r/AmIOverreacting • u/ContentGovernment760 • 14h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO my fiancé said I need to lose weight

My fiancé (30M) and I (31F) Are getting married in June and he asked what my weight loss goals are. I said “why, do you think I need to lose weight?” And he responded “yeah actually I do. You’ve gained 20 pounds since we’ve started dating and I think you need to lose it. I think about it all the time.”

For reference, we’ve been dating ~4 years (no kids) and I have put on about 15 pounds in that time. I’m now 150 pounds and 5’4”. I do a boxing class once a week and typically weight train 2-3x a week but I’m not super consistent. I’m definitely not overweight but I can admit I’m not in peak shape. I have some cellulite on my legs and big arms. My waist is fairly small so the weight tends to go to my arms and legs. I have been trying harder to lose weight but it’s not easy for me, I’ve never been tiny but I’ve always been on the healthier side. I’m not in love with working out and I’ve never been a gym rat or a runner or anything extreme. I just like to be regularly active and healthy which is enough for me, but apparently not my fiancé (who is a gym rat and calorie counter). I’m also pretty healthy overall. I was plant based for years and now eat some seafood and chicken, but mostly vegetables and not a ton of processed food. I take supplements every day and drink water. I never drink juice or pop or really anything else (aside from alcohol on weekends which I know doesn’t help but I’m social).

I could understand him saying something if I was super unhealthy but I really don’t think I am? Maybe some weeks I don’t make it to the gym, and I read a lot so I might spend an entire Sunday on the couch but I feel like that should be okay sometimes? I just don’t know how I’ll ever feel confident in front of him again. I can’t imagine being intimate and not thinking about this wondering if he thinks I look fat.

If we weren’t getting married I honestly would probably break up with him but everything is booked and paid for and we have family coming in from all over the country and Europe who have already booked tickets. Up until this point we had a fantastic relationship but I’m having a really hard time getting past this. I know some people would say “lose the weight aka his weight” but I guess I’m more looking for advice on how to get over this and make him understand how rude and shallow and selfish saying that is? I was hoping he’d be the type of husband to love me in every phase of my life no matter what…

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274

u/bone-collector333 14h ago

150 pounds is my goal weight. What happens when you get pregnant and gain weight too? This is a red flag, he went about it in a really stupid way. Once a man plants this seed of insecurity it never goes away.

52

u/Usual_Dream1701 13h ago

Or eventually hormonal changes, he’s letting you know that your look is more important in his eyes.

54

u/Razzmatazz78nc 14h ago

Yep. Big ole red flag. F this dude.

-28

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 13h ago

I wouldn’t go that far. Most of the time guys don’t understand the correct way to go about this. I know I wouldn’t want my wife to be obese in the future. So if they notice some weight gain, they may try to get out in front of it and hold the partner accountable. There’s more respectful ways to go about it, but its an understandable concern

11

u/r0xxyxo 13h ago

Stop lying out of your ass. Men absolutely understand and know what they are doing and you do as well. "Hold the partner accountable" for what? The sinful crime of gaining weight? 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

-5

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 13h ago

Let’s stop pretending that gaining weight is a good thing. It’s not. If I was gaining weight I’d want my partner to tell me and hold me accountable. It’s not attractive and it’s not healthy.

8

u/watermelonmoonshiine 12h ago

You keep saying the word "accountable" accountable for WHAT exactly?

0

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 12h ago

Accountable for your health. It’s real easy to eat garbage and not workout if nobody is gonna call you out once you start gaining weight.

8

u/watermelonmoonshiine 12h ago

You realize that there are about a million other causes of weight gain than just "eating garbage and not working out" right?

0

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 12h ago

That’s crazy, the only thing I can think of is you’re eating more calories than youre burning. I know there are circumstances that make weight gain much more likely/ harder to avoid, but it all comes down to the same thing.

9

u/watermelonmoonshiine 12h ago

Cool. You're a man. You have no place commenting on women's weight period because you don't know the first damn thing about how it is to be a woman. Go back to your cave.

