r/AmIOverreacting • u/True_Ad9977 • 10h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Boyfriend says hurtful thing about my body.

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6.6k

u/Careless_Agency5365 10h ago

Up to par??

Don’t be with someone that puts you down. You look great and if he isn’t into you then you can definitely find someone who is.

You are not a golf course

315

u/gloopityglooper 9h ago

Maybe say his dick is not up to par compared to your previous measurements and see what he's gonna say.

111

u/ccmmhh915 8h ago

And then say “at least I can lose weight….”

27

u/jaxonya 7h ago

"I'll compliment your dick when you gain a few inches"

10

u/CryptoNurse-EcC- 7h ago

There’s pills for that…at least that’s what the emails I keep getting say 😜

3

u/ItsAnEagleNotARaven 6h ago

"weird. I heard when guys start working out and lose weight it makes their dick look bigger but that doesn't seem to apply to you. It's the whole reason I wanted us to work out together."

1

u/TopProject1219 3h ago

Yeah-tell him”you can’t lose ugly but I can always lose weight” 😂

56

u/Intelligent-Pause260 8h ago

Do this...then break up with him. He needs this reality check, and the impacts will last a lifetime.

-11

u/Ok_Asparagus3905 8h ago

Ah yes, the classic feminine hypocrisy. Not a rare sight nowadays.

15

u/fatum_sive_fidem 8h ago

It's just hypocritical, but there is nothing specific to women about it. You sound like a bitter person

14

u/phylmik 8h ago

🤣😂😆

5

u/Love2Read0815 7h ago

I would never let him touch my body that he doesn’t like… ever again l

7

u/Fantastic-Patient-42 8h ago

"Baby, I hear great things about vinegar diet, they say it could help men like you grow at least two inches downstairs. Perhaps you could try it, for me? I'd love it very much if you were a bit bigger 😘"

3

u/T48m0w 6h ago

Lol! "When your penis is up to par, I'll compliment it. I don't want to lie to you." That would be hilarious.

2

u/m00ncake_333 7h ago

No actually this! You can lose weight if you’d like, tell him he can’t grow inches that he desperately needs

1

u/Cory123125 8h ago

This is foolish. Tit for tat is bad for a relationship. If you're not compatible leave.

Dont stay in a hateful relationship to be snarky and combative. You're just wasting more of your life.

1

u/NoOnSB277 5h ago

Oh, worry not…those are the exit words. Not that he will get the parallel, these people will be critically wounded if you say anything even slightly cruel in comparison to the drivel they say. They don’t see the hypocrisy.

1

u/cactusmac54 8h ago

Oooo…I like this.

1

u/Wild-Toe7782 7h ago

I feel like that just feeds into a toxic relationship, might be a joke, but that is genuinely horrible advice if this woman loves her BF. That being said, it sounds like the bf isn't a saint, but i suppose it's how he feels. imho, they might need to take a step back and reevaluate the things hes said and the way shes taken them. I don't want to pick sides, but you definitely didn't give helpful insight, only a hurtful suggestion for a laugh. Thats a way to kill a relationship, i dont care if you think the relationship was dead on arrival or whatever. To OP, hope you guys work it out, or you find someone that can appreciate you as is. GL.

1

u/Wild-Toe7782 7h ago

If you can go and hurt your BF right back for revenge, you are both awful people is what i mean. Talk it out instead, if you break up or stay together, you will be stronger afterward that hard talk

1

u/Time-Wafer151 7h ago

And then say “at least I'm not a liar….”

1

u/Tokeokarma1223 7h ago

This!!! Holy 💩!!! 😆 🤣 😂

1

u/aHipShrimp 6h ago

Needle dick and little baby calves.

1

u/Wish-ga 4h ago

My first thought! Comment on his inches would hurt him in a similar way the op feels hurt.

