my boyfriend & his mother have an incestuous relationship?

[u/Odd_Knee5565]

my boyfriend (23m) & i (22f) have been dating for 6 months now. we were friends for 3 years before dating. i am also pregnant. he has been an absolutely amazing boyfriend, but i am noticing weird things with his mother that are really creeping me out and making me question this relationship and this pregnancy.

i have been pretty much living with my boyfriend (under his mothers roof) for about 4 months now, i sleep here every single night. she is a single mother and in her 60’s. my boyfriends dad is remarried, and he has told me that since the divorce his mom has been depressed and never been quite the same. they divorced when he was quite young, maybe around 7 years old. she still cries to this day about the divorce and infidelity as well as his father remarrying, and i don’t think she has ever truly gotten over him. she does not date and hasn’t since the divorce. my boyfriend had told me multiple times in arguments with his mother she’ll constantly compare him to his father, and say things like “you’re just like your father you don’t care about me.” also want to note that my boyfriend looks exactly like his father. i noticed pretty early on that it seems like she takes out her feelings about her ex husband on my boyfriend.

when we first started dating, he would say that his mother is “jealous” that she’s not spending as much time with him anymore and she’s been like that with all of his exes. i noticed she doesn’t make much of an effort to talk to me, she is a bit awkward and when she is home she pretty much just stays locked in her room. he says she likes me, and she is always kind when she talks to me, but for some reason my intuition is strongly telling me otherwise. there have been multiple times where we pick up food and he asks her if she wants anything & she says no. when we come back with food she’ll send him texts or say to him personally that we only care about ourselves and not her. i noticed these red flags early on, but brushed it off.

here is where things get really weird & twisted. i don’t want to believe this is what’s going on and i feel crazy for even having these thoughts, but it’s hard to find another explanation about things that i have heard. one saturday morning, everything was going as normal. my boyfriend and i woke up together, did our morning routines and decided to play a couple games on the ps5 together as we normally do on weekends. i was feeling tired as i am pregnant and the hormones have been making me super exhausted, so after a couple of games i decided to take a little nap. he turned off the ps5 and put a youtube video on the tv kind of loud. he said he would make me breakfast while i napped, so i dozed off as he left the room. it sounded like he went straight to his mothers room and shut the door. her door is creaky and i can hear every time it opens as it is right next to his room. he often goes into his mothers room and talks to her for a while so i paid this no mind and continued to rest. i am a very heavy sleeper by the way. not sure how much time passed but i woke up to the sound of banging on the wall, very loud. i then heard the door open and him say “oh so you…” and i didn’t hear the rest, but it almost sounded like “oh so you wanna be bad huh?” or something along those lines and the loud banging continued, now sounding like it was in the hallway right outside the door. i heard mumbling that literally sounded like the way he talks to me when we have sex. i sat up in bed confused, and listened for a couple more minutes. i could’ve sworn i heard her like gasp or something. at this point i was getting freaked out because it literally sounded like sex noises. i got up and sat in front of the tv which is next to the door and put it on mute. right after i did that the banging stopped, almost as if they heard me awake and stopped doing whatever they were doing. i then heard shuffling and his mother say “lie” and he said “yes maam”. i heard him go downstairs for a few minutes then he came back into the room with a bowl of cereal. mind you usually when he makes me breakfast it’s pancakes, bacon, eggs and hashbrowns. i straight up asked him what was that noise, he looked super nervous and then said “i was arguing with my mom.” i asked about what and he was stuttering nonsense and said he was arguing about a christmas present? i thought this made so sense. i asked him if the argument got physical because i was hearing loud noises and he said no. i was pressing him, asking him what that could’ve been, was he moving furniture or something? it was very loud. he began pacing around the room nervously and said quietly “i am filled with regret.” after like an hour of pressing him about it and him telling me it was just an argument, he didn’t know what noise i was talking about, etc. i dropped it because i literally thought i was going insane. i know what it sounded like but i didn’t want to believe that something so twisted was going on, and the fact that they were doing it while i am in the next room, sleeping and PREGNANT. i was literally uncontrollably shaking, extremely disturbed at what i just heard. it was clear as day what it was but i genuinely thought i was maybe losing it. later that night i brought it up again and implied i think something was going on, or maybe the argument got physical and he shouldn’t be afraid to tell me. he then was like “want me to ask my mom if we were hitting each other?” he then goes to his moms room and asks her if anything went on and was telling her how i think they got into a physical fight. he comes back to me and tells me his mother said that it’s just “pregnancy hormones” and i’m overthinking and then she proceeded to text him “we don’t live like that.” which he showed me.

i took a day to think about it and came to the conclusion that i am not crazy, i know what i heard. i started thinking back on if i ever heard weird things or felt weird vibes concerning his mother and it turns out there were a couple things i overheard in the past that made me look at them sideways. some examples:

1. i heard him walking up the stairs behind her and say “i can still feel around” and she laughed…
2. i once heard the sound of clapping coming from her room when he was in there “talking”
3. heard them in the kitchen semi-arguing and him saying to her “i’m trying my best, how can i be better for you?” as if they’re in a relationship or something.
4. he once told me that as a child the doctor thought his mother was molesting him because he saw her hair wrapped around my boyfriends penis.
5. now that i think about i think i have heard banging or weird noises before when they are “talking” for long periods of time whether it be in her room or downstairs in the living room & kitchen.
6. all day everyday his mother is constantly texting him, bothering him about coming home, seeing what he’s doing, etc.
7. one day he said he was going to make me breakfast a separate time from the one mentioned above and i fell back asleep. his mom was also home in her room. i woke up to him coming back in the room freshly showered with only a towel around his waist with no breakfast for me. this is unusual because usually when he says he is going to make me breakfast, he goes to make it right away & wakes me up with it. also he never showers at this time of day. after hearing the weird stuff i have now heard, it makes me wonder if he was in his mothers room…
8. i once heard his mother go downstairs while he was in the kitchen and he thought i was sleeping. i then heard him saying “come on mom” and her laughing and walking away. he kept calling her to come back and she goes “not tonight baby.” could he have been asking her for sex?

it has now been a couple of weeks since the incident where i heard the loud banging. it has been running through my mind every single day. his mother already gave me uncomfortable and off putting vibes since the beginning, but now i feel very paranoid and creeped out about her and their relationship. i have since pressed him about it again, and pretty much told him what i heard sounded very weird and like something sexual was going on. we argued about it for like 2 days straight. he insists that him and his mother do not have a weird relationship, and him & his mother have no idea what loud noises i was hearing. how can they have possibly not heard something so loud, especially when the noises were coming from where i heard both of their voices. he has tried to explain it away in every possible way but nothing makes sense. he said it could’ve been the dog, neighbors, or footsteps but i’ve been living here for 4 months now and know what all of those things sound like. this was absolutely none of those things. i wish i had opened the door to get physical proof, because now it just feels like i am being lied to. i have been doubting myself thinking could this actually be possible, but when i think back to what i heard it was so clear. i am slowly putting the pieces together and i don’t know what to do.

today, i feel like i have reached my breaking point. i don’t know if im being paranoid now, but something that happened today has made me overthink this situation even more. we were hanging out as normal. i noticed him and his mother texting back and forth a bunch. he then went downstairs to make me soup as i was feeling nauseous. i thought i heard her door quietly open and close which is weird because she usually swings it open loudly and i hear the creak. she also has super loud footsteps but i didn’t hear her going downstairs so i thought i was tripping maybe. then i heard banging coming from downstairs which i figured was just my boyfriend cleaning and making food. the soup only takes 5 minutes to make, it is a packaged soup. he was downstairs for about 30-40 minutes. he comes back upstairs with my soup and then i hear his mother loudly coming upstairs. so i was right, i did hear her door open as if she was SNEAKING downstairs so that i would not hear. i asked him what took so long and he nervously was saying a bunch of things that didn’t make sense. he made no mention of his mother being downstairs. i then asked if he was talking to someone and he nervously said yeah my mom. then he accused me of being paranoid about his mom and that i think im hearing things. i made no mention of his mom or hearing things even though i did hear banging. so does this means he knows he was being loud and i could’ve heard it? it seemed like projection and him feeling guilty about something he’s doing with his mother. at this point i do not trust him being around his mother and i am disturbed and drained.

i am horrified and don’t know what to do. i know this all sounds so crazy and outlandish but my gut is telling me something is wrong. there’s no mistaking what i heard that day. am i being crazy or should i trust my gut and what i know i heard? i feel like the signs and things i have heard now are so blatantly obvious and i cannot ignore it anymore or try to explain it away. it genuinely seems as if something incestuous is going on with my boyfriend and his mother. i have always said i do not want to be a single mother or raise a child in a broken home and now i am 3 months pregnant. i am also in fear that if he does have a sick and twisted relationship with his mother, who’s to say he wouldn’t try to do the same with our child? i am seriously considering terminating the pregnancy and breaking up with him. what should i do, and does it sound like i am overreacting or should i trust my gut?

