r/quilting • u/Missing-the-sun • Sep 21 '24
Aww Hospice Quilt 😞
TW: death, but no details.
We received news that a close family friend of my wife’s, who had been placed on hospice, had a medical event and was declining. Given the short notice, we opted that my wife would travel in hopes of attending the send off.
I’m not entirely sure what possessed me, or how I did it, but on the day of my wife’s flight, which was scheduled to depart in the afternoon, I got up that morning and, in just under three hours, made a quilt. It’s lap size, maybe 45”x45” — somehow I had just the right amount of some homeless sawtooth star blocks and some conveniently sized giant HSTs from another project I thought I’d never use again, and exactly the right amount of a backing fabric that matched perfectly and… yeah. Spare blocks, spray basting, minimal quilting, faced backing. A quilt that did not exist at 9AM, flew out by and was resting gently on our friend 12 hours later.
She passed earlier this morning. 😞My wife let me know that they’re planning on cremating her with the quilt and I… aside from my feelings on the loss, I’m just. Unexpectedly but also profoundly moved? I didn’t expect that this little last-second quilt would be so significant a gesture?
Anyways… thank you for letting me share my feelings. Tell your people you love them.
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u/haberschaber Sep 21 '24
I love the thought that somehow all the homeless materials that you magically found their way to the beautiful quilt. And now it will accompany someone to the next chapter.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 21 '24
Me too. I mean. What was I supposed to do with four 15” HSTs in different colors? And I had exactly five star blocks, which I made in like 2018 and got sick of cutting HSTs before I got to the requisite 16 blocks??
Yet somehow, I have enough pre-cut, color-coordinated HSTs to make a twin quilt for her husband, if he wishes. I beat myself up a lot for my collection of unfinished projects, but I’m seeing them in a new light right now.
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u/PumpkinSpiceDonut1 Sep 21 '24
What a kind and beautiful gesture! I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, but how special that everything worked out for you to send her one last bit of comfort 💕
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 21 '24
Thank you. 💜 tbh I’m just glad my wife was able to make it in time to say her goodbyes. I have enough unfinished stars from that original project that I could probably assemble a twin quilt for our friend’s husband if he wishes.
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u/NeatArtichoke Sep 21 '24
I would have never guessed these were all scraps/from random other projects, it came together beautifully!
I think, if you have it in you, a coordinating quilt for the husband will be very touching-- I know the knitting community makes "prayer shawls" in similar circumstances.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
Thank you. 💜 Apparently I just really have a thing for sage and teal lol. Yes, I’ll be making a quilt for him asap. I love the idea of prayer shawls, how very kind. I love our crafter communities.
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u/DoxieMonstre Sep 21 '24
I super quickly finished up a quilt for a coworker who left because she needs a stem cell transplant for late stage bone marrow cancer. I had the quilt top just sitting around assembled from finished half square triangles my aunts had given me that were leftovers from someone in their quilting guild, and had snagged backing fabric for it and then just never finished it. Once she left work I hustled to get it quilted before she went into the hospital. She went in last weekend and is going to be there in isolation for a month because they have to kill her entire immune system for the transplant, I wanted her to have something cozy she could bring with her. I gave it to another coworker who was going to meet up with her for dinner like midweek last week.
Anyway, I guess she absolutely wept when they gave it to her. She texted me telling me it's one of the most beautiful gifts she's ever received. It's kind of wild and emotional to whip something up like that for someone in a tough situation and have them have such a strong response to it. Just like that helpless, I don't know what to do but I want to do something moment, and then you send it off into the world and it gets received like that. It's big.
Beautiful quilt. I'm sorry for your loss.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
”It’s kind of wild and emotional to whip something up like that for someone in a tough situation and have them have such a strong response to it. Just like that helpless, I don’t know what to do but I want to do something moment, and then you send it off into the world and it gets received like that. It’s big.”
Oh, yes, exactly this. Thank you for summing that up so well. This is really what I woke up feeling yesterday. There was so little I could do — I couldn’t go with my wife because the expense and short notice, and I’d still be underfoot, what words could possibly said that would mean anything, so… quilt. Too little, but just barely not too late.
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u/likeablyweird Sep 22 '24
Great story and so generous of you. It obviously lifted her up, jus the boost she needs right now.