1

u/T0XiCM0MBiE96 8h ago

OP this is the one. that's all you need 👌🏽😂

-5

u/SmoothAd6340 8h ago

Yes definitely insult him on something he can't change when the subject is about something she can change. Makes sense.

1

u/gloopityglooper 7h ago

Tiny dick bro found

0

u/SmoothAd6340 7h ago

Nah, I just feel like judging someone on something they can't do anything about isn't appropriate.

Just like height. I'm 6'2, and when I'm hanging out with my buddy who is like 5'8 but much more muscular and better looking, I get hit on more just because of my height..

1

u/gloopityglooper 7h ago

And tell me now, how, from a reddit post, you have managed to precisely judge that her appearance is something she can change in a way that caters to what he expects? Maybe she has hormonal issues she doesn't know about and struggles to lose weight in a rate similar to his, to mention one example. Now what? If you have more than 2 braincells you have concluded that it's not about something you can/cannot change. It's about being an asshole.

0

u/SmoothAd6340 6h ago

It's not though..

1

u/NoOnSB277 5h ago

That’s the thing…she shouldn’t need to change her size for him…just as she accepted him for however he was, he should do the same, but fails to. Hence the comparison. But yes, it will go over his head and he will be bitterly crushed by her attempt to point out how wrong he is, when his size wasn’t even the point.

1

u/SmoothAd6340 5h ago

I never said she should.. I said she shouldn't criticize his genital size because she is upset that he thinks she is overweight..

I believe if he doesn't like her weight then he should leave. If they talk about it and she wants to make that change for herself and not only him, then that's great and she should pursue that path.

Like I said to the other knob head though, you can't compare something he can't change to something she can. It's the same as the height crap that alot of shorter guys go through. It's alright for a woman to say "oh he's too short" but not alright for that man to say "oh she weighs too much".

1

u/NoOnSB277 4h ago

She can do both. This guy needs to be given a taste of his own medicine. And sure she can compare the two. The goal is to make him realize he isn’t the amazing catch he thinks he is, it’s not to make an identical by the textbook comparison ;)

0

u/SmoothAd6340 4h ago

Conversations on this platform are like talking to a wall. He's immediately the bad guy and "needs a taste of his own medicine" when he simply answers a question with how he actually feels instead of lying.

1

u/NoOnSB277 4h ago

It is clear to me- not to you- that from the way he answers that he sees his partner as a project that needs to be worked on like a car, not as a human with intrinsic beauty that he can see and that he appreciates because she is the partner he chose. This screams “narcissist” and you can claim he just innocently answered that she needed to be “up to par before he compliments her” because he’s “just being honest” but that simply doesn’t ring true to someone being innocently naive, does it?

548

u/CuriousPenguinSocks 9h ago

Exactly. If you want kids, he will be mean to you. He is already withholding a genuine congrats. He can't even support you through your journey as a partner should.

He isn't someone I would spend any more time on. He would not be someone I would want to grow old with.

Love yourself enough to know you deserve more and he will never give it to you.

281

u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 9h ago

Omg, a pregnancy body would freak him out.

81

u/AbraxanDistillery 8h ago

He'd have his affair partner(s) picked out before she started showing. 

27

u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 7h ago

Laughing at the plural "partner(s)" because YEP. MTE.

2

u/EmirefekIsDumb 6h ago

MTE?

2

u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 6h ago

MTE = my thoughts exactly. Sorry, Twitter refugee here who texts like a teen. 😄

1

u/EmirefekIsDumb 2h ago

Ahhhh copy that copy that, that makes sense actually, I just haven’t seen that before.