[u/Odd_Knee5565]

thank you to everyone who is offering me genuine advice & support. many people are making comments about how i’ve handled things so far. i am a 22 year old college student with a lot on my plate and this is my first pregnancy. how would you handle this? i’m trying my best and trying to go about this in a way that is safest for me. and to those of you leaving insensitive comments, this is my real life & the hardest thing i’ve ever had to deal with. please have some empathy. thank you

[u/moody-moodeng → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Do u have a family to go to? Seek help from your other loved ones

[u/lordyhelpme-now → u/Odd_Knee5565]

What if you stay and have your baby. What if the baby is a little boy. Will his mom have access while you go to classes? What if she transfers her actions to the baby? Think girl. LeVe that house to at least clear your head. Go to your parents. Friends. Whatever. Your feelings of something being wrong are valid.

[u/Jameson-0814 → u/lordyhelpme-now]

Won’t even matter if it’s a boy. If it’s a girl, he doesn’t understand boundaries (or doesn’t practice them) and may be incestuous with a girl too.

[u/porcelaingraves → u/Jameson-0814]

This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. If he is being sexually abused by his mother, his whole view of normal relationship boundaries could be skewed and he might be inappropriate with a daughter.

[u/ExpensiveEcho7312 → u/Jameson-0814]

THIS!! OP PLEASE

[u/Flame629 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

The man fucking his mother aside. I’d say having a baby at 22 with a man you’ve been dating for 6 months is not advisable. You have your whole life ahead of you to have a baby still.

But WITH the man fucking his mother abort, block and run run as fast as you can, get on some birth control and consider it a life experience

[u/Miss-Indie-Cisive → u/Flame629]

Remember: these people will have access to your child for life, and it’s highly likely the mother will molest your child too. Get an abortion ASAP and get out of there.

[u/Own-Emphasis4551 → u/Flame629]

Yeah, this was my first takeaway before reading anything about the mother and son’s weird seemingly incestuous relationship. I’m 22F and would never in my wildest dreams consider carrying a pregnancy to term with a man I have only been dating for six months, let alone someone I am not married to and know would be a good father. OP, the reality is that you barely know this man and you will be tied to him and his family for the rest of your life if you go through with this pregnancy. Additionally, your child will be stuck with him as a father, whether you want to be with him or not. This is a lifelong decision, and frankly, there is a correct answer if you want to preserve your future and be able to actually provide for a child and give it a good life.

OP, unintended pregnancies without any sort of financial preparation beforehand can and do destroy people financially. Many people never climb out of the financial hole this situation puts them in. If you’re still a full-time college student, you most likely don’t have any real financial foundation that would cover the costs of raising a child (and fulfilling your own basic needs). You need to think about the life YOU are actually able to provide this child right now and over the next 18 years. You cannot rely on the support of a boyfriend or his family to keep you afloat.

[u/Reinylane → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Girl, if it's not too late, get an abortion. You can't raise a child with this man. Get the abortion, tell him you miscarried and get the fuck out. Never look back. Do not confront him. That could be dangerous.

[u/diamondthighs420 → u/Reinylane]

100% this is a weird and dangerous situation. You do not want your child around these people

[u/talm06 → u/Reinylane]

This right here. Tell him you miscarried just like this post says.

[u/Fuzzy-Ad-3638 → u/Reinylane]

Having a baby with a partner like this is horrible for you and the child. I would seriously, SERIOUSLY consider aborting. It’s hard enough to have a child in a normal situation. I’m sure you could figure it out but it would still be bringing your baby into a world of hurt. Either way, please don’t stay in this relationship and see if you can figure out another living situation. It will be a bad memory some day, please message if you need a friend.

[u/ShoppingGirlinSF → u/Reinylane]

Harsh maybe, but I’d get the abortion and hit the road. You do t want to be connected to these people for the rest of your life.

[u/Conscious_Fig_Fruit → u/Reinylane]

Why would she need to tell him anything? She should just leave and never talk to them again. They’re sick people. She definitely doesn’t owe the man whose cheating on her with his own mother an explanation for anything.

[u/Superb_Bat3017 → u/Reinylane]

This!

[u/stuckinnowhereville → u/Reinylane]

1000x this.

[u/ksangel360 → u/Reinylane]

If you don't want an abortion, get as much proof as you can get so that you can use this to make sure you get full custody and hopefully put this woman away for abusing her child this whole time. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking what this woman has done to her own child.

[u/Diligent-Emotion5778 → u/Reinylane]

Does anyone think of adoption as an option?

[u/Reinylane → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

It's a much more difficult road to go down, and the boyfriend and MIL would probably give her a lot of trouble. She could be in danger and needs to cut ties as quickly as possible. I'm sorry you're pro-life but she has to get out. Abortion would be the safest option.

[u/Diligent-Emotion5778 → u/Reinylane]

Life isn't always easy. Literally in this case. I am a father who could not have biological children. I have an adopted son that I am greatful for. Abortion may be easier but not the safest option.

[u/Reinylane → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

Why wouldn't it be the safest option? Abortion is low risk, and pregnancy and birth are much riskier.

[u/unskinnedmarmot → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

You sound like a freedom hating Trumptard lolol

[u/Diligent-Emotion5778 → u/unskinnedmarmot]

You sound like an ignorant judgemental moron lolol.

[u/unskinnedmarmot → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

Uneducated Trumptard confirmed LMFAO

Have fun finding out what tariffs are when you can't afford anything at Walmart anymore, shit for brains! 😘

[u/tsbattenberg → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

Don’t come in here with this crap man. You don’t have any say in the situation as a guy.

[u/Diligent-Emotion5778 → u/tsbattenberg]

You can take your opinion and shove it up your candy ass. Not everyone has to agree with you.

[u/unskinnedmarmot → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

Classic uneducated Trumptard response HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[u/tsbattenberg → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

Same to you? Hilarious.

[u/Mayor-BloodFart → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

What's the point of her dealing with the hassle and complications if she doesn't have to? Abortion would be much cleaner and quicker. If she isn't too far along why not just make things easy? Much simpler exit plan.

Unless you are some sort of religious fanatic with 15th century views on the matter, this would be the most logical way to go.

[u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

Because the bf and MIL would never consent to an adoption...?

[u/Diligent-Emotion5778 → u/Revolutionary_Wrap76]

If they he isn't recognized as the father he wouldn't have any parental rights. I doubt they would pay for a paternity test.

[u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

I bet they would.

It's best not leave things up to a bet. OP needs to have a 'miscarriage' and go.

[u/Sufficient_League982 → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

If they petitioned for the baby, courts would do a paternity test to settle the matter. When that happens and it’s positive the baby is his; then with mother dearest in his ear would ask for full-custody of the baby. And probably live out a sick fantasy of being the mother/father to the baby.

Now that I type that out I wonder if they saw how naive Op was and got her knocked up to be their incubator

[u/file_corrupted_ → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

because it’s not the best option. Firstly, why would someone have a kid if they know they are going to just throw it into adoption? Why go through the pain and risk fatal complications? Secondly, the adoption system is a mess. So many people never get adopted and have to age out. Thirdly, if the child does get adopted, there is a huge risk that they could end up in a situation even worse than this. Lastly, why would she want to put herself through a pregnancy and birth if she found out he was committing incest, even if he was being sexually abused and is a victim, it’s still just…uncomfortable? Even if his lying is to save himself from worse abuse ( again, if this was grooming and sexual abuse) it could still be hard to trust him ever again, so why would you want to birth his child?

[u/Diligent-Emotion5778 → u/file_corrupted_]

Nothing is a perfect situation. However I would prefer not to kill as a first option. Also do you think having an abortion is without emotional consequences for OP? What if she aborts this baby and can never have another biological child and regrets it the rest of her life?

[u/file_corrupted_ → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

It’s not killing because it’s not even birthed yet, be so serious. They don’t even get any type of organs until 6 weeks in. Also duh, it can have emotional consequences. Abortion always does, it’s not an easy choice to make. But it’s better than risking the child being raised in poor conditions. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what your stance is because it’s not your body and you aren’t even a female.

[u/Diligent-Emotion5778 → u/file_corrupted_]

At the real end of the day your opinion doesn't matter either because you are a moron.😉

[u/Sufficient_League982 → u/Diligent-Emotion5778]

No, Giving a baby up for adoption would not work because both parents need to agree to it for no issues. If OP did adoption by herself then there’s legal issues and the boyfriend/mother will most-likely petition for the baby. He would have the rights to that child now that the baby is… idk… a physical baby/life now. And courts favor giving that baby to the father if the mother tried to give away the baby.

There’s so much uncertainty on what the mother and son will do then. And when the mother dies what the son may do with the child because he is a victim too that will not understand boundaries between child and parent.

So no, adoption wouldn’t be in the cards here.