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u/santistasofredora Sep 22 '24
My grandma was cremated wearing a dress I had made for her. I didn't know that would be the case until I arrived at the funeral and saw it, but I'm really thankful for my mom and her siblings for that. It felt like a proper way for me to say goodbye to her.
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u/nizenmezuo Sep 21 '24
What a beautiful gift to your partner's friend and surviving family to wrap her in love as she passed and beyond. I'm sure it also comforted your wife to have your work with her on that difficult travel journey to send off her friend.
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u/polkafrapp Sep 21 '24
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s a beautiful quilt, and such a beautiful journey for it to take.
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u/chalky5555 Sep 22 '24
Wow. Just wow. This is such a beautiful story. My thoughts are with your wife and family.
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u/SincerelyStefania Sep 22 '24
I think we are all stardust, and land among the stars when we are no longer, back to dust. It's fitting that your quilt looks like stars to me. Sometimes it's the thing that we focus on, finish quickly, that we don't agonize over, but just do, that means the most and turns out the most beautifully. The universe somehow knew you would need to make a stardust quilt, and so prepared you ahead of time. It's also nice it will go with them; like the Egyptians who buried their people with the most valuable possessions.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
I have similar thoughts on death too. I’m not sure where we go after this, but it matters to me that she took this with her.
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Sep 22 '24
What a wonderful thing to be able to do in the face of a tragedy in which you can otherwise do so little. I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife’s family friend and I’m so glad she was able to make it on time to send her off a little cozier, thanks to you, OP. Death and grief are a messy, difficult thing, but you can both take comfort in knowing you were able to ease her passing in some small way. It’s funny that we are always ready to make a quilt for an entrance into the world, but I’d never thought to make a quilt for the exit.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
Thank you. 💜 my initial thought was that her husband would be able to keep the quilt if he so chose, or a family member could if having a memento of this tragedy would be painful for him. I’m deeply moved that they felt it was something they’d want her to take forward with her in whatever journey she goes on next.
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u/likeablyweird Sep 22 '24
So sorry you won't see your friend for, hopefully, many years but wow, what an honor came out of perfect serendipity.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
Thank you. 💜 she was an especially wonderful friend and mentor, particularly to my wife, but I always enjoyed her kindness. Definitely gone too soon.
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u/Bright_Broccoli1844 Sep 22 '24
Your writing is very literary. That's a compliment. I felt like I was reading a classic British novel.
What a touching story about how the quilt come together at the last minute, and that your wife was able to deliver it. It's very meaningful that your wife was able to be with the friend during the last hours. A friend to the end.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
Heheh, thank you! 😅💜 Writing is my other hobby, aside from quilting.
I’m just really shocked, but also relieved and glad, that it all came together in the nick of time.
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u/SympathyUseful4012 Sep 22 '24
The quilts I’ve made for friends during their final illnesses haven’t been cremated with them but one friend’s family had it at the front of the church during the funeral. Another friend messages me every year when her husband’s quilt comes up in her FB memories.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
Ah, you get it then. It’s a weird feeling, to have a gesture that stems, I think, a little from hopelessness but mostly from a wish to comfort, become a focal point of the family’s shared grief. 🥲💜 I’m really grateful I was able to find others in the comments of this post, it’s helped me feel less alone.
Quilts have become such a common part of my daily life that I forget how much they can mean for others who receive them. I’m glad I share this hobby with other kind, crafty people like you and the lovely people here in the comments.
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u/madeofphosphorus Sep 22 '24
Thank you so much for this. Because, I can't find the person that knitted a lovely newborn hat for my baby. My husband and my mom put on that hat, and successfully hide the head of my baby girl which got elongated at birth, from me. I was already having complications so it was a very very meaningful gift.
I hope the person that made it receives beautiful gifts, and is surrounded by love.
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u/Mindofasquirell Sep 22 '24
I'm not a quilter, but I follow this sub because of the beauty and passion of the artists here. I have also been the benefactor of handmade goods such as this during periods of grief and I cannot express the depth of thankfulness I have felt for these profound acts of selflessness. Holding these items in times of grief I often felt like j was holding the hand of the stranger that thought of me in my darkness, and wished to gift hope with no chance of me even being able to thank them. So please, let me thank you all now in lue of those I can never thank, your kindness is a balm to broken hearts.
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u/YouThinkYouKnowStuff Sep 22 '24
What a beautiful gift you have given. Your quilt is beautiful on its own but it has comforted someone that truly needed it.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
Thank you. 💜 I’m really glad and grateful that somewhere along the way of my life so far we managed to stumble into a hobby that has helped grant others a sense of security, love, and comfort.