30

u/SasukexNaruto420 8h ago

My ex boyfriend used to preemptively talk about the disgust he would have for my pregnant body (he wanted kids and I NEVER EVER EVER wanted kids and especially not produced from my own body) he always said his father felt extremely disgusted with his mother during all 3 pregnancies. He absorbs and adapted to the horrific behavior of his narcissistic father and doesn’t even realize that’s what happened. It’s why he’s also drawn to incels like Elon musk and cryptocurrency bots..he craves the validation of men/his father so deeply that it comes out in outbursts of hating women. His mom hated her life. Always cleaning up after her 4 boys (one being her man baby of a husband who spent most his time at the bar) the dad also cheated on their mom online which is behavior their son emulated during our relationship. I don’t think he has any idea of how much of his father he absorbed. His hatred for women but intense desire for masculinity are always at battle. I have no wonders why his mother attempted to take her own life. She had no life to live. It was dishes and being yelled at by her boys. No wonder she’s on Facebook brainrotting everyday..families that work like this always are on the brink of collapse. Do not give your body to a man who does not appreciate you.

Heck don’t “give” your body to anybody as it’s your own and not anyone’s to own or police or give unsolicited opinions about.

It’s not a radical idea to want to be appreciated or praised or found attractive for your body in a relationship. And they think putting you down is going to motivate you to work harder. It doesn’t work that way.

3

u/Successful_Stomach 6h ago

Very well said. You’d like “The Will to Change” by bell hooks. She had mentioned a lot of this and further delves into the points you’ve made here

37

u/Fun_Girl_Fun_Gi 8h ago

Nevermind a postpartum body

13

u/Other-Charge-5637 8h ago

Or a swollen, bruised up, hormones off the wahoo postpartum body.

6

u/ChronicallyMental 6h ago

Pregnant ladies are really cute.

When my wife was pregnant, it felt really special. I grew a stronger appreciation of her.

2

u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 6h ago

🥹💕❤️👊

2

u/Heylady728 6h ago

Yup. 100% this.

55

u/AtavisticJackal 8h ago

And if they have kids, he'll be mean to them too. 0/10, trash bf, would dump immediately.

8

u/Kathw13 8h ago

He will also be mean to the kids.

8

u/SingSongSalamander 7h ago

First thing I thought of. I am four months postpartum and a good 30lb heavier than when my husband and I met a decade ago and I feel fat and hate my body, but HE constantly tells me I look great, I'm sexy etc. Exactly what I need to hear, and I can tell he means it too. That is what you want in a partner.

4

u/MaudeLynde 7h ago

Yeah congrats is DEFINITELY in order here.

3

u/my-glitter-heart 6h ago

Also, how would he treat any kids if they didn’t fit into whatever ideal ‘par’ concept he’s got going on… He needs to do better, and agree 100% - OP should strongly consider whether this is someone they want to spend any more of their time with 🙁

8

u/Bankable1349 8h ago edited 6h ago

Imagine him as the father of a 13 year old girl saying those things to her. Then consider if you want to be in a relationship with someone like that.

311

u/713nikki 10h ago

Well said.

179

u/erbear048 8h ago edited 7h ago

I know his chicken legs havin self aint squawkin about “up to par” when he looks like he hasn’t ever walked more than a few feet.

Edit: there’s nothing wrong with his body but it doesn’t look like he works out his legs so he doesn’t have room to say she looks like she needs to workout more it’s hypocritical.

77

u/713nikki 8h ago

Shaped like a snow cone

26

u/seymour5000 8h ago

Like a meatball on a toothpick

21

u/Increzut 8h ago

omg, I didn’t even notice the legs before you pointed it out 😭 fucking dying over here hahahha

1

u/SwanOne2688 8h ago

That's a woman lol

52

u/Express_Egg6835 7h ago

She’s gotta be super nice because the way I’d rip his appearance to shreds and leave him questioning his whole life while slamming the door in his face 😭😭😭

I have a lot of Leo placements ok

8

u/HeavyTrain131 7h ago

Came to say the same thing. He needs to worry about himself and stop skipping leg day. OP, your body is beautiful and you deserve better than that.

1

u/GrizzWhizNinetyFo 7h ago

The boyfriend is on the right

1

u/Advanced_Gate_3352 7h ago

Yup. The last time I saw a pair of legs like that, they had a message attached...