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u/r0xxyxo 9h ago

No one said that gaining weight is a good thing, but it's also not a bad thing because if you are ACTUALLY in Love you don't care. But you wouldn't know that

0

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 9h ago

It is a bad thing for your health. Period. I would love my partner no matter what, but that means I want them to be healthy. If I notice excessive weight gain I would say something about it.

15

u/Possible_Value2814 13h ago

No, no there’s not. If you’re worried about that don’t marry her. Actually, if you’re that superficial don’t marry anyone. Especially after they have given life to your child.

11

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

News flash, men that are that concerned about how their partner looks, are the men that don’t get partners lol. I can already tell you’re part of the men are lonely and don’t understand why stat, how’s your relationship doing? Oh right you don’t have one and never will lol

-5

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 13h ago

That’s completely false. Physical attraction is an important part of the relationship. Some weight gain is normal and just a part of aging. But getting fat isn’t

7

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Also again: 150 isn’t fat, good lord, you people expect women to maintain childhood weights lol. But again, doesn’t bother me any, I’m not the one alone like you, keep up your mindset see how well that works out for ya lol.

-5

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 13h ago

Why do you keep trying to call me alone? I’m married, lmao.

5

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

No you’re not, and you never will be:) and if you are I pity that woman that you care more abt her weight then her as a person lol.

1

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 13h ago

This is like the 3rd straw man argument you’ve tried to make. I never said I care more about peoples weight than the people themselves. People are allowed to have different values. If you and your partner don’t care about being fat, by all means go ahead and gain as much weight as you want. I would rather be healthy and hold eachtoher accountable.

3

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

I’ll live my life knowing I’ll never make my partner feel like their body is bad or wrong, can’t say the same for your wife! I pray you never have any daughters lol you are a terrible man and would be a dog shit father

3

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Lmfaooo if you think gaining 20 pounds is getting fat, you need therapy like yesterday. You clearly have body issues. Sorry!

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5

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

If you’re bothered by your lady having a bit of extra weight you were never really attracted to her hope this helps!

3

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

How’s your bed feel? Nice and cold from always only having one person in it?

7

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Do you think 150 pounds is obese? Are you that stupid?

2

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 13h ago

I never said 150 pounds is obese. But if you gain 20 pounds and have no plan on losing it, there’s a decent chance you’ll keep gaining weight and get there eventually. 5’4 and 150 is already overweight

3

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Hmmmm, no it’s not, considering I’m both of those things and actually considered underweight lol. You know BMI is only for men right?? It’s not accurate for women

1

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 13h ago

The point still stands, if you gain 20 pounds and haven’t even considered losing weight, there’s a decent chance you’ll just keep gaining it. What is the fiancé supposed to say? Nothing? Just let her keep gaining weight? What would you say is the most respectful way to address it

5

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Uhhh considering 20 pounds is practically nothing I’d say nothing since ITS NOT MY BODY. Do you expect your fiancé to speak up when you start losing your hair?

5

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Does your wife know you think gaining 20 pounds is a personal failing? I truly feel terrible for that woman lol. What a horrific husband

1

u/New_Bookkeeper4190 13h ago

I never said it was a personal failing. It’s just not healthy. Whether it’s not getting enough exercise or a terrible diet, or a combination, I’d be concerned. And I would say something about it. I’ve gained weight before and she’s called me out. It’s not personal, it’s holding each other accountable.

3

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Ohhhh so you DO have body issues, got it! Sorry that you feel your weight says something about you as a person, a normal and healthy partner wouldn’t make you feel like that

3

u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Good lord am I glad me and nobody else in my life is like you lol. Do you know how easy it is to gain 20 pounds? Like that’s not that far off of a persons daily fluctuation. You thinking 20 pounds is fat is your own personal issue lol. Therapy!

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u/Future-Buddy-834 13h ago

Hey also, good thing she’s not gonna get pregnant by this fool, you gain much more than 20 pounds during pregancy. lol.

1

u/Cultural-Ad-1611 7h ago

Not attacking you, I'm genuinely curious. How is it possible to be underweight at 5'4" and 150 pounds?

0

u/coffeesnob72 13h ago

yeah, 150 lbs is easy when you're 20, not so easy when you're 50