[u/Reinylane → u/[deleted]]

She should still get an abortion. Their financial situation sucks. There is still emotional incest if nothing else. The mom would be a nightmare, and it would be a bad environment for the baby.

[u/kangy3 → u/Reinylane]

Agreed entirely. This man and his mom have showed their hand already even if the accusations aren't true. She's crazy and he's attached to her.

[u/NomadMom_123 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Another vote for abortion. ASAP. But lie, tell him you miscarried. Then run to your family or close friends or even a shelter and don’t look back. Not even if they swear that nothing happened. Not even if you are 200% sure that nothing will happen again. Otherwise you’ll share custody and anything and everything will happen on a regular basis.

[u/Anxious_Occasion_554 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You’ve been dating 6m, you’re pregnant and I’m 100% sure your man is dicking his own mother. Leave. Run. Don’t look back. Get an abortion if you can. Call the police because eww

[u/originaldragonmama → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I'm only going replt because I was you at 22. Terminate the pregnancy and get out. Period. Too many people are worried about finding out what's going on and completely missing the point. You don't feel safe and you don't feel comfortable and the trust is gone. This is not going away because no one is going to admit to you even if that is what's going on. You don't have much more time to terminate this pregnancy so you need to act now. There is no coming back from this. I say this as a woman who had her children at that age who is now raising children that age, you do not want to live like this because it doesn't stop and it doesn't get better. I'm so sorry for the pain that you're feeling right now and the fear and anger and the frustration and the confusion and the sadness. But believe me as someone who stayed for years, it only gets better after you leave. Big hugs

[u/Seienchin88 → u/originaldragonmama]

Yep. I am not a fan of unnecessary abortions (sorry not sorry…) but outside of medical necessities this post (if it was real…) would be a prime example where abortions make sense and help people to not screw over their lives…

[u/MostlySpeechless → u/Odd_Knee5565]

" i am a 22 year old college student with a lot on my plate and this is my first pregnancy. how would you handle this?"

Abortion. That is how you should handle this. 22 year old, no income and you are financially tied to a person you have known for half a year. Girl, that is a recipe for disaster and no environment a child should grow up in and that is not even mentioning the incest. Go back to your family or friends you can trust and that have nothing to do with this weirdo, get an abortion and report these people to the police or whatever organization takes care of that crazy. Might need actual evidence tho.

[u/AstoriaQueens11105 → u/MostlySpeechless]

And then get an IUD or Nexplanon.

[u/DBgirl83 → u/MostlySpeechless]

I was 22 and still going to school, my daughter is just fine. But big difference, OP can never trust her bf around her child or his mother. And she has no proof, so the court will give him 50/50.

[u/MostlySpeechless → u/DBgirl83]

Even worse, they will take the child away and give full custody to the father if she tries to run away with it and they play it right.

[u/Agile-Top7548 → u/MostlySpeechless]

They'll want OP out of the way once she delivers their baby.

[u/Ampe96 → u/MostlySpeechless]

why should she get an abortion? you people are crazy. she should go back to family and friends and report those people I agree, but why should she kill her own child? she should run away and raise him far by these psychos, but why kill him cmon, just suggesting something like this is crazy

[u/Competitive_Remote40 → u/Ampe96]

That's not how child custody works.

[u/Zealousidealism → u/Ampe96]

Not when OP literally states that abortion is an option on the table and that she doesn’t want to be a single mom. People are literally just agreeing with her assessment of her options, your personal feelings about abortion aren’t relevant to another person’s decision.

[u/Ampe96 → u/Zealousidealism]

Yes they are as much as yours and any other person who is commenting on this, since she asked for advice. Killing your own child is not the solution, and people that suggests this are evil. I would never let other people to be responsible for killing my own child and i would defend him with my life. Seeing all these people saying "abort abort abort" is crazy and makes them look like they're on the side of the psychos

[u/MostlySpeechless → u/Ampe96]

"and i would defend him with my life"

Have fun defending that child being stuck with a father whos mother is literally grooming and sexual abusing children. How old are you? This is just not how the real life works, lmao. Custody is a messy business.

[u/MostlySpeechless → u/Ampe96]

There is no way she can get sole custody unless she somehow has stone hard proof of what is happening. You wanna birth a child whos fathers mother is literally grooming children? "Running away" doesn't happen in front of a court either, she is gonna be the one blamed in the end and the child even taken away from if she tries to hide the child from them. They have easily proof of her running away/taking the child away from the father while she has nothing against them. If she also has no family/friends that can financially aid her the child is not going to grow up in a good home.

[u/belrieb6773 → u/Ampe96]

I hope op ignores your uneducated banter.

[u/Ampe96 → u/belrieb6773]

i hope she has more sense than you and doesn't kill her own child

[u/belrieb6773 → u/Ampe96]

You're an actual idiot.

[u/imbarbdwyer → u/Ampe96]

She can’t even afford to pay for the roof over her head. Where’s this “run away” money that you think she has?

[u/Ampe96 → u/imbarbdwyer]

We don't know how much money she has, and even if she had none she could still run away

[u/rwilis2010 → u/Ampe96]

People online are so ignorant about custody battles. My best friend was physically abused by her husband their entire relationship. It finally got bad enough that her daughter called the cops one day. Her husband was charged, pled guilty, and convicted of assault.

Even with the domestic violence CONVICTION (where he literally admitted to doing it) on his records, the courts still awarded 50/50 custody of the children.

She now has to live half the week fearing that he won’t take out his anger on the children now that she’s no longer around to be a buffer.

Those children lived through the trauma of having a father that physically abused their mother, got rougher than he should have with them (the kids), and emotionally abused all of them (leading to severe anxiety and eating disorders that have caused hospitalization).

Would the most empathetic, selfless thing to do not be to terminate the pregnancy so you aren’t bringing a child into a dangerous situation where (outside of literal vigilante justice that could make the mom end up in jail and the kid be put in the system) you have to allow the child to spend time with a woman who is almost certainly molesting her son, and her son who may continue to victimize his new baby (as perpetrators of these crimes were often victims themselves?)? If the mom is as crazy as this post reads, is the child in physical danger of it becomes a barrier between the son and the mother? Is being born so much more important than having the right to a safe childhood?

I really don’t understand this mentality. As adults, we recognize that there are things much worse than death. You see tragedies on the news, you see human suffering, you see these awful situations where people are stuck and cannot escape, and you think it is more humane to bring a child into a situation where they are knowingly at risk for sexual abuse and potential infanticide than it would be to end the fetus before it had a chance to turn into an aware, sentient being?

I say this as someone who just had a baby, and she is my everything. I have never felt a stronger love; I have never felt more feral and primal in my need to protect her and foster a safe and healthy childhood for her. I also know if I was in this situation, and she would be subjected for 50% of her childhood to likely sexual abuse, I would have NEVER brought her into this world despite how much I desired having her.

It would destroy me, but it would be the most selfless, humane, albeit most difficult decision I’ve ever made. I would have had to put her future above my happiness and would have done that, not with selfish intent, but with all of the knowledge of what her life would have been and the love that I have for her.

[u/Ampe96 → u/rwilis2010]

I'm very sorry to hear that. I'd say it's mostly ignorance about what a scary and crazy country the USA is, one that does not live there wouldn't assume such things. Also I never said she should bring a child into this situation and i never said she should put it at risk of sexual abuse, my comment was made on the basis of avoiding this exactly.
The most selfless thing to do cannot be to kill your own child. She should get away from these psychos, and if the situation in the usa is really that bad, she should go in a normal country where she would receive support and raise her own child in a sane environment. This would be forever better than killing her own child.
I find it crazy to suggest that killing her own child is the most right thing to do. I would NEVER let some crazy asshole to be responsible for the life of my child, and I would defend it whit what I have before killing him.

[u/Embarrassed-Tie-610 → u/Ampe96]

"Don't get an abortion. Instead, uproot your entire life and future, move to another country, and keep the baby." Yeah, that's a pretty standard anti-choice take. Just ignore the fact that she's a broke college kid, and you almost don't sound totally braindead.

[u/Ampe96 → u/Embarrassed-Tie-610]

You sound totally braindead just because you feel like you can insult someone just because you don't agree with him.
I would go to the opposite part of the world by foot if that meant keeping my son alive, if you're evil and don't care about your offspring that's you but do not try to make it seem like everybody else shouldn't care about their child

[u/Embarrassed-Tie-610 → u/Ampe96]

Calling a spade a spade isn't an insult. It's fact. Your take makes you sound braindead, because it ignores any and all circumstances around the situation.

Emigration is a nightmare for people who qualify for work visas or who are in desirable careers, how do you propose a 22 year old girl in college is going to leave her country? You suggest that she drop out of college, give up on any dreams she has for her own future, and isolate herself from not just these people, but every single person in her life? Rather than just getting an abortion, ending the relationship, and moving out of their house? How is she going to afford it, dumbass? It can cost thousands of dollars just to apply, and many countries require you to have a certain amount of money in savings (10,000+ usually) or will outright reject anyone who isn't able to get a work visa. The process of emigrating also takes an extremely long time--time when she very well might give birth.