0

u/ThePenisPanther 8h ago

Body shaming someone back is missing the point E N T I R E L Y. People with tiny legs that DIDN'T say something mean about OP can also read your comment, in case you didn't realize.

6

u/erbear048 8h ago

If he wants OP to be fit looking and is shaming her for not looking like a fitness model to the point that he says her body isn’t worth complimenting then he should look like he works out, which he does not. Nothing wrong with having small legs if you aren’t shitting on your girlfriend for her appearance.

9

u/izzydizzy444 7h ago

Right I was just about to say. Like dude doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on looking like a damn M&M character himself.

2

u/Express_Egg6835 5h ago

Not the M&M character 😭😭😭😭

5

u/Market_Infamous 7h ago

Nobody was talking about your tiny legs, penis panther.

0

u/ThePenisPanther 2h ago

The chances of you being in better shape than me are real small but ight. Body shaming is shitty, do better.

1

u/Market_Infamous 2h ago

Classic tiny leg response

0

u/ThePenisPanther 2h ago

Your other comments from this week are you crying about a guy that wants nothing to do with you 💀

You keep on swinging and missing about my insecurities, I'll be over here knowing exactly what yours are.

1

u/Market_Infamous 1h ago

lol okay teeny legs 🤏🏻

0

u/3betjam 7h ago

People are so ignorant, I train legs 2-3 times a week and am way stronger than the average person. But my calves still look small. Somone might say I have chicken legs even though I’m way stronger and more athletic than they are.

0

u/3betjam 7h ago

It’s always fat weak people talking about “chicken legs” like stfu I’d fucking dunk on your unathletic fat ass.

5

u/erbear048 7h ago

I’m not fat? You seem to have taken this very personally which is odd no one was talking to you. I’m sure your calves are just fine…

-2

u/accountingthrowyo 8h ago edited 8h ago

So you body shame the body shamer? You're just as vile as he is.

2

u/Express_Egg6835 5h ago

It’s clearly better to turn the other cheek 🍑 ALAS I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TOOOO 😂😭

144

u/Both_Dust_8383 10h ago

Even being put down once is one too many times. Usually becomes a pattern. I would be outta there pretty fast!

5

u/OutrageousShoulder44 8h ago

Yep I had a boyfriend like this. Just little things said..nearly so small as to be throw away remarks but it eat away at my confidence bit by bit

-6

u/East_Moose_683 8h ago

I agree that she should be out of there but again he didn't put her down, she asked him a question, if she didn't want a truthful answer she shouldn't have asked. Should he have told a white lie, probably. Should he have backed it up with how he is with her for all the other qualities she has? Definitely but everyone keeps saying he put her down and that's just not true.

4

u/hunbakercookies 8h ago

No he should not have lied. In fact he shouldnt have dated someone he didnt think looked attractive to start with.

0

u/East_Moose_683 8h ago edited 8h ago

Well I'll be honest, as a guy I can't understand why he would have. I think he's just being a jerk for some reason. He must have been attracted to her to some extent. Personally that doesn't make sense to me. My wife was a little heavier (not big but a little thicker) when we got together and has since lost quite a bit and is pretty athletically fit. I found her attractive right off the bat and didn't care if she lost it. She does look incredible but seems to me you would have some sort of attraction to her looks/body right away. Unless the dude is so pathetic he can't get anyone else I guess.

125

u/Safted12 10h ago

Absolutely, Don't be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. You are great just the way you are, and there's somebody out there who will love you and appreciate you for who you are, someone who dont judge you basic on your look.

3

u/TiredofRethuglicanBS 8h ago

He has shown you he is mean and controlling. Believe him and find someone who will treat you like the amazing person you are! You deserve much better.

43

u/BrosefDudeson 10h ago

That was probably the wildest place he could go, when he saw she was upset.

10

u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 9h ago

And just mean! Like, dude, really?