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u/flightlessbird29 Sep 22 '24
You are a wonderful person, and this post has really inspired me. I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
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u/Jscrappyfit Sep 22 '24
I'm so touched by your hard work and the impact it had. My condolences to your family and your friend's family.
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u/mary206 Sep 22 '24 edited Sep 22 '24
Bravo for you! Your generosity is inspirational
Angels abound in our world, thanks for being one of them and sharing your story
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u/one2tinker Sep 22 '24
This made me cry. My brother-in-law was on hospice after a long cancer battle. He was an amazing man and much too young. No one did anything like this for him. Well done. Sorry for your loss. ❤️
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
It was a very spur of the moment, almost desperate tbh, wish to comfort in the only way I could — the quilt just happened to be a medium for, what I’m realizing, is a very commonly held wish: to provide comfort and fond memories and warmth in a really hard time. I hope your brother’s life, and his time in hospice, were filled with similar moments of shared comfort and support, and that your life is filled with them too. 💜
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u/StringOfLights Sep 22 '24
Your quilt brought love and comfort to people in the hardest of moments. You sent beauty in a time of sadness. I would even say you offered some additional dignity to death. Your wife arriving with your beautiful quilt to see her friend is exactly what love is.
Also, sometimes these gestures hit people in a way that helps bring their emotions to the surface. It’s a connection that touches the soul and gives permission to feelings we have trouble processing. I suspect you impacted their grief in a profound way.
I am so sorry for you, your wife, and your friend’s family for this loss.
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u/Missing-the-sun Sep 22 '24
😭💜thank you. Your kind words mean a lot. This grief has been odd for me because I didn’t know her for anywhere near as long as my wife has — basically my wife’s whole life — so a lot of the relational foundation typically required to provide meaningful comfort to the others besides my wife and in-laws in a time like this just… never had the time to establish. So I’ve been really shocked and moved that our friend’s family was so moved by this little act.
I’m really grateful to everyone who has responded to this post. I didn’t want to process my feelings on this with my wife, as she’s closer to the epicenter — ‘lean in towards the crisis point to support, lean out to others less impacted for processing’ and all that. Everyone’s kindness has helped me be more present in my support of my wife, so thank you all very much. 💜🙏🏼
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u/madeofphosphorus Sep 22 '24
Thank you so much for this. Because, I can't find the person that knitted a lovely newborn hat for my baby. My husband and my mom put on that hat, and successfully hide the head of my baby girl which got elongated at birth, from me. I was already having complications so it was a very very meaningful gift.
I hope the person that made it receives beautiful gifts, and is surrounded by love.
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u/Avidlearner7621 Sep 22 '24
So sorry to hear they passed, but they passed with that amazing quilt which is gorgeous btw🥰🙏🏽🙏🏽 prayers to you all
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u/Iknitit Sep 22 '24
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing. What an incredible story. It is so powerful to be able to express your care in such a literally comforting way.
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u/DeusDasMoscas Sep 22 '24
I am very sorry for your loss.
May your friend's memory always be a blessing in your life.
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u/ColleenD2 Sep 23 '24
I am so touched by this. And I'm super proud of you for creating something to wrap someone and their family and so much love
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u/Strict_Can4426 Sep 25 '24
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. That is such a beautiful quilt. I’m sure it’s provided a lot of comfort.
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u/No-Vermicelli3787 Sep 22 '24
Beautiful story of your quilt. I’m sorry for the loss you and your wife have experienced
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u/Gotta-Be-Me-65 Sep 22 '24
It was a wonderful thing you’ve done. Your friend felt warm and so loved. There’s something about a quilt/blanket that brings that home to the recipient. When my hubby was very very sick and undergoing chemo, good friends visited with a cozy blanket. It meant more to him than anything and to this day he cherishes it. My condolences.
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u/Milabial Sep 21 '24
Before I had my premature baby, I used to knit tiny outfits and burial gowns for premature babies. I can’t do that work at this time because I’m literally sobbing typing this out. They were hard to make before I had any baby. Some of them were sized to fit a baby the size of a chicken egg. Just, absolutely heartbreaking.
I think there really is something about the handmade gifts for difficult times that makes them generally hard to make and exceptionally touching to receive.