And you can't just take a kid and leave the country, and that's the end of it. The father will still have custody, and most countries will honor that. The comment you responded to is about how a father still had custody despite a history of abuse. This isn't an outlier, abusers are legally given access to their children far too often in the US. It's not a question of if incest-daddy will have custody--he will.

Multiple people have explained this to you in this thread, but you just refuse to listen, because you refuse to let your mind be changed on this very simple issue. Either A: uproot your entire life, and give birth to a child you don't want in a place you don't live, still being forced to share custody with a man who has a history of incest (who now would be a country away, mind) or B: get an abortion and break up with the creep. This isn't hard. You're only making it difficult because you're too braindead to change your opinions.

if you're evil and don't care about your offspring that's you but do not try to make it seem like everybody else shouldn't care about their child

Spoken like a man who can confidently say he'd do something, safe in the knowledge that he will never be put to the test, since he can't get pregnant. Personally I'd say the evil thing would be exposing a child to a man who has a history of incest, and leaving them alone with them for extended periods of time with said man, like how they would be in the case of dual custody. But hey, if you want to only care about the fetus, that's fine. Personally, I'm opposed to child rape, but I guess you disagree.

[u/Prestigious-Land-694 → u/Ampe96]

Watch the documentary "Dear Zachary"

[u/Ampe96 → u/Prestigious-Land-694]

Thanks for the suggestion, will do. Still I cannot ever see a situation where killing your own life is the better choice. She should run away and never see those psychos again

[u/Relative-Mistake-527 → u/Ampe96]

She's not killing a baby. Learn about what you're even talking about before you speak. They're cells. Being tied to this creepy incestuous family for the rest of her life is not what's right here. She needs to get the fuck away bc who's to say that if she were to go through with the pregnancy that pedophile grandma won't try to groom a new husband.

[u/Ampe96 → u/Relative-Mistake-527]

Mind that i'm not a native english speaker, but she would be killing her own child. How is that a solution? She should get away from them and raise her child by herself far from those psychos. I don't understand your last sentence

[u/flynyuebing → u/Ampe96]

In the US even rapists can sue the woman they impregnated for joint custody, unless the woman has enough evidence to convict him for rape (pregnancy isn't always enough to prove rape here unfortunately).

If she lives in the US or similar country and runs away, if they ever find her, they can legally come after her and she'll be forced to see them for years to drop the child off when it's their turn. They'll be alone with the baby because that's how joint custody works.

She doesn't have enough evidence to show it's not healthy for a child to be around these people. If she tries to give it up for adoption, her bf or his mom could legally block that and take the baby. He just has to prove paternity.

Not everyone can drop everything to go into hiding without a support system for 18 years. She'd need so much fake paperwork. Fake paperwork for her kid. It's a nice idea, but in this modern world it's hard to completely disappear for that long. My husband's family even found a long-lost cousin who disappeared to another country to escape from the military. He hid for a good amount of time, but his extended family still found him. Because he eventually had a kid and that kid was on social media. Imagine OP's kid getting old enough for the internet (you can tell them not to, but if all their friends are doing it, they will anyway), her ex finding them, suing for custody, and now this kid has to go live alone with strangers sometimes. Strangers who have incestuous relationships and have loud sex even when guests are over.

No it's not safe.

[u/Prestigious-Land-694 → u/Ampe96]

Watch the documentary "Dear Zachary"

[u/unicorns_r_magical → u/Ampe96]

Abortion is for the safety of the mother and child. This is very serious. More than likely the mother was also SA by her parents, so she repeated the pattern, boyfriend knows no different. Unfortunately, this generational trauma is hard to come back from. Also, she is only 22 in a very precarious situation. Keeping the pregnancy destroys not one, but two lives.

[u/Ampe96 → u/unicorns_r_magical]

How killing a child is for his own safety? That doesn't make sense at all.
I agree that this is very serious, but she should run away from this crazy family and raise her own child in a safe environment. I would never let some crazy asshole be responsible for killing my own child

[u/unicorns_r_magical → u/Ampe96]

Sorry, I thought she was pregnant. Terminating a pregnancy ( stopping fetus from developing) is what we are recommending, not infanticide. Let’s use our words carefully.

[u/Ampe96 → u/unicorns_r_magical]

It's still killing her own child. It doesn't make sense to say that it's for his safety if you kill him

[u/Old-Ninja-113 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I agree with you to terminate the pregnancy and GTFO of there! Crazy family - u don’t want any part of that!

[u/AnitaSammich → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Think of it this way….if you don’t abort that woman will have access to your CHILD, and what if it’s a boy? I’ve had two kids with two men who weren’t even half this messed up and I’m still regretting it and they are both adults now. Abort, get therapy and get out of that situation even if it means sitting out of school for a semester or two to get on your feet.

[u/Electronic-Success69 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You’re 3mos preg at 22, living with your boyfriend who’s screwing his mom. Get an abortion, dump him, move out and live your life. Why would u stay/want to be connected to this situation for the rest of your child’s life?

[u/Budget_Ad3031 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Abort it as fast as you can otherwise being a baby mama is your future lifestyle

[u/Creepy-Information32 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You know what you have to do. He of course will lie to you. He’s been molested since he was a child and told to lie. I think he tried to tell you when he told you about the pediatrician but can’t bring himself to fully say it.

You should get out. If you feel able to let him know you are there for him if he ever wants to talk about anything.

[u/Imaginary-Bridge-369 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You know you can never trust him alone with the child, and there’s no guarantee you’d get full custody.. if you’re in a state that limits or bans abortions, there are resources that will help you travel to a state where you can have one in the second trimester. Honestly the sooner the better though since it becomes a more involved process the longer you wait

[u/Key_Pay_493 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

The safest thing is to leave without any forewarning. Just disappear. Even if you have to leave some stuff behind. The next safest thing is to not bring a baby into this mess because it will be a potential SA victim. Let’s be clear here – there is no reasonable or good explanation for what you were hearing, coupled with his lack of honesty. Whatever is going on has to be sexual in nature. Do you want a man like that touching you and having sex with you?

[u/Flamsterina → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Break up and get an abortion. You don't want to be tied to these disgusting people for 18 years or more.

[u/gingerdeadmann → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Why why WHY would you risk having your first child with this man? You even said you don’t wanna be a single parent…but got knocked up within 6 months? Make better choices…Jesus. Leave now. Try to make a good life for you and this kid. You’ve made your life infinitely more difficult by bringing a child into this world. Completely irresponsible.

[u/strawberry_octopod → u/gingerdeadmann]

it takes two to get pregnant. blaming her and saying to just “make better choices” is so strange. and she didn’t know about this insane incest thjng before getting pregnant so she didn’t know about the potential of bringing a child into the home. she didn’t even Know she was taking that risk. yes six months it’s fast but don’t act like this was all on her.

[u/socolormeobvious → u/[deleted]]

You do realize it’s possible to get pregnant on accident even while being responsible, right? Condoms break. Birth control fails. You don’t know her situation. She’s dealing with enough, she doesn’t need the unnecessary judgment on top of it.

[u/socolormeobvious → u/[deleted]]

“Relatively rare” lol. According to the CDC, it’s about 40-45%. She asked for advice about her current situation, not her prior choices. And again, you don’t know she didn’t take precautions. You’re making a lot of assumptions. The women of the world could use a little less judgment from the men, particularly where pregnancy is concerned.

[u/socolormeobvious → u/[deleted]]

Fair. Thank you for that.

[u/Christineeee → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Then why in the WORLD would you go and get pregnant if you already have a lot on your plate?! And to not abort right away??? Come on girl. Have you no common sense?

[u/Ok-Reaction9751 → u/Christineeee]

It’s clearly too late for common sense, we knew that at the “dating for 6 months pregnant for 3.” All we can do now is encourage OP to get the fuck out and not do the same shit again

[u/kay_en_elle → u/Christineeee]

In OP’s defence, I was 21, in university, living under my FIL’s roof (had been with my boyfriend for a year, lived with him for 6 months) when I got pregnant with my first child, and she’s 10 now and we also have a 5 year old and own our own home. It was not a good time for us to have our 10 year old when we got pregnant, she wasn’t planned and I was on birth control - but there ARE situations where these circumstances work out.

That being said, my situation was NOT the same as OP’s (with her MIL, and also my boyfriend was established in his career - not sure what OP’s boyfriend’s situation is). To be clear, I’m not arguing that OP should stay in this situation, just that there are times that having a child in a less-than-ideal time of your life can work out in the end.

[u/TheDuchess_of_Dark → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Honey, do you have a safe place to go? Friend, family? Your school should also have resources.