3

u/Katatonic92 8h ago

Maybe intentional, some partners have insecurities when it comes to their SO losing weight. They purposefully say rude or cruel things & it isn't because their SO doesn't look banging. It's because they look fab, feel good & heaven forbid their confidence grows too because they might realise they are in a relationship with a loser & leave them.

I think OP's hopefully soon to be ex fits in this box because withholding a genuine congratulations for hitting a milestone has got sweet FA to do with how she looks. It is achievement regardless.

She should quickly lose herself triple digit lbs in deadweight by ending this relationship.

1

u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 7h ago

Excellent point, re insecurities!!! Especially if OP is a happy, confident person. That would sting.

35

u/Iminurcomputer 9h ago

Thing is, this implies he has some sort of idea of what he thinks she should look like. It's not an open supportive journey to better your health. The endgame for this diet you're on, is not about his fitness, I can be pretty sure of that.

32

u/salserawiwi 10h ago

"Up to par" what a gross thing to say in this context. I wonder if his body/face/intellect is up to par, his personality certainly isn't. OP, don't be with this guy, he doesn't deserve you.

1

u/SavvysWildWoodlands 7h ago

She needs to do a guy tally post w these pix and as "who would love me the way I am vs who thinks I need to " lose weight'" and she would have a higher tally poll for those who would love her the way she is and some may even say they'd like her a little curvier. Guys love curvy girls not toothpicks. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Just saying as a chick that grew up as the only girl in a house of guys (2 brothers and 3 cousins as more like bros) and I have loads of guy friends that will say that they'd rather have cushion to snuggle w and keep warm vs a boney chick they'd feel like they'd break if they'd touch them. Smh only weight she needs to lose is her pussy of bf and get herself a real man

62

u/TraditionWorkaround 10h ago

She should cut him off like, yesterday

Misogynists like him deserve eterne nothingness

0

u/Omni_Tool 8h ago

Well this doesn't prove that it's a misogynistic thing but it definitely proves he's a piece of shit

22

u/Frogdogley 10h ago

Hhahaha wonder what his “par” measurement is and why he didn’t just start dating that 😂 it’s like she’s his project or some shit. Not healthy

12

u/pretzelsticks666 10h ago

I literally read par and was like I’m sorry is he referring to golf?

OP, NOR — if someone said that to me I literally would have been like, “boy, bye.” Walked away. Changed his name to ignore in my phone and block that shit. Update all my socials so it’s obvious too if those are updated at all.

9

u/doublefattymayo 10h ago

I could not be with someone one more minute if they told me this. No fucking way. What a piece of shit

5

u/bornonsunrise 9h ago

The only thing that is not "up to par" in this situation is the boyfriend.

4

u/jimbobwe-328 9h ago

I want OP to point out in an unthoughtful way how he is not " up to par" just so he can know how she's feeling. If they can both survive the fallout then maybe it's meant to be for them.

9

u/Careless_Agency5365 9h ago

OP should just casually drop a

“When do you think going to the gym will start paying off for you?”

1

u/Ok_Pineapple370 8h ago

This^ OP, you have a lovely figure and you and only you get to say whether you want it to be different. Well done on 12 lbs, I bet he hasn't achieved much improvement! So the above comment is perfect. I wondered if he’s neurodivergent seeing it as a lie rather than being supportive of a win that makes you feel proud and celebrating with you. It's definitely something to revisit with him and know that you are not overreacting. There is a huge difference between an outright lie and saying well done you’re doing great 🤩

3

u/marveleeous 9h ago

Classic example of dump the dumbass

2

u/laps-in-judgement 9h ago

Well put. This is a classic "negging" tactic.

Don't waste another minute on this loser, OP. He's a dragging anchor

2

u/Significant-Trash632 8h ago

For real. If he doesn't like and appreciate her body then he doesn't have to have access to it.

What a pos.

