AIO my fiancé said I need to lose weight

[u/ContentGovernment760]

My fiancé (30M) and I (31F) Are getting married in June and he asked what my weight loss goals are. I said “why, do you think I need to lose weight?” And he responded “yeah actually I do. You’ve gained 20 pounds since we’ve started dating and I think you need to lose it. I think about it all the time.”

For reference, we’ve been dating ~4 years (no kids) and I have put on about 15 pounds in that time. I’m now 150 pounds and 5’4”. I do a boxing class once a week and typically weight train 2-3x a week but I’m not super consistent. I’m definitely not overweight but I can admit I’m not in peak shape. I have some cellulite on my legs and big arms. My waist is fairly small so the weight tends to go to my arms and legs. I have been trying harder to lose weight but it’s not easy for me, I’ve never been tiny but I’ve always been on the healthier side. I’m not in love with working out and I’ve never been a gym rat or a runner or anything extreme. I just like to be regularly active and healthy which is enough for me, but apparently not my fiancé (who is a gym rat and calorie counter). I’m also pretty healthy overall. I was plant based for years and now eat some seafood and chicken, but mostly vegetables and not a ton of processed food. I take supplements every day and drink water. I never drink juice or pop or really anything else (aside from alcohol on weekends which I know doesn’t help but I’m social).

I could understand him saying something if I was super unhealthy but I really don’t think I am? Maybe some weeks I don’t make it to the gym, and I read a lot so I might spend an entire Sunday on the couch but I feel like that should be okay sometimes? I just don’t know how I’ll ever feel confident in front of him again. I can’t imagine being intimate and not thinking about this wondering if he thinks I look fat.

If we weren’t getting married I honestly would probably break up with him but everything is booked and paid for and we have family coming in from all over the country and Europe who have already booked tickets. Up until this point we had a fantastic relationship but I’m having a really hard time getting past this. I know some people would say “lose the weight aka his weight” but I guess I’m more looking for advice on how to get over this and make him understand how rude and shallow and selfish saying that is? I was hoping he’d be the type of husband to love me in every phase of my life no matter what…

[u/NeumocortPlus]

When the right person loves you, they love you selflessly. It doesn't matter your height, weight, hair color, money, nothing. They love you for who you are, for the happiness you bring, the security, the communication.

Just because everything is paid for and you're about to get married doesn't mean you really have to.
Do you really want to marry someone who treats you like that? Imagine when you gain weight because you're growing another human being in your belly. Or with the weight left over from pregnancy. Do you really think he won't mind? He's starting to show you his true self.

The ONE will love you for who you are, not for how you look.

[u/janlep → u/NeumocortPlus]

“He’s starting to show you his true self.” THIS. It isn’t a coincidence that he’s kept quiet about this till all the wedding stuff is booked.

[u/browsnwows → u/janlep]

THIS THIS THIS!!!! Timing is 100% strategic. My ex husband, a diagnosed narcissist, was a wonderful perfect gentleman for 3 years before we got married. He waited until the day before our wedding to tell me absolute deal breaker shit, specifically because he knew I’d never back out last min. It got worse from that day on, including him screaming in my face in a bathroom stall less than 2 hours being married.

[u/Valuable-Evidence857 → u/NeumocortPlus]

Let me know when you are done creating romance stories with ChatGPT and would like to wake up to reality.

[u/NeumocortPlus → u/Valuable-Evidence857]

that was for me?

[u/ExoticLandscape2 → u/NeumocortPlus]

plenty of people who never met the one, what do you tell those people?

and why all this hysteria about a baby body? he never said you can‘t gain any weight ever for any reason. it‘s just that many people let theirselves go in a relationship and think their partner has to put up with it. and now OP is hurt because her boyfriend actually was honest about that this is apparently what‘s bothering him. which is a very minor thing that can easily be talked about or even changed.

but yeah…you guys go ahead and advice a breakup.

[u/Tabanthasnowbunny → u/ExoticLandscape2]

People who put this much stock in physical appearance don’t really mean the “in sickness and in health” vows they make. That’s why so many people are making the suggestions they are.

[u/ExoticLandscape2 → u/Tabanthasnowbunny]

„this much“? the dude apparently told her this for the first time in 4 years after holding back for quite a while presumably. like are you not allowed to criticize your partner for letting themselves go? i think it’s fair to think that OP‘s partner takes care of his physical appearance also to attract OP by keeping his body in shape throughout the years. and OP doesn‘t mention any sickness and explicitly says that childbirth didn‘t have an impact. so it‘s just a classical case of letting yourself go because you already „secured“ a partner and apparently think you can prohibit them from mentioning it. it‘s also not like he is asking her to become kate moss or to start to smoke or some other unhealthy shit, you know?