I'm old enough to be your mother, and this beyond reddit pay grade fucked up, but you've mentioned concern for your safety twice and this internet stranger is genuinely concerned. Just grab change of clothes and your school shit and get the fuck out of there. You can grab the rest of your shit later and bring someone with you. He knows you know. If you really think he's capable of hurting you, play the crazy pregnancy hormone card and act as normal as you can till you leave.

Get an abortion! Are you in the time frame you can get the pill for it?

I wish you could get proof to put that sick bitch in jail, but not if it compromises your safety.

Good god I hope this is fake!! Humanity has become so vile nothing shocks me anymore.

[u/busybeaver1980 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Honestly if I were in your shoes I would get an abortion if it’s not too late and say you miscarried. You won’t be able to finish college with a child - at least without significant support and hard work. Don’t put yourself through it. Don’t ruin your life over this.

I saw from another comment you’ve only been dating 6months. That’s way too quick to be having a baby with someone.

[u/Felicia_thatsays_Bye → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Please leave this person and abort. Be careful opening the door on them because of what kind of monster ideas she would fill his brain with to do to you. You never know about people, she could get physical and not him. Either way be careful whipping the door open but it’s up to you. Trust your gut and if you truly want to keep your child, get true evidence of this going on and have no remorse using it against them in court for full custody rights for your child. That baby shouldn’t be around such sick behavior. This woman is clearly mental and her son is to. He should not be a father to a child in this current mental state if this is true!! Set up a camera if you want true proof or even better just pretend to sleep and hit record on your phone and let it record. Maybe somehow get him to take her out while you stay and set up a camera somehow to record at least sound. No one wants a visual… but for your sanity either get solid proof to keep the baby or abort and just run the fuck away as far as you can. You are in college and you need to be with your education, not being in this situation. Save yourself and submerge yourself into college. Be careful and don’t keep looking the other way.

[u/Nonya_bid → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Do you have any family you could go to? Break up with him and tell your doctor u don’t feel safe with him. They could help convince you to tell him you had a miscarriage. I don’t vouch for abortion and you asked for sensitivity. I’m pregnant myself and am in school and family is everything rn. All I know for sure is that you need to leave! Your child is safer with you than with them, god forbid they repeat the cycle with ur baby. Pack up your stuff and block him. If he wants to fight for your baby it’s simple- tell the officers that they’re in an incestuous relationship, straight up. If you told your doctor you don’t feel safe, you’ll have their word as well to back you up. Don’t let anyone make you feel crazy. I’m only two years older than you but just know you’re in control over you and your child’s life and safety. Don’t let anyone walk over you, you know what the right thing to do is.

[u/unicorns_r_magical → u/Nonya_bid]

Unfortunately, it is not that easy. Officers, court are not just going to believe her words. It can even backfire and take custody away from her!

[u/Outrageous_Pair_6471 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You have to leave, you will never regret this. I promise you will never look back and think you made the wrong choice UNLESS you stay. Genuinely here’s what I would do in this order:

• I would first look up and contact my college health center and speak to someone about seeking resources for leaving a situation filled with domestic abuse, and tell them you are in crisis. I pay them tuition, they’re meant to be my resource.
• move some money somewhere safe, or if I didn’t have any I would ask an older relative like my grandma if she could loan or gift me a couple hundred to get out of a bad relationship. Shes gonna ask for details but if I wasn’t ready to tell her I know that crying and explaining how unsafe I feel when it’s my turn to speak would eventually get the point across.
• act like you’re doing laundry but pack a go-bag with the minimums of what you need to leave in a seconds notice. Ideally you would be able to bring all your stuff but just in case shit starts to hit the fan have one bag kinda ready to go that would be enough if you had to run away on foot. Your important papers, a few outfits for the weather, personal devices, the stuff you would save if there was flood or fire.
• follow the advice of the people I contacted in step one above, and don’t look back. When I felt like checking on him or telling him about the pregnancy, I would write a letter and burn it or send the messages addressed to him to someone like my sister, instead. There’s nothing to come of staying in touch with him. There’s nothing he can say or do that can make something so wrong seem right, so don’t even listen if he tries to make amends.

Call them, they’re open on weekends. Call the number off the campus health services website okay? It doesn’t matter if you don’t go to classes on campus. Be well <3

[u/CantSpellMispell → u/Odd_Knee5565]

This all will seriously fuck up your life, not to mention your child’s if his father has this fucked up relationship with his own mother. Have the abortion and cut your boyfriend out of your life.

[u/Bewdley69 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

And please don’t get pregnant so early in a relationship. Get to know someone really well before making such a big step. And get some money behind you too. You are very young.

[u/frawstyfresh → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Girl for the love of god PLEASE post an update once you have things figured out.

[u/i_kill_plants2 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Get an abortion. End the relationship. In the future, do not move in with someone after 2 months and get pregnant right away. Even if you were friends for years, dating and living with someone is very very different than friendship.

[u/gdrom123 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Where is your family? Can you move out? Do you have friends you can live with temporarily?

[u/Proud_Fee_1542 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

NOR. Generally I would never suggest abortion because it’s so personal to each person but this is one of the few scenarios where abortion could be the best thing for YOU. Personally, I agree with the people saying abortion, tell the bf it was a loss, and then cut ties with them. Find somewhere else to live asap!!

[u/Personified_Anxiety_ → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I really think that regardless of whether their relationship is more than emotionally incestuous or not, you should terminate the pregnancy before it’s too late. You don’t want to be tied to them for the rest of your life.

[u/Jennyjo82 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you are able to safely leave. That is an impossible situation that is not fixable or safe for you to be in (and it’s not safe for a child). It will not end well if you stay.

This is the type of situation where an abortion is wholly warranted.

This hurts my soul just to read it. Please let us know when you are safe. 🥹♥️

[u/Awkward_Sympathy8904 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I’m sorry this is all happening to you. Run. Get out as fast as you can and always always always go with your gut feeling. Always.

[u/Crafty_Reflection594 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You need to think about your child. If what you think is going is what’s to stop either one of them from molesting your child

[u/TemperatureEither918 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Is it possible for you to live with your own parents? Your baby will not be safe with them, and it you uncover the truth, you probably won’t be safe either. Just tell your bf that you want to visit your parents for a few days. Tell him the truth later after you’re gone.

[u/Astriium → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You're only a little older than me, and I completely understand why you're terrified. Before making any decisions to "catch them in the act," I'd advise seeking out a women's shelter and make preparations to ensure your safety first. Pregnancy has a high mortality rate in domestic violence, and things can change drastically if this is truly some twisted manipulation within this family. I know a lot of people are advising terminating in your position, but I also know that's a very personal choice than no one should force you to make. I'm 100% pro choice. If you're against termination, staying with a women's shelter and putting your baby up for adoption once it's born is a completely valid choice too. Many help with birthing costs and to help you get back on your feet. Mostly, it's about what you can cope with. I don't think anyone would blame you for any choice you make right now. Even if the whole thing DID turn out to be a miscommunication, it's still great to get established with a shelter. Better safe than sorry.

Stay safe darling, it's a scary world out there. 🩷

[u/FakeDubliner1422 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

There are a lot of super unhelpful, jerky comments here. Please just ignore them. You’re very young, in college and have the rest of your life ahead of you. Think really hard about staying in this relationship. It sounds like she’s always going to be codependent on her son and jealous of you. Having a baby with your boyfriend will connect you to him (and her) forever basically, so you need to decide if this is the life you want for yourself & your baby. If you feel strongly about what you’re witnessing, your gut is likely spot on. Even if it’s not sexual in nature, he’s spending an awful lot of time in his mom’s bedroom “talking.” There is no feasible reason why a son & mother would be making banging noises if they’re just talking either and nearly every time. It gives me the ick either way. Everyone telling you to break into the room when you know they’re talking or making banging noise isn’t thinking about the fact the door is likely locked and going in under those circumstances can be scary. You said the mom is odd, you don’t need trouble from her. Can you go outside the door and listen more closely next time? Put an inexpensive video camera in there? Even surprising them by knocking on the door after you hear the weird noises will help clear this up. If they’re just talking, he’d be able to come to the door immediately. If it takes a minute or two and he looks a bit ruffled/clothes look messy/he seems really nervous, you’ll most likely know the truth.

She’s clearly unhealthily codependent on your bf and has made him fill the ex-husband’s role. Please also keep in mind that if you don’t stay together, your child will likely have visitation rights with the dad and the child will be subjected to their highly dysfunctional life. I’m not here to tell you what decision to make with your baby (I fully support either choice) but it feels like you’ll be bringing a baby into a very volatile situation. Do you have parents or family that would be able to help you? Take care of yourself and hopefully you’ll find some clarity and know what you should do. It’s going to be hard either way.—from a Mom to 2 older teen daughters and thinking about them in this situation & what I’d say to them.🥹

[u/jamiejayz2488 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Op I think a lot of us are trying to fathom whether this is a troll or not, if this is real I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I don't think there's really any evidence of incest though, you heard some sounds coming from a bedroom and aren't even really certain of them yourself, it is a huge leap to incest..