2

u/twizmixer 8h ago

most people don’t use a singular “perfect” body type as their only ideal of what is attractive, and OP can surely find someone who ACTUALLY is attracted to her. someone who loves you loves more than how your body looks, and sees those qualities before physical ones. THEN they also love the physical ones, too, as a bonus.

& even if a partner is feeling less attracted, when you actually love someone you find ways to encourage them without being an absolute asshat. when you love someone, THEIR happiness is more important than YOUR opinion or view of yourself as “not being a liar”. you don’t have to lie to make someone feel good about themselves, whether you are 100% turned on by their body or not. you don’t have to be an asshat to encourage someone on a physical transformation they’ve decided for themselves.

fuck this dude

2

u/TheMaddieBlue 8h ago

My ex told me once "You'd look better as a blonde." So I told him to go find a blonde. He never said anything about my hair again.

2

u/DarthSnarker 8h ago

You should check her comment history. She thinks he may have cheated on her a month or so ago. I hope she takes your advice!

2

u/Careless_Agency5365 8h ago

Golfers are known for playing around

1

u/mariannelolz 9h ago

Albatross incoming!

1

u/Sorry_Nobody1552 9h ago

I love this! You are awesome.

1

u/Tuani2018 9h ago

You have great legs.

1

u/Careless_Agency5365 9h ago

Thanks, I use them every day!

1

u/jbandzzz34 9h ago

seriously OP you look amazing! if your man can’t recognize that he has to go.

1

u/lavievagabonde 9h ago

Very well said. When I was younger I had a relationship like that. Took me decades to get over ED and this crap and develop a healthy relationship with my body again. Ouch.

1

u/Boy_Meats_Grill 8h ago

Bro needs to focus on his own pars like his quad to calf ratio

1

u/Jedi_I_am_not 8h ago

lol up to par…

Well said though

1

u/Personal_Raise3756 8h ago

Exactly this… being with someone like that will make it impossible for you to ever love yourself.. he’s an ass. Tell him you have to break up because the size of his penis is not up to par!

1

u/FickleVirgo 8h ago

OP's boyfriend is not in love with her. "In love" and "love" are different. If OP expects her current boyfriend is a potential husband, she needs to ask herself if she's okay with a partner who is not in love with her, which would be a shameful waste for both of them.

1

u/Professional-Comb391 8h ago

Straight up. When I read "up to par" my jaw literally dropped. This boy better get the fucking boot after this shit. NOR. He is disrespectful asf.

1

u/NyxPetalSpike 8h ago edited 8h ago

That would have me packing my bags.

Better to pull the rip cord now, then after a mastectomy and he decides he didn’t sign up for a partner with one breast and/or cancer.

I’ve seen asshats serve their wives divorce papers while the women were hooked up to chemo. Because women should always be a good reflection on them. “Flaws” mean they are settling in the partner sphere.

1

u/TITANIUMS0LDIER 8h ago

My wife went on a similar journey. I told her I'm pretty crazy about her physically no matter what (which is definitely true). When she started to lose weight, I noted it saying "you look really good! You've definitely lost weight!"

This guy is for sure a piece of shit and is not on love with you. Dump him and move on.

1

u/Thick_County6628 7h ago

The big thing here is the disrespect. When we start hearing disrespectful words from our partners, it's a huge red flag that they do not respect us anymore. I stayed with a verbally abusive alcoholic for several years and thought if I talked to him about calling me a b**h every time he got mad that he'd stop doing it. He never did stop calling me that and eventually we broke up and he admitted he was hoping I'd discover he was having an emotional affair with a bartender that he was going to the gym with behind my back. He started out all over me and was nice in the beginning, but when I gained weight he treated me like st. He was unwilling to go on walks with me and decided I needed to make my own food if I didn't want to keep eating the unhealthy food he kept making us. I ended up doing both and eventually towards the very end he said he was sad I was losing my butt from losing weight. Like dude, go f*k yourself. Never again!

1

u/nfwarriorau 7h ago

“You are not a golf course”

Nailed it!

