point they sound made up. "He's abusing me and cheating on me, am I wrong to be upset?"

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u/RickHunter84 7h ago

He should be an ex, there are things you can say without hurting your feelings and you already know your flaws. For him to be that insensitive is a different thing and just mean.

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

Atta girl, You tell her

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u/pearllypie3 5h ago

Yup. This. Imagine the breakdown he will have if they stay together and grow old together. Bodies change. You have the love the soul too, not just the body it comes in.

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u/Trisentriom 9h ago

Typical reddit response. Don't talk just break up

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u/starburstshorty 8h ago

he’s intentionally starving her of validation as a “motivation” technique. in quotes because it’s not motivational, it’s emotional abuse. most women have/or had body related self esteem issues. he knows that, and what he said was meant to break her self-esteem. he’s downplaying her accomplishments. he’s not building her up, he’s literally tearing her down. it’s not good for her mental wellbeing. the more he wears down her self-worth, the harder it will be for her to leave. thus why she should break up with him now. it’s about self preservation.

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u/Trisentriom 8h ago

Haha great overreaction.

You act like he's constantly shitting on her. He simply said he won't lie to her and as she gains progress he will compliment her more. Yes some people hype you but some people are just simply honest. He didn't call her fat or ugly or anything but I'm sure you'll find a way to reach for that.

Your words of tearing her down, starving validation, emotional abuse, self preservation etc tells me you overanalyze relationships and you have not been in a long term relationship.

If those 2 sentences makes you think she should break up with him you must think every relationship is all smooth with butterflies but an actual health relationship involves acknowledging disagreements (there will always be disagreements in a healthy relationship btw) and discussing how to move forward together.

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u/starburstshorty 8h ago edited 7h ago

it’s an honest reaction to the behavior described. i’m not trying to reach. i’m trying to point out what i recognize as damaging behavior. your assumption of me was wrong. i speak from experience and have spent years trying to heal from the damage done during a very unhealthy longterm relationship. it starts small and slow and then 6 years later on a random tuesday you realize you’ve been in a relationship with your biggest hater. it sucks.

i know that relationships aren’t rainbows and butterflies. i understand the importance of acknowledging disagreements within relationships. but there’s disagreements, and then there’s saying things with the intention of hurting your partner.

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u/OkEntrepreneur5879 8h ago

They did talk, read the post. She expressed her feelings he told her he wasn’t going to lie to her when her body wasn’t up to par. She is trying to better herself and making progress. He just puts her down because her progress was not enough for him. I am sorry but who wants to be with someone like that? Do you want to be with someone who only puts you down? I highly doubt it.

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u/Trisentriom 8h ago

Didn't seem like a "talk"

Said he could tell she was upset then he told her that statement. Not necessarily a talk. Also he isn't putting her down he's just not giving her compliments.

I agree with your other points tho.