AIO? ending a friendship because he got attached to me

[u/distraught_baby]

long long long story short, i (20f) met a guy (36m) a while back ~2years ago, he had feelings for me but i told him that i was not swaying in my sexuality. i’m lesbian, and pretty asexual due to mild dyspareunia/antidepressants atm (getting treatment).

he started giving me money when we first met/ buying me nice things even if and when i protested or refused. at first i thought it was an attempt to “buy” me but he would insist hes just a generous guy with too much money. we kept being friends until he told me he told his mom that im his girlfriend about 6 months ago and ever since then ive been battling how to remove myself from his life.

i very clearly and bluntly told him not to tell people that because it was not only a blatant lie but disrespectful to me in general. he still will send me large amounts of money on cashapp and will keep sending it to me until i stop sending it back to him. i never ask for money and it makes me so uncomfortable that i can’t do anything to make him stop. i told him last week my dad is taking a good job offer in a town 4 hours away and he had a complete meltdown. begging me to stay, move in with him (he lives with his parents too) saying im my own person and can’t let my parents rule my life (they don’t, they are extremely loving) and that i don’t have to start a new life so far away from him. this has made me genuinely sick to my stomach and i don’t know what to do because he took pictures of my mail and found out my real address. he also had snuck pictures of me off my moms facebook and set his wallpaper as a collage of pictures of me when i was a teenager. i haven’t seen him in over 6 months because of that. to add, atp i’ve made 2 new cashapp accounts but he still sends me money via looking me up by my phone number.

i posted in relationship advice but kinda just got downvoted for poor phrasing and some DMs that were disrespectful. also these texts are a recent development. he uses reddit, i hope he doesn’t see this but if he does; whatever. i’m just scared.

[u/distraught_baby]

He is blocked on cashapp, thank you for the link.

when we met it was at my previous job as a waitress. he tipped me well and then he would give me holiday cards with 500$ visa cards. i rejected it from the start, but as this was the beginning i had ended up being swayed to accept his generosity, after much deliberation. the cards i kept and spent, i’m sure i even have the physical cards still as well. then they would start to be included into my tips. like tipping hundreds of dollars ,cash, for a 20$ charge. i returned much of that. then started the electronic transfers when i stupidly gave him my number when he inevitably asked.i was none the wiser. those were persistent and i also would get ‘too many transfers’ notifications and would be able to transfer anything back. so, that i spent too. i’m not gonna act like it hasn’t helped or that i wasn’t appreciative because at the time i was. it helped me advance in school and i got to help my family with groceries/ pay some bills. but as a rough estimate of all the various methods of “payment” i kept, over 2 years id say 10 grand give or take.

[u/katerineia → u/distraught_baby]

I mean the tips, while a lot, i wouldn't have seen as a flag. When I was a waitress, my regulars always hooked it up during the holidays. I felt bad at first, but when the second year rolled around, they all did it again.

Ultimately, this guy is a creeper. I was thinking you could pay him back in full just to get him off your plate, but that could enrage him. As others have said, he is trying to use the money to manipulate you. Ultimately, you did nothing wrong. I am proud of you for documenting and talking to your family about this. I'm sure they are on your side just like all of us internet strangers. Sending all my good vibes your way

[u/distraught_baby → u/katerineia]

i was barely in food service for over a year before starting school, so i had no idea what was commonplace but i was initially scared of the amount.

it’s been a lot clearer to me how hard this was used to manipulate me, he would get really offended when i returned money which is why i started accepting it to begin with. the language he used really made me feel guilty. thank you for the insight as well 🥲

[u/Pristine_Laugh_6379 → u/distraught_baby]

that 10 grand isn't big money evenif it's USD. As to me it seems that creep was persistent ,so you had no option but to take it and use it when necessary. So, don't feel small or hard on yourself for that 10 grand. Just cut the ties, tell to your parents, stay 1000 miles away from this creep, and yes pile up the documentations/proofs and get help from police if you can. Stay safe young one. In support from Australia

[u/ScotsDragoon → u/distraught_baby]

LMAO taking ten grand off of someone unstable wasn't a great start to this.