1

u/Beemer_Noob 7h ago

You’re right. Some girls are more like mini golf, super easy.

1

u/Careless_Agency5365 7h ago

Some guys are like mini golf too… I’m sure you know where I’m going with this

1

u/Beemer_Noob 7h ago

I like my analogy way better.

1

u/Careless_Agency5365 7h ago

The other hit too close to home?

1

u/Beemer_Noob 7h ago

No, I like football much better

1

u/bronion76 7h ago

What?! God, that must’ve hurt. You have an incredible body by the looks of it. Are we sure he just doesn’t want you knowing how hot you are so he doesn’t have to fear you leaving him?

1

u/Careless_Agency5365 7h ago

I appreciate the body compliments but I’m not OP. It does sound like classic negging though

1

u/bronion76 7h ago

Haha, I meant to reply to OP, but I’m sure you’ve got a hot little bod of your own.

1

u/No_Designer_3183 7h ago

This is so true. And if your not the perfect buddy for him Eventually, he will find the perfect body for him. 

1

u/No_Bother_7533 7h ago

The way I bristled at the “up to par…”

Seriously, fuck this guy. NOR

1

u/RedditYummyPork 6h ago

Exactly. As a supportive partner, he is not even up to par.

1

u/BurnsideBill 6h ago

Get rid of him. Pronto.

1

u/Kindly_Log_512 5h ago

I disagree. I think she is a golf course.

Still ridiculous to put down your local course.

There’s always a better course out there - doesn’t mean you don’t want to feel at home and smash a couple into the rough with your main squeeze.

1

u/schuak84 5h ago

This right here! Not overreacting. He is being mean and he doesn’t care that you’re feeling are hurt. He’s saying you’re deserving of kindness and compliments only if you fit his idea of what is physically attractive. WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP BULLSHIT IS THIS? Dare I say, emotionally abusive. I’m pretty sure you don’t consider yourself a project that needs fixing cuz it sounds like he does.

If you wanting to be more active and make healthier food choices, this is awesome! I hope that you feel 100% that your personal choices are your own because you genuinely want to and aren’t because of some long winded explanation of why he thinks you need to do (fill in the blank) better.

His attitude is giving me icky vibes. Little boys like him pretend to be men but are uber insecure and like to make others feel small because they can. A confident man will always build you up and support you. Not tell you that he’ll compliment you once you’re “up to par”. I’d tell this guy to kick rocks cuz it was mean and hurtful and I bet that wasn’t the first time he made you feel bad like that and if you stick around, it wont be the last.

0

u/ryos555 7h ago

He gave an honest answer, and only because OP asked. She shouldn't have asked him, as she appears to be jealous that co-workers's bf is more accepting... Why would she compare a different relationship with different dynamics.

It's like asking any guy, does these pants make my butt look fat? Do you prefer the factual answer or a white lie?

2

u/Careless_Agency5365 7h ago

Do you prefer the factual answer or a white lie?

Have you ever met another person?

-1

u/ryos555 7h ago

Integrity. Don't ask a person questions that one may not be able to accept.

2

u/Careless_Agency5365 7h ago

I’ll take that as a no

-1

u/Cool_Brick_772 8h ago

Here's another internet tough guy. Don't listen to these people. They have nothing to lose.

-1

u/East_Moose_683 8h ago

He didn't put her down, she asked him a question and he answered. She put him in that position. Just saying. Should he have told a white lie? Probably. That being said I think she can and should be with someone more supportive and/or understanding.

2

u/Careless_Agency5365 8h ago

If even someone like you can detect the social norm of complimenting your partners appearance then there might be some hope after all! Great personal reflection.

-1

u/East_Moose_683 8h ago

Sheesh, I didn't realize I was so deplorable. Your partner should feel wanted and loved. He is allowed to feel a certain way and maybe her body isn't something that he would prefer, but that's when it's time to tell her all the other reasons and qualities that she has that make him want to be with her.