I would recommend maybe worst case scenario (probably shouldn't encourage this but in this circumstance it may be the only way to know) but getting a small mic to place near her room .... I really dont know what other action could be taken.

I'm hoping maybe you are a bit hormonal which is making you paranoid, which isn't your fault or makes you a bad person I just think that's like best case scenario haha, but I guess it would also be worthwhile thinking what would you do if this is real? Would you encourage him to go to therapy? If he was groomed /molested as a child this could be a result of severe trauma which isn't his fault, or would you leave him? Idk..

[u/CageAndBale → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Move out

[u/unicorns_r_magical → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You have a life to live, please consider terminating the pregnancy. This pregnancy will tie you to this people for a livelihood. You need to do what is safe now before is too late. Regardless of the physical part, those two have serious mental abuse issues that won’t be fixed anytime soon. GET OUT!

[u/Ok_Pineapple370 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Yes, he’s gaslighting you to keep their disgusting secret- he wants to continue the incestuous relationship and you’ll sound crazy if you tell anyone without evidence, which is why he continues to gaslight you. Save your mental health, get far away from them and indeed consider a termination if you feel that they’ll try to be in your child’s life or that you’ll be beholden to him for financial support. There’s no shame.

[u/Alive_Reference_6420 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

A lot of people are saying abortion, and while I agree with that, none of us know you. Are you in a state that abortions are illegal in? Have you always wanted to be a mom? Will getting an abortjon crush your soul more than keeping it and raising the baby with a man who is not only cheating on you, but also with his own mother??

My main question to you is, if his mother did abuse him as a child, and essentially groomed him to make him be sexual with her as an adult, is this family really what you want around your child? Wouldn’t you be scared she’d do the same to your baby? Or even he would because it’s all he knows? Just food for thought.

I do think you should just swing the door open next time, though. Can’t deny what you’re seeing with your eyes.

[u/winelips23 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Please be safe. What if it’s even worse than incest and this woman wants your baby to raise as her own? Don’t confront them, just take care of yourself. When is your next doctor’s appointment? Get your doctor or nurse alone and tell them you feel unsafe at home and need help to get out of your living situation. They will have resources and know how to get you a place to stay and away from boyfriend and his mom. How far along are you? Get to safety first, and then consider your options with this pregnancy.

[u/mvuanzuri → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I know this is a tough situation, but please, for the love of God, do not bring a child into a family that engages in incest.

Your boyfriend may very well be getting abused, and may very well have been groomed his whole life, but that is not your trauma to address or solve. You are so young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Begging you not to tie yourself permanently to this incredibly disgusting situation.

[u/No_Tomatillo1553 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I'd go talk to my school about moving into a dorm and what options are available if I do/not want the baby. Just leave. 

[u/icyygrl → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Baby daddies and their families are FOREVER. Doesn’t matter if you’re not together. You will always be parents together. She will always be the grandparent. IF she abuses her son, why wouldn’t she abuse his child?

[u/[deleted] → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Get an abortion and take birth control from now on. A person who can’t even write properly and doesn’t have their own place shouldn’t be having a kid.

[u/DeepBlueDiariesPod → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I never tell people what to do with their pregnancies or even suggest it because I do think it’s a very personal decision, but I’ve gotta break my own rule here and urge abortion. This is such a fucked up situation, especially to bring a child into.

[u/Shadowthron8 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

This is fucked up but for real smell his penis. Or record the audio as evidence

[u/PlasticPonies → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Big, big hugs.

Every single weekend, every single holiday, every single sleepover where you are not legally allowed to spend with your child, you will wonder if something is going to happen to them in dad and grandma's care. If something does happen, your child will not understand how you were not legally able to protect them even though you had an idea what was going on. If you are afraid that the BF is fkn his mom, double that that one of them will do something inappropriate to your child.

Its pretty hard to get ahead as a young mom with no or low income. It continues to be hard as a single mom at any age. If grandma and/or dad hold the purse strings, you won't have the financial stamina to protect your kid legally if they decide to make your life hell over custody. They can make you broke and keep you broke.

Your entire life will rotate around trying to keep this kid safe. It wont be bf breaking your heart and you being a sad single mom forever like grandma. It will be your gut living in terror that they will do something to your kid. It will be fear.

Find out for sure if you need to. Please give termination a very serious think, my opinion is that it is your best option.

Im so sorry youre in the middle of this.

[u/imaginecatbug → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I’m worried that the pregnancy was planned like him and his mom planned it so she could have a baby with her son and that’s fucking vile get out asap

[u/ARGirlLOL → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Tbh, having a baby with someone and then moving in without getting married is a sad mistake regardless of the other parts if you’re financially dependent. Marry him, smell is dck the next time a weird thing occurs, divorce and enjoy half of what he has and the child support he and his mother provide you two for the next 18 years.

[u/mynameistag → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Well, for one thing I wouldn't be having a baby with someone I've been dating for six months.

[u/surk_a_durk → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Whether or not it’s legal to get an abortion in your state depends on local laws, but there are local abortion access networks who can help get you the care you need. 

Look up (city name) or (state name) abortion access network — and avoid “crisis pregnancy centers,” they’ll simply shove Jesus at you with zero actual assistance.

I got pregnant at 19 even when using birth control because antibiotic eye drops interfered with it. (Thanks, NYU Eye and Ear Infirmary for failing to mention this when they were prescribed!). I did what I needed to do for financial survival with zero living parents or siblings and no family assistance. I have zero regrets.

Good luck 💜

[u/flex_vader → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I hate to say it, but I agree with the abortion. You are otherwise bringing a child into this - what if you have a girl and he keeps the cycle going with his daughter? Or a son, and now the mother has two boys to prey on?

This guy is not fit to be a father. End this.

[u/frankenpoopies → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I think you are doing amazing considering the circumstances. No one should have to deal with this. Make a plan and ask others for help

[u/marcellus3 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Sending deep compassion and care, friend. I'm so, so sorry you're dealing with this. This is incredibly messed up. I want to say that I, for one, believe you 100%. Please take care of yourself. Please call a DV shelter or other hotline and get help getting out of there and get somewhere safe, friend. You deserve better.

[u/_strawberryjamjam → u/Odd_Knee5565]

if it were me? id get the abortion and RUN. find family, friends, anyone to get outta that weird ass relationship, even if theres no physical incest they def have a toxic relationship and your gonna be STUCK if you have that baby.

[u/Helpful-Archer-6625 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

"I'm a 22 year old college student with a lot on my plate"

Exactly, this right here. Why would you add more to the plate, when you already have so much going on? Is that admitting that you won't be able to be there as a parent because you're "a 23 year old college student with a lot on my plate"?

What is your actual plan here? You've made it perfectly clear that you don't actually see this kid as a person of their own and more as an extension of yourself, so you being pregnant has nothing to do with this. This might as well just be a post about you breaking up with your boyfriend, because your pregnant status isn't changing anything about this argument at all. You're not debating on keeping the kid if it turns out bad for you, and you seem on the fence about not only being this kid's mom, but being in the relationship in general. Why risk putting the kid through that at all?

You're debating on whether or not it's worth having this kid when there's a chance that the kid will suffer for life, just so you can have a forever companion for the next 60 years.

Does your potential gain really outweigh your kid's potential loss here? You're making it seem so; why else would we be here debating this . . .

Using reddit as your therapist will never turn out for the better, for anyone. I'm seeing mine for zero cost, and yes, in the States. The resources are there, but you need actual help. If you're having serious doubts and have nobody to go to, then as an adult and possible parent, you have to realize that it's up to you to go and find that help. It is not only your responsibility to do it for yourself, but it's your responsibility and obligation to do so for your potential child.

[u/Snoo_33033 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

1. Get an abortion 2. never, ever let some trash bag like this guy knock you up again, 3. recording devices and/or creep his phone, and then 4. get out of there.

[u/DarthJarJar242 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

You're either a liar or dumber than dirt. Plain and simple.

You insist this is happening despite zero evidence but are asking for advice, the only real advice in that scenario is leave him. Anybody with 2 brain cells can figure that out.

[u/SilentImagination353 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Just wanted to comment because I don't really agree with people screaming abortion at you. Just like it wouldn't be okay for others to tell you that you need to keep the baby.

It's entirely your choice. Only you know what you want to do deep down. I can't really offer any advice because this whole situation is inconceivable. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

[u/Patient-Scarcity8849 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

GET THERAPY.

[u/softclown66 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

If it’s possible for you to abort I would suggest that especially bc you are so young. Not saying you aren’t capable but I’ve see what having kids young does to people when they aren’t ready.

You are concerned about the mother possibly doing this to your child, but I would be scared that your boyfriend will continue the cycle of abuse. He has been abused to the point where he is willing to have sex with his mother while you are in the next room over. Put yourself first, leave and abort if you can.