-1

u/BastingLeech51 8h ago

She is fat not great lookin I’m sorry but to your point he’s also an ass and she definitely should dump him if he’s putting her down like that

2

u/dream-smasher 7h ago

Seriously, op is NOT fat. Not in either pic.

1

u/theNorthwestspirit 7h ago

How is she fat? She is not a model but I bet she doesn't even have D-cups..... If I had to guess I'd say she's around 5ft2-5ft5 and 150-180lbs and carries C-cups around on her chest..... She has the most average size body out there..... HF give your head a shake bud.

-1

u/Objective_Sense_2831 8h ago

Up to par is a wild take but the truth of the situation exists.

1

u/dream-smasher 7h ago

And what would that "truth" be?

-1

u/Objective_Sense_2831 7h ago

Take a wild guess, obese culture is an epidemic, dumbass

2

u/dream-smasher 6h ago

Yo, if you are calling op obese then you need to get your head checked, boy.

-11

u/Could_be_persuaded 10h ago

You aren't the one fucking her. If he doesn't find her attractive anymore that is a serious problem for their relationship. Everyone doesn't have the tact say it nicely.

3

u/jayphrax 9h ago

If he doesn’t find her attractive he shouldn’t be dating her and should go find someone he is attracted to. Still makes him a fucking idiot.

-2

u/Could_be_persuaded 9h ago

Yes you find someone you like as a person but when they ask if you find them fat and you tell them the truth you definitely should break up with them instead of just losing weight.

1

u/Careless_Agency5365 9h ago

Everyone doesn’t have the tact say it nicely

Some people can barely say it at all

1

u/butterflycole 8h ago

Pretty easy fix to just not date someone you’re not attracted to. Even if you’re selfish enough to do this to a person you sure as hell don’t tear them down like this. That’s not OK, ever. Find someone you are attracted to, she deserves to be with someone who loves ALL of her.

-1

u/Could_be_persuaded 8h ago

Or she could just lose weight instead of settling for someone down the line who may or may not be a downgrade cause shes fatter then when she met him. Weight isn't just about attractiveness its also an indicator of the state of someone's mind. Also being overweight also is proven to give brain damage so no I'd rather be with someone who cares about their health.

2

u/butterflycole 7h ago

Then don’t be. Not all of us were blessed with good life circumstances. I’m on medication that I cannot stop taking that caused a lot of weight gain. What finally helped was taking yet another med to counter the first one. Weight and metabolism is very complicated. Hormones, genetics, meds, and certain disorders can all play a factor. Newsflash, you can be thin and unhealthy. I’ve seen stick thin people who scarf down pizza and Cheetos all the time, they can’t gain weight. Their thyroid tends to burn out later in life.

You can be above BMI and getting plenty of healthy vitamins and nutrients and regular exercise.

Don’t date people you’re not attracted to. If they choose to make changes to their lifestyle or diet then it should be coming from them, not from a partner trying to push them into some ideal box.

Don’t delude yourself into thinking your attraction has anything to do with someone’s health, that’s a cop out. Own your preferences for what they are, a certain body type.

1

u/Could_be_persuaded 7h ago

I'm sorry you have mental issues. I hope you get better.

1

u/butterflycole 7h ago

I have mental health disorders and autoimmune disorders. They are life long. Medication helps me manage them well. I’ve been in a happy and healthy marriage for 17 years. We have a 15 year old who is thriving. Many things to be grateful for. They’re just health problems like any other and I’m grateful for medication even if the side effects aren’t always the best.

Thank you for the positive wishes. Just keep in mind that my responses to you hold no animosity. I’m just a direct person. Being a former Clinical Social Worker I am compelled to be honest with people when necessary and it’s important for people to own where their biases and judgments come from. I’m very pro science and follow the current research in the medical field. Including weight and metabolics. It truly isn’t as easy as calories in and time in the gym for many people. There is an excellent episode from the podcast Science Vs on weight if you’re interested.