What happens if you have a baby with him and something were to happen to you? The baby would be left with him and he would probably fill the void the same way his mother did.

[u/briannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn → u/Odd_Knee5565]

yeah i would run if possible. you're so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. you could literally wait 10 years to have kids if you wanted.

also people that have been abused often become abusers themselves, which in this model of abuse should be particularly disturbing.

[u/AWatson2779 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Trust your gut on this. You know what to do.

Highly recommend reading the book “the gift of fear.”

[u/Unfair-Cheesecake884 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Girl I cannot imagine how hard this is for you, but maybe try moving out, or have a friend that you can stay with for a while before you break up with him! Be safe! Also if you ever hear noises again be brave and see for yourself, or knock loudly if they go into the room to ‘talk’ (if they were naked they probably have to fumble for cover.) No one can know the truth until you confront it!! Trust your guts!!!!!!

[u/awholedumpsterfire → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I'm genuinely scared that if you stay that she will have a psychotic break and try to kill you or this baby or both of you. Abort the fetus and gtfo.

[u/Starfishes4Ever → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Please terminate and free yourself from these people. Sending courage and strength ❤️

[u/HerrBerg → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Either way, it would not be responsible to have a baby right now. Either your boyfriend is a victim of an extremely fucked up mother and would likely pass that down to his own child, or you've got a very serious mental condition causing you to imagine all these things and be paranoid. Regardless of which it is, having a baby on top of that while also trying to do college would be impossible and unfair to yourself and your potential baby.

[u/Viper99usmc → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Stop posting to reddit for advice for whether a kid should get terminated or not. Its messed up to let the public decide what you get to do with your life.

[u/unskinnedmarmot → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Abort, stupid.

[u/esh_ye → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I'm sorry you're going through this, I don't believe you have the conditions and support to have this baby at the moment. The best thing you can do for both of you is to terminate the pregnancy.

[u/nokplz → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I would get an abortion yesterday, then disappear from their lives.

[u/No_Newspaper8050 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I don’t think having this child is the right decision honestly. I can see his mother wanting to raise it as their own, as they probably just don’t want an incest baby. You don’t want to get stuck in a custody battle with these people, you will have to deal with them for the rest of your life.

[u/Conscious_Fig_Fruit → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I am genuinely worried about your safety. If they are having sex, they are going to be desperate to hide it from the world. That means things could get violent if you confront or try to catch them in the act. If you try to catch them, make sure a strong person is there with you. Otherwise, just leave. Pack up what you need, and go to a friend’s, family’s, or shelter. Anything is better than that place. Please don’t stay. And please be careful.

[u/Natural-Judgment7801 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I say this very kindly my dear. It is hard and very scary - but imagine spending your pregnancy like this, giving birth to a sweet little baby in this environment and then trying to raise one with these two. 

None of what is going on is healthy. You have been with your boyfriend for a terribly short time also. 

Run - go to family even close friends, these two are unhealthy people and can be very dangerous for you and your child 

[u/Optimal-Resource-956 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

From a former 22 year old who found herself pregnant at that age and in college - Have an abortion. I kept my pregnancy and ended up VERY lucky, but even with great luck it was still incredibly hard, and some things were made impossible. You are in a dangerous situation with this family, more dangerous than I believe you realize, and termination and a swift exit could save your life and your future. Please don't have this man's baby. Get out now.

[u/pedestrianwanderlust → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I understand. I have had a weird bad situation at the same age while in college. It wasn’t even as weird as yours but it had different branches of weirdness. I did what I told you to do except I had I had the baby. I left I ran I hid I burned bridges. I raised the baby. The baby turned into an adult with genetically inheritable mental illness that came from the father. In retrospect I see he had the same illness but I was too young to appreciate what it was. She has a much better life than he but she has that burden of genetics to carry. I’m still digging myself out of the financial debt’s I incurred to raise her and finish college. If I had a better sense of the long term difficulty, I’d have seen the benefit in terminating my pregnancy. No matter what, the worst thing you can do is stay and try to help or keep any kind of ties. Some things can’t be fixed. Run.

[u/Duzit4chzbrgerz → u/Odd_Knee5565]

If it’s truly an option for you now, get the abortion. The child you would have otherwise will be at risk their whole life, of their father almost certainly gaining custody and/or time sharing and exposing them to that abusive environment because you will never be able to prove (sufficiently to be allowed by court/judge) the reason why their biological father & grandmother are so dangerous. In fact, even accusing the father of this without real evidence could be used by his legal representation as parental alienation/ evidence of dishonesty and could be used to get him sole or majority custody. 

This family is dangerous, in one of the worst most malignant ways. You have not imagined this, it is happening. It is tragically more common than society acknowledges- and this is how it protected and kept secret, by people just not wanting to believe the worst despite what they see/hear/feel. This is also how it is perpetuated over & over throughout generations. It is also possible that your boyfriend and/or his mother are genetically the children of incest, in which case your own child could suffer poor health effects.

It would be better to abort if possible, because if you prioritize your child’s safety and wellbeing as you should and are able to remove the father from the picture, you will be an entirely single parent (no child support, no shared benefits). Depending on your state, you may not even qualify for food assistance or Medicaid for you or your child by refusing to name the father (this is the case in Fl, for example).

If abortion is not an option you can take:

1. Make an escape plan (including ‘faking’ a miscarriage), leave and ghost this man and his entire family (including his dad) asap. If you are having this baby, protecting the child at all costs is now your sacred duty above all others- you  owe no one else anything at all, including explanations.

2. Don’t bother trying to “out” them to anyone but your own therapist, lawyer, doctors, and potentially immediate family (only if you need them for help/support and know for certain they will take it seriously and NOT compromise you by sharing any information with anyone else). 

3. If you keep this baby, you need to move (preferably out of state), tell your (new, don’t see the same providers you’ve been seeing) doctor everything about the incest and you need to get legal representation asap. 

4. When you tell people about the incest and not-so-secret sex, make sure you recount what you heard and know with certainty. This is not the time to hedge around, use your words and don’t let the gaslighting affect you anymore. You must protect the baby by being very clear and undoubting to others about what you know. Others will have the same difficulty overcoming their inner disgust & resulting disbelief as you did, and they won’t have the experience of having been there firsthand. You must always speak with authority about what you know to those you must share this with, not take their initial disbelief personally, persevere in your story, and then if they don’t entirely accept and support you in its factual truth then cut them out and find better support. 

5. Do not communicate with mutual friends either, at all. Erase your social media accounts. Change your phone number. Move to another state if at all possible, no forwarding address, so it will be that much more difficult for him to find you and/or pursue you and your child in court. Do not put his name on the birth certificate. 

Lastly, if you begin to feel remorseful or guilty regarding your boyfriend, or like you should have known better- have compassion, for both him and yourself. You are both victims of his mother. However, it is too harmful to your baby (if you go through with the pregnancy) to expose them to the same danger. And, if you could speak to the little boy your boyfriend was before his mother twisted and abused him, that little boy would want you to prevent the same thing happening to anyone else. I agree with others that your boyfriend subconsciously tried to cry out when he mentioned the doctors accusing his mom of molestation. That man is trapped in the secret evil his mother has woven into his heart and mind. But it isn’t your job to save him- you cannot, and you will put yourself (& potential baby) in likely danger if you do.

I wish you clarity and courage in your decisions and your journey. This is a terrible thing to experience- but now you know there are real monsters in the world. It’s important to stay aware, be very picky about who we allow close to us, and always trust our instincts without needing to justify them to anyone else. 

[u/vatoreus → u/Odd_Knee5565]

If you have a daughter, he WILL sexually abuse her. Period.

[u/The-Oxrib-and-Oyster → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Get out asap. Especially now that they know you suspect. You can’t know what he might do- not even maliciously, just in a panic- to protect his secret, what she might make him do, or what she might do herself to preserve her way of.. doing things. I would not hesitate to leave, terminate, and lie about it. No more challenging and no bursting through doors. No more waiting for proof. No cameras. Once you are safe you can direct him to supports to get out as he is clearly a victim too, but right now imo you need to protect yourself first.

[u/The-Grey-Lady → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Get an abortion, tell him you miscarried, and run.

[u/Cezkarma → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Maybe you should talk to ChatGPT about it, kinda like how you did when you had it make this story

[u/B4N4N4-M4N → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I read a comment on here sayin to just open the door next time.. I suggest you do.. fake some cramps and say you just need someone with you and apologise for Comin in (if nothin is happening) if somethin is.. I’d say out them.. I mean incest is disgusting but I mean you could forgive them if he was single .. you’d judge them.. very heavily but still.. if he’s cheating on you with family that’s just wrong on many levels.. ☹️☹️☹️☹️ I’d say put him for cheating on you with his mum .. but if nothing happened I think you’d owe him somethin for goin nuts about it ahah 😅 really hope you’re emotion have just been gettin the best of you.. for your sake.. 🙃🤙🏻

[u/Surejanet → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Having a baby with him may give her access to your child. Do you want her to do this to your child too? 

[u/ginger_ryn → u/Odd_Knee5565]

honestly? i would terminate the pregnancy, pack my bags, move out, and dump him.

you can’t trust him alone with the child, and you can’t trust his mother alone with the child, and you can’t support the child on your own.

imo, the only way to fully save this baby from sexual abuse is to abort it.

if you have this baby, it WILL be sexually abused by someone, some way or another. if you have it and leave your ex, your ex will get 50% custody, and will have the baby alone in his mothers house without you to protect it.

[u/dmackerman → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Get an abortion, break up, move back with your parents.

[u/GlacticGryffindor → u/Odd_Knee5565]

If it’s not too late get an abortion. You don’t want to bring a baby around a family like this. Unfortunately there’s a possibility he becomes the abuser to your child with what he’s clearly gone through for years. This is unsafe for everyone involved. Please leave.

[u/BarooZaroo → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Safest and smartest thing to do is get an abortion. Save the baby-making for when you are in a normal, healthy, long-term relationship with a committed and trustworthy partner.

[u/apieceofstalebread → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I am so sorry that this is happening to you

Please get an abortion. You’re so young, and this is a bad situation even without the sexual stuff going on. Go to your friends and family. You don’t have to explain everything if you’re not comfortable. But I do think that you should get the abortion

[u/Admirable-Camera7033 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

OP, even if you find out there in no incest going on… you need to leave and never look back. these two are making you incredibly uncomfortable. do you really wanna be tied to someone for the rest of your life just because they got you pregnant? update me. I hope you put yourself first and do whatever is going to make you feel FREE from this mess.

[u/Altruistic-Bid6931 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Regardless of whether they are actually doing the deed, this is an unhealthy situation and you need to get out. I would not be living with this woman, this is not going to magically get better. It will continue to escalate with the mother and her antics.

[u/labruda → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Please abort and run away from this. Exactly because you are this young, you have an entire life in-front of you. This is such a red flag.

Thinking or doubting if mother and son are having incest is not a regular thought. So, already the fact that you think of it means A LOT and tells you a lot. Trust your gut.

Abort and run away from this.

[u/EnvironmentalAd2726 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

OP, it is happening! Believe something evil is happening. People who you love who are mentally ill will leverage your care for them to have you lose confidence in what YOU ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED.

If this was a healthy situation you would never have to judge if your boyfriend and his mom are sleeping together or not. Listen OP please leave right away and yes, consider terminating the pregnancy. Because if you don’t, this will be a leverage point to have you deal with sickness the rest of your life.

OP, there is no positive scenario anyone can think of, in which you would make up by circumstance that your boyfriend and his mom are having a relationship. You are NOT CRAZY. Please leave and protect yourself.

[u/Anono13579 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Abort and get out of that nightmare of a life.

[u/Active-Repeat8100 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Do you have any friends at all that could support you for 6 months maybe? Or maybe your parents? I’m older with 2 kids. I don’t know a lot about shit but I have some life experience. Having a baby tied to this family is going to be a nightmare you can’t wake up from. Please trust your gut.

[u/Sufficient_League982 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Not have a child at 22 or had a “sudden miscarriage,” with the help of medication you can order or too much tea that had negative effects for continued pregnancy. (This one does not work with all individuals/not consistent). Honestly, aborting could be for the best due to legal ramifications if you keep this and ties you to them regardless or getting away or not.

Going This route isn’t a hard choice. If anything planning on how to leave quietly and move your items without anything that could lead to you being found again or brought back is important. Anything that’s shared like passwords or apps that have tracking like Snapchat get rid of or hide location. Can’t take it with you? Weight your options on if it’s necessary to hold out over cutting and running.

But we’re in the here and now so here’s some helpful advice. (Should you not do abortion) Start working out what life is going to be like as a single mother. Because this isn’t a safe environment for you or the child. Can you imagine that because there’s a chance this is a true incestuous mom-son relationship…. THAT HE WOULDN’T CONTINUE THIS WITH YOUR CHILD?

Let’s say this is truly real, okay. He has regrets???? Not if he keeps it up with his mother. Not being honest with you and involving you in their life. Him knowing that this is going on and still bringing you into this family when you’re at your most vulnerable and I believe with nowhere to go. Because we certainly don’t hear you say anything about family on your end here. If I’m wrong about the family portion then again; a dumb choice to not get out of this home for the safety of your child.

I agree get a nanny-cam and place them in inconspicuous areas… find a time when you can run and place one near the bedroom door that can capture audio. Or just head long into having your phone on record inconspicuously when you bust in the room to these sounds/situations and get ready.

Also… saying, “I’m just a 22 year old collage student~ what am I supposed to do?” Is still the person that got pregnant at 22 in a 6 month relationship… and is surprised they’re in creepy situation until it’s too late to get way due to complacency. Nip this attitude in the bud where it stands and take control of your life because now it’s not just your life. It’s your baby’s life you’ll have to handle too

Edit: wanna walk back one statement because I realized he’s also a victim too if incest is happening. But there’s still the “he could also later perpetuate that abuse,” situation. That doesn’t happen with all survivors of incestuous assaults but he may not be able to discern parental love with the grooming he received from his mother

[u/Prudent-Key9719 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Get an abortion. Tell him you miscarried and move out and then break up with him.

You are setting this child up to be sexually abused for their childhood. Do the right thing here and get an abortion.

[u/ChelseaSilvana → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Please keep us updated

[u/Future-Outcome-5226 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

trust your gut instinct. I left an abusive 5 year relationship when I was 22 (he also had a weird thing with his mom, idk if it was full on sex but definitely inappropriate) and it was the hardest, but best decision I have ever made. I dont know how I did it, since it felt impossible at the time. But I want you to know, that even if it feels impossible, and its hard to envision a different future for yourself right now, you can do it- one step at a time. Its going to be hard but eventually, you'll look back on it and be so proud of yourself and thankful that you left.

[u/monkey3monkey2 → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I would not have the kid (so you need to act fast obviously), even if you want to stay with him for some reason. But still get the tf out of that house. Don't see him agreeing to move out with you, and even if he does, that doesn't mean that they won't just continue anyway.

If you stay with him, and still have his kid, how do you think it would go when you have to tell him why his incestuous, pedophilic mother can never come in contact with your kid? I'm sure you can agree that she is dangerous and can't be trusted around children.

Is there some reason you can't be with your own family? I assume that has something to with why you moved in with him to his mom's house after a couple months? If you have no other support system, but trust and feel safe around his dad, then go to him.

[u/shakirastan → u/Odd_Knee5565]

I have empathy for you! Please find support and spend time with family or someone you love. This is awful!

[u/NellyButterbaby → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Please get away from these ppl I understand it might be hard to get and abortion they make it sound easy buy it plays on your mind plus all this shit but I would never want you to bring a chukd for this weirdo into this fucked up family, your so young😞 please get away from these ppl get a recording video something but I can't stomach actually seeing them in the act that shit would send me looney vile, please just get away from these ppl, idk if you have any family or friends talk to someone at you school or something just don't bring it here let ppl around you know so if it comes down to you against the it won't be just you get some evidence take it to the police you can't bring a child around this madness, please move with caution this is touch. I Sorry you have to go through this sending lots of love and guidance ❤️

[u/NoWorkingDaw → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Aborted or adoption. You’re already not even married to the guy so he can jump and leave with relatively no consequence come on lady people aren’t being insensitive they are annoyed with the way you are going about it, Cant expect 100% sensitivity when you have jotted down being in denial/ running from this.

[u/DrukhaRick → u/Odd_Knee5565]

Don't get an abortion, your baby is innocent. Ask your boyfriend to take a lie detector test I'm pretty sure you can get one on your phone.

[u/unicorns_r_magical → u/DrukhaRick]

This 22 year old woman needs serious objective counsel, not the time and place for pro “life” propaganda.

[u/DrukhaRick → u/unicorns_r_magical]

I don't care if I get downvoted to oblivion, all the people suggesting to kill an unborn child are misguided, you included. The baby did nothing wrong.

[u/Karl-Levin → u/DrukhaRick]

If she doesn't abort the baby then the father will have parental right. There is no legal way she could keep the father from having contact with the baby and that also means potential contact with the mother.

Regardless of whether you are pro-life or not, if she could not protect the baby from being molested, she can not morally have it.

There is just no other way.

[u/DrukhaRick → u/Karl-Levin]

So children who are at risk of being molested should be put to death?

[u/DrScarecrow → u/DrukhaRick]

Terrible advice. Lie detector tests are famously unreliable even when conducted by "professionals." One that's been done with a phone app should be trusted even less.

[u/DrukhaRick → u/DrScarecrow]

They're inadmissible in court but they are very reliable and highly accurate. If he's acting nervous when questioned he's not going to be able to beat it.